Chapter 19
SINCLAIR
I could stay here for ever, brushing Jubilee and pouring my heart out to her, but study hour is looming and I really need to speak to Mr Acevedo first. I’m dreading the conversation, but I still feel kind of calmer as I walk back to the school.
The sky is grey on grey and I want to know how Tori’s doing.
Is she feeling better? What if she wakes up and she’s scared because she doesn’t know what happened?
Everything within me yearns just to take the corridor to the sick bay and ask after her, but I know they won’t let me see her.
Especially not in my dirty stables clothes.
I’m just crossing the courtyard when a dark car drives through the gate.
I stop as I recognize the driver. Tori’s dad doesn’t even wait for Arthur to stop the car – he’s already opening the door. He’s wearing a black suit and looks like he’s come straight from a business meeting. His gaze roams over the school walls, then comes to rest on me.
‘Charlie.’ He’s looking worried, but his smile seems genuine as he walks over. ‘Nice to see you.’
I just about manage a ‘Hello.’ He hugs me before I get a chance to warn him that I’m all dusty and reek of the stables. It starts to drizzle.
‘How are you?’ he asks. Doesn’t he know what I did? Tori gets on well with her dad. She tells him everything. Or almost everything . . .
‘Fine, thanks, George.’ I gulp. ‘Are you here to see Tori?’ I’ve spent plenty of weekends and holidays with the Belhaven-Wynfords, but it will always feel weird to be on first-name terms with Tori’s parents, however much they insist. Especially here at school, where Tori calls my mum ‘Mrs Sinclair’ like everyone else.
‘I was in Edinburgh for work when your mother called me,’ he explains. ‘Apparently, there’s a flu bug going around here.’
It sounds so harmless the way he says it. But maybe it really is, if you didn’t happen to have been standing right there when Tori just keeled over. I nod.
‘Aye, well, I hope she hasn’t passed it on to you,’ he says, and I shiver. Does that mean he knows we kissed? Or is he just assuming that Tori and I still spend every free second together?
‘Me too,’ I say lamely.
He nods. ‘Anyway, I just wanted to pop in while I was in the area. It’s this way to the sick bay, isn’t it? It’s ages since I was last here.’
‘I’ll show you the way,’ I offer.
‘That would be grand, thank you.’
*
I have no idea what we talked about as we walked, but it’s never seemed so far to the sick bay in the far corner of the north wing.
Mum had said that nearly all the beds were full, but it’s quiet as I follow Tori’s dad into the room.
They can’t do more than just send me packing, so it’s worth a try. Maybe I can see her for a moment.
No such luck – I realize that when Dr Henderson spots me. He’s sitting with Nurse Petra at a desk in the lobby area. He’s normally only here in the mornings on Mondays and spends the afternoon seeing patients at his surgery in Edinburgh. But, apparently, he’s got his hands full here today.
‘Mr Belhaven-Wynford,’ he says, when he sees us. ‘How nice that you could come.’ He glances in my direction. ‘Petra will take you to see your daughter and I’ll join you shortly.’
Tori’s dad nods and follows Nurse Petra. As I try to take a step in their direction, Dr Henderson stands up and blocks my path. ‘Charles,’ he says, and my hope vanishes. ‘Am I mistaken, or did study hour begin two minutes ago?’
‘Please,’ I beg. ‘Just for a moment.’
His eyes soften, but he still shakes his head. ‘We don’t need any more patients just now.’
‘I’ll sanitize my hands.’
‘I’m very sorry, Charles, but you’ll have to wait a few days.’
I hate doctors and their whole bloody professionalism. That fact dawns on me yet again.
‘Is she any better?’ I ask quietly.
I still can’t read his face. ‘Her temperature has gone back up, but you mustn’t worry. I’m sure Tori will be up and about very soon.’
‘OK. Could you please tell her that I was here? And that I’m sorry? It’s important.’
It’s the first time I’ve seen a hint of sympathy in Dr Henderson’s eyes. ‘Of course I can.’
‘Good.’ I glance past him, but can’t see a thing. ‘Er . . . thank you, then.’
‘Off to study hour with you, Charles.’ He waits until I’m back in the corridor before he turns. Walking away feels so wrong.
Her temperature has gone back up. What does that mean? Given that Tori was burning up enough that she fainted, it can’t be good. Didn’t Mum say they were trying to get the fever down? Isn’t it working? And isn’t that dangerous?
My thoughts follow me all the way back to my wing. Everything’s quiet on the stairs and up on our corridor; all the doors are shut, as always at study hour. Only Mr Acevedo’s is open, so he’ll notice if anyone tries to make a break for it.
He’s sitting at his desk and immediately looks up as I stand in his doorway.
‘Well, here’s a surprise,’ he says. ‘You’re in luck – I was just about to mark you down as absent.’
‘I’m sorry – I was at the stables and on the way back I bumped into Tori’s dad.’ I might be imagining it, but Mr Acevedo’s eyes seem a little more understanding now. He must have seen how much I was losing it this morning. ‘I just had to show him the way to the sick bay – you can ask Dr Henderson.’
‘I see.’ He turns back to his computer. ‘Off you go, then.’ I don’t move, and after a while he looks up again. ‘Or is there something else?’
For once I force myself to do the sensible thing, and listen to my gut. ‘There is, actually. Have you got a minute?’
Mr Acevedo beckons me in. I sit down on the chair that’s normally reserved for getting a bollocking. He rolls over on his office chair and crosses his legs.
‘I can’t play Romeo any longer.’ One simple sentence. Effective. Like ripping off a plaster. Doesn’t make it painless, though.
Mr Acevedo doesn’t bat an eyelid. He doesn’t say a word, for five endless seconds. He just eyes me, as if he wants to give me the chance to take back my words. Or to explain. But I’m not doing either of those things.
‘You can’t play Romeo any longer,’ he repeats slowly. I nod. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know – it doesn’t feel right. I should never have auditioned. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.’
‘A spur-of-the-moment thing?’
God, would he ever stop that? It’s not like I don’t know perfectly well how ridiculous this all sounds. We’ve been rehearsing for weeks, the performance is getting closer. And there’s no understudy for Romeo.
‘I know it’s out of the blue. And it’ll probably cause chaos, but I can’t carry on. I’m really sorry.’
‘Charles, I don’t expect you to explain your decision to me. I only want you to know that I’m surprised. And somewhat disappointed. Have you really thought this through?’
I nod, although everything within me is shaking its head.
Thought it through . . . I can count the things I’ve thought through properly lately on the fingers of one hand.
‘You’re letting down the rest of the cast. And letting yourself down. Maybe you did audition on the spur of the moment, but in my eyes, it was the best decision you could have made. You’ve got talent, Charles. I haven’t seen such a refreshing Romeo as you in a long time.’
I lower my head and fight the urge to shut my eyes.
He has to stop this. Right now. I can’t listen to it.
Any more than I can think about Eleanor and the rest when they hear I’ve quit.
Or that I’m going to miss it. But I can’t do it.
This role has caused nothing but trouble and I can’t risk it driving me and Tori apart for ever.
It’s only a stupid play. I can try again next year.
It’s not so important. Not as important as Tori’s feelings, which I keep hurting, again and again, even if she’d never admit that to me.
‘I know, and I’m really sorry,’ I say. ‘I should have known from the start that I couldn’t do it. And I wouldn’t let you and the others down if I had any choice. But I don’t.’
‘Is this to do with a certain person in the upper sixth?’
I hadn’t expected Mr Acevedo to ask so directly. I slowly shake my head, even though I’m not quite sure whether he means Eleanor or Val. Whatever. Either way, it’s got nothing to do with either of them. ‘No.’
‘Good, because I would find that very depressing. It’s undoubtedly true that not everyone at this school is mature enough to understand that theatre is an art form which requires you to face up to your emotions.
It demands more courage to make yourself so vulnerable to an audience than to sit up in the crowd, mocking others. ’
‘I know.’ I’d been aware that Mr Acevedo wasn’t too impressed by Valentine Ward and his hangers-on, but I’m surprised he thinks that little of them, and that he’d tell me so. ‘But it’s for personal reasons.’
‘Does that mean I’ll soon be having to do without my assistant director too?’
My blood runs cold. ‘I hope not.’ Because that’s the whole point. If Tori doesn’t have to watch me standing on that stage with Eleanor, then hopefully she’ll be able to get back to enjoying the rehearsals and working on the script.
‘So do I.’ Mr Acevedo leans back. ‘It would be just as painful as losing you. But I’m afraid there’s no changing your mind.’
‘No, I’m afraid not too.’ I gulp. ‘Louis would make a good Romeo. He and Eleanor get on. Ephraim or Tom could be Mercutio.’
‘We’ll see,’ says Mr Acevedo. ‘Is that all?’
I just nod.
‘Good. Or not good, whichever you prefer. I hope you know what you’re doing, my dear Charles.’
I definitely don’t, but with a bit of luck, this will be the first decision in ages that I don’t end up regretting.
Or maybe not. I’m uncertain again as I leave his office and head to my room for study hour.
TORI
Headache. Tired. Dizzy.
My throat hurts, everything hurts. Why is it so freezing cold?
‘Hey, kiddo.’
I blink. There’s an unbearable throbbing behind my forehead. The light is harsh. Wince, headache’s getting worse. My whole body is shivering, my teeth are chattering, I can’t do a thing about it.
‘Dad?’ At least, that’s what I try to say, but all that comes out is an unintelligible croak. What’s he doing here? And where even am I? At home?
He says something but I forget what in the same second. My head’s still really buzzing. And I’m tired, so very tired . . . I hear his voice, words like sleep and rest. His hand on my burning brow. Cool fingers, darkness.
I don’t know if I’m dreaming, but Charlie’s saying my name.
Repeatedly, urgently. Kind of distraught.
What’s wrong, what’s he afraid of? I’m sure it can’t be that bad.
He’s holding me and I’m falling, but then he’s kissing Eleanor, with all the rage that’s in his eyes as he looks at me.
Valentine’s fist connects with his face.
I scream. He needs stopped, but I can’t move.
My feet are stuck fast to the cellar floor.
Valentine’s spitting on Charlie, who’s down.
And it’s my fault. It’s all my fault. You’ve changed, Tori.
Charlie’s voice. Disappointed, reproachful.
I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t want this.
I just wanted something that worked. I didn’t want to smash us up. I’m so hot I think I’ll catch fire.
It’s all right, Tori. There’s a hand on my brow and something cool, wet. It’ll be better soon.
I’m not sure about that.
I’m really not sure about that.