Chapter 28 #3
‘I don’t know – you’re the actors.’
‘Tori.’ He swallows, hard. ‘You’re the only person I’ve ever kissed off this stage.’ I flush. ‘And the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss.’
‘But, Eleanor, in the third form . . . Everyone knew you were into her.’
‘Yeah, because that’s what I wanted them to think. So nobody would notice I was into you.’
‘But why? What would have been so bad about that?’
‘I don’t know. Because we were just friends and I was scared.’
My heart is pounding, my blood churning. So much truth, my head just can’t process it all quickly enough. But I take a step towards him. ‘We’re not just friends,’ I say. ‘Look at us.’
And he looks at me. I’ve never been as aware of myself as I am in this moment, and I pray he’ll never stop. Never again.
His kiss is unexpected. I love that it makes my stomach lurch. I love that I can bury my fingers in his hair, and I love that Charlie heaves me up onto the stage. I’m above him now, and I love that he has to put his head back so that he can keep kissing me.
‘So, we had our first time together?’ I repeat, because I still can’t believe it.
‘Our first kiss and the first time.’
‘I love that it was so bad.’
‘It really was bad.’ Charlie looks up. ‘And I’m embarrassed I only lasted—’
‘Stop it,’ I whisper. Then I kiss him. He runs his hands over my knees and up my thighs. Slowly, firmly. ‘Just try to hold on longer this time.’
He stops, he looks at me.
‘What? Did you think it was going to stay a one-off?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Sinclair . . .’
‘Hey.’ He looks genuinely hurt.
‘What?’
‘Don’t call me that.’
‘I’ve called you that for six and a half years.’
‘Exactly, and that’s quite long enough.’
‘OK, if you say so.’
‘I do say so.’
I budge back a little as he puts both hands on the edge and jumps up to me, with such force that he throws me back onto the stage.
‘So what do you want to do now?’ he asks, as he kneels over me.
I forget what I’d been going to say because his mouth is suddenly so close to mine. His perfect mouth with his perfect curved lips.
‘I want to do what we were doing at mine,’ says the pathetic remnant of brain inside me. ‘Only for longer. And more often.’
‘Longer and more often,’ he repeats. ‘I’ll do my best.’
I want to say something witty, but before anything comes to mind, Charlie lowers his hips onto me. And, oh . . . he’s ready. There’s no denying that.
I grip his shoulders and pull him closer to me. It’s basically all very similar to last week, but after a while of kissing and undressing and rubbing on each other, Charlie runs his tongue down my throat, over my collarbone, and then downwards.
He hesitates for a moment as the back of his hand strokes my left breast and I hear myself inhale. Sharply. ‘Not good?’ Charlie asks, in that divinely hoarse voice.
‘Good,’ I manage. ‘Do it again.’
He smiles briefly, then his hoarse breath caresses my skin, as do his fingers, and my nipples go hard. I’m finding it harder and harder not just to shut my eyes and let my head fall back. When Charlie licks my belly and further down, I have no choice.
The sound that escapes me is a suppressed whimper. Normally, I’d feel awkward, but I know that I don’t have to be embarrassed of anything with Charlie. Least of all when I feel him shudder gently.
‘Is that . . . good?’ he asks, as his fingers slip between my legs and I die.
I press my lips together and nod.
‘Sure?’ He stops. God. Don’t.
‘Please,’ I beg. ‘It’s good. Very good.’
I didn’t know that anything could be as intense as Charlie’s hand moving against my pulsing core. He only lowers his head to kiss the insides of my thighs.
We don’t say much. Only things like here, harder, don’t stop and it’s already a hundred times better than last week. Now and then he asks, but not often enough for it to get annoying.
My knickers are wet, I only realize I’m still wearing them when Charlie hooks his finger inside the elastic and looks at me. I lift my hips so that he can undress me and then I’m lying naked before him on the stage. My heart is racing with excitement.
He takes his time, running both hands over the outsides of my thighs and my hips.
Over my belly and my breasts, back to my shoulders, which he presses into the floor.
My breath catches as he hastily grabs my wrists.
I forget where we are as he pushes them to the floor beside my head and pauses above me.
‘Hi,’ he whispers, his face only centimetres from mine. His gorgeous mouth and the lust in his eyes.
‘Hey.’ My voice shakes. His scent envelops me. ‘Everything OK?’ I ask, as the seconds pass and he doesn’t move.
Charlie nods. ‘I just wanted to look at you,’ he says, leaning down and kissing me.
Deep, slow. Very, very deep. I groan in his mouth as he lowers his hips onto me.
I can feel him through his boxers and for a moment I think I’m nearly there.
Charlie’s fingers around my wrists, his lips on mine, his movements, faster and then slower – it’s almost perfect.
I don’t know how long we’ve been lying here, kissing and touching each other, when Charlie leans back and gasps for breath.
‘Tori,’ he says. ‘I . . .’
I grab his shoulders. He rolls onto his back and pulls me onto him. Onto him. Yes. I’m dizzy for a moment.
‘We have to . . .’
‘Yes,’ I gasp, my fingers already on his trousers. Seconds pass, then I shove my fingers under the waistband of his boxers.
Charlie groans. My best friend, his eyes shut, his mouth slightly open, who’s been exploring almost every inch of my body. The pulling at my core is growing stronger as I feel him freeze beneath me. And then I feel him in my hand. Throbbing, hot. Charlie’s head falls back.
‘Tori.’ He gasps as I move my hand. ‘If you keep doing that . . .’
‘Yes? What will happen?’
‘Nothing good.’ He presses his lips together.
‘Hm.’ I push my hand back a little and then forward again. Charlie’s hips are against my thighs. He presses himself into my hand: he likes it. And I like the fact that he can hardly control himself.
I pull him aside, he opens his eyes and rolls willingly with me until I’m under him.
I reach for his waistband again, Charlie straightens up to pull off the boxers, and then we’re both naked.
He kneels over me, his legs right and left of my hips.
He reaches for his trousers and into one of the pockets.
I have to laugh as he proudly presents me with the condom.
‘Very good,’ I joke, but all further remarks stick in my throat. He looks me in the eye.
‘Will you sleep with me?’ he asks quietly.
‘Yes.’ I clear my throat. ‘How about you?’
‘Also yes.’ I feel his warm breath on my throat as he leans over me once he’s pulled on the condom.
I try not to hold my breath as he moves his erection between my legs. It won’t hurt. It won’t hurt. It won’t . . .
Charlie kisses me, so endlessly gently that I forget what’s happening. Then I exhale as he penetrates me.
‘Sorry,’ he whispers, resting his brow against mine. For a moment, neither of us moves. I force myself to breathe and to relax. Charlie waits until I nod. Only then does he move deeper. I raise my hips towards him a little and Charlie begins to move. Slowly and carefully at first, then we speed up.
This time it’s better. Perhaps it’s down to what he was doing with his fingers earlier, or just to the fact that we took our time, but I find it hard to keep lying still.
And so does he. I can feel it. Our kisses are less precise, gasping for air, kissing, holding tight.
My fingers glide over his back, sweaty skin, heavy breathing.
‘Can you come like this?’ he asks.
God, his voice.
‘I don’t know,’ I manage. ‘Maybe . . . Oh.’
I don’t know what he’s suddenly doing differently, but it is different. A different angle, a bit faster, faster, God . . .
I feel the contractions, the throbbing and the heat, I cling to him. ‘Don’t stop,’ I beg. His back muscles are rock hard. Don’t stop . . . Please don’t stop.
‘Fuck, Tori,’ he gasps, and his throaty voice tips me over the edge. I have to throw back my head, shut my eyes, and when a sound I’ve never heard from my lips before escapes me, I feel him stiffen above me.
I already know what it’s like when he comes inside me, but this time it’s different.
More intense. I forget where we are, I just let myself be overwhelmed and for a few seconds nothing else matters.
Nothing but Charlie, above me, in me, everywhere, while a hot wave of arousal floods through my body.
I turn to him as he sinks onto his back once he’s eventually pulled out of me. The stage is wet with our sweat and I’m so warm. Charlie’s chest rises and falls heavily. He looks at me.
‘Did you . . .?’
‘I did.’
‘Truly?’ He looks so pleased it makes me laugh.
‘Yes, truly.’
‘Oh, yes.’
‘It was good. It was . . . whoa.’
‘Yeah, whoa. For me too.’
I taste his salty sweat as I run my tongue over his top lip and kiss him.
My heartbeat is slow to settle. Like his, which I can feel as I lay my head on his chest.
‘Do you know how hard it was not to lose control right away?’ He tips his head back.
‘I can kind of imagine and I’m very proud of you.’
‘Henry was right,’ he mumbles.
I raise my head. ‘Henry?’
He blinks, startled.
‘You talked to Henry about having sex with me?’
‘Er, yeah?’ He looks overwhelmed. ‘I was kind of desperate after last time, if you know what I mean.’
I have to laugh. ‘And what was his advice?’
‘To ask you what you like.’
‘Henry’s so clever.’
‘Isn’t he?’
‘That’s a fact.’ I kiss Charlie again. I’m addicted to his scent and to feeling his skin on mine. For a while, I lie next to him, but in the end the drowsiness surrounding us can no longer mask the fact that it’s a bit chilly. When I shiver slightly, he raises his head.
‘Shall we go to my room?’
I nod right away.