Chapter 33
SINCLAIR
It’s crazy. All this, this whole day, and I really wouldn’t want to change places with Tori. I’ve had months to get psyched up for the whole school watching me lay bare my innermost being. Tori’s had two hours. And she goes paler with every passing minute as the auditorium gradually fills.
I pull her away from the curtain so she can’t see how many people are in the audience.
It’s a miracle, but Eleanor’s costume fits her almost perfectly. Her long, copper-coloured hair tumbles in waves over the shoulders of her white blouse, with the dark red trousers. She looks breathtaking. Strong, yet vulnerable. She looks like Juliet.
We’re not talking any more as the play begins and we sit in a little room behind the stage, waiting to make our entrances.
My first scenes don’t involve Tori, and I know she’s going to freak when I leave, and we won’t see each other again until we first meet on stage.
In front of all those people. There are a lot of them.
Bloody loads, but I don’t let myself take that in until I’ve said my first few lines and got myself into the scene.
The audience is hushed and I think they’re coming with us.
They laugh in the right places, and hang on my lips.
After a few minutes, I feel myself relax.
I’m starting to have fun. Honestly, there’s nothing I can compare it to.
The adrenaline that’s coursing through my body is making me wider awake than ever before.
I think I’m good. I hardly make any mistakes, and if I do, I manage to cover it up elegantly enough that the audience doesn’t even notice.
I make out Mum and Dad in the front row; Emma and Henry are a little further back.
Even Valentine Ward is there, but I don’t care.
I hear for myself from backstage as the audience gasps in astonishment during Tori’s first scenes.
I wish I could be with her, but I can only stand behind the curtain, praying silently that everything will go smoothly.
And she’s doing an outstanding job. We barely have time to speak as she and Grace make their exit and I go on again.
A little later, when the music strikes up for the ballroom scene, and Romeo sees Juliet for the first time, the excitement is making my fingertips tingle. And then I see her.
I’ve got my back to the audience, but I still hear the quiet whispering as Tori and I are on stage together.
And then I don’t hear another thing. I can see only her.
Juliet, beautiful and charming, with an elegance that takes my breath away.
I don’t have to act it – I can feel it, and all I have to do is let that show.
The first few minutes of our first scene together are entirely unspoken. Silently approaching, stolen glances. Like a secret dance that belongs only to the two of us.
I don’t think Tori is acting either: she’s feeling it, the same as me. She looks calm and composed, only her clammy fingers, which I take in mine, give away that she’s dying of nerves. I meet her eyes and try to put everything I can’t tell her just now into that look.
Breathe.
You are so beautiful.
Everything’s going to be fine. We’re going to smash this.
TORI
I don’t know how I’m capable of standing on this stage, saying the lines I’ve always been reading along with from my seat, or speaking in the bakery.
My brain reels them off, my mouth speaks them.
It happens without any control on my part.
I hear what Charlie says and forget it that same second.
There’s only him and me, and the next line and the next and the next.
I’ve never felt like this before. Like nothing’s real, not even myself. My body is doing the things that need to be done. I’m Juliet. I’m her worries and her hopes, her yearnings and her fear.
I don’t even take in the existence of the audience. Maybe this how it feels to get high. I’m not even sure if there really are people here.
When we come off stage and wait behind the curtain for our next entrances, I can’t speak to anyone. I just stand next to Charlie, drink water and don’t let go of his hand. I don’t think I’ve ever been as focused on anything in my whole life.
My first scene without him was bad, but not as bad as the one where not even Grace, the Nurse, is on stage with me. There’s just me, on the balcony that’s nothing more than a little gallery with a wooden ladder leaning up against it, because Mr Acevedo prefers a minimalist set.
It’s the attention of several hundred people, fixed solely on me. I haven’t the faintest idea how my body can be this calm.
I don’t even try to copy Eleanor because I know that can only fail. I speak the lines differently from her, in my own way. I’m thinking about Charlie. I put all my despair, and all my fascination, into them.
It goes crazily fast. Our first kiss, a real kiss, Charlie’s lips on mine, warm, calming; his flight from Verona; the elixir I have to swallow so that I can be dead for a couple of days.
I’m almost more afraid of this moment, when I have to lie motionless on the stage, than all the scripted scenes put together.
Charlie finding me, his hands shaking me by the shoulders, lifting me.
Don’t move.
Just don’t move.
I was afraid I’d want to laugh, but I hear his despair and it’s so real that laughing is the last thing on my mind.
He’s acting even better than he does with Eleanor.
I don’t have to look at him to be sure of that.
I can hear that he’s crying, just from his voice, quiet yet clear in this deathly silent space.
His hand movements are precise and gentle, his lips stroke over mine before he lays me down again.
Keep your breathing shallow so the audience can’t see.
When Charlie has taken the poison and slumped down beside me, I count the seconds until I can wake up.
The fact that there’s only a little light on us while the rest of the stage is dark makes it easy to weep bitter tears when Juliet realizes that Romeo is dead.
I am aware that these are my last lines on stage, so I force myself to forget everything. Nothing else matters. Only Charlie, who doesn’t move as I take his face in my hands and kiss him because I love him, and then I find his dagger, kneel beside him and raise it.
I’ve had one single rehearsal, earlier on, with Charlie and Mr Acevedo, but I don’t think about that as I slip it between my ribs and sink to the floor with a cry. I don’t think about anything. My mind is blank.
It’s over.
I’m dying.
Charlie’s body tenses, barely perceptibly as I collapse onto him. It’s a relatively comfortable position, for which I’m secretly thanking my stars, because I’m going to have to hold it for the next ten minutes.
My heart is racing, but I only notice once I’m lying with my head on Charlie’s chest and feel his beating surprisingly calmly and slowly.
Is he asleep? For a moment, I’m genuinely unsure, but then I feel his hand, on the side facing away from the audience, reaching for my body.
His fingers stroke my leg, it’s a tiny we did it, and he doesn’t stop until the very end.
I force myself to breathe more slowly and with every passing minute while Capulet and the Nurse find us and say their final lines, my pulse settles more. The adrenaline is draining from my body. Charlie’s here, everything is fine. We actually did it.
‘Hey.’
I jump as he moves beneath me. Why is everything so loud all of a sudden?
It takes me a while to twig that it must be thunderous applause. Then I see that the curtain is closed. I raise my head; the others are already hugging.
‘Did you nod off?’ Charlie sounds amused and thrilled all at once, as I clamber up from him.
‘Only for a moment,’ I murmur. He kisses me, and I’m weak at the knees as I stand up. Charlie holds out his hand. I see the delirium in his eyes, and the relief.
‘We did it,’ I whisper, but it’s drowned in the applause, which is still going strong.
‘We did it,’ Charlie repeats, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me. We kiss and everything else just fades away.
Mr Acevedo is shooing the others around the curtain so that they can make their bows to the delighted audience. Charlie and I are to go last. After Louis, Gideon and Grace, who receive enormously loud claps and cheers.
Charlie lets go of my hand, slips through the curtain, and the crowd goes wild. It’s the moment that the last remnant of panic drains from my body, making way for pure euphoria.
Charlie is standing in centre stage, holding his hand out to me. As I make my way forward, everyone stands up. They actually stand up.
I run to Charlie and take his hand so that we can bow, but he takes a step to the side and begins to applaud himself. Because this is my moment. And I know I’ll never forget it.
I bow. As I straighten, I see for the first time how many people there actually are, because the auditorium lights are on.
Emma and Henry are jumping up and down, cheering; Charlie’s parents in the front row; Will and Kit a little further back, next to Mum and Dad. I knew they’d come, but to see them now, from up here, after I’ve played Juliet and not screwed up, is indescribable.
My heart is racing again, but with joy this time.
We leave the stage to come on again with the whole cast. Charlie and I take Mr Acevedo by the hands. It’s incredible and it doesn’t stop.
I want it never to stop.