Jett
I wake up to an empty bed. I already know I slept in again before I check my phone. This time, I don’t panic, instead taking it as a sign that my mind and body are finally in a good place. But I miss my boyfriend.
I stretch, my fingers brushing against the headboard.
God, fucking Wes last night was everything.
The way his body responded to mine, the way he let me inside.
After the initial concern that I wasn’t hurting him, I just let go.
My mind took a back seat for once, and my sole focus was Wes.
How he felt, the sounds he made, how I was making him feel.
Being inside him, moving with him, feeling his pleasure, was everything I’d hoped it would be.
We fit perfectly, like our bodies instinctively knew when to give and when to take.
It was fucking amazing, and I can’t wait to do it again.
The toilet flushes, and soon after, the door opens. Wes walks in, his hair mussed from sleep, his eyelids pink and puffy.
“Hey.” He smiles, gloriously naked, as he walks toward me. The mark I left on his hipbone last night is bright pink against his pale skin. My chest expands. Fuck, I love my mark on him.
I pat the mattress next to me. “Morning.”
He winces as he crawls into bed and snuggles against my chest. I wrap my arms around him, pulling him close, breathing him in. I can still smell myself on him. If that isn’t just the sexiest thing ever, I don’t know what is.
“You sore?” I murmur against his head.
He wiggles his butt. “Just a little. Not too bad.”
“You sure?” I know I went at him a little hard toward the end.
“Yeah. Nothing worse than after a good workout.”
Wes seems chill about it, but I still have to ask. I know he asked me to fuck him, but the question lingers. “No regrets then?”
He lifts himself on his arm, frowning down at me. “Are you fucking kidding me? I love what we did last night. No regrets, babe.” He kisses me softly. “So, hands-free, huh?” he hums against my lips, waggling his eyebrows.
I smile. “Yeah, that was… unexpected.”
“But awesome, right?”
I reach down and grab his ass, squeezing the meaty part, and Wes chases my touch. “Definitely awesome.”
He kisses me again, not just my lips, but my cheeks, my chin, and down my neck.
“Hell, I could go again,” he groans, nibbling on my skin.
“Your body… Shit, Jett, your body is a fucking masterpiece, like Mother Nature went all in and just grabbed the best from all her drawers, the finishing touch a magic dick.”
I laugh at his antics. “What are you even talking about?”
“Aww, c’mon. You know you’re insanely hot. I mean, I know I’m pretty hot, but last night, when you fucked me, you were like this… I don’t know, like this sex God.”
“Stop!” I bury my face in my arm. “Honestly, the lengths you’ll go to get laid.”
He pulls my arm away, his face so close to mine, his breath hot against my chin. “Is it working?”
“No way,” I chuckle. “You need to rest.”
He pouts. “You’re no fun.” His eyes shimmer in the sunlight bursting through the window. My chest squeezes. “And yes, you’re hot. But not just that.” I trace the outline of his cheekbone with my finger. “You’re beautiful, Wes.”
His eyes soften. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Yes.” I trace his jaw, my finger lingering over a small birthmark.
He has no idea. I’m not talking superficially, but skin deep.
Wes is a beautiful person. He’s made me feel things I didn’t think were possible.
He’s made me discover parts of myself I thought I’d lost for good.
“I can’t stop looking at you,” I admit, my heart in my throat.
“Jett…” His voice breaks.
“It’s true. Last night…” I pull him closer against me. “Just… thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Fuck, even that makes him perfect. He lets me have this. He lets me thank him, like he knows I need to. He burrows his face against my chest, mumbling something.
“What was that?”
He looks up, scowling. “It really isn’t fair that I’m in bed with my perfect boyfriend and then he denies me.”
I laugh, flipping him onto his back. “Who the fuck said anything about denying you anything?” He struggles underneath me, his hard dick poking into my stomach.
I’m hard too. “Now that we’ve established you can come hands-free, maybe I should spend a little more time getting acquainted with your pretty little hole.
You know, find out if it was just a fluke. ”
“Fuuuck.” Wes thrusts his hips, moaning underneath me. “I think that’s a fantastic idea.”
“Yeah?” I scoot down his body, peppering kisses on the way. “You in the mood for some morning rimming?”
“Uh-huh. Morning, noon, night. Rim away.”
It was early afternoon before Wes and I finally resurfaced from our bubble.
He kept saying he had stuff to do, that there was this article he wanted to read over the weekend about a new non-invasive treatment technique or something.
To be honest, I wasn’t paying that much attention; I just watched his lips move and snuck in a kiss or two whenever he paused.
It’s not like I didn’t have things to do myself—I had an overdue online therapy session scheduled—but time just disappears whenever we’re together.
Wes ended up lingering in my doorway for several minutes as we exchanged one ‘Bye, see you soon’ after another, then made out like teenagers in between.
Part of me wanted to haul him back into my apartment and blow him for the rest of the day, but I know I need to talk to Doctor Lee.
Everything is happening so fast, and I need her professional angle.
I call her on Teams, and she answers right away, sipping coffee.
“Jared. Long time no see.”
I wave at the screen. “Hi, Doctor Lee. Sorry about that. I’ve been—”
“Busy.” She smiles knowingly.
I shrug, but I can’t help smiling too. “Yeah. I guess.”
“How’s work? Have you settled in?” She pushes her glasses up on top of her head and starts typing on a tablet.
“Yes. It’s really good. I’m enjoying my time with the athletes, and I’ve also… made a few friends.”
She looks up, and I can tell she’s surprised. “You have?”
“Yeah. Two other coaches. Santos and Hua Jing. We went out once, and they’re really nice.”
“That’s great, Jared. I’m so happy for you. Putting yourself out there and making friends is one of the things we put down as short-term goals, remember?”
I nod, fiddling with the hem of my T-shirt. “I know.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.”
Her expression grows serious. “And privately? How are things with your family?”
“I received a call from my dad.”
“You did?”
I scratch the back of my neck. “Yeah. Kinda took me by surprise. I thought it was Janelle checking in, so I just answered.” My hands grow clammy, and my chest constricts. I haven’t heard from Dad since that day, but talking about it throws me right back to that day in Paris.
“And did you talk?”
I shake my head. “No, I couldn’t. I don’t think I’m ready.”
“That’s okay.” Her voice softens. “Remember what we talked about. You are in charge, Jared. You decide if or when you want to resume contact with your father.”
“I know.” We’ve spoken about this a ton of times. I need to take my control back.
“How did hearing his voice make you feel?”
I chuckle bitterly. “I guess you could say I freaked out.”
“How so?”
“I couldn’t breathe again. It wasn’t a full-on panic attack, but the anxiety was there. So I hung up. I just couldn’t.”
“And that’s okay, Jared. This is about you reclaiming your life and establishing your boundaries. It’s perfectly fine for you to remove yourself from a situation you aren’t ready to deal with. Let me ask you this. Do you want to reconcile with your father eventually?”
I’ve thought about this over and over again.
Can I forgive my dad? Will he change? Will we ever be able to have a relationship that isn’t defined by pressure, critique, and toxicity?
“I don’t know. I… don’t think so. To be honest, Doctor Lee, I don’t think a relationship with him will ever be an equal one, and something that brings me value. ”
She nods, but lets me continue.
I lick my lips. “I… I’ve met someone. This guy, Wes.
He, uhm… he’s a physical therapist at the university.
We grew up together, back in Cannon Beach.
” I smile. “Well, I don’t remember him, but he remembers me.
” For some reason, I feel sad. My eyes sting.
It’s an all-consuming sadness that ties back to my past, like I’ve missed out on something special.
“He reminds me of the kind of guy I could’ve been if my dad hadn’t pushed me as he did.
Wes… he…” I brush at my eyes, unable to stop the tears.
“It’s okay, Jared. Take your time.”
“I really like him. He makes me feel good about myself. He somehow manages to pull me out of my head.” I laugh, sniffling. “I don’t know how he fucking does it. He’s just so sweet and genuine and…”
“And what?”
I look up at the screen and lock eyes with Doctor Lee. “It feels like he sees me, you know? Like truly sees me, and he likes what he sees. It blows my mind because—” My voice breaks.
“Because?” she hedges.
I inhale deeply. “Because I thought I’d lost myself, but looking back, I don’t think I ever knew the real me. I wasn’t allowed just to be me.”
“And with him you are. Isn’t it wonderful, Jared?”
“What?”
“How it only takes one person to truly see you and then for you to see it too.”
I suddenly feel cold, and I wrap my arms around myself. “See what?” I whisper. I’m emotionally drained. Therapy usually does that to me.
“How wonderful you are, Jared. And how worthy.” Doctor Lee smiles. “Hold on to that feeling.”
“I try, but it’s scary.”
“I know. Good things are scary, but we can’t shy away from them.” She pauses. “How close have you become with this guy? Wes, is it?”
Images of last night and this morning course through me, and just like that, the chill seeps from my bones. Heat radiates through me from the phantom feel of having Wes in my arms. “Yes, Wes. We’re boyfriends, actually.”
“You are?”
I laugh. “Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I am surprised. But happily. That’s wonderful, Jared.”
I nod.
“Are you intimate?” Fuck my life.
I nod again, blushing.
“Good. And how does that make you feel? Being intimate with someone again.”
Oh God. How does that make me feel? How can I explain it so she’ll understand?
How Wes makes me feel everything all at once, and how being with him intimately is such an all-consuming experience.
I always want to feel like that. Before I overthink it, I just say, “Happy. It makes me feel really happy.”
Doctor Lee just smiles, typing on her tablet.
“And you’re still taking your medication?”
“Yes. Never miss it.”
“Excellent. And the dosage is still working for you?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. As I told you previously, I don’t think we should lower your dosage or start tapering your medication for at least another year. You still need them as a safety net.”
“I agree.”
“Good.” She looks at her watch. “We still have a little time left. What do you want to talk about?”
“I… I don’t know. I think we covered everything.”
“I do, too.” Doctor Lee leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. Mischief sparks in her eyes. “So, tell me a little more about this Wes guy.”
The mere mention of his name makes me smile like a lunatic. “What do you wanna know?”
“What do you want me to know about him?”
I’m not sure why this, of all things, comes to mind, but it’s the first thing that does. “He’s kind of a dork. I mean, he reads sports romances and stuff.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“I think I like him already. What else?”
I smile even wider. “I brought him with me to Janelle’s place for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating with Mia and Mason. They, uhm… My family loved him.”
Doctor Lee’s eyes widen in surprise. “This is huge, Jett.”
“I know.” I pause, suddenly worried. “Do you think I’m moving too fast?” Oh shit, what if I am? What if Doctor Lee wants me to slow down?
As always, she counters with a question. “Do you think you’re moving too fast, Jared?”
“Sometimes. Maybe, but everything we’ve done feels natural, unavoidable almost.”
She smirks. “Of course it does.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jared, you have feelings for him. I can see that.” I want to object, but who am I kidding? I do have feelings for Wes. Loads of them. “And that’s a good thing, because for a long time you shot your feelings down because you were afraid of getting hurt again.”
“It might not work out,” I whisper, the thought killing me. “I might get hurt again.”
“Yes, you might. But we can’t have one without the other, can we?
Going through life—a full life—means facing the good and the bad.
And we’ve worked on your resilience. Even if it doesn’t work out between you and your boyfriend, you’ve still made a lot of progress. It means you’re reclaiming your life.”
I nod. I know that. “I want it to work out.”
Doctor Lee closes her tablet. “And why shouldn’t it? I have faith in you, Jared. You’re doing the work, clearly, so why shouldn’t it work out?”
I shrug. “Thank you.”
“Of course. Our time is up, young man. Should we check in with each other in a month or so? I’ll send you an invite.”
“Sounds good.”
We end the call, and I lean back in my chair, relaxing my shoulders. Telling my doctor makes my relationship with Wes even more real. And it makes me miss him.
I pick up my phone to find a text from Wes.
Wes: Did you know the prostate is the
size of a fucking walnut?!
Oh God. I’ve created a monster.
Me: What are you doing?
Wes: What do you think I’m doing?
I’m reading.
Me: About what?
Wes: Duh, about anal orgasms.
I groan into my hand, my dick hardening.
Wes: Babe?
Me: Shouldn’t you be reading about
non-surgical treatment techniques
instead?
Wes: Pft, already did. Are you aware that
the refractory period for an ass orgasm is
much shorter than for a dick orgasm?
Fuuuck.
Me: I didn’t
Wes: How wild is that, babe?
Me: It’s crazy.
Wes: What are you doing?
Me: Not much. Thought about doing
laundry.
Wes: Uhhh, want some company?
I smile.
Me: Sure, why not?
Wes: Cool! Meet you in 5. Don’t wear
briefs.