Jett #2
The conversation drifts to other topics, like a new wildlife conservation project that Dennis is working on further up the coast. We join Mike on the deck, but my mind is stuck in a loop on the subject of kids.
Would Wes want kids someday? He probably does.
The way he acted so naturally around Mia and Mason, then the genuine joy in his eyes at hearing Dennis’ news.
I don’t know if I want kids. I like them, sure, but how can you be a good dad when you fucking panic every time something unexpected happens?
What do I have to offer? I’d probably mess the kid up so bad.
Wes smiles as he hands me a plate with grilled corn. “A penny for your thoughts.”
I swallow, accepting the plate. “Just… I like your friends.”
“Thanks, they’re good people.” His voice lowers. “They like you, too.”
I nod, pushing the feeling of unease away as I look at Mike. “This is amazing. I can’t remember the last time I had a barbecue.”
“We do it a lot,” Mike hums. “I love cooking.” He taps his head with his index finger. “Keeps my mind calm.”
His openness stuns me. When you first meet Mike and Dennis, they’re so different, like night and day.
Mike is quieter, slightly guarded, perhaps.
I can tell they’re in love, watching the subtle movements, like Mike brushing along the gold band on Dennis’ ring finger or the way Dennis keeps piling more food on Mike’s plate.
I wonder if they can tell that I’m in love with Wes, like my sister could. Is it obvious to people on the outside?
“So, baby, were you also fangirling over Jett in high school?” Mike says, cutting into his steak.
“’Course not! I only had eyes for you.”
Wes coughs into his hand. “Liar.”
“Shut up!” Dennis whines, while Mike laughs. “At least I didn’t have a scrap—Oh, shit.” Dennis claps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with panic.
Wes waves him off. “The cat’s already out of the bag.”
“Yeah?” Dennis relaxes.
“Yep. You can thank Granddad.”
Dennis grins. “Oh, that’s fucking hilarious. Gotta love Granddad.”
I shake my head. I’m kind of flattered. I mean, how cute is that? Besides, I get to call him Scrapbook Boy from now on.
“What are we talking about?” Mike looks from Dennis to Wes, so Wes tells him the story, giving us all a good laugh. I reach for Wes’ hand under the table and squeeze his fingers. He brushes his thumb along my knuckles, then leans in and kisses me softly.
After dinner, Wes catches up on some bro time with Dennis, while I help Mike clear the table and do the dishes in their kitchen, which overlooks the backyard.
“Den really misses Wes,” Mike says as he hands me a plate to dry. “I keep telling him we should go to Eugene more so they can hang out, but we’ve just been so busy lately.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling. After I started my new job and then started dating Wes, it feels like I’m on this high-speed train.”
Mike chuckles. “That’s not a bad metaphor, actually.” He eyes me, then dips a glass into the sink. “You know, I gotta admit I was a little surprised when Den told me Wes was dating a guy.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. I mean, he’s always been such a ladies’ man. Then again…” Mike shrugs as he trails off. “I never once thought about being with a guy before Den.”
“You didn’t?”
“Nope. I dated women, if you could even call it that. I’m demisexual, but it wasn’t until I fell for Den that I felt actual attraction to another person.
” Mike turns, facing me as he leans his hip against the counter.
“Just goes to show that when you meet the right person, it doesn’t really matter who they are.
To me, it was the emotional connection that mattered.
” Mike smiles, his eyes going soft. “You know that moment when everything suddenly makes sense? Like something that was missing for a long time is just there, right in front of you.” He gazes out the window, then chuckles at Wes and Den, who are engaged in some kind of mini sprint contest with Willow.
“Den is just Den, you know? It doesn’t matter whether he’s a guy or a girl.
” He looks back at me. “It’s like… You meet people all the time.
They come in and out of your life, and you don’t really think about it.
They’re just people. And then one day there’s someone who’s different.
Special. You feel that connection, and you know everything is gonna change, but in a good way. ”
“Special?”
“Yeah. I’ve known Den all my life, and then one day he wasn’t just Den anymore. He was more than that. Or perhaps it was me who’d changed. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
“No, I think you’re explaining it just right.” He is. That feeling Mike talks about is exactly how I’ve felt since I met Wes. That he wasn’t just some random person coming into my life, but that he was different. Special.
“I guess it must be the same for Wes,” Mike says.
“What?”
“That you’re special to him, too. It doesn’t really matter that you’re a guy, you know?”
“I guess.” I haven’t really thought about it like that before. He’s become important to me, too. It’s no longer just about physical attraction. It’s about a deeper connection.
“Did it worry Dennis at first that you’d only been with women before him?”
“No, not really. I think he realized it before I knew what it meant to be demisexual.” Mike empties the sink, then reaches for a towel and wipes his hands. “Does it worry you that you’re the first guy Wes is with?”
“Yes, at first, but Wes is very reassuring, I guess. He’s very affectionate and…” I suck in a breath. “I wasn’t used to that with my ex, like the way Wes holds my hand in public without a second thought. My ex would never do that.”
Mike nods. “Yeah, Den is the same.” Then he laughs. “Which is sometimes a little awkward since Jon, Den’s dad, is also my boss.”
I laugh too. “Shit, I can see that being awkward for sure.”
We join Wes and Dennis in the backyard, and Wes gives me the sweatiest kiss ever, then grins at me, his eyes swimming with happiness.
“Hey, you,” he hums against my lips. “Missed you.”
I kiss him back as I’m struck by this rare feeling that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. “We should come to Cannon Beach more,” I say, linking my hands around his neck.
“We should.”
“Ready for dessert?” Dennis says, jogging up the stairs to the deck.
“Always.” Wes grins, patting his stomach.
“I made a rhubarb and almond pie.”
Wes’ eyes roll into the back of his head. “Oh my God, your mom’s recipe?”
Dennis gasps. “Of course! Anything else would be blasphemy.”
We eat dessert outside and continue to talk about random stuff, like how Wes and I met, and about Mike’s job. Neither Mike nor Dennis asks me about Paris and what happened to me. I suspect Wes told them not to, just like I think he told his family, which I’m grateful for.
I feel torn. I want to tell him about it almost every time we’re together.
I want to tell him how cold the bathroom tiles felt against my cheek and how loud the door sounded when my dad slammed it behind him.
How my legs shook as they carried me to the balcony, and how beautiful the city looked even through a curtain of tears.
Or how I’ll never forget the sound of my mother’s voice when she screamed my name again and again, and how liberating the wind felt against my face, just before Janelle hauled me away from the railing.
If I’d died that day, I would’ve never met Wes.
I would never have known what it feels like to be in love with him.
I’m glad I didn’t die, but I’m also scared shitless that Wes learning I wanted to end it all back then will make him turn away from me.
Who wants to be with someone like that? Someone still broken, my past following me around like a ghost.
We drive back from Dennis’ and Mike’s place in silence.
Wes holds my hand the entire time, his other hand on the steering wheel, his lips moving along to the lyrics of Call Me Back Tonight by DA TI.
My eyes don’t leave him for a single second.
The words burn on my tongue, but I don’t speak them.
I wish I could. I’m in love with you, Wes. I’m so fucking in love with you.