Chapter 14 TARAN
I knew Diego was popular around town; everywhere we went, we ran into someone he knew, someone he’d worked with, someone he’d been on stage with, someone he’d hooked up with.
I hadn’t realized how popular until I saw that his friends filled The Firebrand to overflowing on the night of his birthday, bringing gifts, treats, toys, games, prizes, and all kinds of wild shit I’d never seen at a birthday party before.
It was like a goddamn Diego Fest, and it was beautiful.
There was a quiet corner behind the games and supernatural offerings where I retreated when I wanted to just enjoy people watching—and there were some incredible characters around, as always when Diego was involved.
Sometimes someone would find me in my corner and ask me a million questions about where and how I met Diego and how long we’d been dating and did I see him in that play in West End last year and had we been to the bath house lately.
(Fun fact: this is how I found out Pittsburgh even had a bath house.
Dee got out his phone to show me the app, which let him know how many guys were there and if there was anything special going on that night. Fucking genius, honestly.)
Hearing people talk about him onstage struck a chord with me, redoubling my resolve to get him back into the career he loved.
Meeting his friends from various theater groups and improv classes was fascinating, like getting a peek behind the curtain; they mostly seemed surprised but impressed that I actually knew the bare minimum about theater, even if it was only as a consumer, not a creator.
Only one or two of them were intolerable shits, which according to Diego was really good odds.
About halfway through the night, Toni brought me a beer in my little corner. “Here.”
“Thanks.” I finished the one I’d been nursing for the past hour and accepted. “Peace offering?”
“Something like that. Thanks for not making it harder than it already was. I think he would’ve uninvited me if I hadn’t reversed course and apologized.” A muscle in her jaw flexed.
“You’re right. He was just scared. It’d be crazy not to be scared,” I admitted quietly.
She looked at me sideways, as if looking for any hint of irony. “That’s what I said.”
“I think I like being scared,” I said, watching Diego flirt with the multi-pierced bartender. “I like the rush of just… jumping in head first.”
“Yeah, but when other people are involved…”
I nodded. “Yeah. Gotta think things through a little more.”
“It makes sense, though. Like, have you ever been rejected?”
“From what?” I asked, turning to face her.
“Anything?” She shrugged. “You’re just one of those people that…”
“Has everything handed to him,” I finished. “True.”
She raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised.
“What, did you want to start a fight?” I chuckled.
“No!” She laughed too, suddenly and loudly. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. But yeah, you are one of those people.”
“I lost a big fat football scholarship. Some would call that pretty life-changing rejection,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, but that’s just football.” Then she opened her mouth again, as if she had more to say. But closed it.
“Now,” I said pointedly, “I agree with that. At the time, it felt like the sky was falling.” Not for long, admittedly, but damn. Talk about your life changing course without any goddamn permission from you. “Also, my fiancée cheated on me. That was a definite big rejection.”
“I hate to say it, but seems like it was good for you,” she mused.
“I think a lot of bad shit generally is, once you’re out the other side. Not to be philosophical at a party, but even death can teach you some shit.”
“Yeah, true.” She sighed. “Your dad leave you with any pearls of wisdom for growing up before he went?”
“Not on purpose.” I smiled. “But yeah. Probably. Still working them out a little.”
“Makes sense.” She nodded like she understood, her gaze wandering back to Diego. He was chatting with, on one side, a drag queen in platform heels and with a bra on the outside of her dress, and Alyssa, the goth girl from The Pike, on the other.
“Has your mom met him?” Toni asked.
I shook my head. “Not officially. She keeps asking me to bring him around, but I thought…” I smiled ruefully. “I thought he wanted to keep the brakes on.”
She had the grace to wince. “Oof. Yeah, well. You gotta admit, it’s probably smart he did, even if it was for the wrong reason. Put too much pressure on shit that soon and it’s bound to pop.”
“Probably.” I didn’t want to admit I’d thought the same thing myself. “I guess we both put enough pressure on ourselves at first, anyhow.”
“Yeah? Was he weird about stuff?”
“I thought you’d know more than me.”
She shook her head. “Nah. I’m kinda self-involved. I didn’t ask enough questions. That’s how I ended up pissing him off at Picklesburgh, clearly.”
I chuckled at her strange brand of straightforwardness.
“But he’s always a little pressure balloon. Always thinks he’s not doing enough. Always thinks he should be the most. Dunno how he does it. Fuckin’ exhausting.”
“You never wonder if you’re doing enough to be worthy?” I asked her.
She shot me another look, searching for irony, but then answered, “Not really. If someone doesn’t love me, that’s cool. Doesn’t really affect how I feel about them.”
“Or yourself?”
“I mean, I want to say no. I strive for that,” she said thoughtfully. “But Diego just pretends not to care and then cares a fuckload in his head, and it makes him crazy.”
“I always thought he was the bravest motherfucker I ever knew. I still do,” I admitted.
“He is.” She sighed. “But he’s also a goddamn basket case.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, he says he’s fine and I’m the tortured one now.”
“You’re way too boring to be tortured,” she said. Then winced. “I meant that to be funny, not mean.”
I was still laughing. “I get it.”
“Still. Can’t be easy to come out in your twenties. When everyone thinks they know you already. Probably get a lot of pushback.”
I tried not to show my surprise. “Yeah. Some. It’s also a relief, though.”
“And a mess, I bet.” She smiled knowingly. “All kinds of shit coming up for you?”
I hesitated. Even recognizing this conversation for what it was—both an attempt to cement her apology and to try to get to know her best friend’s boyfriend in good faith—I didn’t know that I wanted to go there with her.
So I just said, “Growing up a faggot football kid in a casually homophobic small town? Yeah, kind of a mess.”
She watched me for a second. Then said, “Respect.”
I couldn’t help it. I know I looked completely fucking surprised, at that.
“We gotta get you more gay friends, buddy,” she said quickly, shifting from foot to foot. “Queer fam is life-changing. Life-affirming, even. Even just having one person on your side…” She smiled again as Diego came toward us, waving. “Look how happy it makes him.”
“I’m looking.”
***
“Okay, okay, so I already gave you my first one!” Diego insisted, flipping through apps on his phone. “I have the rest in here, though, and I wanna get it in the right order. You go first.”
I stroked Shortcake’s head, which she politely allowed for a moment. “Okay; mine don’t have an order. And you already got two last night.”
“Oh right, the filching thing. Hot, by the way. You like it?”
“Any excuse to lick your ass, honestly.”
“Fucking filthy. Go,” he prompted.
“Uhhm…” I tried to remember the other three things on my list. If I had to open my phone, I’d disturb Shortcake, and then she wouldn’t come back all night. “Fuck me,” I said.
“Is that an exclamation of helplessness, or is it a request?”
“A request,” I said.
“Oh my god, that’s on my list!” He turned his phone screen toward me, then pulled it back. “Wait; not yet!”
“So that’s a win?”
“Oh, we’re totally doing that. I’ve seen your cute lil dildo in that drawer.” He puckered up his lips at me.
“I wasn’t sure you’d wanna. I mean I know you like—”
“Getting my back blown out; yes, it’s my one of my favorite activities. As we know. But if daddy wants a turn, daddy gets a turn.” He smirked.
“You’re so good to me.”
“I am gonna wreck your ass,” he informed me, looking back down at his phone. “I mean, not as bad as you wrecked mine last night…”
“How you feeling?” I asked with a wince. It was now officially the day after his birthday, but the sun hadn’t come up yet, so it didn’t count.
“Amazing, babe. Fucking amazing. Speaking of….” He licked his lips and flicked his gaze back up. “Would you ever be open to… spanking?”
Again, I have seen a lot of porn. And, “Fuck yes. Wait, spanking you, or you spanking me?”
“I mean, you spanking me, but I’m up to switch there too!”
“Like, with my hand? Or with—something?”
He grinned. “Already getting creative. So, I like pretty much any impact play. It’s kinda more about the vibe than the thing you use, you know?”
I nodded, filing that away. “And, like, your ass? Or is it one of those all over things, like the back of the legs and stuff?”
“My ass,” he replied wriggling a little in his seat. “The other stuff is okay if you like it. But I really… yeah.”
“Okay, tell me what you’d wanna get out of it,” I said, shifting to face him on the couch. Shortcake gave me a dirty look, but resettled next to my arm again, thankfully. “So I know the vibe.”
“So like…” He bit at his bottom lip for a second, scooting closer so his knee touched mine. “Obviously the playfulness. The idea that you’re putting me over your knee and spanking me is kind of hilarious.”
“Also a little fucked up, optics-wise.” I held up my summer tanned but still very white-coded hand.
“Yeah, which is also a vibe, I guess. Just a terrible one. And I’m pretty sure you—”
“Yeah, no,” I said, wincing. “I mean, not my place to comment. But ick.”
“Exactly. So not the weird vibe, not even a treating me like a child vibe, but just a…”
“Just a, you’re a fucking brat so I’m gonna smack your ass vibe?”