Chapter 5
Carter
High tea had actually gone better than I expected, mostly because I spent the whole time giggling about Jax spitting tea on my grandma’s nosy friend. I wasn’t sure how the other two women felt about Jax, but that didn’t matter because my grandma clearly adored her. Honestly, how could she not?
“Carter, is that list of possible new homes for your grandma in your phone?” Jax asked as we got into the car. “I was thinking maybe we could go visit some right now.” I looked down at Grandma Miller. “What do you think? Want to find a cool place to live?”
I stopped to watch the interaction between Jax and my grandma. I really couldn’t adore this woman more. She had a heart of literal gold. I loved how much she cared about not just me, but my whole family.
My grandma sighed. “I want to stay in the house I’ve lived in for over sixty-five years, but I also can see how that’s not possible without my husband, so yes, I guess so. Might as well get it over with.”
I couldn’t blame her for being upset. If I had called a place my home for that long, and had so many memories there, I wouldn’t want to leave either.
I was sad enough about the fact that we’d soon have to sell her house.
I had so many memories in that house and had never actually lived there.
If I felt like I was losing something important, the pain had to be so much worse for my grandma.
I watched as Jax squeezed her shoulder in support. “We’ll find you a place that feels just like home. I promise. We won’t stop looking until you find the perfect place.”
My girlfriend is seriously the best person in the world. How did I get so lucky?
Jax smiled over at me. “Right, Carter?”
“Of course. I’ve been doing a ton of research and found a few that seem amazing.”
That wasn’t a lie. Living in a place that provided your food, care, and entertainment actually sounded pretty great. I was surprised by everything some of these places had to offer. I had no doubt we could find somewhere that my grandma would be happy.
“Where should we…”
My words were cut off by the sound of Jax’s phone ringing. She looked at the phone, then back at me with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s your uncle.”
“Jamie?”
Why would he be calling?
Jax shook her head. “No. Ethan.” She hit a button on her phone and brought it to her ear. “Hello? Oh man. Yeah. No, I get it. That sucks. Yeah. Um, we were going to take Grandma Miller to look at assisted living facilities. Let me talk to Carter, though. I’ll text you in a few minutes.”
Jax put her phone back into her pocket, then gave me an apologetic look. “Ethan said three people called out sick from work today, and if he doesn’t find some help, he’ll have to close for the day.”
“Three?” How does that even happen?
Jax nodded. “According to your uncle, rumor has it, there was a back to school party last night. So, he thinks the sickness all of these kids came down with was a hangover.”
I shook my head. I would never have considered calling out of work because of a hangover. If I was dumb enough to make the decision to drink the night before I had to work, I would suffer the consequences. “That’s annoying. I can’t believe they would do that.”
Jax laughed. “Sorry to break it to you, babe, but I probably would have done the exact same thing when I was that age.” She gave me an angelic smile as if that made up for her confession.
“But now is my chance to right my wrongs. Ethan asked if I’d be able to come in and help.
Any chance your moms could look at places with you guys today, and I can go with you tomorrow. ”
“Of course.” It’s not like I was going to argue with the girl who was willing to work for free to help my uncle when he was in a bind. “Don’t worry about it. I have all the notes about the best places, and I already have questions written out to ask at each one. We’ll be fine.”
Jax smirked, and I expected her to make fun of me for being overly prepared, but instead, she said, “I love you so much. You’re absolutely perfect.”
I wouldn’t go that far, but it was definitely nice to have someone who saw me that way after I spent so many years believing that I never would.
“I love you too, babe. I’ll drop you off at the cafe now.
Depending on timing, you might have to get Uncle Ethan to drop you off at Grandma’s when you’re done helping him. ”
“I don’t think that will be a problem.”
After dropping off Jax, I called my mama over my car’s Bluetooth.
“Hey, sweetie, what’s up?” she asked when she picked up after just two rings.
“We are done at high tea and dropped Jax off at the cafe to help Ethan. I was just wondering if you or mom were around to come check out some of these assisted living facilities with me and Grandma.”
“Of course. We can both come. Do you want to pick us up?”
I told her that I would be there in about fifteen minutes and ended the call.
My grandma was quiet on the drive back to the house, and I figured it was probably because she was upset.
I felt terrible, but I also knew there was nothing I could do except help her find a place that she could make into her new home.
After picking up my moms, we all headed to the first place on my list, which was one of my top picks.
As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, my grandma shook her head. “No. Not this one.”
“Wait, what? Why not?” I was confused how she decided she didn’t like a place without even stepping a foot inside.
“I’ve heard about this one. They require you to participate in at least one activity a week.”
I already knew that. It was one of the things that caught my eye when I was reading over the website.
It looked like this place had multiple activities every day, which I figured would be good for my grandma.
She was used to spending all of her time with my grandpa, so I didn’t want her to get lonely now that he was gone.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” I asked. “The activities look like a lot of fun.”
She shook her head again. “I’m sure they are, but I’m not getting told what to do. I’m not a child.” She crossed her arms over her chest and actually looked just like what she was claiming not to be. “Next one. This is a no.”
Luckily, when we pulled into the next parking lot, my grandma didn’t have any initial objections, so I got out of the car and helped her into her wheelchair.
As soon as we were inside, I walked over to the front desk. “Hi, I called yesterday about my grandma, Sharon Miller. I was told we could stop by any time this week and someone would give us a tour.”
“Yes, of course.” The woman, who appeared to be not much older than me, motioned her hand toward the hallway. “I can do it. Follow me.”
The inside of the building was nice, but it felt very sterile. It was almost like being in a hospital, which was the opposite of home. The rooms weren’t much bigger than my college dorm room, which probably wasn’t a problem since my grandma didn’t move around much, but it also felt wrong.
“What did you think, Grandma?” I asked as soon as we were back in the car.
“I didn’t like it. Too many old people.”
I didn’t want to point out that my grandma would actually be one of the oldest residents there, so I simply nodded.
“You have to keep an open mind, Mom,” my mama said from the backseat of the car. “Nothing is going to compare to your house, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be great.”
“Easy for you to say.” My grandma huffed. “You’re not the one being put in a home. I bet your children wouldn’t do this to you.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t spend years making my children feel like-”
“Let’s try another one,” my mom interrupted. “No reason to give up just yet.”
The next three visits were also fails. I looked down at my list, which only had one place left on it. “I have a good feeling about this one,” I told my grandma, trying my best to sound as chipper as possible. “I saved the best for last.”
This one was more expensive than the others, but my grandma definitely brightened up a bit when she saw the living quarters.
This was set up more like a small apartment with each space having a bedroom, bathroom, small kitchen (which she would definitely never use), and a sitting room.
It was only slightly smaller than my apartment in New York City, which meant it was plenty of space for my grandma.
Dinner was provided for the residents, and a nurse checked in on them at least once a day (more if needed). They also had many activities for the residents but the activities were not required.
When we got in the car, my grandma sighed. “I must admit that was pretty nice. I think I’d be able to make it my home.” She sighed once again. “I just don’t know how to say goodbye to the home where I built a life and a family.”
I thought she might just be trying to get pity until I looked over and noticed a tear rolling down her cheek. We were all quiet the rest of the drive back to my grandma’s house, and when we pulled into the driveway, I told everyone I needed a minute. Once they were inside I stared up at the house.
I thought about all of the visits as I grew up.
I reminisced about sitting on the roof with Jax and kissing her at the exact same spot my moms had shared their first kiss.
I ran my hand over my tattoo and remembered the day that had started out as the worst, but turned into the best. Soon, I had tears running down my cheeks as well.
I didn’t want my grandma to lose this place. Heck, I didn’t want my family to lose this place. My moms had made it very clear, though, that there was no way my grandma could afford assisted living if she didn’t sell the house.
I really wanted to think of a way for my grandma to keep her house, but that was impossible unless she had someone to live with her.
It’s not like it would have to be for long.
My grandma was over ninety and with all of her health issues, we had been hearing for years that she didn’t have much time left.
As sad as it was to think about, I’d honestly be surprised if she lived another year. We probably had months with her.
Months. Tears came to my eyes once again. I was way too sensitive. Jax always told me I loved harder than anyone she had ever met. She said it was one of her favorite things about me. In situations like this, I didn’t like it about myself, because I felt things so strongly that it hurt.
If I wasn’t with Jax, I might actually consider asking my boss if I could work remotely for a few months, so I could stay with my grandma.
That way, she could be in her house until she passed, and I didn’t need to have any regrets.
I couldn’t leave Jax though. Just the thought of spending so much time away from her made my heart hurt.
There was the option of spending four days in Maryland and three in New York. I would have to figure out what to do about my grandma the other three days each week, but maybe my moms or uncles would be more willing to help if they didn’t have to do it all the time.
There was also the option of staying with her a few weeks at a time and spending long weekends in New York in between those weeks. Maybe Jax could try to adjust her schedule so she could get a few days off in a row every once in a while to visit me as well.
It wasn’t convenient, but it was something to consider.
It wasn’t a decision I could make easily though.
I would definitely need to make a pros and cons list and then have a long conversation with Jax (and my boss) about it.
I didn’t even know if it was worth bringing up. Just thinking about it had me anxious.
I knew Jax would encourage me to do it, because that’s the type of person she was, but that was even more of a reason for me not to do it. I adored her. We hadn’t even been apart that long today and I already missed her.
I thought about turning my car back on and going to the cafe, but I didn’t want to bother her when she was in the zone. I went into the house, but instead of finding my moms and grandma, I walked around, taking everything in.
On the one wall close to the front door were pencil markings that were measurements of my mama and Uncle Jamie up until they were teenagers. The walls were filled with pictures that I had to assume had been up since my mama was in high school.
There were pictures of my mama in her cheerleading uniform and Uncle Jamie in his football uniform.
Every year’s school picture was hanging on the wall as well, like a shrine to my mama and Uncle Jamie.
There was also a picture of my mama and some guy at a school dance, which I always found strange.
What was even more strange was that right beside it there was an empty space with one nail in the wall, as if a picture that was hanging there at one point had been removed.
I always wondered what was once there and told myself I needed to ask my mama about it as soon as I was around her without my grandma.
The tables, desks, and bookshelves were where my grandparents had added pictures of the rest of us throughout the years.
There were pictures of me, Ronan, and Olivia in every stage of life.
The most recent picture that had been added to the collection was one of Duncan at his first birthday.
My grandma had been too sick to come to either of his other birthdays, and it looked like she hadn’t bothered to ask for a picture from those.
I walked through the rest of the house taking in every spot of chipped paint, every carpet stain, and all of the memories that each room held. The more I explored, the more I became convinced that I needed to somehow make my plan work.
When I walked into my mama’s old bedroom, I saw Jax’s clothes thrown around the floor, and it made my heart clench. How could I give up any time with her?
This decision would be a lot easier if I could somehow have both.