Chapter 18 #2
I sighed. “I love Maryland. It took a bit to get used to the small-mindedness of some people, but now, that makes me like it more in a way. Not that I’m a fan of anyone being homophobic, but if there’s going to be bigots who are making others’ lives harder, especially kids, I like being there to help.
I feel like I’m actually making a difference in the lives of those who come into the cafe.
A difference that goes beyond helping them caffeinate for the day. It’s a really good feeling.”
Charlie nodded again. This time her face was more introspective.
“I can see that. I had a very love-hate relationship with Maryland. Growing up there when I was still grappling with my sexuality was hard for me, and if I’m being completely honest, my parents didn’t make it any easier.
But at the same time, there are things I love about Maryland.
Aside from trying to figure out what gender I liked, high school was so much fun for me.
I know other people hate it, but I actually loved the fact that everyone knew each other.
Plus, I could never hate a place that holds so many wonderful memories for me.
” She smiled at her wife. “Such as sharing my first kiss with this one up on my parents’ roof. ”
“And then getting engaged on that exact same roof,” her mama added.
Wow. That was news to me. “That’s where you got engaged? I knew you had your first kiss there, but I didn’t realize that was the same place you got engaged. Who asked who?”
Carter’s moms looked at each other and giggled. It was Charlie who addressed me. “We kind of proposed to each other after my mom ruined our original plans with one of her awkward moments.”
I laughed. “I actually love that.”
“So, you think you’ll stay in Maryland?” Reagan asked.
“That depends on Carter. I’m not going to stay somewhere that she isn’t happy, and so far, I’m not really sure if she is. She definitely seems to have gotten happier over the past month or so, but I’m not sure if she’s just acting happier than she actually is in order to make me happy.”
Carter’s mama reached out and grabbed my hand. “Well, I know whatever you two decide, it’s going to work out. You love each other, and that’s all that matters.”
“You’re right.” I ate the rest of my pasta, then went back to the family room to check on Carter.
She was still asleep and looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake her up. Instead, I crawled back in with her and held her in my arms.
A few hours later, I was woken up by kisses all around my face. I opened my eyes to see Carter smiling down at me.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of such a marvelous wake up?” I asked her.
Carter leaned down and placed a quick kiss on my lips. “Sorry. You just looked so cute, I couldn’t help myself.”
I put my arms around her and held her up against me. “You never have to apologize for kisses. I will always accept your kisses.”
“Good. It makes me so happy to hear you say that.” Carter looked out of the window, then back at me. “It’s actually above freezing this morning. Any interest in going on a walk with me before we go to the hospital?”
Now I gave her a kiss. “You had at me at above freezing.”
That wasn’t completely true though, and I’m sure Carter knew that. It could be the coldest day of the year, and I wouldn’t turn down a walk with her.
We got bundled up then headed out on our walk, our gloved hands naturally finding each other as always. “Any ideas of what you might want to do for your birthday next month?” I asked Carter.
Carter shrugged. “Not really. Just spending time with you is good with me.”
“So, there’s nothing in particular that I can do to make it extra special for you?” After the past few months, I felt like I had to do something. I wanted to make sure Carter started out the next year of her life with a bang. I hoped that would help to make it a good year for her.
Carter shrugged again. “Not really.” It seemed like she had something else to say, so I waited until she spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”
Is that even a question? “You can ask me anything.”
“Do you want me to be the one to propose? At the beginning you said you wanted to do it, but if you’re waiting for me-”
“No!” I said, much louder than I meant to before she could even finish her sentence. Of course I wanted to be the one to propose. I wondered why she thought that might have changed.
“No?” Carter sounded genuinely confused for some reason.
“I don’t want you to propose.”
Carter chewed on her bottom lip, then stopped walking and looked over at me. “This might seem like a dumb question, but that’s not because you don’t want to marry me, is it?”
What?! In what universe would I ever not want to marry this woman? “What? Of course not! God, there’s nothing I want more in this world than for you to be my wife.”
“Okay.” Carter let out a sigh of relief as if she was seriously concerned I might not want to marry her. A moment later, a small smile parted her lips. “Can I be blunt?”
“Sure.”
“What the fuck are you waiting for?”
I burst into laughter because that was not what I was expecting her to say.
I waited until I stopped laughing to answer her.
“It’s not that I don’t want to propose. I’ve been thinking about it since the moment we started dating.
I’ve just been having a hard time with how to propose.
Nothing I come up with feels good enough. I want it to be perfect for you.”
It felt weird, but also kind of good, to be having this conversation. I talked through everything with Carter, so not being able to talk through the biggest moment of my life had been hard.
“Maybe I don’t want perfect.” Carter squeezed my hand. “‘Maybe I just want you.”
I shook my head. “But you love perfect. Nothing makes you happier than planning things meticulously. Your favorite things are lists and structure. I only get to do this once. I don’t want to mess it up.”
Carter gave me the sweetest smile that made me want to melt on the spot. “You missed my favorite thing and what actually makes me the happiest.”
“What’s that?” I prided myself on knowing Carter pretty damn well, and I’d say I had hit the big things.
Carter chuckled and pushed her shoulder against mine. “You, you idiot! You’re all I want. Not because you’re perfect or structured or any of that. It’s kind of the opposite. I want you, because you’re everything I’m not, and we balance each other out. It’s why we’re meant to be.”
Her words made me smile, because she was exactly right. We really were the perfect balance. “I just wanted to do something you would always remember.”
Carter laughed. “Jax, you could get down on one knee right now and wrap a piece of grass around my finger and I would always remember it fondly.”
“Okay. You’re right. I’m not going to do it right this moment, because I would like there to be some element of surprise, but I promise I’ll stop overthinking it and do it soon. Really soon.”
And as if that push was all I needed, I thought of the perfect way to ask.