Chapter 58
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
“Is Kit okay?” I ask Levi.
I called her last night to apologize, but she could’ve lied to make me feel better. She would.
“She’s fine,” he says.
“I’m sorry I snapped like that.”
“She pushed you too far. But don’t you dare yell at her again.”
“I won’t.”
I thought he was fixing to leave for chapel, but he’s still hovering by the door, antsy.
“What’s with you?” I ask.
He sets his phone down on his desk. “Sophie asked to meet after chapel.”
I break his intense gaze. “Oh perfect. I’ll come along, and we can all hold hands while we kumbaya and process our feelings.” I drop my elbow over my face as I lie on my couch. Like a blob of uselessness.
The click of Levi’s Tic Tac box says he’s still standing there.
“There’s no use, bro,” I say. “May as well bail and avoid that awkward conversation.”
“There’s no use because you’re never taking her back?”
As if it would go like that. As if she should even want that.
I peek at him. He’s staring me down—completely over it. Fair enough.
This is gonna suck. But if I don’t nail the we’re-done monologue, he’ll never let it go.
If I can just sell the lie, he’ll stop trying to push us back together.
He’ll want better than that for his friend.
I just have to sound bitter enough. Final enough.
Lock it in like there’s no coming back. I curl into a ball in preparation. He and Kit deserve each other.
“We were in the best part,” I start.
Levi lowers to his desk chair, forearms on his knees like he does. “The best part?”
“Falling in love and all the feels. If we can burn it to the ground during the best part, imagine during a hard part—”
He interrupts, squinting. “You were a lovesick puppy, barely dog-paddling enough to keep your head above water.”
“Nice.”
“And you said Sophie was crying the whole weekend. It was clearly a hard part for her too. I mean, The Farm is a whole thing.”
“Do what now?”
He leans back in his chair with a sigh. “We’re drawn to what we know, what feels familiar, even if it’s dysfunctional. Your house freaked me out the first time too. I can’t even imagine meeting your parents as their Golden Boy’s girlfriend.”
The word golden slaps me in the face. I rub my eyes and scooch to a seated position. “But my family loves you. And you didn’t act weird.”
“You know I’m good at faking it.”
Am I really so oblivious?
“It’s so … peaceful there,” he says. “Like it’s pretend. An alternate reality or something. And your parents—dude, they’re obsessed with you. I didn’t want to know what I never had.”
“Peaceful? It’s just a house. Janie picks fights. Mama controls everything. There’s poison ivy.”
“Oh come on.”
“What?” I spit. He never talks to me like that. “You grew up in a castle. How are we having this conversation right now?”
“Money doesn’t buy peace. Listen, you had an idyllic upbringing. Like a banana split. So sweet, but overwhelming for breakfast.”
I study him. “A banana split for breakfast.” Is that why she kept talking about the cows? But I don’t ask—no more of this. I slide onto my back and hide under my arm. Must finish the speech. “It’s water under the bridge. We learn and we move on. It’s over.”
“I’d be livid too to have my physical vulnerability trampled on. But you are not innocent.”
My shoulders hunch in. Nothing could be more obvious. She was a breeze, and I blew it into a hurricane. Innocence I should have protected. But I didn’t.
“Your relationship isn’t irredeemable, Samwise. She loves you. She looks really sorry. To my knowledge, this is the first time she’s ever broken your trust after months of building it. You’re both Jesus’s disciples and growing all the time.”
Every word is a punch to the gut. I hold my arm over my eyes as a shield. “I don’t want anything with her anymore. I don’t.”
“I see.” He pauses. “I’m going to talk to her anyway.”
I cut a glance at him. How dare he not believe my performance. I endured all that for nothing?
“Remember when I panicked and thought Kit was going to be Genevieve: The Sequel? I had washed my hands of the whole thing, and you got her to the lobby. You tricked me into seeing her again.”
I pull up on an elbow. “She complimented your watch, bro. This isn’t that.”
“M-hm.” He folds his arms.
“Hey!” I’m on my feet. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I won’t punch him, but I might push him.
He stands too, with humility. He’d let me hit him, I can tell. “I love you, buddy. And talking to Sophie is what’s best for you.”
I glare at him. “Fine!” I’m sick of being the nice guy. But I’m sick of being a jerk too. Lying to my closest buddy. Yelling at Kit. I’m a monster.
“Let’s head out. You’ve already skipped your three chapels this semester. You won’t want to write another paper because you couldn’t go sit in a chair for an hour.”
My scowl deepens. I have nothing clever.
“If we leave now, we can sit in our spot. You can refuse to look Sophie’s direction the whole time. That’ll show her.”
I do hate writing papers.
“Fine.”
But I still can’t bear Sophie in my line of sight. I’ll have to sit in the front with the rebels and loners.