Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
T o Noah’s surprise, Avery hauled herself from the sofa and to bed and woke herself up by seven fifteen. It was as though she was a real adult, or at least trying to be, and wanted to make up for the chaos of yesterday. In the kitchen, wearing a big T-shirt and pajama pants, she announced that her plan was to get to school on time.
“You don’t have to go. You said it was maybe too early,” Noah reminded her, sipping coffee at the counter. Outside, snow had accumulated, and flakes continued to swirl and stick on the windowpanes.
Noah didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. He tried to instill that in Avery with a firm smile.
But Avery looked him hard in the eye. “I want to go. The sooner I get back to a schedule, the better.”
Noah heard his own sentiments in her voice. How many times had he said something similar to a parent of one of his at-risk youths?
He sighed. “Let me make you eggs, at least.”
“With extra cheese,” Avery said.
“Naturally.”
Noah performed the typical rituals of a typical father. He made eggs with cheese and toast. He let Avery have some coffee—but only half a cup. She added so much milk and sugar to it that it could hardly qualify as caffeine, anyway. After that, she showered, brushed her hair, smeared way too much makeup on her face, and called, “I’m ready!”
Noah didn’t have it in him to say she couldn’t wear all that makeup. It was the style of the moment, and Avery wanted to fit in. She was practicing womanhood. Wasn’t that sort of what high school was all about?
They were nearly late. But as they drove to the high school, Noah felt a wild rush of something that felt like normality. They were a father-daughter duo (of sorts) trying to get to school on time. The morning stress united them with so many other parent-children duos.
“Call me if you need anything,” Noah begged Avery as she got out of the car.
“Yeah. Of course.” Avery slammed the door and hurried through the snow and up the walkway. She disappeared through the glass door.
Noah sat for a moment, his heart thudding.
He was thinking about the last day of school he’d ever spent at Nantucket High. He and Margot had been voted “Best Couple” of the senior class, and to celebrate, he’d bought her a big bouquet of her favorite flowers—lilies mixed with roses. The bouquet had cost him an arm and a leg, but the look on her face when she’d received it had stuck with him all these years. She’d said, “Noah, I can’t believe it. You listen to me. You know what I like.”
He’d wanted to say, You’re the only person I want to speak to for the rest of my life.
It was hard to believe that Margot—the same person he’d given those flowers—was somewhere on the island right now.
It was hard to believe that she carried the same memories he did.
Noah drove downtown and parked outside a little coffee shop, where he tried to focus on a novel that he soon abandoned to people-watch. It was a bright and sunny day, and people walked with their chins lifted, taking in as much of the light as they could. Summer still felt eons away. They were like houseplants, reaching toward the window for all the sun they could find.
It wasn’t long after that Noah received a call from the moving company he’d hired to pack up everything from Avery’s bedroom back in Boston and bring it to Nantucket. He reasoned that bringing Avery’s belongings to her would add a touch of easiness to her life. Initially, he’d thought about taking Avery back to Boston so they could go through her things (and Mona’s) together, but he’d decided that sounded too difficult.
Of course, they could have done that after the wake—if Avery hadn’t skipped town.
He wondered if he would be plagued with the question of where she’d been forever.
Noah still wasn’t sure what to do with Mona’s things, so he had the same moving company pack up her belongings and take them to a storage facility on the outskirts of Boston. Maybe in a year or two, he and Avery could talk about going through them. But right now, they had to get Avery through high school. They had to focus on the present moment. It was a time of make-or-break.
“Mona,” he breathed into his hands, his coffee finished and his heart beating too quickly. “Why, why, why?”
But he couldn’t sit in quiet reflection for long.
Coming out of the grocery store across from the coffee shop, Noah spotted Lillian Earnheart. Her copper hair whipped around her, and her expression was sinister, as though she’d just given someone a piece of her mind. Noah was on his feet. It occurred to him that he hadn’t seen Lillian in what felt like years, that he hadn’t even run into her like this in quite some time. He knew that because he’d always gone out of his way to hide from Lillian. It had been easier that way.
How was it possible that he’d avoided her all these years? In Nantucket, it seemed you ran into everyone even when you were trying to resist them.
As he watched her, Noah was initially frightened that Lillian had “run away” again. He worried that Sam, Margot, and everyone else was out looking for her, cursing Lillian’s illness and their own inability to keep track of her.
But then, Margot Earnheart breezed out of the grocery store behind her mother, adjusting brown paper bags in her arms.
Noah was struck dumb.
There she was, the only girl he’d ever loved, casually walking down the street, glancing both ways, her hair flipping so that it stuck to her bright red lips. Lillian twisted around to say something else to Margot, something that was probably an insult. Margot hardly registered it. It was remarkable. Noah knew that she hadn’t seen her mother in twenty years.
Twenty years ago, after everything had happened. Twenty years ago, when the lives of all the Earnhearts had changed forever.
Yet it seemed that Margot had relearned how to be around Lillian Earnheart. She remembered how to take Lillian’s alienating comments and move on.
Noah was on his feet. He realized that Lillian and Margot were moving quickly headed for the corner. He knew they would soon dip out of sight. He couldn’t let that happen. As he tore out of the coffee shop, the bell jangled, and the barista called, “Have a great day, Noah!” But Noah was already halfway down the block. When he reached Lillian and Margot, he stopped short, realizing he looked insane. Lillian and Margot stood next to a car, and Margot searched her pockets, presumably for her keys. The paper bags of groceries were on the sidewalk at her feet.
“It’s like I always tell you. You forget everything,” Lillian said snidely.
Margot rolled her eyes and lifted her keys into the air, jangling them. “Ta-da!” she said. “Crisis averted, Mama dearest.” But as Margot crouched to pick up the grocery bags, her eyes fluttered left and up, and she spotted Noah. Margot shot back upright and stared at him. She looked like a deer in the headlights.
Noah stood and stared right back.
Lillian, though, was ready to go home. She’d already slid into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. “Are you coming?” she called to Margot through the window, her voice muffled.
But Margot seemed unable to move.
On the street between Noah and Margot, it seemed as though a silent yet intoxicating conversation occurred. Noah felt as though he was melting. Within her eyes, Noah thought he read something like, Oh, it’s you. Finally, it’s you.
But he couldn’t be sure.
He knew that he felt that, certainly. He felt like, Finally. I’ve been waiting for you all my life.
But it wasn’t like he could come out and say that.
So instead, he said, “Hi,” which was what you were supposed to say when you met someone.
She said, “Hi,” and touched her hair.
Noah’s heart thumped and thumped. This close up, he could fully reckon with how beautiful she’d become. She was a woman rather than the girl he’d grown up with. Her face was heart-shaped with thick eyebrows and deep, secretive eyes, and her neck was long, like a ballerina’s. There were faint wrinkles around her eyes. They seemed proof of thousands of smiles.
His only question right then was, How have I gone twenty years without you?
Lillian was calling out to Margot with confusion. “We have to go, Margot. You remember I’m playing cards later? Or do you only care about yourself and your schedule?”
A soft smile played across Margot’s lips. Was the smile meant for Noah?
“I’m sorry,” Margot said to Noah.
The sentiment struck Noah as completely honest and odd at the same time. What was she apologizing for? Her mother? Or their twenty years of separation?
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Noah said.
The air was heavy with emotion. Noah thought he was going to faint.
This time, Lillian began to tap on the window with her fingernail. Margot burst into nervous giggles and put her hand over her mouth. Noah couldn’t help but laugh, too.
“It’s just like old times,” he said.
Margot continued to giggle. Tears welled in her eyes. Noah half expected himself to say, I love you. But instead, he bit his tongue, reminding himself how insane that was.
“You know about Avery? About how she, um, stopped by?” Margot said finally, continuing to jangle her keys. Her mother tapped on the window again.
“Yeah. I’m sorry about that,” Noah said. “Whatever she ate, I can repay you or replace or whatever.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Margot waved her hand. “I remember being sixteen. I ate whatever wasn’t nailed down.”
“You weren’t as bad as I was,” Noah said.
Margot laughed, throwing her head back. They were flying together down memory lane.
Margot recovered quickly. “Is she okay? Avery? Sam said she made it back home.”
“Yeah. She’s at school. Well, I hope she’s at school.”
“Right.” Margot’s face fell. “I was sorry to hear about Mona.”
Noah wanted to remain in the giggly part of their conversation. He didn’t want to talk about Mona, but even that thought made him feel guilty. He matched her expression and glanced at the ground.
Mona had been dead for two weeks. It was impossible to get used to it. He imagined he never would.
“Avery’s all I got, now,” he said.
“She’s lucky to have you,” Margot said.
“I’m the lucky one.”
Again, Lillian rapped at the window. “Margot! My card game!”
Margot kicked her foot. “I’d better get her back home.”
“Right. Listen. I heard about the Alzheimer’s. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s awful,” Margot admitted. “Sometimes she knows what’s going on. Sometimes she doesn’t. It’s a miracle she made it this long without help.” She paused. “Sam is a lifesaver for calling me.”
“She really is.”
Margot reached for the door handle but maintained intense eye contact. “Mom’s playing cards at around five here in town. Do you want to meet for a drink?”
Noah didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, Avery would be home from school then. On the other, he couldn’t turn down Margot Earnheart’s proposal. It was physically impossible.
“Okay,” Noah breathed.
“Ralph’s?” Ralph’s was a dive bar on the outskirts of the Historic District. They hadn’t been carded when they were teenagers, which meant it housed perhaps a thousand beautiful memories, nights of underage drinking and kissing on the corner beneath the moonlight.
“Ralph’s it is.”
Margot slipped into the driver’s side and raised her hand before driving off. Noah watched her, suddenly terrified. There was a chance he wouldn’t see her for another twenty years. Please let her show up , he begged of the universe, heading back to his truck. Please, let me see her again .