Chapter 18
ELGIN
I wake up with a strange feeling this morning. The air feels different. It’s almost tense, but… not. At first, I think that something has happened. Has someone set my car on fire now? Has there been another threat?
Squinting through slitted eyes, I peek at the window. It feels like the sun should be hidden behind clouds, but it’s bright and clear out. I imagine there could be birds singing if I could hear through the windows.
I’m alone in bed, which is unusual. Except for the first morning, Ara is usually in bed with me.
If he’s not, it’s because he’s gone to the bathroom.
In fact, this is the first morning I’ve woken up in weeks when his hands aren’t on me.
Or inside me. I’m not on the cusp of an orgasm as I open my eyes.
But he’s not here. He’s not in the bathroom; when I roll over, I can see that the light is off.
It’s unnerving. I have a bad feeling about this.
In a strange way that I can’t explain, I feel rejected.
That’s what this feeling is. The way my chest feels tight, and my stomach twists with discomfort.
Ara not being here this morning feels… like an ending.
Despite the sunny day, gloom lingers over my shoulders.
There’s a part of me that wants to stay in bed and ignore it all. Maybe it’ll go away if I pretend that everything’s fine. Or perhaps I can sleep through today and try again tomorrow.
I don’t do either of those things. For starters, I’m a damn adult, and if Ara is finished with me, then fine. I’ll go home and move on with my life.
Forcing myself from the bed, I head to the bathroom to take a piss.
Since I’m in here, I take a shower. There’s still lube in my ass.
I can feel it as I walk. It’s… not the most comfortable feeling.
When I’m clean and step out of the shower, I’m expecting to find clothes on the vanity counter, just as they’ve been every single time I’ve taken a shower here.
There aren’t any. Ara hasn’t come back into the room and… I hate it. What is wrong with me? I don’t pine. That’s just… high school behavior!
Clean and dry, I make a stop in the closet to find some clothes. Because I’m feeling defiant and need to cover up the unexplained hurt I’m feeling, I put on the shirt that Ara hasn’t let me wear twice now. Then leave the bedroom.
The same man, with his gun pointed at the floor, is waiting with a “G’morning, Mr. Bolingbrook.” At least now I know his name. Sylvan.
Giving him a nod, I follow as he leads me to the dining room. It’s empty. “Where’s Ara?” I ask.
“He’ll be in momentarily. Just getting caught up on last night’s activities.”
“Was someone hurt?” I ask, facing him.
He nods. “Yes, but he’ll make a full recovery in no time.”
I offer a smile that feels entirely fake as I take the seat I normally do. Ara doesn’t join me for breakfast. It’s strange putting food on my plate all by myself. And that makes me feel like an idiot.
Breakfast is quiet. I’m the only one who eats. I don’t even hear chatter in the distance. Behind closed doors or down the hall. Everything is silent. Sylvan remains close, though even he doesn’t join me for breakfast.
“Where is he?” I ask when I’m finished. I’ve been sitting here for an hour now.
“He’ll be here momentarily.”
Same words. Narrowing my eyes at him, I ask, “Am I required to stay here?”
Sylvan smirks. “No, sir.”
With a curt nod and a slight glare at the ‘sir’ he tacked on, I march my ass out of the dining room and through the winding hallways until I’m standing outside the conference room, the guard on my heels but making no attempt to stop me or block my path.
The door is ajar. I can see the Van Doren logo bouncing around the giant monitor.
The room looks empty except for a single shadow.
I push the door open and find Ara as I had the first morning. He’s staring at nothing, his fingers drumming on the table. I can tell something’s bothering him, though. There’s the slightest crease in his forehead where his eyebrows are pinched.
Again, I get the urge to go back to bed and sleep through this day. I don’t want to know what happened. Somehow, I feel like it’s going to change everything, and I don’t want it to change. I like this. I can live the rest of my life with people wanting me dead. Not a big deal.
Before I can make up my mind to turn around and ignore the entire day, Ara sighs. His eyes pitch up and meet mine. My breath catches.
Sylvan backs away from the room, shutting the door. Ara gets to his feet and approaches; the quiet tap tap of his shoes on the polished wood floor sounds very loud today. I want to run; whatever he has to say, I’m sure I don’t want to hear it.
His hands land on my hips, and he pushes me against the wall, his body flush against mine. Once again, charcoal eyes bore into mine, and I swallow around the lump in my throat. I can barely hear beyond the sound of my own heart.
“We conducted a raid last night,” Ara says, and I inhale sharply. The corners of his lips twitch. “Everyone is mostly fine. There was one fairly serious injury, but he’ll recover.” I nod. Ara doesn’t continue right away as he stares at me.
His eyes drop to my mouth. He’s kissed me a handful of times, but I think it’s only when he gets caught up in the heat of the moment. Maybe he doesn’t feel them the same way I do—consumed by a fire that reaches every single nerve ending.
“They’ve been eliminated,” Ara says quietly. “Empire is no more. You’re… free to leave.”
My breath catches. No. No, no, no! I don’t want that at all! I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning.
Everything inside me shakes. “What if I don’t want to go?” I ask, my voice quivering. Ara’s eyes meet mine again. “What if I want to stay?”
He licks his lips, his eyes dropping to mine briefly before meeting my stare. “If you stay, I’m not letting you go, Ellie. I don’t give a fuck if you change your mind later. If you stay, I’ll never let you go.”
I nod. “I’ll take my chances,” I say, just above a whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think I really want to be here. With you.”
“As mine?”
I shiver at his growl. Fuck the way it streaks through my damn body. “Yes. I’m yours.”
His mouth is on mine in the next breath, consuming my soul. Possessing me like the demon he is. I groan, simultaneously trying to slow him down so he doesn’t devour me and pull him closer, so he does. My feet somehow leave the ground, so I’m struggling on my tiptoes.
“Just one thing,” I say, ripping my mouth from his.
“If it’s not to call you Ellie, you can fuck off,” he grunts.
I laugh. “No. I just… I’m still playing hockey. Just so we’re clear on that.”
Ara picks his head up and frowns at me. “What makes you think I’d not let you play hockey?”
“You’re an all-controlling alpha asshole who really wants to dictate my very breathing and shit. While I’m mostly cool with that, I’m not giving up my career. I want to keep playing.”
His head tilts to the side slightly. “Though I know the point of your statement is hockey—which, by the way, I support you entirely—but I’m stuck on one detail.” I raise a brow. “You have no complaints about me taking control of you?”
“Pretty sure this is going to get me in trouble, but… yeah, I don’t really care.
I’d like to breathe on my own terms, for the record, but as it turns out, I kind of like, uh…
” My voice trails off. I feel my cheeks flush.
Am I really going to say this out loud? Sighing, I say, “I kind of like when you take control.”
“So we’re clear, take control of what, exactly? Sex?”
Okay, now I’m burning. “Again, I feel like maybe I might regret this, but whatever. Take control of whatever. Except hockey. And you know, breathing. But I should also point out that there are things that go with hockey, too. It’s not just the games and practice and stuff.”
His look is still very intense. I squirm in his hold, his fingers digging into my skin. I’m going to be bruised. Not that I care much at all.
“I’m never letting you go, Ellie,” he repeats. It sounds very barbaric. Very caveman. While I’d love to point that out, his words take my breath away.
My breathing struggles at the way he looks at me.
“First, why the fuck are you wearing this shirt? How have I not made it clear that you’re not to wear it?”
I huff and roll my eyes. “It’s just a shirt. You said it’s yours and not an ex’s or a kill trophy. Why can’t I wear it? It won’t fit you, Ara. What’s the truth?”
He stares at me, and I’m surprised when it takes him a while to answer. His eyes bore into mine, but eventually, they drop onto the shirt I’m wearing.
It’s seriously nothing special. It’s a faded gray tee with a lightning bolt on it. I can’t imagine Ara ever wearing it. It seems so out of character.
“It’s my brother’s shirt,” he says after a minute. “He let me wear it when I was five, after I spilled grape jelly all over the one I was wearing.”
Out of all the things he could have said, that’s not what I was imagining. It’s sentimental.
“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that?”
Ara sighs, his charcoal eyes trapping mine again. “You expect me to tell you that I’ve kept my brother’s shirt for thirty-four years for no other reason except that he let me wear it and...” His voice trails off.
“I guess not,” I admit. “That’s sweet. I have one from my grandfather.
It’s heather blue and has yellow fish all over it.
He let me wear it for an impromptu sleepover, and I hadn’t brought any clothes.
I think I was four or five. I’ve kept it all these years, and it’s one of my most prized possessions now that he’s passed. ”
He nods minutely. “My brother is very alive, but yeah. Don’t wear this shirt.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. For the record, he couldn’t fit into it now if he tried, either. He was a teenager. All three kid brothers were screaming, and I was frazzled at all the noise, and… spilled jelly.”
“It’s cool that you have an older brother you love.”
He licks his lips. “I have a great older brother. I have great younger brothers, with one exception. My entire family is great.”
“This isn’t a competition, Ara.” I narrow my eyes at him.
He laughs, and I nearly groan. His grip on my hips tightens. Fuck. Is his voice always going to do that to me?
“We’ll be heading to my youngest brother’s wedding next week. You can see for yourself.”
“Regardless, it’s still not a competition, asshole. I have a great family too.”
“Good. I know how to bury bodies if they don’t treat you right.”
While his smile says he’s teasing, I also know he’s being honest. Suddenly, I’m really glad my family is wonderful. No darkness in my past.
“We have a lot to talk about, but right now, I’m going to make sure you know exactly what you’re agreeing to.”
Ara’s mouth is on mine. He has my hands locked above my head in one of his big hands as he shoves his other down my pants. I grunt into his mouth, a jolting shock of pleasure streaking through me, but he doesn’t release me. I’m at his mercy.
Completely under his control.
And fuck, do I love it.
The last of Jalon’s brothers is up next. Stay tuned for Kairo.