Chapter 17 #4
My mother steps closer, stopping far enough away that Valerius doesn't tense. "Valentina," she says softly. "I know you may not forgive me."
My throat aches. "I don't know how to feel," I admit.
She nods, tears shining again. "That is fair."
"I love you." I say. Her face breaks. "But I am so angry."
"I know." She looks down.
"And I need you to stop deciding what truth I can survive." I say.
She presses a trembling hand to her mouth. Then lowers it. "You're right." The words are small. "I will tell you what I know," she says. "Not all at once. Not because I want to hide it, but because some information is dangerous if spoken outside the correct wards but I will not lie to you again."
I want to believe her. I do. The little girl in me who used to sit at her feet while she braided my hair wants to run to her so badly it hurts but the girl I am now is standing with Valerius's hand in mine and a forbidden magic waking under her skin. That girl needs time.
So I nod once. "That's a start."
My mother accepts it like it is more than she deserves. Maybe today, it is.
We leave her office with more secrets than when we entered. Starfire. The fourth branch that was erased. A seal placed to keep me alive. My bond with Valerius breaking it apart. The council waiting like wolves outside every warded door.
Seren is still in the corridor, pacing hard enough to carve a path into the stone.
She turns the second we emerge. Her eyes search my face.
I don't know what she sees. She opens her arms.
I let go of Valerius long enough to step into them.
The second his hand leaves mine, the bond pulls. Seren feels me tense.
She glances past my shoulder at him, then holds me tighter. "I'm here," she whispers.
"I know." I whisper.
"Are you okay?" She asks.
I almost laugh. No, I am not okay. I am sealed magic and old fire and fated soul bonds and a daughter learning her mother saved her by breaking her life into pieces but I am standing and Valerius is behind me and for the first time, I know the emptiness inside me was never emptiness at all.
So I whisper, "Not yet."
Seren pulls back and studies me. Then nods. "Then we get you there."
Valerius says nothing but through the bond, his voice slips into me.
We will.
I look back at him. His expression is cold for the corridor. For everyone else but his eyes are on me and they are not cold at all.
That night, when we return to my room, neither of us says much.
There is too much inside the silence. He wards the door.
I change behind the screen. He checks the window.
I brush my hair. He sits on the edge of the bed.
I look at him through the mirror. Our eyes meet in the reflection.
For one heartbeat, I see the shattered gallery mirrors again.
The crown of fire. The silver-gold eyes.
The girl I didn't recognize but this time, Valerius is behind me in the reflection.
I set the brush down. "Do you think I'll become something terrible?" I ask.
He looks at me through the mirror. "No." The answer is immediate.
My throat tightens. "You don't know."
"I know." He nods.
"How?" I ask.
His gaze holds mine. "Because terrible things don't worry about becoming terrible."
The words sink into me. I turn from the mirror. He is still sitting on the bed, black shirt loose at the collar, sleeves pushed to his elbows, Shadowflame sigils dark along his forearm.
Dangerous. Cruel sometimes. Protective now. Mine, the bond whispers. I don't know which of us thinks it. Maybe neither. Maybe the bond itself has learned the word.
I walk to him. He looks up at me, no shield, only Valerius, tired and beautiful and afraid in ways he would rather bleed than name.
I touch his cheek. His eyes close. Just for a second. Then his hand covers mine. "Stay," I whisper.
His eyes open. "I'm already here."
"No," I say softly. "I mean stay. Even when it gets worse."
The room stills. The candles burn low. The bond waits. Valerius stands slowly, bringing us almost chest to chest. His hand turns mine, pressing a kiss to my palm so soft I nearly break.
"I don't know how to leave you anymore," he says.
The words hit harder than any vow because they aren't polished, they aren't romantic in a way he practiced. They sound like truth dragged unwillingly from the deepest part of him.
My eyes burn. I rise onto my toes and kiss him. This kiss is not like morning. Not tentative. Not searching.
It is anger and choice and fear and the truth that I am changing, and he's the one person who doesn't look away from the fire. His arms come around me. Mine wrap around his neck. The bond glows warm, not tearing open, not flaring wildly. Just surrounding us. Holding us.
When we finally lie down, he pulls me against him. I tuck my head beneath his chin. His fingers move slowly through my hair. I listen to his heart until mine follows.
Outside, Arcana Academy sleeps around its secrets. Inside me, Starfire waits beneath a broken seal, and beside me, Valerius Draven holds me like he already knows the world will come to take me.
His thought slips through the bond, dark and fierce.
Let it.
I close my eyes. For once, I answer without fear.
Let it try.