Epilogue #4
He keeps his hand against me. His other arm wraps around my waist. He presses his forehead to my stomach. The strongest person I know kneels before a life smaller than a breath. His shoulders shake. I place both hands in his hair. He's crying silently. The tears soak through my dress.
"I thought we would never have this," he whispers.
My own tears fall. "Neither did I."
"I thought surviving was already asking too much." His voice breaks.
"I know." Tears fall down my cheeks.
His hand spreads protectively. The bond fills with love so powerful it frightens me. Then fear enters. "What does this do to you?"
"I don't know." I shake my head.
He looks up. "What does it do to the bond?"
"We don't know." I shrug my shoulders.
"Can the child survive sharing your life?" He asks.
"She isn't sharing it." I answer.
"She?" He freezes.
I smile through tears. "I think so."
Valerius's face changes again in awe, terror, and joy all at the same time. "Are you certain?"
"No." I shake my head softly.
His gaze returns to my stomach. "She." The word sounds sacred in his mouth. Then panic returns. "We need Professor Vale."
"I already saw her." I inform him.
"You saw Vale before telling me?" He narrows his eyes.
"She confirmed it." I say.
"And Thorne?" He add.
"I needed someone to talk to." I explain.
"Your mother?" He asks.
"She knows too." I say.
Valerius stands slowly. "Who doesn't know?"
I consider. "The west wing."
He stares at me. "Possibly."
He drags one hand over his face. The old Valerius would have become angry. This Valerius knows anger is often fear wearing armour. He lowers his hand. "Why were you afraid to tell me?"
Because I knew he would love the child instantly. Because anything he loves becomes something he believes he must die protecting. Because I can't survive another beautiful sacrifice. "I thought you might see her as another way to lose me."
His expression fractures. The truth hits. He looks away. "I did."
The honesty hurts. "I know."
"For one second." He adds. "Then I felt her." His hand returns to my stomach. The fear remains but it no longer stands alone. "I don't know how to protect both of you."
"You don't." I say. "We protect each other."
His eyes meet mine. "Valentina—"
I cut him off. "No standing in front of me."
His jaw tightens. "No deciding my life is worth more than yours."
He looks guilty. "No sacrifices made in secret."
His mouth opens. I lift a brow. He closes it.
"We stand beside each other," I say. "That is what we teach her."
I close my eyes and put my hand on top of his laying on my stomach.
" We stand beside each other in front of her. We protect her together."
His eyes fill again. "Her."
I smile through tears. "She may have your eyes."
"I hope not." He says.
"They're beautiful." I smile looking at them.
"They attract poor decisions." He stands.
"One in particular." I laugh.
His mouth curves, he bends and kisses me gently.
His hand remains over our child. The Flame rises around us with warmth.
The bond opens up fully. I feel everything.
Valerius's joy and his terror. The future unfolding in impossible images, a little girl asleep against his chest, tiny hands reaching for Shadowflame, a child running down Arcana's restored corridors, my mother pretending not to spoil her, Eli teaching her dangerous Tempest tricks,
Luc quietly fixing everything Eli teaches her, Thorne placing a book in her hands before she can walk, my father absent from every image, Seren too. The joy catches on grief.
Valerius feels it. He presses his forehead against mine. "They should be here."
"Yes." I nod.
"I wish your father knew." He says.
"I told him." I admit.
Valerius smiles faintly. "What did he say?"
"He tried to name her after himself." I laugh through tears.
"That sounds like him." He laughs a broken laugh with me.
"And Seren would have been unbearable." I say.
"She would have taught the child to insult me." He laughs louder. "She would have taught her well." We laugh. The sound rises through the open tower. For once, laughter doesn't feel disrespectful to the dead. It feels like proof their sacrifices led somewhere.
The Eternal Flame shifts. Inside it, two shapes appear.
A man. A girl. Only for a heartbeat. My breath catches.
Valerius turns. The shapes dissolve before either of us can speak.
The Flame returns to gold and black. I place one hand over my heart.
The grief remains, it always will but it no longer feels like a locked door.
It feels like a room inside me where the people I love can rest. Simply part of who I am.
Footsteps sound below. Many footsteps. Valerius looks toward the staircase.
Eli appears first. My mother behind him.
Luc. Professor Vale supporting Thorne with one arm, though he looks deeply offended by the assistance.
Students gather on the lower steps. Then professors.
Healers. Builders. Friends. The people who survived.
The people who rebuilt. Our family, not by blood, not by branch, by choice.
Eli sees Valerius's hand over my stomach. His face explodes with triumph. "He knows!"
Valerius closes his eyes. "You told Eli?"
"He overheard." I say.
"I heard a sacred announcement," Eli corrects.
"In a memorial garden," Luc adds.
My mother approaches us. Her gaze moves between Valerius and me. "Are you all right?"
Valerius looks at her. "I'm going to be a father."
Her eyes fill. "Yes."
He says it again, quieter. As though the words must be repeated before they become real. "I'm going to be a father."
Thorne reaches the top step. "You will require supervision."
Valerius looks at him. "You congratulated me before I knew."
Professor Vale smiles. "I believe the child is healthy."
The room quiets. Valerius's hand tightens over mine. "Healthy?"
"So far." Vale nods.