Chapter 49
Malia
"You’re kidding, right?" I exclaim as soon as I step over the threshold of our so-called room.
It’s a tight, crammed place.
Claustrophobic even, with one tiny window on the far wall – which isn’t very far at all – covered by a lacy curtain one would find exclusively in the room of an old cat lady. Just enough light streams through the window to accentuate how dusty it is, the little particles glittering in the air.
The room is filled with one small wooden dresser and an even smaller bed.
One bed.
My eyes desperately flick around the tiny space in search of a hidden door that leads to something more or at least a pull-out couch. A chair would be fine too. As it is, there isn’t any space for even that.
"You’re exaggerating.
I think it’s charming," Keahi teases me as he steps past me.
He drops onto the bed while I stay rooted in place, my jaw nearly dropping at how okay he seems with this situation.
"There’s not even space to sleep on the floor," I say.
"Well yeah, Princess, that’s what the bed is for." I glare at him, which only makes him chuckle harder.
"There’s no way we both fit on that," I state.
"I guess we’ll just have to cuddle a bit."
"Now that I think about it, being kidnapped by the Dark Fraction doesn’t sound so bad anymore," I amend, making it Keahi’s turn to playfully roll his eyes.
I head to leave but only take a few steps before two arms wrap around my waist and pull me into the air.
"Keahi!" I shriek as he throws me onto the bed.
"You’re tired and here’s a bed.
This is as good as it gets, so stop being difficult." He covers me with the thin blanket we were given and lies down next to me on top of the sheets.
I scowl and scoot to the very edge of the bed, but our shoulders still touch as we lay on our backs.
No matter how much I try to curl in on myself to become smaller, Keahi’s always right there, touching me.
A glance over my shoulder confirms that the man doesn’t make the same efforts as me, lying on his back several inches from his edge of the mattress.
I huff and scoot a little further, almost falling off the tiny frame.
Before I can so much as make a sound of distress, Keahi catches me with one arm.
He pulls me to him until my back is against his front. He doesn’t make an effort to let me go, melting against me, so I think he plans on sleeping like this. I think the fuck not. There is no way I’ll sleep in his arms.
"Anything else will lead to one of us falling off the bed," Keahi mutters against my hair as if he knew I was about to rip him a new one.
"You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?" I sulk, deflating with the knowledge that he’s right.
"As long as you don’t, the answer will always be yes," he muses, and I ram my elbow into his stomach, causing him to yelp.
Then, as if remembering something, he throws his legs over the edge of the bed and sits up.
I turn to look at him.
"What? You’re leaving?" I ask hopefully.
He shoots me an unimpressed look.
"Have you eaten anything at all today?" he asks.
"Yes," I lie smoothly.
Stars, can’t we just sleep already?
"You’re lying," Keahi states before standing up.
"I’m not."
“Yes, you are.
I’m getting you something to eat since you are being unreasonably self-destructive.”
"This is ridiculous," I mutter without looking at him.
"I’m sleeping now, so shut up." He does, in fact, shut up, but I hear his receding steps rather than feel his body cuddle up to me again.
I ignore it, not even turning around when I hear the door close behind him. Or when it opens again as he returns a few minutes later. I pretend to be asleep.
"I know you’re awake.
Here." He throws a bun at me.
"You’re stupid.
You know that, right?" I scowl.
He crosses his arms, watching me unflinchingly, and I take an exaggerated bite of the bread as I hold his hard gaze.
"Happy?" I exclaim as I’m chewing, not bothering to use proper manners.
"Getting there." He takes a seat at the edge of the bed, looking at the wooden wall in front of him as the silence drags on and I munch on my dinner reluctantly.
"What’s it like to kill a Person?" he finally asks out of nowhere.
I choke on my bread.
"What?" I finally ask once I get my coughing under control.
"Sorry.
I’ve just been wondering.
You know, with the fight coming up and all."
"I’m not talking to you about this," I say harshly as the damn images of Seraphin I’ve been trying so hard to forget return to the front of my mind.
The metal stick as it slides through flesh and bone.
All that blood- so much blood. I shiver. I can almost hear the nasty sound my victim’s body made when it hit the ground. And there goes whatever appetite I had.
"Right, of course, you don’t have to.
You can if you want, but I won’t force you to open up.
I just thought that maybe I could prepare myself if I knew-" he cuts himself off. "Never mind, forget I said anything."
I want to just turn my back on him and pretend to go asleep or leave altogether.
But of course, I don’t.
I can’t when he looks like a damn lost puppy.
"I don’t think you can.
Prepare yourself, I mean." I keep my voice as cold and distant as possible, but I doubt Keahi buys my act.
He saw me the night I killed Seraphin, and he’s studying me too closely now.
"I don’t know what you want to hear.
It’s disgusting." There’s a pause as I try to pull my thoughts out of the hole they try to bury themselves in.
"It’ll be fine, though. You’ll just raise their nitrogen levels, so it’ll be like putting someone to sleep for you."
"How did you do it?" he asks cautiously.
I only huff at him, but I think even that comes out choked.
I avert my eyes and turn around, but he rounds the bed silently and takes my chin between two fingers, making me look at him. I grit my teeth and narrow my eyes, trying for my most menacing look.
"You’re delusional if you think I’ll tell you shit," I bite out, the invisible fist squeezing my lungs until it’s hard to breathe.
"It’d be good for you to talk about it." Is he kidding me? Can’t he see that talking about it, shit, even thinking about it is the last thing that’s good for me?
"It’d be good for you to shut up and go to sleep," I retort sweetly before rolling my eyes and yanking my chin out of his grip .
"C’mon Malia.
You won’t get past it if you keep avoiding it.
I can see how much you’re struggling with it right now. Just talk to me. Maybe it’ll help," he presses on, and something inside me snaps. He wants me to talk about it? Fine! I’ll talk about it.
"You want to hear how I killed that guy? Let’s start from the beginning, why don’t we? I let that slug shove his tongue down my throat and grope me to get that ridiculously small amount of information.
Then, I tried to leave because he was done talking.
Surprise, I didn’t even want to kill him.
"Letting me leave was in no way on his agenda, though, since he thought I owed him to finish what I’d started.
He tried to attack me, and blocking wasn’t efficient.
So, I panicked, scared I was about to get raped or killed or exposed to my parents, grabbed a chimney tool from the wall, and stabbed him through the chest. Yup, right through his rotten heart and out his fucking back.
"Is that enough information for you, Keahi, or do you want me to describe the sound it made? The way his face looked at the exact moment the life drained out of him, maybe? Ah, or is it the way his blood started covering me when I was lying on top of his dead body after clinging to my weapon too desperately you want me to recount? Tell me, Keahi, do you want me to dig a little deeper? Unlock the feelings I had that night to relive it more vividly?" Yelling this is all I can do not to break down.
Even so, there’s a tremor in my voice and an acid taste coating my throat.
I stand up to leave when Keahi speaks up.
"Don’t run.
That’s how we’ve always done it when something was getting too real and look where it has got us. Just this once, stay. Please."
Nothing’s keeping me from leaving.
Keahi is not blocking my path to the unlocked door, and neither is he holding me back.
I’m so close to my way out. A few steps and I’m through the door. Still, I don’t move.
"I’m sorry you had to go through that to help the academy that has done nothing to deserve your help.
So sorry that you had to let him touch you and fear for your life for what you think was not a lot, and I hate that you have to live with killing him now.
If it helps in any way, I think you did him a favor."
"Mh?" I prompt, still standing with my back to him.
"If you had let him live, I wouldn’t have.
Believe me, you did him a favor." I almost want to laugh at the conviction in his voice.
"So scary," I tease him and turn around.
I am in no way in a good mood, but at least I’m no longer the grumpiest person in the room.
"I’m serious.
For what he did -" He breaks off, shaking his head.
"No way he got off so easily. I’ll hunt him down in hell, first thing I get there."
"You think you’ll go to hell?" I ask, desperate for the change of topic.
"I will now.
Not that I’m likely to have a choice after the fight, but if I do, I wouldn’t dream of missing my chance to act out all the disgusting shit I’ve already planned for that guy." There’s a devilish smirk developing on Keahi’s face, one so unhinged I’ve never seen anything like it on him before.
And I find I’m not all too appalled by that.
"We should probably go to bed.
To sleep.
I mean, tomorrow will be exhausting if we don’t sleep now," I change the topic to halt my train of thought.
“Right.” He lies down and when I stay rooted in place, he asks, “You coming? I guess I have to.
I click off the light before stumbling onto the tiny bed with all of the grace of a mountain goat.
Keahi’s robbed of a pained breath as I land on top of him, but he quickly recovers while I’m swallowed whole by the flames of my mortification.
"Graceful as they come," he jokes before adjusting me as easily as one would a doll to hold me in the same position as before.
I hate how comfortable I find it.
"Good night, Princess,” Keahi whispers.
"Night," I reply grumpily, steeling my voice so it doesn’t betray anything.
I wake up before Keahi does and sneak out of our room, eager to put some distance between us after waking up in his arms.
The fuzzy feeling I got in my stomach as his breath fanned against my neck, his arm like a steel band around my waist, was enough to let me know that our constant proximity is messing with my head.
It’s too early for the group of the day to arrive, so I head for the library of the academy.
Memories and nostalgia course through me as I let my fingers glide over the bookshelves.
I get lost in the past, but it doesn’t trigger the wave of sorrow or anger I used to get when I thought about the academy while living at camp. Even if my chest feels a little tight, I appreciate the memories. I was so happy.
"Thought I might find you here," Keahi says softly from behind me.
"I didn’t mean to interrupt.
What are we doing?" I ponder it for a moment, then turn around with a knowing smile. His eyes spark with recognition, and his own lips tug up at the corner. "Ah, some things never change,” he muses and lets me pull him to the second floor by his wrist.
I step on the railing like I did three years ago and take Keahi’s arm for support, even though I don’t need it anymore.
I’m taller than I was back then and easily see out of the high window.
I close my eyes, lay my head back in my neck, and slowly loosen my grip on Keahi.
"Let’s not do that, Princess," he says lightly, but I let go, nonetheless.
Adrenaline is running through my veins, and I feel lighter than I have in years.
Free. It’s only when I register movement ahead of me that I open my eyes. I almost jump back when I find Keahi standing on the railing in front of me.
"I thought this was plain stupid?" I tease him, and he shrugs.
"Worst case scenario, I get injured and you’ll heal me again.
Let’s just say I like my options."
"Who says I’d heal you?"
"I know would.
You’re not done with me, remember?" he whispers smugly.
I narrow my eyes at him, tempted to push him off the railing just to prove him wrong.
When I step toward him, another urge takes over though.
I hate how this keeps happening, but I suddenly feel like I’m drawn closer by an invisible, unmovable force.
A string connecting us both by the chest, endlessly tugging despite my head trying to run interference.
Suddenly, I don’t care about my head’s protests.
Suddenly, I don’t feel like remembering the old mantra about holding on to my grudge in a death grip.
I tune out my head.
My face must be displaying my thoughts.
"We’re going to fall," Keahi breathes, although I can hear the need in his own voice.
I don’t listen to him.
I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to kiss Keahi up here.
How crazy my senses would go.
I take another careful step, my eyes locked on his. Now close enough to feel the heat radiating from him, my breath stalls in anticipation.
Before I know what I’m doing, my hands find their way to his hair at the nape of his neck, and I slowly start pulling him toward me.
"We’re going to fall," his voice trails off as I lean toward his ear, my lips brushing against its shell.
"Then tell me to stop," I breathe against his skin.
A shudder is the only response I get, so I leave a teasing kiss on his neck.
It’s nothing. The feather of a touch. A faint memory. Nothing but an idea. Yet it’s enough to break Keahi’s resolve and have tingles explode across my lips. His hands shoot out to grab my waist, and I nearly lose my balance.
"Don’t do that.
That’s how we’ll fall."
"Then don’t tease me like that," he growls.
Yep, growls.
His eyes are dark with an unfamiliar intensity, and I can’t help but smirk. As soon as I do, Keahi pulls me toward him, smashing his lips to mine. My body’s reaction is instant, my heart stumbling over itself and my skin tingling all over.
Keahi takes control of the kiss, and I comply, melting willingly into him and trying my best to match his pace as he ravages me like a dying man.
I can feel his desperation, his frustration, and the pent-up need that’s been kindling silently for years, long forgotten but never lost.
I know what he’s feeling because the same things are going on inside of me.
His hands travel down my waist, holding me impossibly closer as I arch against him.
My own fingers are buried in his thick hair, pulling suddenly when he grabs my ass, apparently forgetting our location.
I lose my balance, making us tip to the side for a breathless moment. Thankfully, it’s the right side, and we don’t fall down a whole floor.
Still, Keahi’s an idiot.
He lands on top of me with a force that drags a pained groan from me.
He curses under his breath before rolling off and lying down to my left.
"I told you we’d fall," he mumbles.
I sit up just enough to glare at him.
"It’s your fault we did," I state.
Instead of saying anything in his defense, he throws his head back to laugh, which I find unnecessarily attractive with the way his Adam’s apple moves.
I wait for the expected panic, the disgust at myself, but I turn up empty. My cells are still buzzing from the kiss, and I don’t long to get as far away from the reason for it as possible. No, I’d rather get closer.
"You seriously need to stop looking at me like this," he breaks the silence once he gets ahold of himself.
I only then realize he’s looking at me and done laughing.
I pull my greedy eyes from his smooth skin.
"I’m not looking at you like anything," I protest.
"You so are." He laughs.
"How am I looking at you?" I demand, and he props himself up on his elbows to get a better view of me.
"Like you want to rip my clothes off."
"Look who’s talking! I can literally feel you undressing me with your eyes!" I exclaim.
"At least I don’t lie about it," he shrugs.
"So, you want to rip my clothes off?" I’m not even sure how I should ask this question.
Accusingly? Snappy? Teasingly? I don’t know.
"Well, they are my clothes," Keahi points out.
I’m spared from coming up with an answer to that since he goes on.
"Do you admit you want to undress me?" he teases.
"Sorry, I don’t lie," I reply.
Keahi grins, slowly standing up.
Once he’s on his feet, I realize how much he’s staring down at me, and I follow his lead.
"You don’t want to kiss me?" He takes a step closer, a knowing smirk plastered on his face.
"Nope." I keep my voice neutral, but my body begs to differ.
What is wrong with me? Keahi muses and keeps coming closer.
He tucks my hair behind my ear, exposing my neck before trailing the back of his fingers down the curve of it.
"You don’t want me to pin you against that shelf?" he asks, pointing lazily to the closest bookshelf behind my back.
The palm of his hand is now lazily wrapped around my throat, his thumb stroking my skin, and my breath hitches. I do.
I just shake my head since my words have gotten stuck in my throat.
Keahi chuckles like he knows exactly what effect he has on me and starts leading me toward the shelf.
Our eyes stay locked so intently that I don’t even notice when my back hits the shelf.
"I know you’re lying," he breathes out, our lips only inches apart.
"All you have to do is say it."
"Dunno what you’re talking about.
I feel nothing." By his expression, I can tell I’m playing exactly into his hands, although I’m not sure how.
He’s smiling like a kid on Christmas, an excited, eager gleam in his eye. He brings his face to my neck, and my treacherous body acts on instinct, tilting my head to give him more space.
"Feel nothing, huh?" His breath against my skin is like the first warm touch of the sun’s kiss on a cold day.
I shiver in delight, so he tightens his grip on my throat.
"Nothing." But the slight crack of my voice betrays me.
Keahi leaves a few teasing kisses down my throat, each one leaving behind a spark of electricity before he starts sucking on my sensitive skin ever so softly.
I find myself leaning into it, and he gives my throat yet another squeeze as a warning to stay still. It’s like he’s completely in his element while I’m at his mercy. He chuckles before continuing to trail wet kisses down my neck and toward my collarbone.
"Still feel nothing?" he whispers without looking at me.
"Not at all." He starts sucking on my neck more intently, and a small moan escapes my lips before I can stop it.
That seems to satisfy Keahi enough, and he finally pulls away.
"You’re probably right," he says as if a switch was flipped, giving me whiplash.
"Anyway, I’ll grab breakfast then." He makes an effort to walk away from me, but I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him against me.
Our lips connect for the briefest of moments before Keahi pulls away.
"Say it," he demands, smiling as if he’s already won.
But there is no way I can tell him that I want him.
Or is there? I am way too stubborn, but he really knows how to play this game. He makes me want to give in.
"You can’t tell me what to do." That is what I lamely decide to go with.
Keahi smirks and tries to pull away again.
No way, not after how he just teased me. I turn the two of us around, so his back is against the shelf and my arms are caging him in.
"I am not done," I say, and his surprise becomes apparent.
He’s not used to this, good.
"You see, I don’t think you’re in the position to make demands. You want me too badly for that," I drawl while softly moving my fingers over his clothed chest.
"I do?" he muses in response.
"I know you want me really, really badly." I’m standing on my toes to reach his ear, trying hard not to feel embarrassed in my attempt to play his game.
I feel him stiffen and smile to myself, letting it fuel me.
"It’s killing you to hold back, isn’t it?" I leave kisses along his jaw and down his neck while my hands are playing with the hem of his shirt. I slowly slip them underneath the fabric and barely brush my fingertips against his warm skin. "Then don’t," I whisper.
His hand quickly finds my throat again and he pulls my face against his.
I’m up on tiptoes since he’s standing at his full height and somehow, the strain sits incredibly right with me.
He moves his free hand back to my ass and the one around my throat follows. Before I know what’s happening, he lifts me up, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist to bring our faces to the same height. One of his hands puts pressure on my back, so I arch against him, following his silent commands happily.
He sets me down on a nearby windowsill, making me realize that we had been moving without my notice.
I roughly run my fingers through his hair in an attempt to pull him impossibly closer while his roam my body.
But I still want more. I need more.
I move my hands beneath his tight uniform and run them over his back, my nails itching to dig into his untarnished, smooth skin.
His muscles flex with every movement he makes with his arms, which I now notice is a lot.
"Keahi? Are you in here?" A loud voice breaks us apart.
Shit.
Flint just entered the library downstairs. Keahi tips his head back and groans silently.
"What?" he yells down.
His hands stroke my thighs absent-mindedly, and I smile to myself.
Like an idiot.
"The last group is here." Flint sounds a little unsure, perhaps put off by the apparent irritation in Keahi’s voice.
"Tell them to start without us.
The others can explain it," Keahi yells, so I slap his arm.
We made a commitment and can’t just bail on them now. We’ll have time to do whatever this was turning into after the children are safe.
If we both make it through the battle, a traitorous voice in the back of my head says.
Keahi shrugs at me as if to say he doesn’t care about attending the last session, but I shake my head stubbornly.
He sighs before telling Flint we’re coming. Before he can make his way downstairs, I stop him quickly. His hair is a mess beyond repair, but I try to flatten the poofed up curls a little, nonetheless. Keahi smiles at me as I do so, and heat rises up my neck.
"Shut up," I tell him.
"I’m not saying anything," he points out as his grin widens.
I push him away and head down the stairs, where Flint awaits.
The man’s eyes flick back and forth between Keahi and me, but he doesn’t say anything. When our ways part as Keahi and I enter the training room, most heads turn toward us, but before I can ask for everyone’s attention, a familiar voice interrupts me.
"What on earth is she doing here!" Wystan breaks through the crowd, pointing at me as they demand an answer from Keahi without gracing me with so much as a single glance.
My fragile good mood instantly shatters at the pure, undeluded revulsion in my former friend’s voice.
"She is helping us against the Dark Fraction," he answers calmly, but they are having none of it.
"Bullshit! She is one of them! I saw her when she killed Dustin!" they yell, making murmurs go around the room.
I don’t care about the strangers, though, not with the void widening in my stomach.
"Wystan, I didn’t-" I start, but they snap toward me with a glare that makes me freeze.
They grab a handful of my shirt and bring their hand dangerously close to my face.
"Don’t try to lie to me.
You might have the rest of these fools convinced that you are some kind of hero in disguise, but I know better.
I saw you fight alongside them! Give me one reason not to kill you right now," they hiss, and I have no reply.
The hatred in their eyes is enough to fill that void in my gut with shards of glass, tearing me up, and I know they’re not joking.
They’d kill me in a heartbeat.
They hate me. Wystan pulls their arm back, preparing to hit me, but they’re suddenly pushed away. They fall to the ground, turning to glare up at Keahi.
"Are you okay?" I ask hastily as I offer them my hand for help, an old, pathetic part of my teen-self bubbling up inside of me to beg my old friend for forgiveness.
They slap it away and growl at me.
"Don’t touch me, filthy Shadow Handler.
I’m out of here." They get to their feet and storm out of the room, leaving behind a stunned crowd.
"Malia?" Keahi asks softly when I stare at the door Wystan just disappeared through unmovingly.
"What on earth was that?" I snap at him, glad to trade my lingering hurt for anger at someone I’m so used to directing it at.
"They were going to hurt you," he answers in a low, hesitant voice.
"So what? Mind your own business! I don’t need your help, especially since all you ever do is make things worse!" I’m keeping my voice low, but the malice is as clear in it as if I were yelling.
"Easy now, it’s not me you’re angry at," he tries to reason, but it only makes my frustration boil over.
"Oh, it is exactly you I’m angry at.
Just stay the fuck away from me!" I step away from him and turn to the group of adults, fuming.
"People of the same element, get together," I tell them, and our lesson begins.
I not so much as look at Keahi for the whole day and neither do I feel his eyes on me.
Once the adults start leaving, so do I.
I grab some food in the kitchen before going to our empty room.
I figured Keahi would come back to sleep at some point, but it’s now almost midnight and there is no sign of him.
I’m starting to get worried.
I did tell him to leave me alone, so what if he went to his house and something happened? It’s not safe there, and while I might insist I want nothing to do with him, I can’t say I like the thought of him getting hurt.
Despite myself and my protesting pride, I grab the old phone that came with the room and call him.
He picks up at the third ring.
"Yeah?" he demands, sounding slightly out of breath.
Why is he out of breath? Was there a fight? Is he injured?
"Where are you?" Is the only thing I ask.
Are you okay? I’m sorry.
Come back, please. By now, I’ve been able to admit to myself that he might’ve been right earlier today and that it wasn’t him I was angry at. Still, I can’t bring myself to admit it out loud.
"A friend has agreed to take me in, so I’m staying with her until this is over.
Don’t worry, I won’t bother you again." His words are bitter, and before I can protest, he ends the call entirely.
Damn. I’d like to be angry at him, but I was the one that pushed him away after all. Pushed him away right into the bed of another woman, apparently. Eteri, no less.
I haven’t seen her since I got back and he hasn’t brought her up, but I can’t help but wonder about their dynamic.
Did they get back together after I was taken? I swallow the ache growing in the back of my throat.
I’m an idiot. For forgetting myself and kissing him earlier, for yelling at him, and especially for feeling disappointed and jealous now.
I throw the phone against a wall and turn off the lights, already knowing I won’t get any sleep.