RILEY #3
I stepped forward, bumping my chest against his just enough to make his eyes narrow. “I wasn’t getting back at you, asshole. You took your golden ticket when you could. Why shouldn’t I put myself first, then?”
“I never said you shouldn’t. But we could have talked about it. Instead, you just cut me out.” He frowned, causing a small amount of fresh blood to trickle on the outer side of his eye.
“How is that any different than what you did to me?” I whispered, the same old feelings from years ago choking me now. I stared into his eyes as my own brimmed with rain and tears. “We’re fucking cursed.”
“Dammit, Riley,” he said, biting his lip as the corners of his mouth pulled down.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that I left.
It was never about you. Except, when I left you, my entire life got worse.
” Cam looked down, partly in shame and partly to conceal his eyes from the downpour.
“I thought we were too young. I didn’t want to be in love with you because I saw in my own house how falling in love ended.
Smashing the fucking plates so often that we ended up with a cupboard full of single-use plastic plates.
I thought all couples got there in the end. ”
I bit my lip and waited, my heart splitting for the boy he had been.
“I just wanted to run away,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I just wanted a better life. But when I got there, I realized you were the only good thing I had in my world. But it was too late.”
“You could have…” I choked on the words and never finished that sentence.
“Called?” He shook his head. “Christ, Riley. I was so embarrassed that I failed. I left the only person I ever cared about for nothing. Do you even know what that does to you?”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. All of me caught onto the fact that I had been the only person he’d ever cared about.
“I lost my chance with you, then,” he said.
“There was no going back. Until Coach Murray invited me. I knew, Riley. I fucking knew you were the captain and I knew we’d be at each other’s necks because we had some unresolved issues.
But I still jumped at the opportunity before he had a chance to even finish his sentence.
It’s like this massive black hole inside of me was finally filled when I saw myself coming back.
” He shook his head, pulling away from me by a few inches.
“It took me longer to see it, but I feel like part of me knew it. Part of me knew that you were what made me feel whole.”
Rain poured over my face, concealing my tears well enough now that they streamed down my cheeks. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know,” he said, moving his shoulders and arms in a big, open shrug.
“Maybe that you’re way stronger than I could ever be.
I left you for three years and look at you.
The best fucking thing that happened to hockey in the entire tri-state region.
And me? Not even two weeks and I’m a wreck, Riley.
I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t live with the guilt of leaving you behind when you were all I needed.
You were all that made me happy then and I abandoned you.
I didn’t know better, I swear. I’d never make the same mistake again. ”
“Cam,” I whispered, far too choked with emotions to speak. “But we’re going to get drafted. What if…?” I trailed off.
“So?” he asked. “I don’t care how it works. I just want to be with you. Do you hear me?” He stepped closer, his wet clothes touching mine and rain pouring down on us. “That’s my condition, Riley. I’ll make everything else work. Somehow. But I have to be with you.”
My mouth worked silently for a moment or two. “Why?” I managed.
“Because I love you,” he said. It dropped between us like an anvil and I wanted to rewind the clock and hear him say it for the first time again.
My heart tripped and he looked into my eyes.
“I love you, Riley. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. And more than I could ever love a sport. It’s you, then everything else. ”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, grabbing his wet shirt and pressing my lips hard against his.
The only energy left in me went into minding his split eyebrow while I kissed him, his mouth hot on my cold lips.
We kissed deeply as we shivered, both with excitement and grief over the fight we’d had.
Guilt and rage faded away under the blazing light of this kiss.
“Do you really?” He whispered after we kissed, placing his hands on my face and his brow against mine.
“You know I do,” I said. “I have always loved you, Cam. Since we were boys tripping over our skates.”
He laughed and sobbed at once. “I don’t have a clue why you would, but I’m so happy that you love me, too.”
I clung to him, my future rewritten in front of me. Us. Hockey. Jason Manning representing us both for the same state, if not the same team, or representing neither. Life together. Somewhere. Anywhere. “God, I love you.”
“It took losing you twice for me to see it,” he said. “But you, Riley, are what makes my life worth living. Everything else is just details.” If he would risk it, I would risk it. I would follow him anywhere.