Chapter Five
CADEN
The emergency team meeting was scheduled for Sunday evening and I paced my room on Sunday morning with a rising sense of dread.
When did things get so complicated? It felt like a month ago everything had been normal. But now, the world has gone wild. I didn’t know my place in it. I was spiraling out of control.
Sawyer stopped by my room early, knocking once before marching in. “I’ve only got a minute,” he said. “Noah’s waiting for me. We’re heading downtown to sample every gelato they have in Scoops & Sweets.”
“Oh. Wow. You used to go to keg parties,” I said, half surprised and half worried someone had kidnapped Sawyer and replaced him with a sentient plush toy in disguise. “Okay. What’s up?”
“What do you mean? I’m here to ask you that. What the hell is happening?” he asked.
I spun in my chair to face him better and shrugged. “Apparently, some of the guys are unhappy with how things are.”
“No shit,” Sawyer said, sitting on the edge of my bed. “And?”
“And it looks like they blame Beckett and me. I guess we’re going to discuss how to deal with this whole…
situation.” I licked my lips. This felt too close to nervousness.
I didn’t like it. And I wasn’t going to admit any wrongdoing.
My life was stolen from me when all I’d earned was handed to Beckett.
“How to deal with it?” Sawyer asked, incredulous. “As in, will one of you have to back off?”
“Or step away,” I suggested. I didn’t hate the idea of Beckett taking a leave.
But I disliked the thought of being compelled to play by Beckett’s rules.
I didn’t know what the true climate was.
Apparently, it was not as black and white to everyone as it was to me.
I’d thought that the whole team understood that Beckett was the problem.
Sawyer checked his phone, tapped at the screen quickly, and tucked the phone back inside his pocket. He ran a hand through his hair the way he always did when he was confused. “I don’t know what to say. What do you need to hear? I’ll say that.”
I snorted. “It’s fine. We’re just gonna share our thoughts tonight. Participation is mandatory. Say what you believe and that’s it.”
Sawyer winced. “I don’t know what I believe.”
That made me laugh. “Then agree with someone who speaks before you, man. I don’t know. If you all gang up on me and kick me off the team, I’ll hunt you down one by one. But, no hard feelings, right?”
Sawyer grinned, then pulled his phone out. The screen was already alight.
“You should go. Your man’s gonna get worried.” I winked at Sawyer, pretending I wasn’t freaking out. My future had never been more uncertain. It was an odd sensation after believing I’d hit rock bottom.
“This isn’t Noah,” Sawyer said quietly as he texted. “I should have realized you wouldn’t reach out and intrude. I’ve been too busy to notice.”
I frowned. I had no idea what he was talking about.
Sawyer pressed the ‘send’ button, then looked up at me. “It’s Riley.” He turned his screen around. “He’ll wait for you at the Daily Grind Café. I said noon’s fine.”
Heat rose into my face and my throat closed for a moment. I regained some control over myself. “You…”
“Yeah,” Sawyer interrupted. “I figured you should talk to him. And I just realized that you’re too nice to call him yourself. He’s not that busy, by the way.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I blinked, dumbfounded. “Sawyer, that’s really…kind.”
“Who would have thought, huh?” He cracked a smile, then hopped onto his feet and slapped my shoulder. “Wish me luck, now. I have a big bet on cookie dough being the best flavor. Noah’s set his mind on lemon, of all things. I’m not sure our relationship can handle this.”
I laughed at that, but my ears were still buzzing. I’d set Riley aside in my thoughts. I missed him, but I didn’t want to unload on him. We texted now and then, of course, but I’d never shared the details. I was always more curious about his life.
Sawyer left me just enough time to prepare and make it in time.
I reached Daily Grind three minutes before noon in a bustling area of central Detroit.
Cafés were dotted down the narrow street and trees lined the sidewalks, providing plenty of shade.
It was near enough to one of the larger streets that there was always traffic to keep the shops and cafés busy.
Riley Brooks, the former captain of the Arctic Titans and a friend, stood in the line at the cash register when I got there.
When I entered, he turned at the sound of the bell above the door.
With a broad grin, he tapped the shoulder of a man who’d stood behind him and swapped places.
Then, he walked up to me with arms spread. “Dude, I missed you.”
He embraced me in a brotherly hug that threatened to crush me. When he let go, we were both smiling. “I missed you, too.”
“Let’s order first. Afterward, I’m gonna kill you for not telling me that shit’s hitting the fan,” he said kindly.
And that was what we did. Well, minus the killing part.
When our sweetened coffees were handed to us, we sat by the window with a view of the street, and Riley cracked his knuckles. “What the hell is happening?”
I’d told him about Beckett’s captaincy immediately, but I had never told him how I truly felt.
Now, I released a sigh that carried more than just the air from my lungs.
It had all the weight of the burdens I’d carried for the past three weeks.
“I don’t even know where to start. I guess I should first say that I’m sorry I kept all this from you, but I…
” I shrugged, and my throat was sore. “I don’t know what I’m doing there anymore. ”
Riley nodded and waited.
“I don’t know if I want to stay on the team. Hell, I don’t know if there’s enough love for hockey in me to make me care.” My lips twisted in a mixture of disgust at my words and sadness that it had gotten this bad. “It’s like he ripped it all away from me. All he does is gloat.”
“Fuck, that’s a lot to unpack. Are you seriously giving up?” he asked.
I shrugged. “What else am I gonna do? I’m obviously sidelined despite my skill.
Why should I waste my time and energy — and, let’s be real, my body — to play second fiddle to some Partridge asshole?
I think I might be done with the Titans, Cap.
” The word fell over my lips and sparked a wildfire of nostalgia.
Riley smiled at it, but he was no longer my captain.
“It was so much better when you were there,” I said. “I can’t tell you how much I miss you.”
Riley pinched his lip and pulled it in thought, then released it and looked into my eyes. “You never minded that I was the leader, Caden.”
I thought about it for a heartbeat or two.
“True, but following you felt right. It mattered. You were fair and determined, and you motivated everyone. It was a privilege to assist you. Now? I don’t even know what I am.
My status is undetermined. Apparently, I’m just a big sulk, gossiping about Beckett to everyone who would listen.
That’s how they see me. And, honestly, I… I can’t blame them.”
Riley winced. “And what’s he like?”
“Blunder after blunder. He’s complaining whenever someone stays out late.
He’s acting like he’s an example of responsible behavior.
The guy who dated two girls at the same time, got drunk, mistakenly invited them both to the same date, then forgot to show up.
” I would have laughed if it wasn’t so goddamn like Beckett.
It had his name all over it. The girls showed up and hit it off, realized they’d been fooled, and dumped his ass.
He later told the story with a very proud smile on his face.
Beckett Partridge was someone who bragged about shit like that.
Riley laughed, though. “I heard he was the last drop for both of them. They started dating after that night. I don’t know if they’re still together.”
That was funny, at least. Beckett was a lesbian awakening to not one but two people. I wished I knew what that made him feel. He’d probably just brag about being the best matchmaker in town and using it to hook up with other girls.
“Lately, he’s been making some pointed comments, too,” I said reluctantly. “I mean, it’s true that I don’t care what anyone thinks at this point. I’ve been, ah, seeing guys more lately, and Beckett’s…I don’t know. He’s using it against me.”
Riley frowned. “That’s none of his fucking business. Do you want me to have a word with him? I will.”
“No, no,” I blurted. “That would just make things worse. He’s not exactly bullying, but it’s getting close.”
Riley shook his head heavily. “He’s never been homophobic about me. Hell, he was thick as thieves with Cam. I’m not sure what his deal is.”
“I think it’s just me. He has no filter with me. He says things like, ‘Do you have to advertise it?’ or ‘Do you have to shove it in my face?’” Riley winced, and I continued. “Yeah, it’s the same homophobic shit that kept me in the closet until now.”
Riley nodded. “You shouldn’t put up with it, Caden. Draw the line there, or he’ll just get worse.”
I thought about it, then leaned back in my chair. “And about his captaincy? Do you suggest I let go?”
Riley sucked his teeth. “I don’t suggest anything.”
I folded my lips for a moment. “But you don’t think I’m doing the right thing.”
Riley lifted his hands shortly. “If you can’t put up with it, you can’t put up with it.
But I know your worth. And so will the recruiters.
I think the Titans are your best shot. You’ve joined that team with a purpose.
It wasn’t just to lead them, but to be part of a team.
To be a cog in a machine. Each and every last one is crucial. But hey, it’s just my opinion.”
I swallowed and filed his words for some serious consideration.
I wasn’t going to reach a decision now. Perhaps I really should just leave the Titans.
Perhaps I will be kicked out tonight. It was odd how soothing it was to imagine having that power over the outcome.
To think I could leave on my terms was a leverage I had.
It calmed me. But when I imagined getting kicked out tonight, it broke my heart.
Was I that toxic? It was the same outcome, but the one who dealt the blow made all the difference.
They couldn’t vote me off, but I had already imagined how this would play out. They would tell me to step away. If I refused, they would bring it up with Coach Murray. His hands would be tied. He would have a mutiny on his hands and I would be the quickest solution. The only solution, actually.
“If I were in your shoes,” Riley said slowly, carefully, and pursed his lips.
The eye contact was intense for a few moments.
He inhaled, then dropped the heavy stuff.
“I would do one for the team. I’m sorry.
I’m no help at all, and we might have different goals, which is fine.
But if it were me, that’s what I would do.
Stay and fight. You’re not the captain this term, but you still have plenty of opportunities to prove yourself.
And agents don’t just search for captains, either. ”
I swallowed my protests. Riley was saying what he would have done. And it worked for him. But my situation was different. Everything he said was correct, except that Coach Murray and Beckett Partridge stole something from me. They made me feel worthless. They made all my hard work mean nothing.
And I wasn’t sure I had it in me to let that pass.
We sat a while longer, catching up as old friends would.
Riley and Cameron rented a place together when they got recruited.
Life together wasn’t without challenges, but Cameron was fierce, passionate, and protective.
Riley tried sounding annoyed by it, but he failed.
The smile was audible, even if it wasn’t visible.
For this one moment, it was nice to just sit with a friend and talk about this. It was nice that he’d taken the time, even though he insisted he was glad to see me and that this wasn’t an intrusion. I guess I needed to get that through to my head.
And when our conversation was over, I felt better about everything. Not that I was any closer to a decision. I only knew I would be content with either outcome.