Avery
Chapter Fourteen
I promised myself it wouldn’t affect anything outside of my heart. The gash he had left in my chest was mine to carry, but it wouldn’t hinder my friends’ chances in the rink. Even if it meant skating out to see Grayson.
For a night and a day and a night, I licked my wounds. I was alone by choice, so I wasn’t ashamed to cry. And when the tears dried up, blissful nothingness wrapped me in its arms.
The murmurs my heart gave at every action I took were almost something I could live with. They would pass, Sawyer had told me. “It hurts now,” he had said on the first night when I had called him over. “It hurts because it was real.”
“It wasn’t,” I had told him, barely able to keep myself whole. “That’s the point. Nothing was real.”
My friend had shrugged and put an arm around my shoulders. “What you felt was real.” And that was all the difference. Grayson Reed could be a liar and a trickster, a playboy and a daredevil, a joker and a cheat, but I had fallen for him hard. I had fallen for him like I hadn’t for anyone before.
Not only had I trusted him with my body, but I had shared my life, my hopes, and my memories with him. And all along, he had expertly played his part, keeping me on a leash like a vanity trophy dog.
My fingers trembled in the locker room on Friday evening.
I looked at them before putting on my gloves and wondered why.
Why was my chest so tight? It felt like an oncoming panic attack.
Grayson was in the same building. He was in the locker room on the other side of the rink.
He had undressed there and geared up. He had probably rubbed elbows with Spencer, maybe even laughed at me.
Or were they fighting? Grayson had been furious with his best friend, although I wasn’t sure if that was only because Spencer had ended the game Grayson had played with me.
I was on the verge of spiraling when a strong hand clasped my shoulder. “Are you good?” Beckett asked. He wore the sullen expression I had known since I had first met him. Anger simmered in his eyes. Beckett wore his anger openly, not caring who was offended by it.
I gave a stiff nod. “I can do this.”
Beckett shook his head. “That’s not what I’m asking. I know you can play.”
I rolled my shoulders and inhaled a deep breath of air. The faint scent of sweat and musk filled the locker room. “I will be. Eventually.”
Beckett’s hand moved to the back of my neck. He brought our heads together and looked into my eyes, reflecting the same hurt and anger that I felt. “We’re gonna show those motherfuckers who they were messing with, A.”
I clenched my trembling hands.
Before I could say a word, Beckett pressed his lips against my forehead, giving me a caring, brotherly kiss.
He had never been particularly affectionate, and he definitely made a great joker, but his words filled me with the courage I had lacked.
And his gestures made me feel like there could be a life after Grayson Reed. I still had my friends.
Sawyer was the next in line to offer encouragement.
He was oddly cool as if he was trying to control himself.
I wasn’t sure what had upset him or if that was the emotion he was trying to contain.
He had told me in a tight voice that he had my back.
I hadn’t seen him looking so sulky and broody since before he’d met Noah.
A worry uncoiled in my guts. Were they fighting?
I’d heard that the first months of moving in together were the hardest test for any relationship, but now was not the time to ask him.
We would celebrate after the game. I would ask him at the Thinker. And I knew it would be a celebration rather than mourning. I was going to give my heart and soul to this game. I was going to make Grayson Reed regret he had ever picked up a stick and put on skates. I was going to destroy them.
Beckett gave a little speech about loyalty.
He riled us all up, brought our blood to boil, and sent us out to show the fuckers that their parents made a mistake when they brought them into the world.
It was almost funny and a touch inspiring to see the competitive spirit mixed with the personal insult they felt.
The entire team felt wronged. How dare he hurt one of our guys?
I felt this thought bound us all together.
Except, I hadn’t anticipated how hard it would be to see him.
Two days. Only two days had passed. My teammates were the only thing that held me together when I saw Grayson.
The asshole had the nerve to look even better with that deadly serious expression on his face.
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen him without a touch of a smile on his lips. Not until now.
His gaze went to my face and my heart lurched.
I looked away and someone’s gloved hand gave a clumsy squeeze around my arm.
It steadied me and I looked at Grayson again.
His lips pressed into a tight line. He watched me until he couldn’t watch me any longer.
His gaze dropped to the smooth ice in the rink.
When the game began, my Titans were like dynamite.
It was carnage from the first minute. Had we been warring tribes, nothing would be left of the Breakers.
Their campfires would have gone out, their treasures looted, and their lives lost. This was as close to it as it could be.
Doing a fine balancing act, my teammates charged against the enemies just hard enough to scare the hell out of them but kept it civil enough not to get sent to the sin bin.
I was wrapped in this madness. My blood simmered, my face burned, and I scored more than a few points.
It was Beckett’s courtesy to ensure the right openings for me, and I seized every chance I had.
I felt vindicated, if only a little, whenever I saw the bitter disappointment rippling across their faces.
The second period was tamer. Coach Murray urged us to strategize.
“Brute force will only get you so far before they get together and fight back. You scattered them, now be smart.” He outlined a few tactics that Beckett agreed were wise, even though our captain didn’t hide the fact he was disappointed. He was out for blood.
And so was I. More than once, I saw an opportunity to engage Grayson and not be gentle about it.
Part of me was tempted to do it, to hurt him like he had hurt me, but he was smart.
Whenever we were even close to a collision course, Grayson disappeared in a different direction, even if it meant hindering his team’s chances against us.
There were moments when he could have given into it, could have played my thirst for revenge, but hadn’t.
That coward.
My heart murmured with pain. How could you do this to me?
But I didn’t get a chance to ask. Not until the third period when Beckett dropped all pretenses and let his bloodlust drive our tactics.
As the minutes ticked away, sweat poured down my face.
I struggled and fought and clashed with Cole on more than one occasion.
His face shifted between determination to win the game and a desire to say something.
He had witnessed my life being torn apart.
Not his fault, but I detested the fact that he had been present to see my weaknesses and my failures.
I hated that he had watched the world fall around my ears.
I wouldn’t say I took out my frustrations on Cole. I would have been harsher had it been Spencer, the gloating fuck, or Grayson, the liar. But the need presented itself together with the opportunity, and I slammed Cole against the boards. It was only as hard as it needed to be.
He grunted.
“Good?” I growled, just to be sure.
“Yeah.” He pushed himself back. He looked into my eyes and folded his lips, then spun away from me.
When I felt the weight of a gaze on the back of my neck, I turned to see Grayson slowing down. He looked like he was in pain.
In the next heartbeat, everything went wild. Spencer and Caden clashed, drawing Grayson’s attention away from me. Beckett had the puck, taking it across the rink with Asher dashing by his side, abandoning his position to assume mine. It was madness, but I had failed to keep myself focused.
Grayson didn’t get to turn around quickly enough.
He crossed into Sawyer’s space, as he had probably expected Spencer to send the puck his way when a chance showed itself.
Sawyer, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate.
Even though Grayson presented the threat, Sawyer was swift to meet him.
He had always been the fastest among us.
Despite his smaller frame, he was the perfect goalie, moving as swiftly as a cobra, he struck out.
The bloodshed that followed had nothing to do with hockey.
My heart cracked even when I thought it couldn’t break any further.
Sawyer slammed into Grayson, yelling profanities.
The crowd booed and the referee and coaches exploded with shouts and warnings and demands to stop this madness, but Sawyer tackled Grayson on the ground and wrestled for power.
“You fucking asshole,” he spat. “You hurt my friend. You hurt my best friend. I’ll fucking kill you. ”
Grayson didn’t move.
He didn’t even try to fight back.
If it was a power play to make Sawyer stop, it failed.
But I wasn’t so sure. He took a hard punch to the side of his ribcage, gasping, but his limbs were locked to the ice even though I couldn’t see how Sawyer was pinning him down.
In truth, it was a poor attack, and Grayson had several ways to fight back.
I didn’t know what I was doing until I found myself throwing my stick away and grabbing Sawyer’s shoulders. “Stop,” I yelled. “Stop hitting him.”
Sawyer’s rage ran wild. He cursed and gave Grayson another gut punch, making the traitor exhale sharply.
Jordan appeared next to us, helping me drag Sawyer off of Grayson.
For all the tackling, he hadn’t hit Grayson that many times, but even this was too much.
He risked his career, he risked his scholarship, and so much more.
I was furious with him when I stumbled and fell to my knees next to Sawyer.
“Don’t do this,” I commanded him hoarsely. “Stop!”
“He broke you, A.” Sawyer’s voice quivered with rage and sorrow. It matched precisely what I had been feeling for the past two days.
The referee was with us, yelling, but a buzz of adrenaline filled my ears. Sawyer was sent off the ice, which he did with his head held high. The boos he received broke me even more, but then I turned to the crowd flocking around Grayson.
Fear spread through me like wildfire. It was as though the chaos had helped me keep my walls intact, but now it was gone. And with the chaos, my shield disappeared. My love, I thought, then felt a stab in my chest. No more.
I approached the crowd of players from both teams as Grayson slowly straightened. His eyes were red, and a trickle of blood came from his nose. No more than I’d gotten on several occasions playing, but enough to make me want to cry.
I sucked in a breath of air while players shouted around me, demanding, explaining, and threatening. I wanted to know if he was alright. Grayson looked through the crowd and straight into my eyes.
He didn’t blink. He held my gaze for one long moment, then turned away slightly. “I’m fine. Just clumsy. Nothing happened. Nothing happened!” He pushed his guys back. “Give me some space.” He passed through the crowd and away from me, repeating that nothing had happened.
What the fuck was wrong with him?
I looked around. Coach Murray was red with rage. Sawyer was on his way to the locker room, brimming with fury, listening to Coach Murray’s lecture as they went. And Grayson was yelling at everyone to calm the fuck down because he had started it.
It wasn’t what I had seen. With all the love I had for Sawyer, I had to admit he had exploded unprovoked.
I saw Grayson talking with his coach and the referee, but both men shook their heads angrily. Coach Murray was pointing a finger at Grayson and the group, yelling something at Sawyer.
Beckett swept in and grabbed my shoulder. “He got what he deserved,” he ground through his teeth.
“What’s happening?” I asked. I had to shout as the crowd grew louder. Some cheered, others booed. “What’s gonna happen to Sawyer?”
Beckett blew out a long breath of air. “He got ejected from the game. He’ll sit out a few, I guess.
But I wish it was me.” He looked into my eyes, and I didn’t doubt him.
Then I searched for Grayson in the crowd, and he looked like he was fighting several people at once, all of whom were probably telling him he had done nothing wrong.
A minute later, we resumed the game, although nobody was sure of what was going on. Emotions were too wild in me to let me pay attention. I knew a few things; Grayson returned to lead the Breakers against us, Coach Murray sent Oliver to replace Sawyer, and we lost.
Although most of the Breakers cheered and celebrated, I saw Grayson sulking and sliding away. He looked over his shoulder while his teammates yelled, whistled, and cheered, and he looked at me for a moment. He wasn’t bleeding, he wasn’t bruised.
Sawyer was almost tearful with anger when we got off the ice and found him.
He apologized countless times to Beckett and the entire team for costing us the victory.
To be fair, we had been slacking in the second period, and the victory had been growing less likely with each minute.
That was what Beckett pointed out to the whole team in the locker room.
“We were already losing,” he said loudly enough for everyone to stop and pay attention.
“It’s not an inspiring thing to hear, boys, but it’s true.
You all saw it. What Sawyer did wasn’t right, but in my book, he’s still a hero.
He stood up for our friend. I think any of us would have been proud to do the same. ”
Although my teammates didn’t erupt in cheers, a murmur of agreement rippled through the locker room.
I headed straight to Sawyer. “Why?” I growled. “You could lose everything.”
He met me with defiance. “He had it coming. Better it happened here where you guys could stop me.”
Chills ran down my spine. I wanted to shake him.
“Never do that again, Sawyer,” I said in a tight voice.
“He could have fought back. He could have hurt you. You’ve no idea how strong he is.
” I barely knew the extent of his strength, too, and only because he had lifted me and carried me and tackled me in passion so many times.
Hot tears shot into my eyes and I pushed those thoughts away.
“Promise me,” I said. Don’t hurt him, I wanted to plead, but I didn’t want anyone to know how deeply my love still burned and how much I cared.
Instead, I found words as heavy as boulders and pushed them over my lips. “He’s not worth it.”