Sebastian #2
“Give me a break,” I begged, my voice tight as Eryn’s hand squeezed mine harder.
“I’m not going to some sick conversion camp run by psychos.
You’ve been poisoning me long enough. I am bisexual.
I love girls. I love guys. I love one in particular more than I love life itself.
And I lost him because of you. You turned me into a freak.
You wore me down until nothing was left.
You,” I snapped, pointing my finger at Dad.
“And you.” My finger cut through the air to find my mom.
“You said it yourself,” Dad said, hopeful for some fucking reason. “You can find a nice girl. Everything else…it’s the Devil’s work, Sebastian. You have to see. He’s twisting your heart and your mind. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I was done. Squeezing my sister’s hand one more time, I pulled away from the dining table. I didn’t know what my next move was, but I knew I couldn’t stay here anymore. “That’s not how anything works, Dad,” I whispered and turned away from them.
“Eryn. Go to your room. Adults are talking.” Michael was snappy as fuck, but Eryn obeyed, not because she had to but because she followed me out of the dining room.
Protests from Mom reached me, whimpering pleas for me to change my mind, and Dad was threatening vaguely to cut me off. As if I didn’t expect that already.
Finally, as I reached the top of the stairs, the true weight of what I had given up crashed down upon me.
It was heavy enough to crush me, to flatten me, to push me tumbling down the stairs.
I had given up the only light in my life because those people downstairs had spent their lives making me feel worthless.
So what if I didn’t score a contract? So what if I didn’t have an agent or good results? Plenty of people were unremarkable and still deserved love. Why shouldn’t I?
Eryn caught up with me in the hallway. “You better go. Mr. Morgan’s home by now. He’ll let you stay there, I’m sure.”
“I can’t go to Tyler’s place,” I whispered as I hugged my sister with more gratitude welling in me than I could pour into words.
“I’ve got some cash,” she said. “You can get a motel room.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I’ll go back to Northwood. I’ve got my place there.”
“And until then?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I’ve got it all figured out.
” I held her close to hide my face and all the doubts.
I will be sleeping on a bench tonight. I might go to the airport, somehow, and wait for the earliest flight, hoping I could afford the price difference and exchange my ticket.
I had no plan, but I had the sense of freedom I hadn’t felt before.
“You take care of yourself,” I whispered.
Eryn snorted. “They don’t care what I do so long as the dishes are done.”
I gritted my teeth.
“It’s a good thing,” Eryn promised. “They won’t stop me from leaving when I enroll somewhere.”
“I’ll help you,” I said, and I meant it as a promise. “I’ll find a way.”
“You should go before they lock all the doors,” Eryn whispered.
They wouldn’t, I thought, and then I realized I knew nothing about those people there. They might as well try and lock me up until I was well and truly straightened out.
I kissed my sister on the cheek and rushed into my room.
The few things I brought with me were scattered on the chair and the bed.
I stuffed them into my duffel messily and hurried out of the house.
Mom’s whimpers and sobs reached me from the dining room and Dad was lecturing them about the virtues and sins.
As usual. Eryn saw me out, giving me one last hug before pushing me away and hurrying back inside.
Once I crossed the front yard to the street, I knew what I wanted to do next. I knew what I always wanted. There was no place on this planet where I wanted to be more than next to Tyler. I didn’t care where so long as it was next to him.
But two days ago, I had shut that door in a way I doubted I could open again.
My legs carried me in the direction of his house, but doubts welled in me more with every step.
When I was near the corner, I had to decide whether to go forward and sleep on some bench or turn left and take a chance. Would he slam the door in my face? I couldn’t blame him if he did. I had told him everything had been a lie. I had told him I no longer wanted him.
Fool, I snapped at myself.
Even trying to put myself in his shoes broke my heart. I’d done the unthinkable. Unforgivable. Unforgettable.
Or is this my dad talking? I wondered.
I needed to see him and ask him to forgive me. That was what I needed to do. And if I waited to see him at Northwood, it would only make things worse. But I wasn’t going to hope for more than that. How could he love me after I’d pushed him away so cruelly?
After taking a deep breath, I made my decision.
I would go to Tyler’s place. I would ask him to forgive me.
I would explain everything and he would understand.
Who else, if not Tyler? And then, I would lift my head high and accept whatever he gave me.
If he hated me, it was my own doing. If he sent me away, I wouldn’t protest. The least I could do was tell him the full truth and accept the consequences.
For once, I wasn’t going to be a coward.
I forced my left leg to move first. As I made three paces forward, a hurried figure stepped from the shadows into the pool of light from a street lamp. As I stepped into the same wide circle, we both paused.
“What are you doing here?” Tyler asked. He was out of breath. He looked at my duffel. “What happened?”
I opened my mouth, stunned, and only managed to reproduce his words. “What are you doing here?”
He clenched his jaws and looked into my eyes. He stood a little straighter. “I’m coming to get you.”
Stunned silence tied my tongue. “Wh-what?”
Tyler put on his bravest face. “I’ve been thinking about you for days,” he said, his voice thick with some emotion I couldn’t name. It wasn’t anger. “About what you said. And I refuse to believe you.”
“I lied,” I managed to stammer out.
Tyler’s expression crumbled for a moment, hurt showing briefly before he smoothed his face out. “You said that already. I don’t believe you. There’s something else and I’m not letting you off the hook until you tell me.” He frowned again at my duffel. “Are you going somewhere?”
He wasn’t moving to close the distance between us. Of course. It was up to me to close the distance if I could. To build a bridge rather than burn it. “Tyler, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I don’t…” I shook my head.
“Something happened,” he stated, eyes narrow.
A shudder passed through me. As I exhaled, Tyler made one small step toward me.
I shook my head again, trying to sort through my thoughts.
When I looked into his eyes, everything seemed simpler.
“I was such an idiot,” I said. “Look, I don’t expect you to listen to me.
You don’t have a reason to believe a word I say, but I swear, I thought I was doing the right thing.
” As desperation welled inside of me, I dropped my duffel, my fists balling.
“I wanted to push you away because I’m nothing without you, Ty.
A lifetime of hearing how I’m falling short of all the great things my brothers achieved messed with my head.
And seeing them now, hearing all the bullshit coming from their mouths…
I believed them. And they’re right about one thing.
I failed. I failed so fucking much. College, hockey, relationships.
I failed you, Tyler. I thought you’d be better off without me. ”
Tyler licked his lips and cocked his head to one side. “I figured it was something like that.” He shook his head in disappointment.
I couldn’t bear disappointing him and yet that was exactly what I’d done.
“It’s the truth,” I whispered, then found my voice.
“They took away the last shred of confidence I had, but it’s not all their fault.
It’s mine. I feel like…like I don’t deserve you.
If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even gotten this far.
You should probably just forget about me. ”
Tyler rolled his eyes. It hurt like hell, but I deserved it. It was the least I deserved.
I nodded. “I understand if you don’t want to see me. I’ll, uh…” What would I do? Find a room near campus and hope washing dishes in some kitchen would cover the cost? I really was lost.
“I was coming to rescue you, Sebastian,” Tyler said.
He dropped that piece of information like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
He might have been saying the sky was blue.
“I knew there was more to it than what you were telling me. You always do that. All the time.” A note of despair was in his voice and I was completely alert.
“When are you going to start believing the things I tell you? Because when I say you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, I fucking mean it.
I’m not just flattering you. Why would I ever give you empty compliments? ”