18. Separate Ways （Worlds Apart）
Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)
The Emails
Next Day
S eptember 5, 1998
Arden,
You and I are in a FIGHT!
I was going to get her one of the little metal swing sets myself. Instead, I pull into our driveway to discover a freaking PIRATE SHIP playground on my front lawn.
The SHERIFF saw it and pulled me over to ask where it came from and how I afforded it. :( The man has never stopped looking for an excuse to harass me.
The thing is almost as big as the trailer I live in! Of course people here are curious. It’s the kind of thing you’d see on a rich person’s lawn.
Do you want someone poking around and finding out about you? If so, this is exactly how you get your wish. Then the press will show up here, digging around in my life.
I can’t tell you to take it back because Bronnie would be heartbroken. She’s been walking around pretending her finger is a hook and answering every question with, “Argh, matey!” all night long. You’ve put me in a position where I have to keep it or be the bad guy and break her heart.
You had no right to do something like this.
A stuffed hedgehog and flowers on special occasions are one thing. Christmas is different.
You can’t just give us something so expensive out of nowhere. I looked up the cost online, and I’m mailing you a check from my savings to cover it. (It cost as much as my used car did, Arden!)
If I pay you, then when people ask, I can say I bought it without lying. YOU’RE the one who said I’m bad at lying. I have to make it “true” that I bought the ship or no one will believe me.
I feel like your equal when we’re talking about our regular lives. But that pirate ship on my front lawn reminds me that the scales between us are wildly unbalanced.
I know your heart was in the right place, but next time, tell me your idea, and I’ll figure out if I can afford it or not.
I can’t send your boys a pirate ship. But watch your mail for a package. Bronnie and I made you guys chocolate chip cookies as her “thank you” for your gift. They’re made with extra love—which means Bronnie licked the spoon then stuck it back in the batter before I could stop her.
Sincerely Ticked Off, Charlotte
Same Day
S eptember 5, 1998
Charlotte Miller,
You are my equal. There is no “feeling like it.” It’s a fact.
I’m sorry my gift upset you. That was never my intention. I realize this may sound arrogant, but I want to put things into perspective for you.
The cookies you made for us took hours of your time. You went to the grocery store for the ingredients. You spent time mixing and baking, then you packaged and mailed them.
In comparison to your time and effort, my gift was nothing. It took me less than a ten-minute phone call to make the arrangements, and the cost was about equal in significance to me as buying a cup of coffee.
I wanted to make you both smile. And, I’ll admit, I was worried about Bronnie’s hanging habit. If I could give her something that would discourage climbing over deck railings, then I wanted to do it.
But I should have spoken with you first. For that, I apologize. It didn’t occur to me that your neighbors would be curious about it. I have no experience with life in a small town, and I didn’t realize that it would look out of place.
Calvin Marsh has resigned from his position in Blackwater effective immediately. A company with no obvious connection to my family offered him a change of career that he was, apparently, too greedy to refuse. Rumor has it that Marsh signed contracts with a twelve-year term.
Early severance could also subject Mr. Marsh to fees he could find extremely prohibitive if he happened to sign a legally binding document agreeing to those stipulations. It’s generally best practice to have your lawyer go over a contract prior to signing terms. You’d be surprised how many people don’t even think to do so.
Did you know that, per contract, some employers establish the right to relocate their employees to whichever of their locations they deem most appropriate? I find that interesting.
Coincidentally, I hear Marsh’s new company may have opened a satellite office thirty miles outside of a tiny town in Alaska today.
Is the tundra far enough out of the crosshairs?
Trust me, Charlotte. When I know what I’m working with, I can usually find a solution.
Re: the pirate ship on your lawn, I’m asking you not to send that check. Please. It was a gift for Bronnie, and I’ll feel rotten if you take money out of your savings account to cover it.
Your “tell” when lying is a rise in pitch. You also tend to lift your fingers to your mouth, and you shake your head a small amount, as if your body is disagreeing with your words. Those can also be an indication of being nervous. Not everyone who does those things is lying. Context matters.
I suggest you tell people that the ship on your lawn is none of their business. But if you can’t, pay attention to your pitch and body language. Don’t fidget. Tell the story to yourself backward without elaborating on it until you can do it smoothly. Anticipate questions and practice your answers.
And, yes, I realize the irony of a man who spends his career catching people in lies telling you how to do it effectively. But you’re not a criminal, and you have a right to your privacy.
Use the knowledge wisely. With great power comes great . . . you know the rest.
Also Ticked, Arden
PS: Please forgive me. Also, thank you for the cookies. I’m looking forward to them. Also, I won't be telling Henry about the extra love.
Two Minutes Later
September 5, 1998
We’re still on for our phone call tonight, right?
Love, Arden
One Minute Later
S eptember 5, 1998
Yes, of course. Also, that kind of power would be (hypothetically) concerning, Arden. However, I am, of course, over the moon to learn about the sheriff’s good fortune.
Love, Charlotte