1. Clem January 3, 1883
Dearest Mother,
Father says you are watching over us. He says you can see us from the spirit realm, and see everything that we are doing.
If that’s true, then you must see me, writing this.
You must have seen how much snow fell on New Year’s Eve, and you must have seen the dinner we had without you that night.
You must have seen how I hid in the bedroom to cry. And all the times before then.
You’ve seen everything, I think, from the moment you left.
I’m sure you have. But, as you always said, appearances are deceiving.
So perhaps you don’t know that I hide in the bedroom not because I’m ashamed, but because I don’t want to make things harder for them.
Rosetta has not been well. She is still too little to really understand what it means for you to be gone.
She understands it for a time and is sad, but then she forgets and asks Father why he won’t read to us as usual, as if anything could continue as usual.
Father is lost without you. When I see him looking out the window, staring as if waiting for something to happen, I feel so afraid.
I feel that he is lost somewhere, and that he might not come back.
You would know what to do to help him.
I opened the long letter that you left for me, but as soon as I saw your handwriting I could read no further. I can’t yet—I just can’t. Soon I will. I wish I could feel your arms around me and know that everything will be well. I miss you so much, Mother.
All my love,
Clem