Chapter 21
Casey
He was right.
Everything changes.
Things move fast after that night. I want to press him on a thousand different things but Declan practically disappears from my life.
We move into the Whelan family house so that he can be close to the center of power, and I’m practically forgotten.
I’m stuck in a series of rooms I barely recognize, surrounded by staff I don’t know, and caught feeling both unwanted, foolish, and totally useless.
I keep showing up for work. Every morning there’s a Whelan family driver waiting for me at the curb. I keep thinking this will be the day when Declan finally decides to come into the office, but instead I’m left at my desk all day with nothing to do.
I’m not sure how I feel about it.
Part of me thinks it’s better this way. Let him drown in his family’s business. The man kept important pieces of my life from me. Who knows what else he’s hiding?
But another part of me misses him. A stupid, insane part of me, but still. I miss his taste and his arms. I miss the way he calls me Ms. Brennan and orders me around like an asshole.
I actually miss Boss Bastard. Which is patently insane.
I find myself wondering what Natalie would say about all this. Probably something snarky and hilarious. She’d be able to make me see my situation more clearly. Or at least she’d be really funny about it.
But now that she’s gone, it’s like I’m trapped on an island.
I can’t turn to Sheila for help. She’s been a part of this farce for years. I’m not sure exactly how involved, but it’s clear she’s at least known about my connection to the Whelans.
And I don’t have any other close friends. It’s always been Natalie or nothing.
Which leaves the Whelan family.
Declan’s brothers aren’t any help. Cormac and Seamus are both married and have their own families to deal with. They’re hardly ever around. Finn seems nice enough, but he’s distant and aloof. I don’t really know what to think about him.
My only chance at learning more about my situation is Declan’s mother.
She’s an incredible woman. In the days after her husband’s death, it’s clear she’s suffering immensely, but she hides it extremely well.
There’s a constant flow of well-wishers coming through the house, most dropping off flowers and meals and condolences.
Siobhan greets them all like old friends and acts like she’s got hours to spare for each and every visitor.
I suspect she’s also helping Declan cement his hold on the family’s illicit business, but they typically hide all that from me.
My chance comes the night after the funeral.
It’s a long day. I stick by Declan’s side through it all, but we don’t get much of a chance to talk.
There’s the mass followed by the graveside service.
After that is the luncheon, a massive affair with hundreds of guests.
Declan disappears into back rooms for the majority of it and only emerges for a quick drink and a word with his brothers before wandering off. He hardly glances in my direction.
I do what I can to ease Siobhan’s burden, though.
I run interference for her, help with logistics, and make myself as useful as possible.
The day turns to evening, which turns to night, and I end up finding her sitting on the back patio all alone with a half-empty bottle of wine at her elbow and a glass clutched between both hands.
“I’m sorry, did you want to be alone?” I hesitate, caught between wanting to give her some time to grieve and needing to talk to her.
But lucky for me, she only gestures at an empty chair. “Sit down. It’s probably better if I’m not alone.” She pours me a glass and pushes it over. “But you have to drink.”
“I can handle that.” I take a sip and watch her. Siobhan’s eyes are bleary and exhausted. She’s clearly tipsy, maybe even drunk. “I’m sorry about your husband. From everything I’ve heard, he was a good man.”
“You know what I loved the most about Padraig?” She stares off into the darkness of the small yard.
“He was a family man. And I don’t mean the business.
He loved his boys ferociously. Anything they needed, he’d find a way to give it to them.
He didn’t spoil them and did his best to help mold them into the decent men they are today, but he also wasn’t some vicious asshole like other Clan fathers sometimes are. ”
“I can’t imagine the pressures in your world.”
“Nothing about this life is easy.” She swirls her glass thoughtfully. “But it’s good. We do some good anyway. We help our own. He always cared about that. There’s the greed and the violence, but he believed in balance. Helping his people. Taking care of his own.”
“How do you think Declan’s handling the transition?”
She glances at me with a sly smile. “Worried about your husband?”
“I don’t know,” I admit honestly. “All this is so new to me.”
“He’ll be fine. There will be long, busy days for a while, but he’ll be fine. Nobody’s better at dealing with boring fucking Clan business than Declan.” She grins to herself and takes a long sip.
Definitely drunk.
“Can I ask you something? About me and him?”
She raises an eyebrow. “Why not? I bet there’s a lot you’d like to know.”
I suppress a shiver. “I was promised to him.”
“You were. Padraig negotiated that deal. Your parents were strong people. They were clever and ambitious. We got along well.”
“You knew them?”
“Somewhat. We had a few dinners and visits. Nothing deep. But yes, I knew them. Your father was funny and your mother was sharp. They made a good team.”
A deep sorrow hits me. I haven’t felt sad about my parents in a long, long time. Their death is just a part of who I am now and not something worth feeling sad over anymore. Except hearing Siobhan describe them tugs at something in my chest.
“I wish I knew them better. I still don’t understand why they’d make a promise like that to you all, though.”
“Things are different in our world. We take marriage and family very seriously. You would’ve been given a choice…
” She trails off, lips pressed together in a wry smile.
“But it wouldn’t have been much of one. After your parents died, everyone assumed the deal was over and done with. Except for Declan.”
My eyebrows raise in surprise. “Why didn’t he let it go?”
“Oh, who knows? My oldest has always been the most troubled and emotional of all my boys.”
I try not to laugh at that. “He doesn’t really strike me that way, honestly.”
“That’s because you haven’t tried to look closely yet.” She shakes her head at me, and I feel slightly ashamed of myself. I remember him sitting on the edge of my childhood bed, his body tense and slumped like a whole planet was perched on his shoulders.
“I still don’t get why he’d care about me.”
“You were so young when your parents died. He kept his distance, but he made sure you had what you needed. Maybe out of some obligation. I don’t even understand it.
For years, that’s all it was. He made sure you were financially secure and thriving, but otherwise kept his distance.
I figured it was a nice thing he was doing for you, at least until you got older. Then things changed.”
My stomach twists. I have to cover my nerves by drinking more. Siobhan refills her glass and sighs as she stretches her legs. “What changed exactly?”
“He got more interested in you. I kept telling him to leave it alone. He did well, making sure you were taken care of while you grew up, but the deal was long gone. You owed him nothing. But that boy doesn’t listen to anyone but himself.”
I can’t help but smile. “I know that all too well.”
“It was around the time you went to college. I think he realized you were grown and not just a girl anymore. And I think he decided he liked the woman you had become.”
“Around college…” I say softly as the gears begin to turn in my head. “How exactly did he get involved? I mean, after I left for school, what was he doing?”
Siobhan frowns slightly and looks at me. For a moment, I think she’s going to say something, but it’s like she realizes with a start what she’s doing. Instead, all she does is shake her head.
“You’ll have to ask him,” she says vaguely, waving a hand in the air. She pushes back from the table and gets to her feet. “I think it’s been a long day, my dear, and I should get some rest.”
“Of course. I’m sorry I bothered you, it’s just that—”
“Goodnight, Casey.” She pats my shoulder lightly. I want to call her back. Desperation fills me. What changed after I went to school? What was Declan doing?
He realized I had become a woman…
Dread fills me. I drink down my glass and feel my heart pounding in my ears.
There’s more she didn’t tell me.
Suddenly, a string of misfortunes and failures suddenly makes sense, and a nauseous terror rolls over my body.