Chapter 10 - Ava
The thrum of shame follows me wherever I go.
I can’t believe how quickly and powerfully the heat overtook me and how I behaved.
It’s not as though I don’t physically want Ronan—he was my first, my only lover.
I don’t even want anyone else, which is laughable, because he doesn’t feel that way about me.
He had already been through half the girls our age before he even bothered with me.
I doubt he’s changed in the years I’ve been away.
I’m not even sure why he chose me if he doesn’t want to breed me.
He could have knotted me two days ago. It’s not as though I didn’t want it, either.
Goddess, I’d never craved anything so much as I did in that moment, the need so strong and wild inside me that if he’d just pushed me down and taken me, I would have thanked him for it.
And yet, he left. He left, and I was left with a body that wouldn’t cool off, a hollow ache that had nothing to do with being unbred and everything to do with longing.
Not for the knot. Well, not just the knot, but for something heavier, darker, more permanent, too.
I should be grateful. My heat’s not even fully peaking.
I tell myself it’s the only reason he didn’t knot me, that he’s waiting for the right moment to maximize his investment, as if I’m a harvest to be timed.
But I know my scent has always driven him crazy.
He’s not immune to me, not really. The way his hands shook when he pinned me, how his cock twitched and pulsed against my lips, how his breath was shaky right before he came…
it wasn’t indifference. It was a restraint.
And that makes it worse, somehow, that I wanted it more than he did.
That he could walk away, and I was left empty and ashamed.
Ashamed because I should have been able to escape by now. I need to rescue Sophie from my parents, not stay here craving Ronan’s cock. What kind of mother does that make me? An omega mother. Imagine if he knew he’d already bred me.
I could tell him about Sophie. Surely, he wouldn’t want to leave her with my parents, but how would I explain why I’d come back here and left her behind?
To kill him? I’d be instantly labeled a traitor; no alpha would stand for that.
What if he banished me and took Sophie anyway? I just need my little girl.
I push open the kitchen doors that lead out onto the deck. It still feels strange, and wonderful, to be able to go outside, but I know it’s a false sense of freedom. Ronan told me the perimeter is magically rigged—for my own protection, apparently. Can’t have an omega in heat wandering the streets…
Even though I know he’s right in a way, looking out at the boundary of the yard only makes me feel more trapped.
Being able to walk around outside but not break into a run and head straight for Sophie breaks my heart.
I slump down onto one of the seats on the deck and simply stare at the tree line, wondering what the hell I’m going to do.
My heat hasn’t even peaked yet. When it does, I’ll be trapped in a breeding haze until it breaks.
Can I escape then? What if I’m pregnant?
Ronan won’t let me just wander around, will he?
I don’t hear Emily until the deck creaks under her sneakers. I startle, nearly toppling off the chair, and for a moment, my wolf bares her teeth in pure, helpless panic. Emily freezes, hands up, as if I might attack.
“Sorry, sorry,” she says, and smiles. She’s carrying a canvas tote with the logo of the town’s general store, filled to bursting. I want to ask her how she got in here without me noticing, but the answer is obvious. I was too busy wallowing to see straight.
“I brought you more stuff,” she says, dropping the bag on the table and sitting down across from me. “I can’t believe Ronan doesn’t even use proper shampoo. How do men do their hair using shower gel?”
She seems so aghast that it’s hard not to smile. “Thanks, Em, I appreciate it. My hair appreciates it.”
She waves her hand, brushing my thanks aside. “I’m using Ronan’s card,” she laughs. “He hasn’t got a clue what women need.”
I smile again, but I can tell it probably doesn’t quite reach my eyes. The weight of my thoughts is almost overwhelming.
Emily is one of the only people I’ve ever met who can sit in silence and make it feel intentional, a gentle kind of pressure that never feels uncomfortable.
She starts unpacking the tote, arranging the bottles on the table in a silly parade, lining them up before digging out a pack of chocolate bars and a magazine.
The thoughtfulness of it all makes my throat tighten.
She picks at the corner of the magazine, then glances up at me, her expression suddenly serious. “You look sad,” she says. It’s not an accusation, just a fact. “Is it the heat? I read somewhere that for some people it can make us feel, like, extra emotional.”
I shake my head, unsure how to answer. “Not really. I think I’m just…overwhelmed.”
“Because of being here, or your family?” Emily asks, her voice gentle but not prying. “You must miss them. Even if things were…hard.”
It takes me a second to realize what she’s probably talking about.
I’d been hoping she’d forget about the photo, the way I’d snatched it from her hand the day before, the way she’d said, she looks just like you.
I thought I’d done a good job of burying the awkward moment, but perhaps she noticed more than I wanted her to.
I focus on the magazine, flipping through the pages without seeing a single word.
“I don’t really miss my parents,” I say, which is true in a way that makes my skin crawl.
“But I miss the idea of family. The idea that I could just…belong somewhere.” I manage a weak laugh. “That’s pathetic, isn’t it?”
Emily shakes her head so fiercely her hair falls forward in a shining sheet.
“No, it’s not. I mean, I miss my dad every single day, and he wasn’t exactly, you know, soft.
He was an alpha through and through. But I still miss him.
” She looks at me, something bright and fierce in her gaze.
“I think we’re supposed to want that. Family. ”
I fight back the tears that spring to my eyes as Emily, probably quite unwittingly, speaks straight to my heart. I manage a nod and a smile as I continue to flip through the magazine, willing my tears to dry.
“I can’t stay long today,” she says suddenly, glancing at her watch with a sheepish cringe.
“I have to cover at the library for a friend this afternoon. But if you want, I can come back tomorrow. We could, I don’t know, hang out, maybe watch something dumb, and eat all this chocolate?
” She gives a hopeful, small smile, like she’s expecting me to say no.
It’s tempting to shut her out, to keep my walls up, but I find myself nodding. “I’d like that,” I say, and the words surprise me with their honesty.
Her smile widens, and she claps her hands together in a silent cheer. “Yesss. I’ll bring the good snacks and a movie, and we’ll make a whole thing of it.”
I try to actually read the magazine after Emily leaves, but my heat and thoughts of Sophie make it almost impossible to concentrate, so I decide to explore the yard and see where the perimeter ends.
I’m not sure what my plan is or what I hope to achieve, but I need to know there’s at least a potential way out.
Walking the boundary, I’m almost back at the house when I notice a figure moving around the side of the property.
Assuming it’s Ronan, I don’t panic right away, but soon, the figure steps out into the sunlight, and I see it’s not Ronan at all.
It’s Maddox—a wolf from my childhood I’d rather forget.
He’s even broader than I remember, with a square jaw and close-cut dark hair.
His eyes are sharp, almost cruel, and his smile is the kind you wouldn’t turn your back on.
He’s wearing a leather jacket over a shirt that probably cost more money than I’ve ever known, and he moves with the lazy confidence of an apex predator.
I freeze, my first instinct to turn and run, but something in his gaze holds me there.
“Well, well,” he says, drawing out each syllable.
“If it isn’t the prodigal omega.” He looks me up and down, his attention lingering a little too long on my chest, the curve of my hips.
I can feel my skin flush as if I’m standing naked in front of him.
“You’ve grown up, Ava. Didn’t think you’d have the guts to show your face around here again. ”
I bristle, wrapping my arms around myself and taking a step back. “My parents were the traitors, not me.”
He grins, and it’s all teeth. “Sure thing,” he says, sauntering closer and lowering his voice. “Your heat really is quite intoxicating, isn’t it? That’s not why I’m here, though. You know, I hear things. Things I don’t like. Everyone’s got secrets, after all.”
I don’t like where this is going one bit, but I don’t say anything. I just stand there, stunned as he steps even closer. “Do you ever think, maybe, you’d be better off leaving? Now?”
Is he reading my mind, or is he threatening me? I can’t even tell. Something flashes in his eyes as he waits for my response. I don’t even have time to work out what he’s trying to say before I hear a male voice on the deck. “What the hell are you doing, Maddox?”
I spin around and see Ronan’s beta, Jacob, walking down the steps, looking enraged. “You know better than to be here,” he snaps as Maddox puts his hands up in mock surrender, smirking as he steps back.
Jacob’s voice is cold, and the lazy confidence of Maddox’s posture disappears.
His smile tightens and then falls away entirely as Jacob approaches, all business, every inch the beta Ronan needs him to be.
He plants himself between us so fast it's like a magic trick, and for a moment, I’m shielded from Maddox’s gaze by a wall of broad shoulders and barely suppressed rage.
“What are you thinking, Maddox?” Jacob says, his voice so low it’s almost a growl. “Alpha’s orders are clear. You don’t come near the house, and you don’t talk to Ava. If you have business, you go through me.”
Maddox shrugs, unbothered. “Didn’t realize Ronan’s perimeter extended to sunlight and open air. I was actually just looking for Emily.” He says her name with a smirk, letting it linger in the air like a bad taste. “She said she was coming by the house. Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly, Jacob.”
The mention of Emily’s name only seems to enrage Jacob even more, and he balls his fists as Maddox steps further back. Jacob doesn’t even blink. “Out. Now.”
Maddox grins, but the challenge is fleeting.
“Don’t get your hackles up. I’ll be on my way.
Tell Emily I’ll catch her later.” He gives me one last lingering look before turning and disappearing back into the shadows past the gate, shoulders loose but his pace just a bit too fast to be genuinely nonchalant.
The silence he leaves behind is brittle. Jacob stands there for a moment, hands clenched at his sides. When he finally turns to me, his expression is oddly gentle, at odds with the fury I just witnessed.
“You okay?” he asks, voice low.
I nod, but my pulse is still thrumming.
“Don’t talk to him,” Jacob says, and it doesn’t come out like an order, but more like a plea, or maybe a warning. “He’s trouble.”
I want to ask why, or what’s going on between them, but I don’t have the energy to play the pack politics game. Instead, I say, “He said he was looking for Emily.”
Jacob looks murderous for a moment before letting out a breath. “He’s definitely just looking for trouble there,” he mutters. “But that’s not why I came. Ronan asked me to give you this.”
He hands me a piece of paper with a message written on it. I scan it in dismay, seeing it’s a carefully worded message from my parents asking me to let them know I’m okay. I scoff lightly and notice Jacob raise his eyebrows. “Ronan said you can call them at that number and let them know.”
I try to school my features, knowing full well they don’t care how I’m doing. But at the same time, I’m instantly desperate to hear news of Sophie. I don’t want to look too keen in front of Jacob; I don’t want to draw attention to my relationship with my banished parents, after all.
I nod. “Thank you, I guess I should let them know,” I tell him, keeping my voice as even as possible.
Jacob leaves me with the slip of paper and a strange, searching look, like he wants to say more but doesn’t trust the air to keep it private. I stand there until the click of the gate signals he’s gone, then duck back inside, the note burning my palm.
It’s my mother who picks up. She doesn’t say hello, just breathes into the phone for a moment, as if she’s waiting for me to speak first. When I don’t, her voice comes sharp and thin, like wire.
“We heard the news. Is it true? Are you really inside the alpha’s house? ” She spits the word like it’s poison.
“Y-yes,” I say. “How’s Sophie? Let me talk to her?”
My mom just snorts. “No chance. You won’t see or hear from that brat until Ronan is dead. You gotta hold up your end of the bargain first.”
I freeze, the phone clamped so tightly to my ear that my fingertips go numb. “Please, just let me hear her voice. I need to know she’s…”
“She’s fine. She is with us.” My mother’s voice is laced with a strangely cold certainty. “You know what you have to do. If we don’t hear that the new alpha is dead by the next full moon, you can forget about her.”
My mouth goes dry. “I can’t just…he’s an alpha, Mom. He would kill me in a second if he even suspected…”
“Enough,” her voice barks out, more wolf than woman. “Don’t call here unless he’s dead. And don’t try to run. You think we don’t have our own eyes on that town? On you?”
For a second, I think maybe I hear Sophie in the background, cut off by a closing door or a hand pressed over her mouth. But it’s probably just a trick of my own desperation. I nearly drop the phone, my hands are shaking so much. “Please, I—”
The line goes dead, and I stand there simply holding the phone until it finally slips from my hand and clatters onto the hard floor. Dissolving into sobs, I try to ignore the cramps and wave of my impending heat as my emotions completely overwhelm me.