Chapter 20 - Anoushka
I straighten my dress as the car pulls up to Boris’s mansion, mentally preparing myself for the dinner ahead. Nikolai sits beside me, his strong jaw set in determination.
"The more time we spend with my brothers, the easier it will be to end this pointless hostility between you all," I say, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “Trust me. Arranging this dinner in cahoots with Robin was the right thing to do.”
Nikolai nods, his dark eyes boring into mine. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes for peace between us, my love."
I give him a gentle kiss on the cheek before the chauffeur opens our doors for us. The truth is, I’m tired of how hostile things are between my brothers and Nikolai. My brothers have been upset because they believe I’m forgetting about them, about our family business.
And they’re blaming it all on Nikolai.
None of that is true, though. I’m not forgetting about them at all. It’s just that I’m a little busy right now, trying to familiarize myself in a new home with a new family.
I was talking to my sister-in-law Robin about the same when she suggested this dinner. “With time,” she explained. “Your brothers will forget that this ever happened.”
I agreed with her at the time. Now? I just pray my brothers keep it civil with my husband.
We exit the car and the guards lead us to the living room to reveal my brothers milling about the bar. Their booming voices quiet as we enter.
"Anoushka, darling!" Pippa rushes forward to embrace me. The men stand back, tension crackling in the air.
I give my brothers wary smiles. "Boris, Damien, Lev, it's good to see you all."
“Is it?” Pippa asks sarcastically, and I can’t help but burst out into laughter at Lev’s offended face while Pippa gives me a wink.
“Come, come,” says Robin, joining us to give me a kiss before leading Nikolai to the bar. “We must get you a drink.”
“Thank you,” Nikolai says stiffly. “You have a wonderful home,” he says as he follows her. Pippa and I stand behind for a few moments.
“You don’t want a drink?” she asks, nodding to the bar.
I shake my head. “I haven’t been feeling too well,” I exclaim. “Haven’t been able to handle alcohol.”
“In that case, let’s get you lemonade,” she insists, and we head to mill around the bar.
“How have you been?” Boris asks me as we reach their side. I look up at my oldest brother and give him a warm smile.
“I’ve been well,” I tell Boris. “Nikolai and I are redecorating.”
“Redecorating?” Genevieve gasps. “How exciting!”
“It truly is,” I explain, looking at Nikolai as he beams over at me. “Nikolai insisted the home should feel like my own.”
I hear Pippa exclaim, “How sweet!” and notice my brothers look surprised. Clearly, they’re happy with this news.
"I'm glad to hear you've settled in, Anoushka," Boris chimes in, offering a rare smile. "Nikolai seems to be taking good care of you."
I nod, grateful for Lev's acknowledgment. "He's been wonderful," I reply, stealing a glance at Nikolai. His eyes meet mine, filled with a warmth that soothes my nerves.
Just then, Robin glances over at my neck and reaches over, her fingers soft on the diamonds. “This necklace!” she exclaims. Pippa and Genevieve crowd around, admiring its beauty.
“It was a gift,” I say softly. “For our four-month anniversary.”
“Four-month anniversary?” Pippa looks astonished and then looks over at Lev, her head tilted with an inquiring, playful expression.
“Nikolai,” Lev warns my husband. “Please. We’re all going to lose to you if you keep this up.”
“So,” Genevieve cozies up with Mikhail, leaning on his shoulder, batting her eyelashes at him. “I was thinking for our anniversary… ”
“Oh, save me, lord,” Mikhail groans, rolling his eyes to the ceiling, and we all burst out into laughter.
Here, Nikolai launches into a humorous tale about how our redecorating efforts are going and the arguments we have over wallpaper colors, his deep voice smooth and charming. Slowly, my brothers' expressions soften. Damien even chuckles at the punchline.
The tension in the room slowly dissipates as Nikolai's jokes break the ice, and my brothers chime in with their own. Servers circle with trays of hors d'oeuvres—an array of fancy little bites.
I nibble on a tuna tartare, the pungent fishy flavor turning my stomach. A wave of nausea hits me, and I discreetly rise.
"Excuse me a moment," I murmur, one hand over my mouth as I rush from the room. I make it to the bathroom just in time, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
A soft knock sounds on the door. "Anoushka? Are you all right?" Pippa's concerned voice filters through.
I rinse my mouth and emerge, attempting a smile. "I'm fine, just a touch of an upset stomach."
Pippa frowns, pressing a cool hand to my clammy forehead. "You look peaky. This isn't the first time you've been ill recently, is it?" Her eyes search mine knowingly. “You haven’t been drinking either.”
“Maybe I should get my blood work done and go to a doctor.”
Pippa gives me a look-over and pulls me along with her as we walk up the stairs.
“Where are we going?” I ask, utterly clueless, looking back down to where the party is.
“To the medicine cabinet,” she insists.
“What? Why?” I ask, out of confusion.
Then, Pippa gives me a look. A long, slow, knowing look, and her eyes trail down to my tummy.
My heart flutters with anxiety. Could I really be…?
I shake my head, wrapping my arms around myself. "No, it's been happening more frequently. But I can't be… " I trail off, unwilling to give voice to the impossibility.
Pippa tilts her head, a gentle smile on her lips. "When was your last cycle, love?"
I think back, counting the weeks in my head. My eyes widen as realization dawns. "It's been over six weeks," I whisper.
Pippa nods, patting my shoulder reassuringly as we stop outside the medicine cabinet upstairs. "There's only one way to know for certain. There has to be a test here from Genevieve’s stock if you'd like."
My pulse races, my mind spinning. Pregnant? Nikolai's child? We've only been married a short while. I don't know how he'll react.
Sensing my anxiety, Pippa squeezes my hand. "It will be our secret for now. Take the test, and we'll go from there, hmm?"
I take a deep breath and nod. "Okay. Thank you, Pippa."
She smiles warmly. "Of course. I'm here for you, no matter what the result."
I feel a rush of gratitude for her support. With trembling fingers, I take the pregnancy test she hunts down from one of the many boxes and offers up in my hand. It's time to face whatever comes next.
***
I close the bathroom door, leaning against it for support. My legs feel weak, my hands shaking. I take a few deep breaths to steady myself before opening the test kit.
The next few minutes pass in a blur as I follow the instructions carefully, my mind racing all the while. What if it's positive? Nikolai and I have grown closer, it's true, but a baby? I can't imagine how he'll react.
Setting the test stick on the counter, I begin pacing the small bathroom, chewing my nails anxiously as I watch the seconds tick by. I jump when the timer on my phone chimes, signaling that the results are ready.
With trembling fingers, I pick up the test stick and stare at the little window. Two pink lines stare back at me.
Positive.
I'm pregnant.
I sink down onto the edge of the bathtub, lightheaded. A baby. Nikolai's baby. We're going to be parents.
Or at least, I’m going to be.
I have no idea if Nikolai even wants to be a father!
My hands drift to my still-flat stomach as tears blur my vision. Fear and wonder war within me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A soft knock at the door startles me. "Anoushka? Is everything all right?" Pippa's muffled voice is full of concern.
I take a shaky breath. "Yes, I'll be out in a minute."
I splash water on my face and stare at my reflection. My life is about to change forever. I just hope Nikolai will be happy about this surprise. For now, Pippa is right—it's our secret. I keep the test in some tissue and chuck it in my bag, just for… sentimentality, I guess.
With a trembling hand, I open the door.
Pippa pulls me into a hug as soon as she sees me.
"So, what did it say?" She whispers.
I nod, not trusting my voice. Pippa's eyes widen.
"Oh, Honey." She squeezes my hand. "It'll be okay. We'll figure this out."
I take a shaky breath. "I can't believe it. I'm going to be a mother." I press my palm to my stomach.
Pippa tilts her head. "How do you feel about it?"
I chew my lip. "Shocked. Scared. But a little excited, too." I give her a watery smile. "I've always wanted a family. I just didn't expect it so soon, and that too, with Nikolai."
Pippa nods. "Have you thought about what you want to do?"
I shake my head helplessly. "I don't know. I need time to process this. All I know is that I don't want to cause a scene here and now. Besides, Nikolai and I haven’t yet spoken about children," I admit with a shaky voice.
Pippa squeezes my shoulder with such deep compassion that I feel like I might cry. “This is your news to share when you're ready. For now, we go back in there and pretend you broke a nail or something. I'm here for you, no matter what you decide. How does that sound?"
I hug her again, infinitely grateful for her discretion and support. For now, Nikolai cannot know. No one can know. I need time to think, to decide how to break the news. But with Pippa by my side, I feel a little less afraid.
***
I take a deep breath and smooth my dress. It's time to return to the gathering. Pippa gives me an encouraging nod before slipping back in.
I go back into the bathroom and stare at my reflection, trying to arrange my features into a mask of normalcy. But my hands tremble, and my heart races.
A child. Nikolai's child. The reality hits me like a blow. This changes everything between us. I don't know how he'll react. We've never discussed children. Our marriage was one of convenience, a way to unite our families and broker an alliance. But now…
A soft knock at the door startles me from my thoughts. "Anoushka? Are you all right? Pippa came back, and I’ve been wondering where you two disappeared off to," Nikolai's concerned voice comes through the door.
"I'm fine," I call out, cringing at the quaver in my tone.
The door opens, and Nikolai steps inside, his brow furrowed. "You don't look fine. What's wrong?"
I shake my head, avoiding his penetrating gaze. "Just felt a little sick. I'm better now."
Nikolai steps closer, tilting my chin up. His eyes search mine, dark with worry. "Please, tell me if you’d like to go home.”
My breath catches at the tenderness in his voice. Perhaps this news won't drive us apart. Perhaps it will bring us closer together. But I cannot tell him, not yet.
So I force a smile, patting his hand. "I'm all right, really. Let's get back to the others."
Nikolai hesitates, clearly unconvinced. But he nods, lacing his fingers through mine. "If you're sure."
As we leave the bathroom, his solid presence comforts me.
Nikolai keeps a watchful eye on me as we rejoin the family gathering. Though he engages in conversation, his focus never wavers from my side.
When a server offers champagne, Nikolai smoothly intercepts. "Just water for my wife, thank you."
I squeeze his hand in silent appreciation. No one seems to notice the small gesture.
As dinner is served, the savory aromas turn my stomach. Nikolai leans in; concern etched on his face. "Here." He pours me some extra soup and places a bread roll on my plate. “Just eat light, you’d feel better.”
Nikolai presses his palm to my forehead, then brushes a loose tendril of hair behind my ear. “Whenever you wish to leave, just say the word," he says gently.
With him by my side for the entirety of the night, just for a moment, all my fears melt away.