Chapter 7
Mia
2 weeks later…
I can’t believe I’m getting married today.
I’m marrying a man I’ve spent the past two weeks trying not to think about outside the parameters of hatred and anger.
Of course, I’ve failed miserably every time my head hit the pillow at night. During the day wasn’t much easier, but there’s something about the honesty that’s found in those moments in the dark when you’re trying to shut your brain off and all it does is run through everything you want to forget.
I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in weeks, my mind reeling with ‘what ifs’ and questions, and wondering how I’m going to survive this marriage.
What if I never went out that night? Would I have a clean hatred for him rather than a mix of hate and desire?
What if Kat and Dante weren’t already in love with one another when she was supposed to marry Santino? Does he still want her? Did he ever want her like he’s claiming he wants me?
What if I just made a run for it?
What if I refused to marry him at the alter?
What if I marry him and everything he thinks will happen, does?
What if I end up liking being married to him?
Santino knew it was me that night in the club and he still…
I shake my head clear of the memory. No, I can’t think about it. Because if I do, then I’m only going to find myself worked up with no outlet.
Fuck him.
I’ll bet he thinks he was so clever in tricking me. He played the part of my sexy stranger so perfectly, too.
Arrogant asshole.
From the moment I was able to regain my composure and walk out of that conference room two weeks ago, I’ve been on the phone with the wedding planner, making sure I get everything I want, sparing no expense. If my family insists we need this arrangement, then I’m going to make sure they get a good dent in their profits from this deal by throwing my dream wedding.
I’d like to think if I was truly in love, I wouldn’t care about all the details and I’d just want to be married to the love of my life, like when Kat and Dante got married. Not that a big wedding doesn’t mean you’re not in love. Hell, Leo and Abri’s wedding was in a fucking castle with hundreds of people in attendance.
But in this fucked-up scenario? I needed to focus on every little detail so I wouldn’t have time to think about the man who will be waiting for me at the end of the aisle with that all-knowing smirk.
Planning the wedding worked to occupy my mind during the day, but at night? Every touch and word that was spoken in a lust-filled haze replayed in my mind, which always led to my hand snaking down my body and into my pajama bottoms to give myself a little relief so I could fall asleep.
Then last night, Santino sent me a bouquet of white lilies with a handwritten note. I did everything I could to try to have a relaxing night before I got married, but my husband-to-be ruined that the moment I opened the door and saw the massive bouquet in the hands of the delivery man. Then he ruined it even more when I read the note.
I reach for it on my bedside table and reread it, feelings I don’t want to feel rearing their ugly head inside me.
Mia, my beautiful bride,
White lilies represent innocence and purity, and while you’re no longer explicitly either of those, I’m keeping the purity you handed me so beautifully as the most precious gift I own, and will collect on the rest of your innocence when you’re ready and beg me to do so.
That’ll be a beautiful day, Mia.
Until then, I’ll endure your tongue lashings, knowing that the fire you have burning in you will one day explode all over me. And when that day comes, so will you, farfalla. Many, many times.
I hope you’ve taken these past two weeks to create your dream wedding because it’s the only one you’re going to get in this life.
Sleep well, my almost wife.
I’ll see you tomorrow, waiting for you at the altar.
Your almost husband,
Santino
p.s. – these flowers don’t smell nearly as sweet as you taste.
The words swim around in my head until I’m dizzy and surrounded by them.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath in, release it slowly, and then repeat the process until my nerves are settled.
I’m completely disarmed by Santino and I don’t know how I’m going to survive this marriage if he evokes this kind of reaction in me simply by reading his words. And God fucking help me for when I’m actually in his presence and he’s using that seductive voice of his to tell me all the things he wants to do to me and how I’ll be begging him to touch me. I’m going to have to keep my defenses up at all times and make sure I always have something to be angry about, or so help me, I’ll be melting at his feet and begging him to touch me before I know it, just like he wants.
Groaning, I throw my arm over my eyes.
In a few short hours, I won’t be Mia Carfano anymore. I’ll be Mrs. Santino Antonucci, the wife of a mob boss.
I’m even more glad now that we didn’t have the traditional ceremony rehearsal and subsequent dinner last night. I didn’t see the need for one and told the planner we weren’t having one. She was confused, but I couldn’t tell her it was because this was an arranged marriage and I had no desire to rehearse walking down the aisle, practice my vows, or sit next to my soon-to-be husband for a whole damn meal without giving in to the urge of stabbing him with a steak knife.
I told her my family and Santino’s had to work on an important project to pacify her curiosity, although I’m sure however much Leo is paying her is more than enough to keep her curiosity at bay. I don’t doubt she had to sign an NDA when she was hired as well. Lord knows the venue is going to be filled with high-powered men and women from both sides of the law.
The joining of the Carfano and Antonucci families is going to be a public display of unity that sends a message to everyone in our world.
A message of combined forces.
A message I wish I didn’t have to be a part of.
I’m being played by both sides in this damn charade and I just want this show to be over with. I’ve never been the center of attention. I’ve always blended in to keep the peace, but I know today I’ll have all eyes on me, and I’m going to need to dig deep to play my part of blushing bride. All smiles and looks of love on the outside while I’m feeling anything but on the inside.
I have the urge to run, but then I’ll have let everyone in my family down, which is something I can’t bear. Even more so than marrying a conniving, lying man who only wants me because he likes the way I look.
“Knock, knock!”
I hear Aria say at the door. I stayed the night in a suite in the boutique hotel near the venue so I could have some alone time and a place for all the girls to come to this morning to get ready that wasn’t in the presence of my mother. I’m not exactly talking to her at the moment.
As soon as I open the door, my cousins – Aria, Gia, Katarina, and Elena – and the significant others of my brothers and cousins come swooshing inside in a rush. Minus Tessa, who is Alec’s wife, because she just had a baby and will join us in a little while after she gets her little one up and ready.
Abrianna is Leo’s wife, Angela is Luca’s fiancé, Lexi is Vinny’s fiancé, and Cassie is Nico’s girlfriend. Each is beautiful and amazing, and I can see the love they have with their man every time we’re all together. They all got to choose their love. I want that chance. I’ve dreamed of that chance since I was a little girl, yet here I am on my wedding day, standing in a room full of women in love, married or on their way to being married, and I can’t seem to get a full breath into my lungs because I don’t have a choice and may never get one.
Lightheaded, I grab the handle on the door and flit my eyes between all the women. “I can’t…”
I suck in a breath. “I can’t…”
“Shit,”
Abri says, rushing forward. “Get her to the couch,” she urges.
“I’ll get her a glass of water,”
I hear someone say, while a hand rubs circles on my back.
“Focus on your breathing,”
Angela says slowly in a calm and soothing voice. “In and out. Feel the air around you and let it fill your lungs, expanding them. In and out.”
I look at one of the lilies in my bouquet on the table and focus on the delicate petals. Beautiful. Soft.
I stare at it as I focus on my breathing, and after a while, the short breaths plaguing me start to draw out longer and longer.
“That’s it,”
she says. “Good job, Mia. Just breathe.”
I blink out of my daze and look around at all the worried gazes. “I’m okay,”
I assure them. “Just having a minor freak out. As to be expected, right?”
“Of course it is!”
Gia says, throwing her hands up. “You don’t want to marry this jerk, so of course you’re going to have a panic attack on your wedding day.”
“Gia,”
Abri admonishes. “That’s not helpful.”
She rolls her eyes. “Well, it had to be said.”
“No, it didn’t. We agreed we were going to focus on Mia and making her feel beautiful and special today, and that’s all.”
“Right.”
Gia nods. “But Mia also appreciates honesty.”
“I do,”
I whisper. “But I’d like to pretend to be happy.”
My backbone is returning by the second, and I feel my defiance and resolve harden into a shell around me to protect me from the stupidly sexy Santino and his belief that he has the power to turn me into a puddle of emotions and hormones that can’t control herself. I never told anyone, not even Aria or Gia, that Santino was the one in the club that night.
“I’m going to make Santino regret he chose me,”
I tell them. “I’m going to taunt and tease him and then never give him what he thinks he’s going to get from me. The bastard.”
“That’s the spirit!”
Cassie shouts, clapping her hands. “Make him suffer for a while. Or forever. Your choice.”
“You may grow to like him,”
Katarina offers. “I thought I’d hate him, and I did at first, but that was because I wanted Dante, not Santino. Then Santino surprised me and helped me when I needed someone. He’s not a bad guy. And you have to admit, he’s objectively handsome.”
“Yes, he is. But being handsome doesn’t mean he gets a free pass on forcing my hand in marriage.”
“Of course not,”
Katarina agrees.
“But being attracted to him can be a good thing,”
Lexi offers. “Fuck him senseless. And if you do it while angry at him”–she shrugs–“even better. It’ll make it that much hotter. I was so pissed at Vinny when we first met, and, well…” She smirks. “It was good when I finally gave in.”
“Okay, gross, I don’t need to hear about my brother’s sex life.”
“Right,”
she says on a small laugh, like she forgot I was his sister.
“None of us can know what it’s like to be in your shoes right now,”
Cassie says. “But we’re all women, and we all have needs. None of us would, or will, judge you for any choices you make in your marriage. That covers everything, okay?”
I hold her gaze and see she’s completely sincere in her words, and I appreciate them more than she can know.
My nod comes slow, but her smile is instant when I do, and she radiates this all-consuming, all-knowing, older sister vibe that warms my heart.
“Now, let’s get you looking so irresistible, Santino won’t know what hit him.”
She winks. “He’ll fall to his knees, thanking the big man upstairs that you’re his wife.”
I can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of me. Santino on his knees for me? Yeah, I’d love to see that. Especially when he thinks it’s going to be me who’ll be on my knees, begging him for his cock like it’s made of gold and he’s God’s gift to women.
Nope.
Not happening.
I think it’ll be him on his knees, begging for another taste of me.
He’s the one who demanded I marry him. He’s the one who’s already touched me and tasted me. He’s the one who stole my panties as a prize. And he thinks he has the power to make me weak? He has that backwards.
I’m the one he’s weak for, and he’s going to realize just how much today.