Chapter 73 Regan
Regan
Regan waited for her girls in the American School of Athens pickup line.
Although the other moms waved to her kindly, Regan was sure they thought she was a goddamn idiot.
She was a goddamn idiot. It took all her strength to resist the desire to flee, to drive away and text Francois…
allow herself the pleasure of hope and possibility.
She bit her tongue and held one hand with the other and she sat still and watched the door of her daughters’ beautiful school.
She texted Cord: I can’t do it.
You can.
Do I have to?
Yes.
The night before, as they chatted, Cord told Regan that Step Nine, “Making Amends,” would help ease her shame.
“The shame makes you go back out,” said Cord, using AA-speak.
“Going back out” meant drinking for Cord…
for Regan it was contacting Francois. It was incredible how similar their recoveries had turned out to be.
“Just tell the girls you’re sorry and you know it was a scam and it’s over. ”
“You make it sound easy.”
“Oh, no, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But you’re strong, Reeg. Look at all you’ve done already. You can do this.”
A bell rang, and girls in uniforms poured into the front courtyard, some running to parents, others gathering into groups and standing on their own.
When Regan saw Flora, she started the engine and rolled her window down.
“I’m here! Flora!” she cried. Flora turned, looking surprised, nervous when she spotted her mom.
Flora approached her sister, who was surrounded by a crowd, grabbed her hand, and spoke to her.
Both girls came to Regan’s car and got in the back seat.
“Why are you here?” said Isabelle, furiously. “We take the metro.”
“I know, but I need to talk to you both.”
The girls were silent. Regan drove the car down a side street and pulled over, parking.
She looked at her hands as she said, “I was scammed. I get it now. I am…I am heartbroken about what I put you through. It was dumb and I hate myself, girls. I see it now, and it’s over.
It’s over and I’m sorry. I know I can never…
I know you will never trust me again. And I wish I could go back, but it is what it is and I messed up and I hurt you. My job is to love you and I—”
Regan stopped talking because her daughters had unbuckled their seatbelts and exited the car. Each slammed a door, leaving Regan utterly alone. She began to cry. They had abandoned her, and she deserved this. She put her palms to her face.
Regan’s door and the passenger door opened, and Flora and Isabelle tumbled into their mother, embracing her from both sides.
Regan kept crying. Flora started to cry.
“We love you, Mom.” Isabelle said, “Jesus, guys, enough with the waterworks!” Despite her mean tone, Isabelle held Regan the tightest.
Regan did not deserve forgiveness, but Flora and Isabelle gave it to her anyway.