CHAPTER 2
Helena
Helena paused just inside the entrance hall, searching the crowd of nobles and servants. The nobles complained about the speed of the journey while the servants bustled about, accepting cloaks and hauling luggage to the appropriate destinations.
One servant headed in Helena’s direction, and she took a quick sideways step to avoid the large trunk in his arms. He nodded in acknowledgment, then rushed to shift the weight as her face registered. “Your Highness! I’m sorr—”
She waved him off. “You’re busy; don’t worry about it.”
He looked a little surprised, but the servants were already familiar with her brother’s easygoing ways. After another nod, he continued on his way. Helena returned her attention to the entry hall, finally locating her brother near the center.
Axel had an arm around Katy as he chatted with Papa. Five-month-old Amadeus squirmed in his mother’s arms, trying to see everything at once.
“—sleeps better in the carriage than he does in the inns. I feel bad when he cries in the middle of the night when we’re surrounded by strangers,” Katy said as Helena strolled up. “So we traveled longer each day and cut one night on the road.”
“It made us unpopular with our own traveling companions,” Axel laughed, pausing to make a funny face at his son, “but I cannot object to being home sooner.”
Amadeus giggled at his father, then tried to launch himself backward out of Katy’s arms. She leaned forward with him. “No, little one, not yet. There are too many people here.”
Helena held out her hands. “May I hold him?”
“Helena!” Spinning, Axel wrapped her in a bone-crushing hug. “How have you fared without us?”
“Better when I could breathe,” she gasped out. Chuckling, he relaxed his hold. “Do you have to do that every time?”
“Only until I accustom myself to the fact that you are truly alive and with us once more.” His eyebrows pinched in a mournful expression, but his brown eyes danced at her. “’Tis a dreadful thing, believing one’s sister to be forever lost.”
The light in his eyes dimmed for a moment, but it flared back to life when Katy leaned against him. She held out the little boy. “Would you like to play with Aunt Helena?”
Throwing his arms wide, Amadeus launched himself forward.
A soft smile spread across Helena’s face as she caught him under the arms and hefted his small body in the air.
Settling him at her waist, she said, “I think you’ve doubled in size since I saw you last.” He giggled, clapping his little brown hands.
So precious. She’d occasionally convinced the serving women at Reineggburg to let her hold their babies, and she’d loved every minute. Each bouncing baby was a promise of a life to be lived, full of love and joy and happiness.
A full life that no one had expected her to have.
She scowled, causing her nephew to quail for a moment before laughing again. If the council had their way, she would still be denied that life. Not that she expected to find “true love” – ha! – but she wouldn’t even find “desirable” in the Ralnoran court.
Papa’s gruff voice broke through her thoughts. “Hello, daughter. Where is your mother? I thought she was fetching you.”
“She did, but I was too excited to wait for her.”
Her grin faltered under Papa’s disapproving glower. “You didn’t run again, did you?”
“So what if I did?” she challenged, lifting her chin. “If you wanted a tame princess, you should have asked Michael to let you borrow his wife or sister.”
Axel cleared his throat, and Katy’s smile became a little tight. But Helena already knew she was a disappointment. Anger made a good cover for the pain. Besides, Katy was easy to rile, and Katy’s irritation would take the focus off Helena.
“Ella may be sweet and gentle, but that doesn’t make her less than you!
” Katy snapped, her eyes flashing even though she was clearly fighting to keep her face pleasant.
“And clearly Mi—” She cut herself off, pressing her lips together before continuing.
“Jealousy doesn’t suit you any better than it does other people. ”
Helena’s arms tightened around the little boy on her hip. “Jealous? Why would I be jealous of a mouse?”
“Helena.”
Papa’s voice held a note of warning, but Helena was past caring. “If you don’t approve of me, Papa, then send me back to Reineggburg. Not only can I be myself there, it would let you pretend I never woke up. You would all be happier if I hadn’t.”
“You know that isn’t true,” her brother said quietly.
“Do I?” she challenged. Handing Amadeus back to Katy, she sniffed, “Excuse me. I have someone else to greet.”
Axel followed her as she stormed away. “No one wishes you weren’t here,” he argued gently. The tone he used was one normally reserved for frightened horses or puffed-up cats. “I know you’re struggling to feel like you belong, but never doubt that we’re glad to have you back.”
She rolled her eyes. “What would you know about not belonging? You’ve lived here your whole life.”
“Me?” he replied, raising his eyebrows as he pressed a hand to his chest with a dramatic flair. “Ralnor’s first singing prince? ’Tis true, I have been ever beloved by all people.”
The wry note in his voice made her look away. She’d seen and heard enough to know that wasn’t true. She returned to scanning the room for Liesl. “But at least you have Katy. If I still had Michael, then...”
“He’s married, Helena,” her brother softly reminded her. “There’s no benefit to going down that path.”
But she couldn’t help wishing there was. How was she supposed to simply forget a decade and a half of dreams and longing?
Spotting Liesl next to a wall, she headed in that direction. Liesl’s face was lit up with her standard inner joy, her hands emphasizing her speech as she relayed some story to Tobias. As Helena drew nearer, she started to pick up the words.
“Katy was happy, because she says that’s how he used to act when they first met.
And you should have seen Princess Arabella’s face, Tobias!
She was absolutely glowing!” Liesl gushed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a large smile on Prince Michael’s face as when he told us.
” Pausing, she added in a cringing tone, “But please don’t tell anyone. I shouldn’t have told you that.”
“That the serious prince can smile?” Tobias drawled, a slight upward curve to his own mouth as he twirled his rose between two fingers. “Or that he’s going to be a father?”
Helena froze in the act of reaching out to hug her friend. Axel and Katy had claimed that Michael’s marriage was improving. She should have realized it would lead to this. But somehow, she hadn’t.
Michael and his wife were having a baby, and he was happy.
He was happy without Helena. Just like everyone else.
Her brother’s hand settled on her shoulder, but she shook it off and turned away, striding quickly toward the nearest exit.
He’d married his childhood sweetheart, despite all the reasons that should have prevented it.
She didn’t want to admit that she wanted or needed comfort, and especially not from him.
She was fine on her own.
Slipping through the servants unloading the carriages, Helena stormed her way around the outside of the castle. The cool evening air brushed against her skin, but she was too irritated to feel the chill.
“Princess Helena!”
She walked faster, annoyed that the young nobleman had found her again. She would rather put up with Katy’s scowls or a lecture from her parents than deal with Luther just now.
The thump of his boots against the cobblestones reached her ears as he pushed himself into a jog to catch up with her. “Go away, Luther,” she ground out, not looking at him as he settled into step next to her. “I’m not in the mood.”
Ignoring her comment, he said, “I’m glad we get our walk together after all. It would have driven me to distraction if I had to wait another day to speak with you.”
Covering his pushiness with a mask of tender excitement made it no less annoying. She just wanted a bow in her hand so she could release her tension into a dozen bullseyes. “This is not a walk together. This is you intruding on my time and space.”
Mother would throw a fit if Luther tattled. But if Helena didn’t strengthen her anger, her frustration would brim over in tears. Definitely not an option with Luther strolling next to her.
“Intruding?” he protested. She ignored whatever fake expression he was feeding her in the dim light. “I realize the last few months have been stressful for you, and you are understandably distressed by seeing Tobias cozied up with your friend. But why should your anger extend to me?”
“You saw a different welcoming committee than I did if you think he was cozied up to her,” Helena retorted, rolling her eyes.
Luther’s hand wrapped around hers, dragging her to a stop. Spinning, she jerked free and backed away, but he followed. “Princess, I love you,” he declared. “If you would admit to your own feelings and agree to marry me, we could put this nonsense with your brother’s friend behind us.”
She knew he didn’t mean Michael, but the words still grated against her wounds. Michael’s wife carried their child. He would never leave her now.
And Helena would always be alone, even after she submitted to her political marriage.
“Nonsense?” she growled, taking an angry step forward as she blinked back the traitorous burning in her eyes. “If you want nonsense, then I’ll—”
Stepping forward to meet her, he set a hand on her waist. “Oh, Princess, the council will be so pleased,” he murmured as his head tipped toward her.
She startled, but his hand slid around to her back. Locked in place, she twisted her face away, shuddering when his lips landed on her cheek. She planted both hands on his chest and shoved him away.
He had the audacity to look hurt as he stumbled backward. “What are you doing? It is appropriate for a betrothed—”
“We are not betrothed!” Helena’s fingers curled into claws, but she restrained herself from striking out at him. The stray thought danced through her mind that perhaps she now understood how Michael had felt. “Did you think that if you kissed me, I would fall in love with you? As if!”
“Princess, if you would only let me—”
“No!” She sliced her hand through the air. “You can say nothing that I wish to hear. I find you insufferable, and I have only endured your presence because it was expected of me.”
“You’ll marry Tobias, then?” he sneered.
Helena let the fire in her eyes pin him in place. “I have no desire to marry you, Tobias, or any other nobleman in this kingdom.”
“And the council?” he replied with a raised eyebrow. “They have ordered you to marry by the end of the year.”
She resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a small child. She was trying to act more like the twenty-five, almost twenty-six-year-old princess that she was. “That is not your concern, Luther.”
He opened his mouth, but another voice interrupted him. “Is everything all right, Your Highness?”
The desire to tattle on Luther swelled her chest, but she held it back. Papa, Axel, even Katy’s and Liesl’s ex-guard cousin – any of them would gladly deal out an appropriate punishment for his behavior.
But that would mean admitting what he had done, and she wasn’t sure she could stand the humiliation.
Locking eyes with the young nobleman, she replied, “Luther was on his way out. Could you ensure he doesn’t get lost on the way?”
Luther’s expression was not friendly, but he didn’t resist as the guard motioned toward the front gate. Helena watched him go, assuring herself that he would not be returning.
Most of the noblemen were as full of themselves as Luther.
The only one she could stand was Tobias, but he was in love with Liesl.
She refused to put her brother’s friend and her friend in the same position that she and Michael had been in.
.. before he stubbornly chose to do the right thing.
And it was – she knew it was, even if she didn’t like it.
Such a future was unacceptable. But changing it would not be simple – the council had seen to that.
Turning, she strode forcefully toward the castle. She had preparations to make.