Chapter 7 Grace
GRACE
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Jackie Anne: Great coffee and nice customer service. Will come back soon.
Comments:
Jade Clark: Huh???
Wren Hackett: Were you trying to review the coffee shop?
Hu Gh: Facebook isn’t as easy as it seems, huh? Let me break it down for you. This group and Goggle are two different things . . .
Jackie Anne: I was trying to do something nice! How do I delete a post?
The hour drive to Knoxville was already rough, but the additional feeling of worry made it worse. I’d barely slept after making the mistake of Googling all the tests I’d missed while not knowing I was pregnant.
My doctor was going to have questions. Lots of them. And I’d been going over every choice I’d ever made the last few months. Had I eaten healthy enough? Did I have a sip of wine? Had I slept on my stomach ever?
When I’d called, the nurse stumbled over her words when I told her how far along I suspected I was. When she went to talk to the doctor and came back with an appointment for the very next day, I knew they were worried.
I was a dangerous mix of emotions, all of which felt amplified. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other and make it to the next thing I needed to do. Dean was still on my mind, but I didn’t know where to begin with him.
After parking in a lot, I had to walk farther than I wanted to get into the office. I had skipped breakfast and was regretting it. I’d need to eat immediately after the appointment.
I sat at the back of the waiting room after checking in and opened my phone. I needed something to occupy my hands with while I waited.
Without thinking, I opened Dean’s website again. Brooke’s words rang loudly in my mind, but I knew I wasn’t the kind of person who could do that to someone. Dean had a right to know. He might hate me, but he should still know.
Biting my lip, I opened a message box, but I had no clue what to say.
Hey, sorry to bother you, but I’m pregnant.
No. That wasn’t enough.
Hey, it’s Grace Day. Can we talk?
God, would he even answer that?
I had no idea how to tell him about this. I didn’t know him well enough to deliver the news in a way that wouldn’t make him mad. This was why I always got to know people. So when things went wrong, I could say it the right way.
My fingers hovered over the keys, and the longer I tried to figure out what to say, the more they shook.
“Grace Day?” a voice called. I jumped up.
“That was quick,” I said to the nurse. I’d come here for years. They were the ones who’d diagnosed me with PCOS when I kept missing periods.
“We can move fast when we need to.” She smiled and then looked at my chart. “Now, you’ve had some changes.”
I swallowed. “Yes, I have.”
“We’ll get it figured out,” she said. “First things first, we want a urine sample to confirm, though I have a feeling it’ll be a quick answer.”
“It will be,” I muttered.
She gave me another comforting smile. “Then we’ll do some bloodwork and talk to you about your lifestyle and what to do from here on out. We might also do an ultrasound.”
“I’ll see the baby now?”
“Hopefully, yes.”
Hopefully? God, what if there was nothing there?
As my heart kicked up in speed, I wished things had gone a different way. I was terrified to do this alone. Would it have been easier with a partner I’d been planning this with?
Hell, would life be easier with that?
I used the bathroom, they lined me up for bloodwork, and I was shuffled back to the waiting room. It somehow felt worse than when Jade and I had done this in the back of the shop.
Maybe I should have had her come.
I’d been brave since Mom died, but I wasn’t sure I was built for doing things alone. Considering my dating history, I was pretty sure I’d have to get used to it.
My name was called again, this time by a woman I didn’t know. She introduced herself as April, the ultrasound technician, and led me to the back.
I’d had one ultrasound in my life, but it was never to see a baby. It was to check on one of my ovaries when I’d been in pain that wouldn’t stop.
This was more nerve-racking.
“So, you said your last period was in October,” she said as she read my chart. “But it may not have been a period?”
“Yes.”
“I think we can try not doing an internal ultrasound, but we may have to. Sorry if we do.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “Whatever you need to do.”
She took another look at me. “Are you okay?”
“Um, no.” At least I answered honestly.
“Honest. I like that. Did you want kids?”
“Yeah, I did. Not like this, but life doesn’t always go the way we think it should, does it?”
“Not at all, but take some time if you need it. I can come back.”
This was why I loved this practice. Everyone treated me like a person.
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. Let’s get this over with.”
Lying on the bed, I lifted my shirt and let her put cool jelly on the exposed skin. She pressed the wand against my stomach, and within seconds, the side profile of a baby appeared on the monitor.
Holy shit. This was real. That was a real baby.
“Yep, you’re definitely pregnant.”
“How far along? Are they okay? Do I need to get the anatomy scan now?”
April only smiled. “All good questions, but the doctor will be the one to answer most of them. I’ll just get a few pictures and we’ll get you in an exam room. We might be able to know the gender today, if you want to.”
I let out a laugh. “I . . . seriously, today?”
“Yep. You’re far enough along.”
I didn’t even know this was happening until twenty-four hours ago. I shook my head. “I can’t . . . I mean, not yet. I might wanna know after I can accept things.”
She nodded. “I understand. This is a lot.”
April pressed buttons, moved things around, and eventually, pulled up a new window.
The sound of a heartbeat filled the room. I’d known this was happening, but hearing that made it feel even more real.
Tears gathered in my eyes.
“Oh, shoot,” April said. “I should have given you a warning.”
I blinked them away. “Can you at least tell me if it’s good?”
She paused and then nodded. “Yeah, it’s looking good.”
“Thank you.”
A few minutes later, I was in an exam room and Dr. Anderson was already walking in. I hadn’t seen her since my last pap smear. She was a great doctor, but it felt a little like coming home to tell my parents I’d fucked up. I clutched the sonogram printout that the tech had given me like a lifeline.
“Well, this is unexpected.”
“Tell me about it,” I said with a laugh. “But it’s good. Hopefully.”
“It’s okay to be nervous,” she said with a nod. “But your sonogram looks great.”
I closed my eyes as my shoulders slumped. Thank God. “How far along am I?”
“Well, I’m hoping you can help me with that. I noticed you didn’t put a last period down in your chart, but that’s pretty normal, considering your PCOS.”
“I have no recollection of an actual period. I did have some bleeding right after, um—” I squirmed in my seat. This woman had practically put her entire hand up my vagina, but somehow talking to her about my sex life still felt awkward. “Right when I probably got pregnant.”
“I would say that was implantation bleeding then. So, you remember the last time you had sex?”
“I do.” Vividly. “And it was the only time I’d had it in . . . a while.”
I couldn’t look her in the eye. This was actually my worst nightmare.
But Dr. Anderson didn’t seem bothered. “Tell me the date, please.” I did so, and she wrote it down. “All right then, I’d say you’re sixteen weeks. That matches what we saw on your ultrasound.”
“Sixteen weeks. That’s . . . a lot of time not to know.”
“We’ve seen it go longer, but we can make up for lost time.” She gave me a smile. “Is the father here?”
The only thing I could do was shrug. “Not today. He doesn’t even know. I should be telling him soon, but I have no idea how he’ll react.”
“Well, we can make it work either way.” Her voice was level and calm. It was exactly what I needed. “Let’s talk about what you’ve been up to the last three months and what we need to do now.”
“Yes, please.”
I listened intently, trying my best not to get overwhelmed. There was so much I couldn’t do now, like eat deli meat or sushi. I had to limit my caffeine and make sure I took care of myself.
That one worried me. Taking care of others was easy. But me? I sometimes felt like I didn’t know how to do that.
“That should be all,” Dr. Anderson said. “Now we just need to schedule your glucose test.”
I blinked as I tried to remember when that was supposed to be done. “Isn’t it a little early?”
“Yes, but there’s a risk that you can develop gestational diabetes with PCOS. We just want to make sure we catch anything early. We’ll have you come back next week for that.”
I nodded my head meekly, trying not to panic. How the absolute hell was I going to manage all of this on my own? How was I supposed to deal with the words “gestational diabetes” by myself?
Jade would help, even if I refused to ask her, but I wasn’t the only one who had conceived this baby.
What was Dean going to do?
If I’d thought I was overwhelmed before, I was more so now. And I had less time than most to accept this. Three and a half months had come and gone while I had no idea what was going on.
But I would do it, even if I only had Jade.
The rest of the appointment went by in a blur. I barely remembered to take the appointment card for my glucose test before I was heading to my car.
There were so many things I needed to plan. I needed to tell Dean. I needed to figure out the right words to make sure this was done right. It was a mess I’d found myself in, and I wasn’t sure how to present it without him thinking I’d baby trapped him.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t see someone walking right toward me. I would have walked right into them if their hands didn’t land on my shoulders. I was brought out of my thoughts by dirty blond hair and a tall figure in a cowboy hat.
I knew those hands. I knew them before I even saw his face.
“It’s you,” he said. “Grace.”
I blinked back into myself only to be faced with Dean. My stomach did a flip and my body heated. Even now, when everything was so messed up, I still had a reaction to him.
But it was drowned out by sheer terror. It looked like I was facing one of my fears early.
Shit.