Chapter 50 Dean
DEAN
Dad Company (But Sometimes Good Advice)
Dean Briggs: So, any advice for birth?
Comments:
Robert Colt: Have a plan. Then throw that plan out the window. It never happens like you expect it would.
Ryan Kim: Whatever you do, don’t look down.
Robert Colt: Eh, it’s not that bad.
Ryan Kim: He could be squeamish! The last thing you want is to be one of those idiots who faints in the birth room.
Graham Hamilton: At least you don’t have to see it if you faint . . .
Ryan Kim: The more I learn about you, the less I like you.
There was something that was preventing me from sleeping. I knew Grace wanted me to rest, but I had a bad feeling that something was going on.
Maybe it was the fact that the last forty-eight hours had been wild. My brain simply couldn’t stop. All night while holding Grace, I had tossed and turned, trying to doze off. I’d gotten a few hours in, but not nearly enough.
But this time, my feeling was correct, and I knew it the second Mom called me.
“Hi, honey, are you resting okay?”
“I’m fine. What’s up? Are you with Grace?”
“Yes, I am.” She talked slowly, which was a thing she did whenever she was trying not to make someone panic. “We need to head to the hospital actually.”
“What happened?” I ground out. “Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong, but you might want to get ready for a big life change. Grace is in labor.”
I heard her groan in the background, and it felt like my heart stopped. She was in pain and I wasn’t there. “Where are you guys?”
“We’re five minutes out from the house. Can you be ready to go to the hospital?”
I’d never moved so fast in my life. I jumped out of bed and threw on new clothes. The second I was done, I ran out to the car and right to her.
“Baby, I’m here.”
“Oh, thank God.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the back seat with her. “This hurts. And we’re not even sure I’m in labor!”
“We’ll find out when we get to the hospital. Everyone, hang on!”
I’d never seen Mom drive like a maniac, but when there was a woman in labor, she didn’t mess around. We made the drive in forty minutes and were ushered into the triage area where they tested to see if her water truly had broken.
“I’m very sure it did,” Mom said when the nurse left.
Grace shook her head. “It still could be—”
“I know you’re scared,” I said. “And I know it’s tempting to be in denial, but we’ve got this whether you are or aren’t.”
Her bottom lip poked out, but she nodded. “You’re right. God, I’m so glad you’re here.”
“It seems like you have it, Dean,” Mom said. “I’ll go get some things from the house for you two.”
“Even if I am, first-time moms take forever,” Grace said. “Don’t rush.”
“I’ll rush just because I want to be here too,” Mom said with a smile. “Let me know if you two need anything else.”
Mom dashed out the door and I returned to keeping Grace calm.
When a nurse announced her water really had broken and we were being moved to a room, I knew it was go time.
For a while, I helped her through the labor. We dealt with her being hooked up to an IV, her contractions, and all the interruptions from those contractions.
Grace was brave for a few hours. We hadn’t had time to come up with a full birth plan, but we knew some of the things to expect in labor. She tried to take deep breaths and listen to her favorite music, but eventually, I could see it starting to take a toll on her.
“I can’t do this,” she said on hour four.
“Are they getting worse?” I asked, brushing her hair from her face.
“They’re hitting like a fucking train now. Is that normal? God, how am I supposed to do this for longer?”
Her voice rose in pitch, and I could feel her panic sink into me. Neither of us had a clue of what we were doing. But I wouldn’t show her a damn thing other than support.
“We can call a nurse to do another check.”
“I was only five centimeters last time,” she groaned. “There’s no way I’m any further along.”
“Weird things can happen.”
“No, I know how first-time babies are. This is supposed to go slow. My body doesn’t know what it’s doing.”
“What if it does?”
“No, there’s no way.” She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes as another contraction hit her. They were lasting longer now, and she was hooked up to a graph that measured how hard they were. They looked really intense on that piece of paper.
“Then at least let’s ask for something to distract you.”
“I want the damn epidural,” she muttered.
“You sure?”
“Very. Fuck this.”
“All right then.” I placed a kiss on her forehead before getting a nurse.
“We’ll do a check before we call the anesthesiologist,” the nurse said. “I’m sure she’s fine, though.”
“She’s in a lot of pain.”
“Poor thing. First-time moms can take a while.”
“Between you and me, I have a feeling this is going faster.”
“All the first-time parents say that. The baby will be born when it’s ready to be.”
I understood that it was very easy to fall into habits of first-time parents. Maybe I just wanted this to be over. I took a deep breath to calm myself and then walked into the room with Grace to keep her levelheaded.
Soon after, the nurse walked in to wash up and put gloves on. Grace grumbled about having to get checked, but only gripped my hand as it happened.
I figured both she and I would get relief when it was over with and she got the medicine she needed.
What neither of us expected was for the nurse to freeze.
“All right, change of plans.”
“What’s wrong?” Grace asked. “What’s happening?”
“It’s time to push, my dear.”
“What? But I—”
I resisted the urge to say “I told you so,” but the nurse didn’t stay long. She didn’t even let Grace finish her question because she was calling all kinds of people into the room.
I’d never seen people filter into a place so quickly. I thought I would be used to the unexpected after everything that had happened over the last few months.
I didn’t think I would ever get used to it.
“I seriously can’t do this,” Grace said as she grabbed my hand desperately. “I wanna go home.”
“Grace, you’ve got this.” I hated that she even had to be here. I hated that she had to be in pain at all, but this was always coming ever since we found out she was pregnant. I wished I could’ve taken it from her, but all I could do was be supportive.
“I don’t think I do.” Her eyes were wide and she looked terrified. I didn’t blame her for being that way because I was too.
Dr. Anderson came in, laser focused on what was going on. I held one of Grace’s legs as she bore down. There was nothing I could do but tell her how strong she was, even if it didn’t help.
After this, I would be changing every fucking diaper. I’d wash all the clothes. She’d done enough.
The doctors timed the pushes while Grace groaned through each one. Her grip on my hand was tight enough to almost break bones, but I didn’t care. I kept hoping that each one would be the last.
“This should be the last one!” the doctor called. “Gimme one last push!”
I heard cries only seconds later. It felt like time slowed down as the doctor handed our baby off to a nurse and then they were placed on Grace’s chest. It felt like a dream as I reached out to stroke their tiny little hand.
They formed a fist, wrapping their fingers around mine. I knew they would be my world when they were born, but this cemented it. This was my baby, born from the woman I loved, and I would do anything for either of them.
“A beautiful baby boy,” the doctor said. “Congratulations, you two.”
A boy. A son. God, we had a kid.
“Dean?” Grace asked through her tears.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Did we pick out a name?”
I was a mess of emotions, both from the last day and from witnessing my child being born. I didn’t know how Grace was having any thoughts at all.
But her question was fair because we hadn’t picked out a name.
“Uh . . . oops?”
“All this time and we didn’t talk about that?” She shook her head. “I don’t even know what to call him!”
I had no idea why this was the first thing on her mind after giving birth, but she could think of whatever she wanted to after going through that.
“We’ll figure it out just like everything else.” I put a hand on her head. “But you did it.”
Her head rested against the back of the hospital bed.
“I did. That sucked, though.” She looked down at our baby, whose cries had finally slowed.
He would need to be cleaned up, but I could see that he had Grace’s nose and my chin.
I wanted to study his features and know what he’d gotten from each of us. “I think I want more.”
I let out a shocked laugh. “Let’s figure out what the hell to do with the first one.”
She nodded, and nurses came around to get his weight and length. Both of our gazes followed him the whole time.
I’d once said that being in love sometimes felt like my heart was walking outside of my body. Now, it was split in two. Half with Grace, and half with the little boy we’d be raising.
And I couldn’t be happier.