As the World Falls

Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

C ecilia

Movement under my ribs pulls me from my sleep. I slowly open my eyes, more sunlight than I’m used to burning my hazy vision as I try to decipher just where I’m at. I feel that movement again, and I grumble in frustration. I didn’t want to move. I was warm and comfortable when I didn’t feel whatever was moving beneath me. I snuggle back into the warmth when I feel pressure on the back of my head, and I slowly roll onto my side, opening my eyes again to look above me.

All I see is James’s stretched neck and chin pointing in the air as his head lies against the back edge of my couch. I slowly look around, realizing we had fallen asleep together during our show marathon. I had obviously already seen and loved it, but it was almost more fun watching James watch it for the first time. He also seemed to enjoy it more than he anticipated.

He even helped me cook the rest of dinner while we watched. It was strange. We moved around my kitchen perfectly synchronized as he helped me make my favorite dinner, creamy Cajun chicken pasta. It was hilarious having him help prepare it since he wasn’t used to cooking and had more of a fine dining kind of palette, whereas I got cheap and easy recipes off the internet. He was baffled at the idea of Cajun chicken being paired with creamy pasta, but in the end, I knew he liked it. He didn’t admit it to me, but I could tell.

We ended up watching more of the show after dinner, surrendering to a full-on deep dive. It was nice being in each other’s presence without ulterior motives or the outside world caving in on us. He was more enjoyable that way. I liked it when he dropped his cutthroat persona and let himself be. I presumed it wasn’t something he did a lot. I also secretly hoped he would enjoy it more because I was there with him.

I turned my head in front of me, noticing the couch pillow I was laying my head on and James’s right arm curled over the top of my head while his left arm stretched over me and his hand rested in my hair. I was laid across his lap while he was sleeping in a sitting position with his head resting back on the couch. I wasn’t sure how we ended up in this position. The last thing I remembered was watching the show. But I was touching his bare chest, and warning bells were going off in my head just as a nauseating amount of butterflies took flight in my stomach.

I should move. I know I should. But I was warm, and being in his lap was kind of nice. He also had his hand in my hair, which I think he may have a thing for. I keep trying to convince myself that this flirtatiousness he’s been giving off toward me is just an act, but the closer we grow, the harder it gets to deny. I felt something here as much as I didn’t want to. How is it that the person I thought I despised turned out to be the only one who could make me feel seen and validated? Sometimes, I wonder if I’m just as corrupt as he is.

Now, I felt even more guilty for trying to tear down all my brother's hard work and the empire James had created for himself, especially after essentially coming from nothing. He was an orphan and still worked his way to the top, even if there was some corruption along the way. How could I ruin all of that for him, knowing what I know about him now or feeling what I feel about him now? I didn’t think I could, but it also didn’t mean I could ever be with someone like him, even if it were all I thought about.

Because, at the end of the day, he was a criminal and a murderer. No matter how inviting he made it seem, I could never involve myself in that kind of life.

I finally think better of it and turn onto my back to sit up, but then his hand leaves my hair, and his arm wraps around my stomach, locking me into place on his lap. I look up at him, seeing that he still hasn’t moved his head or opened his eyes. I slowly wrap my hand around his wrist to move his arm, but I feel him shift me tighter against him.

“Don’t,” he murmurs.

I still in his lap. “Are you awake?”

“Yes. Please don’t move.”

“James…” He finally lifts his head and looks down at me, and his sleepy eyes, which look softer than I’ve ever seen, nearly render me speechless.

“I like the way you feel in my arms. I’ve never held anyone before,” he gently admits.

I close my eyes, letting his words wash over me and pierce me in the chest like I knew they would. Why did he have to be so painfully honest all the time? His voice was also deep and sleepy. I liked it way too much.

“Fine. Just for a minute,” I tell him.

He gives me a gentle smile before resting his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. “I can’t remember the last time I slept in,” he mentions.

“That sounds horrible.”

“I’m starting to realize just how horrible my life has been or how long I haven’t done things you’ve reminded me of.” He looks down at me again, his eyes searching mine. “What are you doing to me?”

I can’t help but grin. “Are you saying I’m the one corrupting you?”

He lifts his hand from behind my head and brushes some of my hair from my face as he stares down at me, and it feels like I’ve stopped breathing altogether. “You have bewitched, spellbound, and possessed me just like the witch you are.” He says it with a smile, making me laugh.

“I must be some powerful witch.”

He laughs, too, and the sound is delectable to my ears. “The most powerful,” he says as his hand continues to brush my hair. I close my eyes again, feeling strangely at ease in his arms. “What are your plans for today?” he asks.

“I have my first book club meeting at the library.”

“A book club?”

“Yes. It’s a historical romance book club I started. I got about fifteen sign-ups, so it’s a decent turnout.”

“I see.” His fingers tug on the strands of my hair at my scalp, and I fight the urge to purr like a kitten. “Should be interesting.”

I giggle. “Yes. Interesting.”

“I have some work I have to get back to today. Will you be alright?” he asks, his tone dropping to a more serious one that has me opening my eyes again and looking straight into his.

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him, but I don’t feel it as strongly this time. I didn’t realize how much his company had truly kept my panic at bay, and now that I knew he was leaving, I felt lost again. I should want him to go after what he did in that restaurant, but… I don’t. That fact starts to make my chest even more tight with anxiety. I think I really was losing my mind here. If he thought I was a witch, then he was a warlock.

“Are you sure?” he presses. “Because I can move things around if?—”

I finally lean up, hurrying to the opposite end of the couch. His eyes track my every move as I do, and I don’t miss how his hands ball into tight fists, like losing me was too much for him. It also felt like too much for me, which is exactly why I needed to move.

“James, when have you ever known me to be unable to care for myself?” I tell him, faking a competent attitude.

“Almost the entire time I’ve known you,” he answers quickly. “It’s perhaps why I’m a little hesitant to leave you because last time, you were practically kidnapped and then forced into a deal gone wrong with a criminal family.”

I wave my hand in the air. “Pish posh. I’ll be fine. I’ll be at the library today.” He smirked, shaking his head, and I couldn’t help but match his expression.

“At least let me drive you to work.”

I groan, rolling my eyes. “Jeez, James. You really know how to suffocate a girl.”

He licks his lips and stands from the couch, and the next thing I know, he’s leaning close, hovering over me so that I’m caged between him and the sofa. “If you keep rolling your eyes at me, Cecilia, I’ll have them rolling into the back of your head for a completely different reason, and my name will only be a scream coming from your peachy lips. If you think I’m suffocating now, you have no idea what’s coming.”

If I could melt into a puddle… I would. I’m pretty sure my panties have become one because who the hell says things like that, and why do I want to take him up on that offer? I had to physically restrain myself from rolling my eyes a hundred times over just so he’d make good on his threat. My resolve is one more dirty suggestion away from completely crumbling.

He grins obnoxiously as I struggle to find any oxygen to breathe and stands straight again, taking a step away from me. “Go get dressed for work. I’ll be waiting.”

An hour and a half later, James pulls out front of Stone Corridor and puts his car into park. He unbuckles his seat belt, and my hand flies to his arm, stopping him.

“I can take myself in.”

“I know you can, but I’d like to walk you in.”

“James, please. The people in my book club could be inside. I don’t want them to see me come in with you.”

He raises a skeptical eyebrow at me. “Are you embarrassed by me, little owl?”

“No,” I rush out. “I just… don’t want them to think I’m someone I’m not. I mean…we’re not a thing, so I think it’d be easier not to explain why I’m with you.”

“Cecilia.”

“What?”

“Stop rambling and get out of the car.” He steps out of the car, walking around the front as I unbuckle my seat belt.

“Okay then,” I murmur, finding it no use to argue with him anymore because the man always gets his way. He opens my door, and I step out and begin walking up the stairs to the front door, except I feel him at my side and his hand resting on my lower back. We moved together so in sync anymore. The distance between us grows closer and closer each day that passes. I don’t even have time to register what this all means because I’m walking inside and greeted by Lance, whose gaze immediately falls onto James’s hand on my back.

“Nice of you to show up,” Lance says with a not-so-friendly tone. I was usually ten to twenty minutes early, but not today. But it’s not like I was late. I was here right at my expected time.

I step away from James and hang my jacket on the stand behind my desk. “I’m sorry. I got a late start today.”.

“Ah,” he sounds, then looks at James, who is watching him intently. “What are you, her bodyguard now?”

“Lance!” I scold as James chuckles all too happily, and it’s like a brick drops in my stomach.

“I’m not sure I qualify as one, considering I was in her bedroom instead of behind the door,” James adds cunningly.

“James!”

Lance’s wild gaze flies back to me. “He was in your bedroom?”

“Not because of what you think,” I rush out, turning to glare at James. I totally don’t think about how James was completely naked in my bedroom. It wasn’t exactly helpful right now. “I had an…accident that he came to help me with.”

“Spent the night helping her with,” James adds. “Weekend, actually.”

“Damn it, James,” I snap. I look back at Lance in a panic. “He didn’t sleep in my bed with me. We slept on the couch.”

“Together?” Lance guffaws. “Why didn’t you just call me? I could have helped you.”

“It was something only I could take care of. Right, Cecilia?” James smirks at me.

“Alright. It’s time for you to go,” I demand to James.

“That’s fine,” he smiles, looking back at Lance. “I’m satisfied for the day.”

“Out. Now,” I shout, pointing to the door.

James walks to the door but stops just before leaving, looking directly at me. “I’ll be in touch,” he promises, then he’s gone. A part of me suddenly feels sad that our weekend together is already over. However, I don’t have long to touch on the feeling because I can practically feel Lance’s anger radiating from my side.

I slowly turned and faced him again, finding his judgmental gaze roaming the length of me. I was wearing my cream sweater dress again—the one I fantasized about James lifting around my waist in his office. But now also wasn’t the time to be thinking about that.

“What is going on, Lia? Why are you suddenly with this guy all the time?”

“I told you. He’s been helping me keep an eye on my brother.”

“I thought you quit working for him. Why is he still coming around? Why was he at your apartment all weekend?”

“It’s… it’s not something I can discuss with you,” I stammer. I couldn’t tell him exactly what happened with Hodge and the… mafia I accidentally got involved in because he’d probably lose his mind. Also, I didn’t want him involved with it whatsoever.

“Are you serious? You’re going to keep secrets from me now? I thought we didn’t do that?” he snaps.

“Why does it have to be a secret? Can’t it just be the fact that I have a personal life that you don’t need to know every second of?”

“Here we go again with you wanting a personal life that has nothing to do with me. You might as well just put me out of my misery already and tell me there’s no chance for me here.”

I suck in a breath, his words hurting more than I expected. “Lance, please. Don’t be like that.”

“He was in your bedroom, Lia. You’ve never let me cross that threshold.” His voice is pained, and I know he feels it. I was beginning to feel it because he was right. I’ve never wanted him in my bedroom. I never thought of what it’d be like to have him in there. In bed with me. Now it feels downright impossible to think about because the only person I can think about being in there with me is… James.

This whole conversation was starting to feel like something was being set in stone. Like a final decision was being made. Tears spring from my eyes as I gaze back at him, wishing I could conjure up even the slightest flicker of desire for him.

“I’m sorry,” I cry. “I wish I felt the same way. You have no idea how much.”

He nods, a sharp exhale leaving him. “Apparently not enough.”

“Lance…”

“I’m going to take off early today. I actually have something I need to take care of. Are you okay by yourself?”

I wipe the tears from my eyes, trying to keep myself together. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

He nods again, grabs his jacket off the hanger, and shrugs it on, never making eye contact with me. Then he’s gone too—without another word.

I feel like I’m going to be sick, so I mindlessly move behind my desk and drop into my chair. I already feel exhausted by this day, and I’ve only been at work for less than twenty minutes.

“Excuse me? Are you Cecilia Bowen?” I look up to see a man with a warm smile wearing a startlingly bright teal sweater.

“Yes. Sorry. Hi, how can I help you?” I say, standing up now.

“I’m here for the book club that starts today. I was just wondering where we were meeting.”

“Oh my gosh. Right, I’m so sorry. If you head upstairs, you’ll see the blocked lounge area set up for the meeting. I’ll be up there shortly.”

He smiles at me, and it’s like a little bit of his warmth touches me, perking me up a little. “Great. I can’t wait,” he chimes. I watch as he meets the man waiting behind him by the best-seller table. They grab each other’s hands and head up the stairs together. Shortly after, I see three more people head up the stairs.

I wipe under my eyes again and shake myself, trying to rid the dark cloud looming over me. I wouldn’t let this entire day be soured by something that I knew deep down would always happen. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

Later, I’m practically bouncing off the walls after the book club meeting. We ended up with a smaller turnout, only seven of us, to be exact, including myself. But I found that I liked the smaller setting better. It felt more intimate, and I feel like I formed closer bonds with the people I met today.

I mainly got along with Ambrose, the man I had met earlier, and his husband, Marlin. Despite being together for twelve years, they were the epitome of puppy love. They had already offered to be head of the snack table since Ambrose owned a small café, which was absolutely perfect. Marlin was a writer himself and had published a few mystery novels. Everyone was just great, and we’d all easily decided on our first book that we’d meet back next weekend to discuss after reading the first five chapters. I couldn’t wait.

I say goodbye to everyone, unable to keep the smile off my face. I was happy my day was finally getting better, but now I have some work to do. Not only did I have to put away my returns and log them, but I also had to do some severe reorganization, which was supposed to be Lance’s responsibility today. I hoped the library stayed quiet and less busy so I could get some work done around here without being tied to my desk.

I pick up a stack of books that, in hindsight, were way too tall of a pile for me to carry all at once, but like always, I persevere. Except I run straight into something that has my books crashing on the floor around me. The last book lands with a thud, and I look up to see a man standing behind the rummage, rubbing his chest.

“Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. That was totally my fault.”

“No, no, that’s okay. I kind of always wanted to know what a dent would look like in my chest,” he jokes.

I wince, slowly dropping to the floor to pick up the books. “I’m so sorry,” I repeat. “I think I have a first aid kit at my desk if you?—”

“Nah, I’m fine. It was just a little brush. No big deal.” He drops to the floor with me, compiling a stack of books into his arm. “You should have some help around here carrying all these books.”

“I usually do, but not today.”

“Lead the way,” he says, standing after me. “I’ll help you put them up.”

“I can’t ask you to do that. I practically maimed you with them.”

He chuckles. “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going either, so please, let me help you.”

I smile politely. “Okay, follow me.” I let him follow me to put the books back, making haste so I’m not wasting too much of his time.

“So, are you the librarian of this place?” he asks.

“Yup. My name’s Cecilia, by the way, if I can help you with anything else. Maybe get you an ice pack,” I joke.

He laughs. “That’s quite alright. I’m Chuck Fireux. It’s nice to meet you.”

My face scrunches as I look at him once more. “Why do I feel like I’ve heard that name before?”

He smiles wide. “I’m the mayor of New York.”

“Oh…” I draw out. Oh…that’s not good. Isn’t this the one that’s working with Hodge and the man whose house my brother and I camped outside of to get the ledger back? This could not be a coincidence… but maybe it was. I don’t know, but now I was freaking out.

“What brings you to Boston?” I ask casually. Play it cool, Cecilia.

“I was in the neighborhood visiting some relatives. I’m spending the day with my niece tomorrow, and she’s a big fan of the Rainbow Unicorn series. Do you carry it?”

I sigh in relief. He seemed genuine. Maybe God was just playing a very, very cruel trick on me for not minding my business all this time. One could only hope.

“Yes, we do, actually. It’s a popular one with the kids.”

He smiles, and so far, he feels relatively harmless. Another good sign. “Great. I’ll have to check it out to keep her somewhat occupied. I’m not exactly great with kids.”

I chuckle, leading him to the register to make him a library card and check out his book. “You should bring your niece by sometime for kids story time. We do the rainbow unicorn series all the time.”

He smiles at me. “What would you say to me coming back to ask you out for a coffee? Maybe even dinner?”

My heart rate picks up, and I get that sinking feeling I hate in my stomach. “Oh…uhm…I’m sorry, but I’m not…”

He chuckles. “It’s okay. I figured a woman as beautiful as you would be taken already.” I smile politely at him, not knowing what to say. I wasn’t taken, but at the same time…all I could suddenly think about was how James would react if I went on a date with someone. Would he be jealous? Something tells me he would be, making dating anyone less interesting. I wasn’t taken by James by any means, but…I felt like I was his—just a little bit.

“Thanks again,” Chuck says, walking toward the door to leave.

“Have a nice day,” I call out. Once he’s gone, I shrink behind my desk, where I hide for the rest of the day.