Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
J ames
Coldness never bothered me. I always thrived in it. This was the first looming winter where my feelings matched the brisk temperature, and I hated every second of it. My pain feels as if it’s radiating onto the outside now for everyone to see because when I walk into the bar that I haven’t set foot in nearly five years, everyone looks at me as if I’m a mythical creature, capable of murdering them all with a blink of my eyes.
Let’s be real, I was.
Luccio’s was a hole-in-the-wall bar that only close families frequented. If you weren’t a part of said families, then you didn’t know about it. It wasn’t exactly open to the public. It was more of a hang-out spot for everyone to relax and take the edge off after their days of work, as well as a location for said work meetings to take place.
I didn’t even want to be here. I wasn’t a part of this life anymore and didn’t want to be. I kept getting sucked back into it no matter how much I tried to stay away. Most of the people here didn’t want me here either. I wasn’t blood or even fucking Italian, for that matter, so therefore, I was no one in their eyes, which was fine with me. I didn’t fucking care about their opinions. I was only here because Stef asked me to be, and like always, I showed up for him because that’s what brothers do. It took a lot of… aggressive convincing… per se for Stef to bring me into this family and to be treated as such. Not a single other person was on board, but he made it his priority that I was made alongside him. Except not long after it happened, I wanted out, which earned me even more of the family's disrespect.
At the end of the day, I was never meant to be here, but that notion keeps getting lost on me the more life brings me back and makes it my business.
I bypass the judgmental glares as I walk deeper into the bar and find Stef sitting in a round booth in the back corner with a cigar hanging out his mouth as he taps his drink glass with two fingers.
I slide across from him, and his eyes lock with mine the second I meet them. “What am I doing here?” I ask, annoyed.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” he scoffs, lifting his glass and taking a drink.
“I’m not in the mood for this shit. I’d rather be back home, so again, what am I doing here?”
“I have a surprise for you,” he gleams viciously. “Thought it would cheer you up some.”
I sigh heavily. “If it involves all of this, I want nothing to do with it,” I say, waving my hand to the atmosphere around us. “Enough damage has been done.”
“Why don’t you see what it is before you decide,” he suggests, standing from the booth now. He looks down at me and fixes me with a malicious grin while tilting his head for me to follow him to the back of the bar.
I knew what was back there. It was an empty concrete room perfect for dealing with any business gone wrong. I just didn’t understand why he wanted me back there so badly.
Curiosity gets the best of me, and I have nothing better to do since nothing waits for me back home, so I stand up and follow him to the back.
His smirk grows into one of distaste the closer we get to the backroom, and as he grabs the knob to open the door, he’s morphed into someone completely different. He’s dark and clouded with violent vengeance that I recognize all too well— much like my own.
He opens the door, and I come face to face with Dante Amato, who is tied to a single chair directly in the center of the room. He looked disgruntled, his shirt torn and hanging off his chest. His face and body were drenched in sweat and remnants of blood that I assume came from the fight to get here. His dark curly hair glistened under the single bulb light above his head, and his expression was wrinkled in a mixture of pain and disgust.
His mouth curls into a scowl when he lifts his head, watching Stef and I walk into the room, staring at him like he was a prized cow, ready for slaughter.
I turn and glance at Stef, who is stopped at a small table in the back corner of the room, opening his kit. “I thought he was in hiding,” I ask, thinking back to the information he gave me shortly after everything went to hell.
“That’s what’s so fun about it,” Stef chimes, pulling a long blade from his open case. “When they get scared, they get sloppy. It didn’t take long for me to catch him on the run.” He walks behind Dante and towers over him, staring at his face from behind. “Isn’t that right, Amato?”
“I’ll fucking end you,” Dante growls, ripping at his restraints.
I snicker just as Stef does. “Confidant for a man tied to a chair, isn’t he?” Stef muses.
“Very,” I agree, walking forward, feeling charged with a sudden determination. My hate grows inside me as I look at the man who brought downfall into my life—Into Cecilia’s. He is the very reason Chuck, Hodge, and even Lance had access to all the means to hurt her. I could give a fuck less about me but her…
“What do you think?” Stef asks. “Should we keep him tied up or let him loose, have some fun with it?”
I roll up both sleeves as I walk over to Stef’s kit, pondering my decision. I slowly slide a gut hook blade from inside and grip it tightly in my hand. “As a matter of fact, I could use some fun right now,” I tell him. Stef grins as his blade swipes through Dante’s restraints, releasing him. He tries to make a run for it the second he’s free, but I cut to the door before he makes it, shutting and locking all three of us inside.
“Cecilia Bowen,” I murmur to him just as he freezes before me. “I want you to remember her name while we’re in here together so that you know what you’re paying for. The final decision in ending your life was thinking you could come into mine and fuck with what’s mine. Remember—Her—Name.”
I check out after that. I don’t know where my sanity begins, and his existence ends. All I see is red. Blood fills my vision and marks my hands, and I lose myself in the sweet violence of his screams, reminding me I was made for this.
I sway on my feet as I walk inside my home, forcing myself to focus through the drunken haze in my head. I may have overdrank after our festivities tonight, and Stef had to see me home, which was slightly humiliating, but I found I didn’t care much because there was nothing to care about without Cecilia here.
I missed her so badly. This was the first time I’ve had to come home without her being here since she’s moved in, and I fucking hated it. I wanted her back. I wanted her home, with me, where she belongs. Nothing else mattered. I just needed to sober up a little bit before I could make that happen or, rather, figure out how I could make that happen.
I walk further into my dark foyer when the lights suddenly flick on. My eyes squint under the sudden brightness until they relax, and then my gaze settles on Cecilia, standing just in the living room doorway that connects to the foyer.
She was dressed in light green fuzzy slippers and had a thin, dark purple robe wrapped around her nearly down to her ankles.
She wasn’t dressed. She wasn’t dressed as if she were staying here.
I stood straighter in an attempt to appear more put together. I knew I didn’t look it, though. My hair was in disarray, and my shirt was unbuttoned. Whiskey and blood stains darkened the black of the shirt. Obviously, I couldn’t see my own eyes, but they felt hazy like I was looking through a foggy glass window, so I suspected they looked as much.
“Celilia,” I mutter.
“Cecilia,” she corrects me with a small hint of amusement. Her voice sounded like heaven, and I walked to her until I stood just in front of her. Then I fall to my knees, staring up at her like she was a goddess created personally for me to worship.
“Forgive me,” I murmur. “For all that I’ve done. Please. I don’t know how to cope with the possibility that you could ever be taken from me, but from now on, I will love you like you need. I swear.”
She smiles down at me, her eyes glistening with tears that make them look like crystal blue orbs. She was breathtaking. She holds both sides of my face with her hands, and it warms me in a way that whiskey never ever could.
She drops onto her knees in front of me and pulls me toward her, kissing me softly. “I’m sorry, too,” she whispers, surprising me. “I’ve been so wrapped up in what I needed that I didn’t stop to realize that you might be struggling and needed some strength from me.”
“That’s not?—”
She cuts me off with another kiss, and my chest physically burns at the feeling. “I love you, and I’m going to be better for you.”
I grin onto her lips. “We’re going to be better for each other.”
“Good,” she whispers onto my lips. “Because your bed is much more comfortable than mine.”
I chuckle and kiss her more savagely, knocking her onto her back on the floor. She laughs as I climb over top of her, dominating her completely now as I shower her with kisses. There wasn’t a spot of her that I didn’t want to miss. I wanted to cherish every square inch of her.
“Why don’t we go up to said bed then?” I suggest.
“You need a shower. You smell like a bar bathroom and…is that…blood on your shirt?”
“I apologize,” I mutter. “It’s hard not being in your attention, babe. I didn’t handle it maturely.” I think back to how I left Dante on the floor with a gut blade embedded in his spine.
She sighs, rolling her eyes. “And yet they say women are too emotional and men should rule the world.”
“I’d love to see you rule the world. You’d beseech everyone for your sweetness and guidance.”
She tries and fails to suppress her laugh. “You’re an awfully charming drunk, did you know that?”
“If it pleases you, allow me to get belligerent every night.”
“Okay.” She chuckles again, climbing to her feet and pulling me up. “I think tonight’s enough. Let’s get you in the shower.”
“Whatever you demand, I shall obey.”
Her eyes widen as her smile does. She was clearly amused, and I liked making her that way. “I like the sound of that,” she quips as I let her help me up the stairs.
I sat on the bed while she turned the shower on. Then she comes back out and pulls me into the bathroom, but when I think she will stay in there with me, possibly help me undress and wash me, she doesn’t. She looks me up and down, shoots me a small, shy smile, and then shuts the bathroom door with her on the other side. I didn’t want to be away from her any longer than I had, which, let’s face it, wasn’t even an entire day, but still, I made haste to strip out of my clothes and hurry into the shower.
When I leave the bathroom, she’s lying back in bed, reading a book on her lap. Her eyes find mine over the book, and I notice how her expression seems to come alive. Knowing that I had the same effect on her as she did on me settles something deep inside me. It made everything I’ve ever done in the name of our love worth it.
I walk to my dresser and pull out a pair of sweatpants, then I drop my towel and look at her again, amused by how her eyes widen. She quickly redirects her gaze and practically stares a hole into her book.
“You can look, babe.”
“You’re drunk. It would be like taking advantage of you.”
I felt mostly better after my shower. I could think and speak clearly. I just felt a little off balance—nothing I couldn’t handle. If I chugged three bottles of water and housed two rib-eye steaks, I’d probably feel one hundred percent again.
“You could never take advantage of me. Look all you want. Touch if you need to.”
She presses her lips together in an attempt to hide her smile. “I’m okay.”
“Such a pity,” I remark. She rolls her eyes as I shrug my sweatpants on. Then I go to the end of the bed, planting both hands on the mattress as I stare up at her.
“What are you doing?” she asks curiously,
“Stalking my prey.”
“What?” she questions just as I lunge up the bed like a lion, closing in on her. Her eyes flame as she watches me and sets her book aside on the nightstand. “You could have let me tell you to crawl for me. It’s much sexier that way.”
I grab hold of her ankle and tug her down under me. “I can’t give you all the power now, can I?”
She tilts her head, her mouth hitching in the corner. “I recall you once telling me I have all the power over you.”
“When we are in this bed, and I’m inside you, making you scream my name, it’s me who has all the power, babe.”
“Must be an impressive power to overtake me.”
“You say it as if you don’t believe it.”
She bites her lip as her eyes flick up to mine, so full of need and excitement. “I’m not sure if I do.”
I slowly run my fingers over the chest of her robe, moving down to the tie around her waist and slowly tugging the knot loose. “Looks like I’ll have to prove it to you then.” Her robe comes undone and falls to her sides, exposing the center of her flat stomach and the inner swells of her breasts. Just this small glimpse of her drove me crazy, and I couldn’t wait. I needed to see all of her. I needed to have all of her. Right now.
Her heart was beating so hard that I could see it shaking her chest, and I leaned down, dropping my mouth over where it lay. She gasps at the contact, and I move my tongue over the spot, dragging it up her breast. I drag my hand down her body, burying it between her legs and carefully caressing her.
“Do you feel okay?” I ask her.
Her voice is breathy and deep as she speaks. “Feel…pretty good right now.”
I glance over to the gauze taped under her left ribs, knowing there was more on her back where the knife cut straight through her to the front. My stomach rolls at the memory, but I don’t stop my movements. Her excited moans and the way her skin is becoming so hot only spur me on.
“You’re not in any pain?” I ask again to make sure.
“Only if you stop.”
I grin, continuing my pursuit. She shakes beneath me like it was our first time ever, like she couldn’t wait. My fingers dip inside of her, and a moan rips from her. “Fuck, you’ve been needing me so bad, haven’t you?” She nods vigorously, and I drop my mouth to her neck, kissing her there. “It’s okay. I’m going to make it better now.”
“James,” she pants, her voice small and needy.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to prove me right already?”
“I’m so close. I can’t help it,” she murmurs as I pump my fingers in and out of her.
“You’re not coming close to anything until it’s my cock you feel inside you.” She pouts as I pull my fingers from her, but when I rise on my knees and slide my sweatpants down around my thighs, her smile perks up again. My cock bobs above her, and I take hold of it, stroking it as she watches with damn hearts in her eyes. Anxiety is flooding my chest for having her so close to me when she was once ripped away so suddenly, but my need for her is so visceral it overcomes it, and I can’t do anything but feel her wrapped around me.
I push myself into her tight opening, groaning at the feel of being so fucking close. So fucking mine. “Yes,” she cries as I slowly bottom out. My teeth grind together as I pull back out, achingly slow, and then thrust back in again.
“God, I love you. Love feeling you. Your heartbeat. Your tight pussy taking every inch I have to give you.”
“I love you,” she echoes. “Don’t stop. Please.”
“Never again, babe. Nothing can keep me from your perfect body.”
She yelps in pleasure as I pick up my pace. Her robe has fallen mostly off her body, hanging just around her elbows that are planted in the bed as she leans up on them, watching me slide in and out of her.
I don’t get to continue, though, because she’s moving away from me, and before I can freak out over the loss of her, she’s shoving me onto my back and climbing over me like an aggressive spider monkey.
“Careful,” I rush out. “You have stitches that could tear.”
“Shut up,” she demands, shocking me. She takes my cock and angles it toward her before she slides down on it in a matter of seconds, sucking the air right out of me because it feels so fucking good. “I don’t want to hear any more about my injury or stitches or how I feel. I just want to ride you. Got it?”
I smile at her bossy tone, a small reminder of why I fell in love with her. “Got it,” I agree, planting my hands on her hips.
She smiles in thanks, wiggling her brows at me. She rises and drops back down, riding me, and her moans are so loud and full of ecstasy. I can’t keep my eyes off of her as she takes her pleasure from me. Her hair is hanging loosely down her back, her lips full and parted, her eyes half-lidded and hazy.
I run my hand up her stomach and cup her breast, tweaking her nipple. “You’re so gorgeous, my Cecilia. Keep taking me just like that.”
“Oh my go?—”
“Fuck. It’s so…God, you’re so…”
“I’m gonna come.”
“Hell yes,” I groan as her screams echo off the walls. I feel her pussy fluttering around me, sucking me in so deep I almost forget my damn name.
“James. Yes. James.”
My voice is low and desperate, nearly out of breath as we both chase our release. “That’s it. That’s it,” I groan as I come inside her.
She slows her pace to stop and drops her head back, a loud exhale escaping her. “I needed that,” she exclaims.
“I needed you,” I respond. She lifts her head, smirking at me.
“If I had known you were such a romantic, I would have teased you more when I met you.”
“If you want your jokes to land better, babe, then I suggest you get off my dick because all I can think about is taking you again and again and again.”
She shivers but climbs off of me and rolls onto the bed beside me. “What now?”
“I need water. And meat.”
“I’ve had enough meat, thanks.”
I look over at her, unable to hide my grin. “You’re a little jokester tonight.”
“Because I’m happy,” she says, her voice sounding as if it were actually full of the damned notion.
I lean into her, kissing her forehead. “I’m happy too.