3. Piper
PIPER
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Kerry Winsor: Anyone met the new girl in town?
Comments:
Tammy Jane: Kerry, you’re like a rabid dog.
Kerry Winsor: I haven’t seen her! She moved in but she’s like a ghost!!!
Kelsey Marie: I’ve met her, but I think we should all be chill about it.
Tammy Jane: You should know by now none of us are chill about anything.
Kelsey Marie: Mom, I’m serious. She’s really shy. Honestly, it looks like a breeze would scare her. Let’s make sure she feels welcome and NOT freaked out by us.
Jade Clark: Does this mean we should take down the photo Hugh posted of his ass a while back?
Kelsey Marie: WHY is it still up?
Jade Clark: To ward off demons, obviously.
I took a deep breath as the video call connected and Scarlett appeared on the screen. She had her usual blurred background and wore a polite smile. Behind that smile was possibly one of the most incredible women I had ever met.
When I found Scarlett online, she’d had a long waitlist, but accepted me when I sent her a letter describing the help I needed.
She’d been good for me. And she’d been the reason I finally moved out on my own.
“Hi,” I said with a smile. “Can you hear me okay?”
Scarlett nodded. “I can. How are you? I like the new background.”
I’d taken time to ensure this one part of my apartment was decorated. My novels were on a shelf behind me, as well as the collection of books by other authors that I loved.
“Thank you,” I replied. “Let’s just not talk about the other walls, which are bare.”
Scarlett laughed. “At least you have one done. I always start with that and it motivates me to do more. That’ll all come with time. How are you feeling about your goals?”
I sat up straighter. Scarlett always kept us on track. We’d exchange pleasantries, but she knew what we were here for.
One of the first things I’d done was set my goals. And they were pretty simple.
I wanted to be able to leave the house. I wanted to be able to handle someone accidentally brushing up against me. I wanted to go to the doctor and have normal relationships with friends.
But most of all? I wanted love.
Ever since I was a little girl, sitting alone in my room, I dreamed of someone coming to save me. Over time, I learned that I had to save myself, but the idea of sharing my life with someone remained. It was almost embarrassing how much I wanted to find the very thing I wrote about.
Scarlett picked up on how much I wanted all of this and made sure we aggressively went after it. Sometimes it was a little too much, but at least I was trying.
“I think I’m on track,” I said. “I even went out yesterday.”
Her eyebrows raised. “Really? Tell me about it.”
“So, as you know, I live above a coffee shop.”
“Such a good choice, by the way.”
“Right? But anyway, a woman who works there introduced herself, and knowing someone helped a lot. I went down to try the coffee.”
“Yes! I’m so happy for you.” Scarlett’s smile was a mile wide. “How did it go?”
“It was amazing. The coffee was so good. It was just black, but I swear I could taste vanilla and orange. But not in the flavored way, in the real way, like it was a note of the coffee bean.”
“That’s awesome. And how did you feel while there?”
My smile slowly faded. I knew I was here for this kind of thing, and talking about my emotions was good for me, but I hated having to go back to it.
I didn’t want to feel as nervous as I did.
“Scared. Very anxious. For a moment, I was sure I’d have to leave.”
“Why didn’t you?”
I could still see it. Theo stared at me with a slightly furrowed brow. He’d known I was uncomfortable, and for a while, that made it all worse.
Then he spoke with a low voice and I’d caught a glimpse of that tattoo.
Miraculously, it had worked.
“Piper?” Scarlett asked. “You got lost in thought.”
“Sorry.” I shook my head and tried to put my thoughts into words. “It went as a lot of them did. I was anxious the whole time. I was about to leave, actually. Then I ran into someone who helped. It was the last person I expected.”
“Who was it?”
“This barista. His name was Theo. He was hot, and I was a little intimidated by him at first. But he was patient and he had this tattoo that was . . . It reminded me to breathe.”
“It did?”
“That was literally what it said. And that snapped me out of it.”
“That’s good.” Her lips twisted. “Though, I do find it interesting that the first thing you mentioned was that he was hot.”
“To be fair, it was the first thing I noticed.” I let out a sigh. “If he has a girlfriend, she’s a lucky woman.”
“I’ve never heard you talk about a man before.”
“That would be because I never leave the house to see them.”
“You have left the house. You went to the bar in Knoxville, but the only thing you were concerned about was slowing down to prevent any more panic.”
“I did mention that one guy. And he lives here too.”
“Oh, so you didn’t bring him up until now? Even last time, you mentioned him in passing as a kind stranger. This seems different.”
My cheeks were hot. “Does it matter? He’s not even my usual type anyway.”
“What’s your type again?”
“Kind, unassuming men who are also in my age range. This one was older with tattoos and thick arms. Plus, his hair. My God, I thought men lost their hair, but it’s so thick, and he had this beard that—”
I stopped myself when I saw Scarlett’s lips press together. “He really left an impression.”
Dammit. She sounded like she was trying not to laugh.
“He did.” My voice came out calmer when I remembered who I was and what I was afraid of. “But I guess it doesn’t matter, does it? I can’t touch him. Or anyone.”
“You might be able to eventually.”
“Yeah . . . eventually.”
When I’d first started working with Scarlett, I hoped that there was something she would say that could magically fix my fear of touching others.
She’d had to deliver the bad news that it was a process and change wouldn’t happen overnight.
I’d tried a lot of what she suggested with mixed results.
I’d ventured out on my own, even when I hated it.
It started small with visits to the store, and then I worked my way up to a bar last year.
Every time, I thought about what it would feel like if someone brushed up against me, and it sent me home faster than I could blink.
Joey rightfully demanded that I not put myself in that position again, so I knew I needed to go somewhere smaller. Somewhere that wasn’t the city.
I didn’t like how much I struggled today.
“Piper, I know how much you want this.” Scarlett’s voice was soft. “And I also know that it doesn’t feel like you’re progressing much right now.”
“It really doesn’t.” I looked down, feeling wetness in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, so I tried to keep it together.
“But you’re making steps to get what you want. And one day, you’ll have it. You’ll meet a nice, amazing man and find the love you want.”
“Your voice cracked,” I said.
Scarlett sighed. “It did. Sorry. I’m confident in you, but men? Yeah, they don’t inspire much confidence.”
Despite myself, I laughed. “Having issues with men?”
“We’re not here to talk about me,” she reminded. “Nice try, though.”
I pouted. “That’s no fun.”
“Sorry, babe, but it’s what you pay me for.” She smiled before locking back in. “Now, you handled the coffee shop, but you were nervous. How do you feel about going back tomorrow?”
“I . . . think I can do it.”
She smiled. “See? Progress.”
I nodded, then glanced out the window. I could only see what was across the square, but still caught a few residents walking along the streets. Did they worry about every other person they might meet? Did they have to fight their own mind just to get out of the house?
In my adult life, I’d never known anything different. I had to fight against myself every single day just to exist.
Beating this was something I wanted more than anything else. I wanted a normal life.
Because if this fear was it . . . then I wasn’t sure this was living.
It was merely existing.
Exhaustion weighed heavy on my eyelids, but when Joey called, I knew I should answer.
Sitting on my freshly made bed, I rubbed my eyes and pressed answer on the screen.
“Piper.” His voice was tense. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“Wanna visit?” I could see him sitting up straighter, eyes bright with hope.
“Sorry, I’m way too tired.” A yawn escaped me.
“Then why aren’t you asleep?”
“Are you really gonna complain that I answered your call?”
“No,” he said. “Not at all. Honestly, I was worried you’d ignore me. I tried to be supportive, but Mitch warned me I might have been negative.”
Warmth blossomed in my chest. “You did your best. I know what you meant.”
“Good,” he said. “I won’t keep you too long, but this is an official check-in.”
“What’s an official check-in?”
“Rapid-fire questions where I make sure you’re okay.”
I blinked. “Uh, I’m not sure if I—”
“I’ll keep it quick so you can get some rest. Here we go,” he said. I resisted the urge to groan and instead readjusted myself to get more comfortable. If this would make him feel better, then I’d suffer through it.
“Did you lock your door?”
“Uh, yes.”
“Check please.”
I really groaned this time. “But my bed . . .”
“Safety trumps relaxation.”
“Fine.” I got up and looked through my bedroom door. “Yes. It’s locked. Both dead bolt and the handle.”
“Did anyone bother you?”
“No.”
“And did you eat?”
“Yes. Two meals.”
“It’s supposed to be three.”
“They were large.”
Joey sighed. “Piper. . .”
“Hey, you eat two big meals all the time! You wouldn’t say this if I were there.”
“Well, you’re not, and that’s half the problem.”
I let out a gasp as his words hit the center of my chest. “Joey, please don’t do this.”
He was silent for a long time.
For a moment, I considered ending the call. But this was my best friend. Something was up. I had a feeling it was me being away, but the least I could do was check in on him.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
It took him a long time to answer. “I’m fine. But this feels weird, having you somewhere else.”