22. Theo
THEO
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Kerry Winsor: @Mollie Wilson Will you have blueberries again this year?
Comments:
Mollie Wilson: Yes! I have plenty of bushes, and this year’s harvest will be massive!
Hu Gh:
Mollie Wilson: Is that a threat?
Jade Clark: Oh, God. He’s gonna show us his ass again!!!
Hu Gh: I’m asking when you’re gonna have peaches! Jeez, I thought you kids knew these emoji things.
A week passed with Piper and me finding a sense of normalcy. She would work until the shop closed, and then we would have quiet moments where she would try to touch me again.
It went both too far and not far enough. They were still innocent grazes of the hand, but she was working to integrate it into normal conversation like she would with any other friend.
The only problem was that Piper simply grazing my shoulder set me off. She said she wasn’t bothered by me jerking off to her, but I refused to get hard when she laughed and touched me. I simply refused.
Unfortunately, my refusal to be a complete loser meant I needed a lot of breaks. Piper was graceful about it, but this was simply sad.
I was thirty-six years old. Too old to be a horny fucking teenager because of a pretty girl.
But she was all that was on my mind, and I didn’t know what to do about it.
I thought of her when I brewed my blend of coffee, the one she always ordered. I thought of her when someone blonde walked into the shop. I thought of her when I took out the trash.
To put it simply: I was losing my mind.
“All right, I’m heading out.” Piper stood right when I was heading to turn the sign to closed.
I frowned. “You are?”
“Yep. I have plans this weekend.”
My bottom lip poked out.
I was pouting now.
Jesus fucking Christ.
“We’ve worked at this all week,” she said with a laugh. “And I know you’re not used to touching too. You get a break.”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m a bit worried about that vein in your forehead.”
“It’s high blood pressure from caffeine consumption.”
“And the extra gray hair you developed.”
Now my hand went to my scalp. “Low blow, Piper.”
“Sorry.” She put her hands up. “And my plans aren’t all that interesting. I have a call to catch up with my best friend. I’ve been busy here and I need to give him an update.”
“Fine. Tomorrow?”
“You’re so desperate,” she teased. “But yes. If you end up being sad, you can think of me when you—”
“Don’t even say it.” I didn’t think I could handle her bringing up what I’d told her again.
Naturally, it was her favorite thing to bring up.
“I was about to say you could think of me when you close up the shop. What kind of girl do you think I am?”
“Evil. That’s what you are.”
She only laughed and then walked up to me, putting both of her hands on my shoulders. My skin burned. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow.”
Piper practically bounced out of the coffee shop.
I had to take a minute to cool off.
I was alone and worked on closing up the shop. When I was done, I planned on going home and not jerking off to her.
Then I walked outside and saw someone leaning on my car.
“Marjorie?” I asked, staring at her for a long moment. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Need a ride home. Care to help an old lady out?”
I blinked and looked around. “Where the hell is Henrietta?”
“Home. Cooking dinner.”
My brow furrowed. I’d never heard of Marjorie not going home with Henrietta. They always left at the same time and did everything together.
“But you . . .” Then it dawned on me. “Is this a ploy to get me to take you to your house and eat dinner with you?”
Marjorie gasped and put a hand on her chest. “Do you really think I would be that smart?”
“I do.”
“Well, I’m not. There is no way we’re making your favorite lasagna, and no way Henrietta also has your favorite soda or anything.”
Thank God. Marjorie was like an angel sent to save me from my own stupid thoughts.
“You could’ve just asked me to join.”
“The last couple times you said you were busy.” She blinked at me innocently. “But you’re not too busy to take a poor, defenseless old woman home, are you?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Yeah, yeah. You got me. I’ll take you home.”
“Thank you. You’re my hero.” She patted my shoulder. “I hope you stay for dinner as a thank-you.”
“Fine,” I said flatly. I refused to let her know I was excited about the food. “I’ll stay too.”
“You’re too kind,” she said before getting in my car.
It was a twenty-minute drive to their house. They lived on a decently sized plot of land. They had two extra bedrooms and often invited me to stay if my house needed work and I couldn’t be there. I said no each time, but I was secretly glad for another option if it turned out I was shit at repairs.
“Here we are,” I said after I parked in their driveway. “Now I really need to—”
“Boy, I will drag you by your hair.”
I laughed. “I’m kidding.”
“Two laughs and a joke in one night? You’re in a good mood.”
I paused. Without realizing, I was smiling more. Joking more, all because Piper kept starting it.
“I guess I am.”
“Interesting,” Marjorie said. Her eyes narrowed as she studied me, and I braced for questions. “We should get inside.”
She was gone before any more questions were asked and I followed her into the house.
It was still the same as it had been months ago, with photos of them and, inexplicably, me on their walls. They were stolen from when I would come to dinners and when they both came to the opening day of the coffee shop. At the time, I had no idea what they were doing with them.
I still didn’t.
“You got him!” Henrietta said, walking around the corner. She had a spatula in hand. “Finally. I thought you were avoiding us.”
“I wasn’t,” I said immediately. “I really am busy.”
“With many things, these days.” Marjorie muttered it under her breath.
“Just the coffee shop.”
The two women glanced at each other, and I tensed.
They knew.
Fuck.
“Everything’s almost done,” Henrietta said instead of asking about it. “It’s your favorite.”
“Not on purpose or anything,” Marjorie clarified. “We’re not that smart.”
“Definitely not.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I rolled my eyes. “Need my help setting the table?”
“Please,” Henrietta replied. “You know Marjorie just throws everything on there.”
“You love my chaos!” she said, following her wife into the kitchen. I went to get the silverware and the napkins, arranging them how Henrietta liked it. By that time, dinner was done.
I made it through about ten generic questions about the coffee shop before I knew they were hinting at something. I was in a good mood with Henrietta’s cooking, so I cut them off.
“Whatever you wanna ask, ask it.” I leveled them with a flat stare.
“Dang it. He caught us.” Marjorie sighed. “We do have a question . . . but I really like catching up.”
“What’s the question?”
“Piper was in front of your shop recently. Anything going on there?”
Dammit. “Not at all.”
“Why? She not your type?” Marjorie rolled her eyes. “She’s adorable! And a romance author too. She’ll probably be way more successful than any of us.”
“Theo has promise,” Henrietta hissed.
“Not like she does,” I said. “We’re friends, but I’m not gonna be anything more.”
“Why not?”
“I’m me, and she’s her.”
“This is why we’re trying gentle parenting,” Henrietta said. “Look at how he thinks!”
“Gentle parenting is for soft parents with no balls.” Marjorie turned to me. “Fuck you and your low self-esteem. Get you a girlfriend and be happy, or I’ll kick your ass.”
“What the fuck is happening right now?” I asked. “Gentle parenting?”
“We’ll disagree about how to parent later,” Henrietta said to Marjorie. “For now, we join forces.”
“Agreed.”
“No, no.” I shook my head. “Keep fighting. Things are easier when you fight.”
“Sorry, kid. We’re your wing women now.”
“I don’t need wing women. I don’t need anything, actually. Neither does she. So, we talk and touch sometimes. It doesn’t mean anything.” I was speaking fast, my pitch rising with each word.
“Touch?” Marjorie asked.
“Not like that! She’s trying to get used to physical contact. It seriously doesn’t mean anything!”
Marjorie stared at me and then burst into laughter. “He’s a goner.”
I expected Henrietta to laugh too, but she was covering her mouth.
“Guys! It’s normal!”
“That denial isn’t.” Marjorie wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh, this is great. We were waiting for this. Now we get to see it!”
“You’ll see nothing.”
“Does she embarrass you too?”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Because it’s so funny!”
“All right, dear.” Henrietta put her hand on Marjorie’s shoulder. “He’s gonna lose his mind if you keep it up. And you know how stubborn he is.”
Marjorie’s smile slowly faded. “That I do.”
“Nothing will ever happen between Piper and me.” I crossed my arms, feeling like the petulant kid I was never allowed to be. “Nothing—not threats or gentle parenting or whatever—will change my mind.”
“All right, kid.” Marjorie crossed her arms, all mirth gone from her face. “You’ve challenged me. Now it’s time to get serious.”
“Look at what you did,” Henrietta said. “You have to listen now.”
I put my hands up in defense. “You don’t have to be serious, Marjorie. I promise it’s not a huge deal.”
She pointed at me, eyes narrowed. I was pretty sure I was either going to get smacked or get truth-bombed by a woman who regularly hit things with bats.
Both were terrifying. “Do you know what you get if you keep on the path you’re on?”
“Quietness.”
“Nothing. You get no reward. You get no happiness. You get a life of emptiness when you keep yourself from love. It’s tempting to, but we’re not designed for that. Connection is normal. It’s needed.”
My eyes went wide. I’d never heard her talk like this in all the time I’d known her.
“I . . . but I—”
“Theo, how do you feel when you’re with her?” Henrietta asked.
I knew the answer. I didn’t want to admit it, though.
I felt alive. I felt like life was worth living.
“I’ve been there, Theo.” Marjorie’s voice was still soft. “And I lost the battle with my own stubbornness a long time ago. And you know what? It was the best fucking thing I ever did.”
“With Henrietta?” I asked.
Marjorie rolled her eyes. “No, with a ham sandwich. Of course with my wife! All we want is for you to be happy. Not content—happy.”
“I . . . I don’t know how to be.”
“Then figure it out, kid. Or you’ll waste your life and end up like Hugh.”
“Oh, wait.” Henrietta shook her head. “Maybe that’s too mean of a threat.”
“No, no. It’s working.” I felt a little sick when I thought about it. “Just no more comparisons to Hugh. You’re right, Marjorie, as always.”
“Good. And you know what else I’m right about?”
“What?”
“Birds not being real.”
Henrietta sighed. “Here we go again. For the last time, Marj, birds are not government spies!”