Chapter 21 #3
I groaned against his fingers, sucking on them in a vain attempt to keep myself from tearing my mouth free and…
What?
Beg him to stop? Beg him to keep going? He wasn’t taking me into his mouth—he just licked and teased along my length, letting his hot breath play against spit-slicked skin before ghosting his lips down my shaft in another gentle, teasing caress.
I was going crazy—maybe this was more punishment for last night. Phoenix was trying to drive me insane. It was the only explanation I had for the way he finally parted his lips and took me to the back of his throat without hesitation.
I couldn’t summon the strength to do anything but moan against his fingers again—I’d been so ready to tell him no when I thought he was going to try to fuck me, ready to let him know that I ached from that abuse and I didn’t think I could.
But he was being so fucking soft, bobbing his head and sucking me slowly with a gentle insistence that forced my damn traitor of a mouth to nurse his fingers in time with the rhythm he set.
When I realized what I was doing, I bit against the digits in defiance.
It just made him hum in pleasure and move to stroke his fingers against my thigh in a tender, almost soothing motion.
It was counterbalance to Phoenix taking me to the back of his throat and swallowing around me until I was pretty sure I was going to fly apart.
When his mouth suddenly left my cock, I let out a low groan of protest that quickly caught on the wings of a moan when he lifted my leg and dropped his tongue to my ass. The feel of that warmth smoothing around my entrance was nearly enough to make me completely lose myself. He was so careful.
So gentle.
So hungry, as he licked and lapped at me with a low groan rumbling through his chest that vibrated every nerve he’d shredded last night when he’d fucked me into the ground.
I didn’t know the man touching me, but I knew I craved him like this the same way I’d craved him in the rain.
I knew this gentleness was just as dangerous as his fury, but fuck, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting more.
The tip of his tongue played at my entrance, licking and thrusting until my hips were rocking against his face and the softest tingles of pleasure were ripping across my abdomen. Was it possible to come just from someone touching you so sweetly?
Apparently Phoenix was intent on finding out, because his free hand stayed on my hip, squeezing gently and urging my leg up over his broad shoulder so he could have better access.
He worked his mouth against me in slow, soothing strokes that stole away any pain lingering from last night— silent apologies for the way he’d torn me apart, sweet promises that he’d always be there to put me back together when we were through.
It was too much. It felt too good when he stiffened his tongue and thrust the tip inside me, licking into me and moaning at the taste.
The only thing that gave away how much he loved it was the spasm of his hand on my hips, the way his fingers were rocking into my mouth in time with the motion of his tongue in tiny little thrusts that I wasn’t even sure he noticed.
It was just heat and softness—worship tantamount to sin pressed against the hole he’d abused so greedily in the rain.
I didn’t realize it was happening at first—the little ripples that tingled down the length of my back and shot straight to my balls. I didn’t realize that the heat of his mouth and the way he was holding me was too much.
Everything was too much.
I could blame it on the rain, say it was still lingering in the air, but it was Phoenix’s mouth as his teeth caught against my rim and his tongue licked away the sting of pain that pushed me over the edge.
I came on a muffled cry and shook in his hold as he tongued me, sucking and biting me through an orgasm that left me boneless. He only lifted his head when I whimpered, and the feel of his greedy lips cleaning the mess on my stomach was too much.
Too much.
He was too much .
Why was he being this person? After last night, he should have left me in the mud, in the blood and the rain and…
Instead, he was holding me like I was the most fragile thing he’d ever laid eyes on, and I could feel myself shattering all over again.
“Shhh, Aubrey.” His tongue ran one more slow, teasing line along my cock, and I writhed, oversensitive and still… craving.
Craving something.
Needing more.
Instead, Phoenix turned and pressed a soft, sticky kiss against my inner thigh. I expected him to spread my legs and crawl on top of me, to fuck me hard and fast while I was lulled into complacency by his gentle touches. I would have let him. Fuck, I wasn’t sure I could have moved to stop him.
He nuzzled my sweat-damp skin for another second before finally pulling his hand from my mouth.
Saliva strung from his digits to my lips—I’d bit him hard enough that I’d left behind an impression of my teeth, painted with little droplets of copper.
My eyes lifted to his face as he examined them before bringing them to his mouth to lick at the blood and spit with a low hum of satisfaction.
Phoenix brought his gaze to mine as he did it.
His pupils were blown, though he hadn’t touched himself at all.
They were depths I’d never seen before, oceans I could drown in.
He looked at me like I was the center of some world that didn’t exist anymore—a world with clear skies, where tigers were still alive—and couldn’t breathe around the tenderness still painted across his face .
My mouth worked open and shut, but I didn’t know what to say. I just stared as he leaned in and brushed his thumb across my lower lip, his eyes lingering where he touched…
I could almost feel the kiss I still hadn’t given him hanging between us.
I was never going to find steady ground with him, never find a place where I could feel level enough to actually leave when we were done completely clearing out the resort.
Maybe that was the point.
Maybe this was the trick.
“Mmmmf, Phoenix?” My voice sounded hoarse, wrecked. Far away. “What are you…” He leaned in slowly, pressing his lips once in a soft, tender brush against the corner of my mouth, my jawline. Then he pulled back, leaving me suddenly adrift without the anchor of his touch. “Where are you going?”
The question came out slurred, but I couldn’t help it.
My entire body was a mixture of hot and confused, frayed nerves and longing I couldn’t understand.
I was drunk on his gentle touches and the pleasure he’d given me, and suddenly flayed open at the knowledge that I’d been aching for this for so long.
Ben had never been soft or sweet—we’d fucked hard and fast. He’d never been rough, and he’d never been tender.
That was probably why I’d stayed with him for so long. He’d been safe.
Phoenix was anything but safe—he was wildfire, ready to turn me to ash. He was longing and desire, everything I wanted.
Everything I’d missed since…
I couldn’t …
I…
“You look like you need to rest, Aubrey.” He stroked his knuckles against the side of my face and I felt myself instantly lean into the touch. His tone was sweet, just a little teasing—he knew rest was the last thing on my mind.
Was he going to make me ask? Beg?
“No, wait. I…” I swallowed hard. My throat was still aching from the way I’d screamed in the rain last night—physical proof that Phoenix wasn’t safe at all . He was the last thing I needed.
What in the fuck was I doing? I should have let him leave the room.
My body was burning.
My head was spinning.
My chest was on fire.
Because suddenly, unexpectedly, all I could think of was Bishop. Bishop and the fact that there was nothing I could ever do to bring him back, no matter how much I wanted to. And he would have wanted me to be happy… to find peace in something.
In someone.
That someone had never been Ben. Though I’d tried to make myself whole around the shape of him, he’d just broken me more.
He’d left that rift even bigger, like the world had been tearing me open for a monster to fill me up and finally help me learn to breathe again.
A monster in the shape of a man—a hole in my soul perfectly sized for someone to slide inside and demand I breathe again.
Breathe .
I had to breathe so I could fill my lungs and gasp out one word as Phoenix started to pull away.
“Don’t.”
“Hmm?” He stopped instantly, and the slow curve of his lips made me wonder if this was a trick, after all. It didn’t feel like a trick. It felt like…
Aftercare. It felt like Phoenix was doing everything right to make sure I didn’t feel trauma from the roughness of the night before—he’d known that I needed that violence then, and it seemed like he knew what I needed now, even though I wasn’t willing to admit it.
Aftercare. The most saccharine and doting aftercare that anyone had ever given me.
“I…” I frowned and bit my lip, still trying to figure out the words to say, what it meant that his eyes focusing on me made my entire body flush. I turned my head into the pillow, closing my lids against the confusion warring inside me. “I don’t…”
I felt him move like a cool whisper, settling his broad body against me so I was blanketed with the heat of him, the weight and strength. Everything he had to offer, everything I realized I might die if I didn’t get to have.
He leaned in and licked the shell of my ear, whispering softly, “What do you want, Aubrey?” Warm lips traced my jawline and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. “What do you need?”
God, he sounded like he wanted to break himself open and give me everything.
I wasn’t sure how I found the strength to open my eyes and turn to look at him, because I knew he’d see it on my face.
I was too raw right now. I couldn’t guard my expression—I couldn’t hold back.
I couldn’t stop myself from seeing that the hole left in my chest, the one I’d been avoiding all along…