Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
AUbrEY
I was pretty sure I was one of the best people at denial I’d ever met, and even I couldn’t help but admit that things with Phoenix were different.
It wasn’t like he’d suddenly gone soft on me, though.
We stayed in the house for a few days, and his fingers were greedy when they pointed out scars, demanding their stories and fucking me after I told him.
His eyes still burned with vicious joy when we ran into another group of infected on the way back, and we cut them down, side by side.
He was still every raw, vicious thing that could tear me apart—fingers that dug into a collar and choked me while he fucked me from behind. He was violence and pain. He was the rain.
And when we climbed into bed at night, he wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me until I was lying on top of him, like the memory of waking up that way was something he secretly wanted close.
I wasn’t sure what to do with this version of Phoenix, except realize it was something I was afraid to keep.
He’d fucked me in the rain until I screamed—until those screams tore every wound I had wide open. I felt, for the first time, that maybe I could… maybe…
He’d ripped me apart along every broken line and left the wounds to heal clean in the rain. I still hurt—fuck, I still hurt, but when he was near me I felt like I could breathe.
Maybe breathe without feeling pain. I could inhale, and my lungs were bathed in his fire.
That was more dangerous than anything else.
It was too much.
“Where are you, Aubrey?” Blythe’s voice beside me drew me out of my thoughts, a soft warmth that I hadn’t expected to start enjoying.
I blinked, turning to her. She was sitting by Zero—they were making nets . When I’d asked why, they said someone finicky had joined the pack and they still needed to feed him.
It actually took me a minute to realize they were talking about me.
“Sorry. Just thinking.” My eyes drifted to Phoenix when I said it. I couldn’t look at him now without having double vision—the predator in the rain, the clean-faced man looking up at me with ocean eyes.
Everything was confusing.
“Right. You know, I’ve never seen him smile this much.
I mean, he never really smiled at all. When we found each other, he was angry.
Fierce, loyal… but hurt. I didn’t know if th at would ever go away.
” Blythe’s comment was offhand, and it jerked my attention back to her.
It was strange how much the thought made me panic.
I didn’t want to be the reason he smiled, because I wasn’t sure I could stay.
I didn’t want to be the reason Phoenix got hurt.
“Blythe, if he hears you talking like that, he’s going to string you up and show you how hurt he isn’t.
” Zero leaned in, and his dark eyes roamed over my features.
He was handsome—thick black hair that sometimes curled around his shoulders tied back into a bun, and a broad smile that seemed a little more dangerous than it should be.
It was obvious that he and Blythe were twins, and it was obvious he was trying to protect her now.
“And you… you need to make sure you understand what she’s saying. ”
When I didn’t answer, he leaned in and caught my wrist, his long fingers circling the skin and jerking me forward.
“Zero,” Blythe warned, but he shook his head.
“Phoenix is a good man—a good leader. You don’t get to break him.”
“I—”
“The fuck are you doing, Zero? Let him go.” An arm shot between us, and the feel of Phoenix lifting me bodily from the chair where I was sitting so he could yank me back against his chest was dizzying.
It was worse, because Blythe looked between the two of us with a knowing expression, and Zero settled back with his hands up.
“Nothing. You said he’s family, Phoenix. Means I get to treat him like it, right? ”
Phoenix’s eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, putting distance between me and the twins.
“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean you get to touch him.
” I didn’t realize he’d wrapped his hand around my wrist, circled the exact same spot Zero had, until the warmth of him penetrated my skin.
It wasn’t like he’d hurt me—honestly, I understood the protectiveness.
Maybe I wouldn’t have a month ago, but I did now.
The raiders really were closer, more caring, more fierce and protective than any squad I’d ever been in. The Order had us fighting them because they were vicious and wild, but fuck me if they weren’t loyal. I felt safer here than I ever had with them.
With Phoenix’s arms around me, I felt safer than… fuck, than I ever had in my life.
It was a problem.
“It’s fine. They’re just giving me shit because I’m not like you.” When the arms around me tensed, I sighed. “The nets, Phoenix.”
There was a drawn-out second, and his body relaxed. “Oh.”
Blythe and Zero both looked at me, their expressions perfect mirrors. I shrugged. I guess I was protecting them too.
“Right. Come on. Didn’t you say you wanted to do one more sweep of the resort to make sure we had all the fencing closed up? I need to stretch my legs.”
His arms around me didn’t let go—in fact, his fingers slipped beneath my shirt, tickling at my hipbone in warning. There was another scar there, slicked across the skin and so old I didn’t care if he took it. I’d fallen off a tower I’d climbed trying to find water.
Maybe I’d keep it from him for a few minutes so he’d get brutal. He could hold me down and fuck me until I couldn’t breathe, until I gave him the story anyway. I needed him to show me the vicious raider he’d been when we’d first met instead of…
What…?
Someone with his arms wrapped around me, protective and jealous because another man had touched me?
I…
Fuck.
Maybe Blythe was right.
Phoenix was changing too… and I wondered…
Which one of us was going to break first and either send this all crashing down into flames or finally admit that whatever this was…
Whatever we were.
It was something we couldn’t escape.