Chapter 21
H er mother was asleep. Finally…peace and quiet.
The woman hadn’t stopped talking about what Polly “needed” just because Joel had left.
No. She’d gone on and on about how essential it was for Polly to have a man like him.
How Polly “needed” to let him in, or she’d end up sad and alone and full of regrets.
She wasn’t sad or alone. She was a business owner. She had the best best friend a girl could ask for. She was happy. And independent.
And she did not need Joel Dawson.
Her feet slammed to a stop in her bedroom doorway. “You’re still here.”
Not just here— in her bedroom. Joel stood staring at the photo of her and Maggie on the dresser. It was actually insane that just standing there, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, he had such an unbelievable impact on her body. Racing heart. Sweaty palms. Chills down her spine.
He set the photo down and turned to her. “I’m still here.”
“Why?”
“I couldn’t leave before knowing you were okay.”
“I attended a divorce party for my mother who’s on her fifth marriage and hasn’t even divorced the guy yet.
Then I caught her sneaking out like a teenager to do God knows what with him behind a tree.
Oh, and he could be a serial killer. I’m not really sure okay is the right word for what I’m feeling. ”
A ghost of a smile curved his lips. But this wasn’t funny. And if it was, it was the sad kind of funny. The kind that could make you cry in self-pity mid-sentence.
“Maybe you need to stop saving her,” he said quietly.
“I absolutely need to stop saving her. But I’ve got a problem.
” She crossed to her bed and perched on the end to toe off her shoes, her words coming out fast and running into each other.
“I have this need to bail her out every time her life gets messy. And then I absorb it all. I let her sadness sink beneath my skin and affect and change me and make me angry. Angry at her and men and the world. Then I start making promises to myself. That I won’t be like her.
That I’ll never need a man like she does.
And I was good at that for a while. It was easy.
Until you waltzed into my life, Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome.
It doesn’t help that you’re just always there, messaging and showing up at divorce parties and cupping my cheek with your massive, beautiful, veiny hands and?—”
“Hey.” Joel knelt in front of her, his palms closing over her knees. “Can I tell you something?”
No. Definitely not. It would be far safer if he moved away. Far, far away. Like the other side of the house. He smelled too good and his palms were bleeding too much warmth into her body.
“Okay.” Damn her and her inability to listen to internal warnings.
“I spent years avoiding intimacy. Dating woman after woman as a way to prove to my parents that I wasn’t a marriage or commitment kind of guy. That was easy. Maybe as easy as you found it to avoid men. Until I met you.”
Oh shit. “You could change your mind about me.”
“It wouldn’t be my mind that needs changing. It’s this.” He took her hand and pressed her palm over his heart. Soft thuds beat into her skin.
Her own heart gave a little kick.
“Just so you know,” he added, “I’m not going anywhere. And I don’t care if you need me, depend on me, or just want me. I will be whatever you choose.”
“What if it’s all three?”
“Even better.”
“Why do you have to be so perfect?” she breathed.
“Not perfect. Just scared to death to lose the first woman I’ve ever loved.”
Love…he loved her. He’d said that before. And for some reason, the word didn’t scare her. It didn’t make her want to run or hide or push him away.
Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him, no longer able to fight the storm that raged in her.
His tongue slipped straight in, tangling with hers. Dancing like they both knew the moves by heart.
Kissing him after being apart for so long felt like deep gulps of air after drowning. Like that first full breath after not being sure you’d ever have another.
He reached for the hem of her shirt, his fingertips whispering over her skin. Then the material was up and over her head. She did the same with his shirt.
There was a quiet desperation in the way they moved. A need to get as close as possible, as fast as possible, in case time ran out or something split them apart.
When the last piece of clothing hit the floor, he lifted her, but only for a second so he could reposition her in the center of the bed. Immediately, he rose and crossed the room to close the door with a soft thud before returning.
When he hovered over her, she could feel all of him. He surrounded her, his cock pressing into the apex between her thighs, his wide chest pushing her into the mattress.
But he didn’t stay there for long. His mouth started to move down her neck, kissing and tasting. Treating her body like it was glass, fragile and valuable.
She barely silenced the cry when his lips wrapped around her nipple and his teeth grazed her bud.
God, she throbbed for this man. It was this deep, pulsing need for him to be inside her. A need she’d fought for so long.
But she was done fighting.
Instead of coming back up, he moved lower, only stopping when he hovered over her core. Her lungs seized. His head lowered. Then his tongue swiped over her clit.
A strangled cry squeaked from her throat. She grabbed the sheets, clenching them in her fists. He licked her again, his thick arms wrapping around her thighs, holding her in place.
It was torture and pleasure and a million other things all wrapped into one.
Her muscles tightened and the heat in her veins burned as he continued to lick and suck.
She was so close, she thought she’d snap. Quickly, she grabbed at his upper arms and tugged him up before pushing him to the mattress and climbing on top.
His eyes burned into her as she reached inside her side drawer and pulled out a condom. Then slowly, she slid it over his length. His muscles twitched beneath her thighs, his chest heaving. But she took her time, running her fingers over his tip, playing and exploring as she sheathed him.
“Polly…” Her name was a growl on his lips. “You’re killing me.”
She lowered her head and nipped his ear. “Save me a seat next to you in heaven.”
Then she lifted up and positioned herself over him before slowly—so slowly it almost killed them both—she slid down until he completely filled her.
Polly rolled her hips, causing air to hiss between Joel’s teeth.
This. Woman. She made him feel powerful and powerless at the same time. She unraveled every part of him and fuck , he loved it.
She leaned down, palms pressed to his chest, mouth hovering over his before whispering, “How’s this?”
“It’s torture.”
Her smile widened, and she kissed him, a gentle sweep of lips against lips and tongue against tongue. A taste of each other. Then, her hips lifted before lowering back down.
Jesus fucking Christ, she was going to kill him. He growled, consciously forcing himself to loosen his grip on her waist so he didn’t bruise her.
Her tongue curled around his as she lifted and lowered, setting an agonizing rhythm. He told himself to let her control this. But each rock of her hips, every time she returned to him, he lost a little more of his sanity.
He started to lift. To thrust his hips up and meet her halfway.
She pushed into a sitting position and closed her eyes as she moved. Her breathing was heavy. Her breasts rising and falling, her face vulnerable and full of emotion.
She fucking hypnotized him.
He reached up and grazed his fingers over her nipples, watching those glorious breasts bounce with her movement.
“Joel…”
Shit, he loved the way she said his name. Like it was hers. Like it belonged to her.
He rolled her nipples with his thumbs and she gripped his wrists, not pulling him away. Holding him there. Keeping him in place as if he was going to leave her.
He sat up, and for a moment, they both stilled.
Her eyes flickered between his. “Hey.”
“I love you, Polly Mack.”
Emotion darkened her honey eyes. She cupped his cheeks. “Despite all my efforts not to…I love you too.”
He touched her forehead with his. “Thank you.”
“For loving you?”
“And letting me love you back.” He kissed her. One deep kiss before rolling them so that she lay beneath him. Then he began to move. To lift his hips and plunge back down hard. To completely lose himself in her.
Her legs wrapped around his waist, her sweet breath fanning over his face.
He sped up his thrusts while lowering his mouth to her neck and tasting her skin. Her nails dug into his shoulders, her walls starting to tighten and twitch around his cock.
Two more thrusts, and finally she gasped and dug her head into his shoulder, her cries muffled against his skin.
He didn’t stop moving. His rhythm became erratic as he felt her pulse against his cock. Felt the bite of pain as her teeth dug into his shoulder.
Then that white-hot pleasure burst through him, making his body go hard, making every muscle in his body contract and tremble.
He lost himself in her, fell right over that edge into Polly.
When he finally stilled, he had nothing left. No energy. No will to move. Nothing. She’d taken it all.
“Shit,” Polly breathed. “That was good.”
He chuckled. “ Good ?”
“I’d give you a standing ovation but I’m too tired. Maybe tomorrow.”
His smile stretched and he pressed a kiss to her temple before disappearing into the bathroom. Once he’d cleaned himself up, he turned off the lights and returned to her, pulling her into his side and just holding her. “Time to sleep.”
She nuzzled into him. “You want to know something really good?”
“Always.”
“I just said I love you to a man, and it didn’t scare me. Not even a little bit.”
His heart punched at his ribs. “Good. You’ve realized your love is safe with me.”
“Yeah, I think I have.”
It didn’t take long for her breaths to even out. He needed to get up and check the house. But he didn’t want to move. Not yet. He wanted to hold her for a bit longer. Being apart from her had been hard. He couldn’t let that happen again.