Chapter Nineteen
Ash
It was even hotter than I’d expected, because he was so on the edge, he was ignoring everything except what he wanted, and what he wanted was to punish me, or to force me to punish him. Either way, I had a feeling I’d get off.
Was I close to spunking myself right now?
Hell yeah, Cal was on top of me, and his hands were locked around my throat, his junk pressed against mine, and guess what…
I wasn’t the only one sporting a boner right now.
He was hard too. He was getting off on this, or on me, or both, and I wanted it.
All I fucking wanted was him, and I needed to keep pushing him until it happened.
Did I care who took whose dick first? Did I care if he took me first?
It didn’t matter. That first fuck would define us, it’d define who we were, it would make us what we should have always been.
US. It was always about getting him to accept me, to want me, to love me.
If it started with hatefucking or abuse, I was already on board with that.
I’d take it, I’d take anything, just for him to be the one giving it to me.
I didn’t care that there was a cooling corpse beside us, or that there was blood soaking into both of our clothes from that bitch.
I didn’t even care that he was demanding that I kill him.
I wouldn’t. I would never kill him, but I’d do whatever it took to have him, and if this pushed him over that edge, then so be it.
“What’s wrong with you?” Cal hissed at me, leaning closer as his fingers dug into the soft skin of my throat.
Breathing was becoming nearly impossible, but it didn’t scare me.
It wasn’t terrifying like it probably should be.
See, here’s the thing. I want Cal, and I’ll do anything to have him, but if he kills me?
I couldn’t give a fuck about what came next, because I’d be gone.
He wouldn’t get out of the house though, and whoever came to check on us would punish him for it.
If he killed me, my family would probably torture him for months.
He’d suffer hell before he ended up there with me.
We gay boys go to hell, after all, as far as his god was concerned.
“Kiss… me,” I gasped, trying to lift my arms, to grab him and drag him closer. Lack of air was making me weak, and every second that I was able to grab even the tiniest amount of oxygen, I was taking it, because this was the hottest experience of my life, and I wanted it to last.
Hate’s just like love, right? It’s about deep emotion.
It’s about strong feelings for another person.
If he hated me, I could make him love me too.
If he loved me, the chances were that he’d hate me at times too.
Hate and love, they’re just the same thing, from opposing viewpoints.
He could hate me and still be mine. He just had to try.
“Cal…” My arms were starting to tingle, and my dick was about ready to explode, and all I wanted was for him to do something to push me over that edge.
“Why couldn’t you just leave me in peace, Ash?” Cal glared down at me, blissfully unaware of the streak of blood along his cheekbone, which made him look like a sexy deadly warrior.
“Be… cause… I’m your… peace…”
His hands suddenly loosened, and air burned its way back into my lungs, as I began to choke on it, coughing and gasping. Cal sat back on my hips and watched me, his eyes taking in every detail of my suffering, his lips twitching briefly.
“You’re my peace? You’re a piece of shit, is what you are, Ash. You’re also a ballsy fucker, because I just murdered a woman, and you were pushing me to hurt you too. What if I’d killed you too?”
I sucked in a deeper breath, and felt it burn its way down into my lungs. Jesus, he did a number on me, but I was still hard, and I still wanted more.
“Do you want… to kill me?” I croaked out, as I flexed my fingers, fighting the tingling that itched my fingers now that I was breathing actual air again.
“Do I want to? Sometimes. Ash, you’re a brainfuck and you know it.
You never let up on me, and now you’ve pushed me over an edge I can’t climb back up to.
She broke me, and you crushed the pieces of me into dust. I think if I had access to that blade right now, one of us would die, but I don’t know which.
” And that’s exactly why he won’t get that access.
I could fight for my own life, if I had to, because I’d prefer to be alive and fucking him, probably even enjoy the fight for survival, but I wouldn’t ever let him hurt himself.
“I just want to be with you, Cal. I know you want that too. Just admit it. Admit you want me, and I’ll even let you fuck me first.”
Cal groaned, and used his hands on the tiles to push himself up until he was standing again.
“Maybe I’ll just shut you in here with her, and you can die while she rots.”
Like fuck! I scrambled up from the tiles, staggering a little, as the room tilted and righted itself again.
“You make it to that door first, and you can do exactly that, but if I get there first, I’ll fuck you like the repressed little bitch you are.
” We both darted toward the door, and crashed through it at the same moment, and that’s when we both hesitated, freezing to stare at each other. What the fuck would happen now?
“Let me go,” Cal said quietly, backing away from the doorway so I couldn’t push him back in there.
“No way out, man. You live here with me now. Give in and I’ll be gentle.”
“You didn’t win. That’s not… I’m not letting you do that.”
I shoved him hard, sending him crashing against the wall opposite the doorway, and crowded him with my body.
“You want that though. You want my cock so far up your ass you’ll feel it for days. You’ll feel like I’m up there even when I’m out of the room, and you know what else? You’ll crave it, you’ll want me back inside you, because that’s where I fucking belong.”
Cal shuddered, and I felt it ripple through his entire body, sending a reciprocal shudder of need through me.
“Come on, Cal. Just admit it. You want me. Let me take you. Let me show you why you’re meant to be with me. Just stop fighting who you are. You’re gay. I’m gay. Let’s just fucking be gay with each other.”
I’d never been more desperate for anything. I was hornier than I’d ever been, I could feel him trembling against me, and his cock was still hard too. I knew he’d enjoy it if he’d just try. His eyes closed as his head rested back against the wall.
“I… fine… but I fuck you, not the other way around. You’ll… take… take my cock, Ash.”
Fucking gladly.
Callum
The second I said it, there was relief. The second the words left my lips, I realised it was okay to want that.
It was okay to want him. Why would the Church insist that God would smite someone for loving who they wanted to love?
Where was He now? Where was His almighty power, ready to destroy me for declaring what I wanted, what I needed?
It was all bullshit. It was all brainwashing, and bullshit. Thank fuck I got out when I did.
“Cal, don’t overthink it. Just come with me, and you can have my ass.
I’ll take you deep inside me, and I’ll let you hurt me if that’s what you want.
” Hurt him? Why would he say that? I let Ash take my hand, and lead me up some stone stairs to a far more furnished floor, with pale walls, and carpets, and a plush luxury feel to it.
This part wasn’t a cell like that room down there.
“Hurt you?” I asked idly, as I cast my eyes around. There was a door, clearly the door to the property, but it had a coded pad beside it, and I had no way of guessing a code, did I? I didn’t even know how many digits it required. Probably had at least one 69 in it, knowing Ash.
“Yes, baby, you can hurt me. I like pain, and I’ll love it even more from you.”
I halted, tugging my hand from Ash’s, and his forehead creased as he turned to wait for me.
“Don’t back out, Cal. Imagine how tight my ass will feel around your cock. You’ll be filling my virginal asshole, babe. I’ll be beneath you while you fucking rail me. I want that. I want it to hurt.”
Jesus. I shook my head at him, but he just smiled widely, reaching for my hand, and pressing it against his cheek.
“It’s okay, babe. I want it.” He pulled my hand away from his face then dragged it fast against his cheek with a soft slap. What was he doing? I tugged free of his grip and he nodded at me.
“Do it, babe. Slap me. Hit me. Forcibly fuck me. I’m yours. You can do what you want to me. I want it all.” He wanted me to hurt him. I clenched my fist and took a deep breath, and he nodded at me again.
“Hit me.” I thought he wanted sex. I thought he wanted me to fuck him, but now he was trying to convince me to punch him?
I opened my hand again and drew it back, slamming it against the side of his face.
I knew I didn’t do it hard, but the groan that uttered from his lips as his face jerked with the blow, yeah, that confirmed what he’d said.
He wanted me to hurt him, and hadn’t I wanted to do that once?
Did it feel good to hit him? Did I like how it felt to strike him in the face?
I rested my hand against his cheek and stepped closer.
“That was good for you?”
Ash smirked. “I can take more than that. Be a fucking brute, and I’ll still enjoy it. You won’t break me, Cal. I’m a Cross. We break people, but we don’t break.”
A surge of anger followed his words, as I realised that arrogance in him was ingrained, trained into him by those twisted parents of his, bandied about like truth, when it was pure depravity.
I drew my hand back and slapped him harder, and this time his response was a ragged gasp.
“Yes… hurt me, baby.” The fucking twisted little psycho. I grabbed his hair and dragged him closer to me.
“Show me to the fucking bed, freak.”
A wide grin stretched across his face, as he turned and started leading me up some stairs, while my grip on his hair didn’t loosen for a moment.
When we reached the bedroom, and I released him, he turned to face me, lifting his t-shirt off and dropping it on the carpet beside him.
His chest was painted with tattoos, and I saw my name several times, among many dark and jagged designs, with everything surrounded and linked with barbed wire inked into his flesh.
It was stunning, and just made him look more beautiful, more deadly, and more damaged. Ash nodded at me.
“Your turn, babe. We both get naked.” I reached for the buttons on my shirt, and my hands suddenly froze. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t bare my skin for him. My mind was suddenly filled with so many conflicting thoughts that I was struggling to even breathe.
“Cal? Don’t bogart my view, baby. I need to see you too.” Ash’s hands settled on mine, and he pushed them aside. “Breathe, Cal. This is a good thing. This is what was always supposed to happen. Just keep moving. Bare that beautiful body for me. Let me worship it. Let me-”
“W-worship?”
“Fuck. Bad choice of word for a former godbotherer, huh? I just meant that I want to touch you, kiss you, lick you, but I need you naked first.”
“I…”
“Cal, don’t back out now, please.”
“We’ve never even kissed properly, and suddenly you want sex? I’m… Jesus… this is… I can’t.”
Ash gently cupped my chin and lifted my face, which apparently I’d lowered as shame started to overwhelm me.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, as his lips touched mine in the softest kiss I could imagine.
Barely there. Barely touching. It was perfect, and it wasn’t enough.
I wanted, no, I needed more. It couldn’t be gentle.
It couldn’t be sweet. This wasn’t love. It wasn’t, right?
It was about sex. It was about body parts, and combustible pleasure. It was about fucking, not making love.
My fingers tangled in his dark hair, and I pressed in deeper, flinching when his tongue brushed against my lips.
“Open,” Ash whispered, and for once, I obeyed him, my lips parting and welcoming his tongue as it suddenly surged into my mouth, and I crashed against the wall as he took over.