Chapter Twenty-One
Ash
Ithink that’s what he wanted me to say, what he probably wanted me to do, because I think he just didn’t have the balls to do any of this, without me making it happen.
Pushing him was the only way to get what I wanted, and I knew he’d had so many years of all this bullshit being drummed into him, making him believe that love was wrong if it wasn’t a man and a fucking woman.
Was there a way to get him to realise it, or was forcing him the only way to make him accept me?
“Dammit, Ash! You’re planning to rape me too? Is that all I am? A fucking body for people to use to get off, regardless of what I want? When do I get to choose? When does someone listen to what I actually fucking want?”
He was screaming at me now, his hands pulling at his red hair, and there were tears streaming down his cheeks.
He was beautiful like this, as much as it was heartbreaking, as much as I was watching him lose all control, and knowing it might not be fixable.
Seeing him like this, completely broken apart, completely devoid of all their brainwashing, was a fucking triumph.
“What do you want, Cal? Tell me, and I’ll give it to you. I don’t want to force you… well, I kinda do, but I get that my urges aren’t your problem. What is your problem is the fact that you took in so much of that mindfucking they put you through, you’re fighting against who you are!”
“And WHO AM I?!” He yelled at me, lunging at me fists first, catching me on the chin, and then knocking me back onto my ass, still swinging at me, and trying beat the hell out of me.
I lay back and let him hit me, because I’d always loved the rush it gave me when pain hit my nerve endings, and left me with a lasting ache after. Call me fucked up, but I’m a Cross, right? We all have our fucked up wiring, but in our own special ways.
“Fight me, you fucking asshole!” Cal yelled, hitting the side of my head hard enough to make my ear ring. His nakedness, writhing on top of me as he tried to beat me up, was making this the weirdest and hottest thing I’d experienced.
He was naked, I was naked, and I was definitely fucking aroused.
He was hitting me. That was hot too. It was all just hotness on top of hotness.
Even his tears weren’t dousing my enjoyment of the moment, because I had a feeling this was what had to happen, so that he’d be free of all the trash they’d left cluttering up his head, and his heart.
“Hit me harder, babe. I’m the bad guy, right? Keep hitting me. Hurt me to make your pain go away.”
Cal froze, his chest still heaving with his rasping breaths, as he stared at me, his eyes trailing over my face, over the bruises and injuries he’d caused me.
I ached and throbbed in so many places, and it was fucking exhilarating.
Pain just made me harder. Was that the weirdest thing about me? Hardly.
“Why am I taking this out on you?” He suddenly choked out, tugging at his hair again, as more tears coursed down his cheeks.
“Because I don’t mind, babe. I like it. You can hurt me as often as you like. I can take it.”
“No.” He dragged the back of his arm across his eyes, and sniffled.
“No? Not even a little bit? Wanna punch me in the junk or something? That might be hot.”
Cal snorted and rolled his eyes at me. “That’s fucked up, Ash. Nobody wants that.”
“I’m just saying, it’s okay to take it out on me. You’ve had a shit life, and if you want to blame me, that’s fine. It won’t get you away from me. You’re going to be mine forever, Cal. That’s non-negotiable.”
His breath hitched in his throat now and then, little hiccups after the epic breakdown he just had, but he shook his head at me. What part of non-negotiable didn’t he understand? My hand shot up, locking around his throat as I pushed up, and rolled, taking him down, to pin him beneath me now.
Our situation had reversed in a split second, and like me, he didn’t fight it.
He just lay there. Unlike him, I wasn’t looking to inflict physical pain though.
The best stuff was the psychological pain, right?
That was something my dads were skilled at apparently.
I could deliver that in spades, but his parents had already done all the heavy lifting, and I was left with the remains of what they’d created.
“You’re mine whether you agree or not,” I insisted, squeezing on his throat, a small warning of just how fucking intense this could become.
“I mean, this isn’t your fault,” he whispered, his eyes sliding closed as he spoke, “its theirs. All of the destruction of my soul began with them. If anyone has to pay for who I am, it’s them.”
Oh fuck yeah. He’d look so hot covered in the blood of his family.
Callum
I think I just suggested my parents had to die, and the weird part of it?
It didn’t feel wrong to think it, or even say it.
The look of glee on Ash’s face didn’t bother me either.
I felt like I’d just hit on the right decision.
Like this was what had to happen, for me to get past the shit they put me through.
“We’ll start with your uncle,” Ash said, and for once he was right. That asshole, Gordon, had to fucking die first. Look at me plotting murder, when I’d been raised to live by the commandments, and rules according to the fucking bible, and their interpretations of it.
“It should be violent and bloody. He needs to die screaming,” Ash was saying, his fingers stroking my throat lightly, instead of gripping it now.
I caught his hand and stopped his lazy caresses, fixing him with a serious glare.
“We’re talking about murder, Ash. This isn’t something to be taken lightly. This is the biggest sin there is.”
He grinned, and it just kept widening, like the joker’s twisted smile, until it became a laugh. He was laughing, at the idea of murder. At the idea of killing my blood relatives.
“Ash, dammit!”
He pressed a finger over my lips, with the hand I wasn’t still hanging onto like a lifeline, because of the insanity we were discussing.
“Baby, I knew you were meant for me. My sexy little killer. Choir boy just turned mean, and I fucking love it. I’m so hard right now, I could spunk all over your junk.
In fact, I think I should totally do that right now, don’t you?
What better way to celebrate the planned demise of your entire bloodline, than to jerk off onto each other? ”
“Ugh, everything’s about sex with you!” I hissed, trying to shove him off me, but his balance was fucking solid as a rock.
“It’s going to be, I can promise you that. Once you get your head out of your ass, I’m gonna shove my cock right up there, Cal. You’re going to be filled with my cum every chance I get. Gonna breed your ass like it’s a pussy, and you’ll take every drop like my little whore.”
Ugh, I suddenly knew that he was going to start touching himself or me, or both of us again, and my mind was too fucked up to cope with it. If he touched me, I’d scream, because I couldn’t take it right now.
My nerves were screaming at me for so many reasons, my anxieties were clawing at my chest, like they were literal fingers with sharp talons, and I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly I genuinely couldn’t breathe, my lungs stalling, and I started clawing at my own throat, as panic set in.
“Cal? Jesus, Cal? What’s going on?” Ash leaned over me, his fingers brushing against my cheek, and I flinched, feeling completely overwhelmed and over-stimulated, and if he touched me again, I’d lose my mind. I knew it. My brain would fucking explode right now.