Chapter Forty-Two
Ash
Something about Cal being in charge made me feel so fucking weightless. Suddenly all I had to do was feel. Listen, obey, and let him have me. How the fuck was that not the best thing in the world?
I felt his fingers sliding between my ass cheeks, and sucked in a breath.
Finally. I was finally going to feel what he’d felt when I fucked him.
I was finally going to lose my anal virginity, and I wanted it so fucking badly.
I wanted it to hurt too. Call me a twisted fucker, but I wanted to be caught on that precipice between pain and pleasure, where one wrong move could send me in one direction, and either be the best or worst thing that could happen to me.
I needed him to really push me, fuck, he could break me if he wanted, as long as he did something. Right now? I twisted my neck to peer at him over my shoulder, and he was staring at the lube bottle, lost in thought.
“Don’t think you need to read the instructions, babe. Just drizzle it on and shove it in.”
Cal’s gaze went from distant to sharp in an instant, and I shuddered at the savage look in his eyes.
“Just trying to work out if I can fit the entire bottle inside you, Ash.”
“All the lube?” Was he saying what I thought he was?
“The actual bottle. Maybe I just fuck you with this. Have you even earned my cock?” The confidence disappeared for a moment, and his eyes darted away from mine. He was losing his nerve. I couldn’t fucking lose this moment, couldn’t lose him this way.
“I mean, you might have to if you’re not man enough to fuck me with your big cock.”
His glare intensified, and his fingers tightened on the bottle. Good.
“Watch it.”
“I mean, should I just fuck myself, while you mess around back there? Unless you’re waiting for a fucking red carpet, and an embossed invite or something.”
Cal lifted the bottle with purpose, upending it, and pouring another stream of lube over my ass, and down my crack. Yes. I mean, fuck the lube. Whatever. Just fuck me.
He tossed the bottle aside, and slid his fingers over the small of my back, and down the crack of my ass, rimming my hole, as tingles emanated from his touch. Fuck yes. More. Give me more.
“I don’t need prep, Cal. Just stick your cock in me.”
“Who’s in charge here, Ash, because it sure as fuck isn’t you.”
His fingers pressed deep, and a low guttural groan left my throat, because holy fuck, if just that felt this good, I’d worship him as my fucking god.
“Please!” I gasped, but I had no idea what I was begging for, I just wanted him to keep doing things that sent so many tingles of pleasure through my body.
Was this how it felt when I fucked him? He wasn’t even inside me yet, but just his fingers were hitting the spot.
I mean, the stretch was a little painful, but I’m me, so that part was feeling pretty fucking good too.
“Harder,” I gasped, followed by, “deeper!”
His fingers plunged deep, and I yelped, but that sound morphed to pleasure before I could even register it as anything else. God yes. Give me all the fucking pleasure and pain, give it to me!
“Cal, please! Fuck me!”
His fingers left me, and I wanted to whine with frustration at the sense of loss.
We’d been connected, he’d been inside me, and now he wasn’t.
I twisted again to see him smoothing lube over his cock, and a shiver ran down my spine.
Fear? Excitement? I had no idea which, but his eyes lifted from watching his hands, and he grinned at me.
“Gonna fuck you so hard, Ash. That’s how you want it, right?”
“Yes! Yes, please!” I was nodding so fast I felt dizzy.
Cal stroked his cock as he stared at me, sucking his bottom lip, taunting me like the fucker he could be at times. I think he needed that side of him to survive me, but right now I was about to grab a knife and force him to fuck me, and I wasn’t really clear on how that would even work…
“Cal, dammit!”
“Shut up and wait. You’ll get it when I’m ready.
” He stepped up close behind me again, resting his cock against my ass, the heat of it practically burning my skin, right against my crack, making me arch against him.
If he didn’t fuck me soon, I’d kick his ass for all this edging.
I’d never been a patient man, and I was way beyond waiting.
“Cal…”
He pressed my butt cheeks apart, and glided his cock between them, easing back and forth, teasing and yet sending tingles of pleasure rippling with each slide. It was good. It was nice. It wasn’t enough.
I opened my mouth again to demand it, to scream at him, to beg for it. All of the things. That’s when he moved. His cock was suddenly pressing against my hole, pushing inside, stretching me bit by bit, as he began his intrusion. The destruction of my virginity.
“God, yes! Do it! Fuck me!”
Cal slapped my ass with one hand, the other still bracing the other cheek as he pushed deeper. It kept stretching me, pushing relentlessly, filling me, and yet I wanted more. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted him to take my virginity, not fucking edge it away.
“DAMMIT, CAL!”
He thrust forward, his pelvis crashing against me as the full thickness of his cock filled me in the brutal plunge I’d been begging for, and yet couldn’t have imagined the intensity of.
My god. It stung, it felt so huge inside me, but I loved it. Cal’s fingers threaded into my hair, and he tightened them, lifting my head from the bed.
“Okay?” He whispered, his voice practically a rasp.
I tried to nod, but his grip was too tight, so I finally murmured yes, over and over, as my brain seemed to disconnect from reality.
I felt like I was here, but not here. I felt like I was everywhere at once, but nowhere.
Nowhere but with him. My mind was fragmented, all fears and anxieties gone, silenced, as if they never existed.
“I love you,” I whimpered, feeling tears burning my eyes at the beauty of this moment.
The moment when Cal finally claimed me as his, finally took what I’d been offering ever since we first met, long before I even truly understood what I wanted, or what this could be.
When he was just a boy I fancied, and became obsessed with.
“Gonna fuck you like a bastard, but I love you too, baby. You’re being so good and sweet for me. If I make you scream, you’re gonna thank me after.”
Who the hell was Cal right now? He was all the things I’d wanted before, all my darkest wants and desires, all packaged inside the man I loved. The man who’d be gentle with me, who’d take care of me, who’d protect me, but planned to be savage now, because it’s what we both needed.
His heat left my back as he suddenly drew out, almost all the way, and the sensation felt like a loss, until he plunged deep again. Another sharp brutal move that wrenched a ragged gasp from my throat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He was giving me what I’d begged for. Being rough, making sure there was pain with my pleasure, giving me both sides of that coin I liked to spin.
He kept a tight grip on my hair as he did it again, and again, his cock gliding back and forth with a savageness I hadn’t known he possessed. Something that was only for me, only for the bedroom.
I was uttering pained whines and gasps, even as each thrust ended with a pleasured groan.
He was taking me apart, and putting all the pieces of me back together, rebuilding me for his own desires.
Making me his, from the inside out. It burned, it hurt, but it felt like bliss.
A true heaven, just like his family would have preached about, but they would never have achieved it.
“God, yes! More. More!”
Cal
I’d waited too long for this. I’d let myself miss out on something so pure and beautiful, and fucking life affirming. I’d pushed Ash away so many times, when all I wanted was to bring him closer, to make him mine. To show him I could love him the way he deserved to be loved.
He was clenching the bedding in his fists, his breaths gushing out of him, wrapped around yelps, and moans, which seemed to alternate with each move as I plunged into him, over and over.
If this was what hell felt like, I wanted it forever.
If Ash was leading me into deviance, I would follow him willingly.
If being who I was always meant to be was the path to my destruction, then let it be.
It felt like salvation, but more than that, it felt like what I was made for.
I was made for him. I was made for loving this twisted man, who’d never given up on me, on us.
He’d always known we were meant for each other. He’d never stopped trying to prove it.
Mine always, that’s what he truly was, now and forever.
Until our last breaths, which I was pretty sure we’d take at the same time, because there was no way one of us could survive without the other.
We were destiny realised, forgiveness freely given, we were the culmination of so much love and hate, building and fighting against each other, until one thing remained. US.
“How’s that, Ash? Does that feel good?”
He whimpered, arching his back to offer more of his sweet ass. It felt like he was trying to pull me deeper inside him, so if that’s what he wanted, as his man, I should be giving him that.
I was gripping his hip so tightly, I could see the skin whitening with the pressure, but I couldn’t let go. Couldn’t stop. My other hand slapped at his ass, adding little snaps of pain to his pleasure, because apparently he needed that, and oddly, I enjoyed giving him both.
“Is it hurting so good, baby?”
He whined, nodding rapidly against the bedding, murmuring something under his breath that I couldn’t hear. It was almost as if he had started to pray, as if he had found religion, or god, in this moment.
“What’s that?” Thrust. “You begging for more?” Thrust. “Praying to a god that doesn’t exist?”
Ash laughed breathlessly, shaking his head as he arched into the next deep thrust, and a guttural ‘fuck’ left his throat.
“Worshipping me?” Slam. “You can.” Slam. “I’m your god now…”
If I was about to be struck down by a vengeful god, smiting me for my sins, and my love, then so be it. I would never again let such arcane beliefs dictate my life and my pleasures to me.
“Take… it… you fucking… whore. You’re… my whore, now… Ash!”
“Yes!... I’m yours!... Break me, Cal… Fix me!”
He was shuddering beneath me, his fingers so tightly clenched around the bedding that they looked like they were clawed.
The sight, along with how fucking amazing it felt to keep slamming my cock deep into his silken ass, was destroying the last vestiges of my control.
I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t stop. I slammed home once more, my cum jetting out of me, and into him, like it wanted to glue us together for eternity.
Mine. My fucking love. My sweet boy. Mine.
“Holy… shit…” Ash gasped, his body rocking back against mine, as the last few throbs of my cock tingled him from the inside out.
“Unholy… more like…” I breathed, my body covering his like a human blanket, sweat slick between us, our skin heated, and our very souls entwined for eternity.
“You’re… my god, Cal… fucking… hell.”
I kissed his shoulder, my hands sliding around his biceps to hold him close. We couldn’t stay like this, as much as I wanted to, because I had to be crushing him, but for now? My fucking limbs were trembling, and if I tried to move, I’d land in a heap. Yeah, this is us for now.
We lay beside each other, wrapped in the bedding that we frantically grabbed once our skin cooled, and we were capable of moving our limbs again. Ash was laying against my chest, his face tucked into my neck, and his warm breaths sending ripples of gooseflesh across my skin.
“Ash?”
He hummed a response, his lips brushing my throat as he moved them.
“Was… was it okay? Was I?”
He practically moaned in response. “So good. So fucking good.”
“Did… I mean, I hurt you? Did I hurt you?”
“Fuck, yeah. You were amazing, Cal. Just like I knew you would be.”
I swallowed hard, my mind replaying every second of our sex, including the weird thoughts I’d had flooding my mind, as I took my life back from the hatred of forced religion once and for all.
“Guess I’m definitely gay then.”
Ash laughed. “So perfectly who you are on the inside, babe. So perfectly you. Also very mine. All the mine a person could be.”
“Even though I got rough?”
He lifted his head then, rolling his eyes at me. “Oh, so we’re gonna have a deep chat right now, while I’m still tingling, and my ass is throbbing?”
Oh. “Do you need painkillers or something? Is it that bad?”
“I need to rest, because my boyfriend just reamed my ass like a bastard, right before he filled it with cum.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, but it wasn’t shame I was feeling, or even remorse. It was relief. Peace.
“Thanks for not giving up on us, Ash. I fought my feelings for too long, but never again.”
His eyes narrowed at me as I watched him absorb my words.
“Never again is fucking right. You don’t ever get to leave me, or be away from me. You even try and I’ll hunt you down to my last fucking breath. I’d die trying, and then I’d-”
“I know, I know. Ecto-cum. You said.” He laughed, nodding at me as he settled back down.
“Exactly. So for now, can you shut up so we can rest?”
Yep. I could definitely do that. Every threat and challenge was behind us now, and we could just be us.