Chapter 5 #4
"The reason why your heart is so much stronger after your episode… It’s because of me." She tensed, and Lucien shushed her. "Just let me talk, please." Sensing her acquiescence, he continued:
"I don’t know where to start with this, so I suppose I’ll go back to the beginning.
In our past life, our only one together, I was a researcher.
On Tarz. I did… bad things. I was forced to do bad things.
I think it took me a long, long time to reconcile with the fact that I was coerced.
Forced. The royal house was single-minded in its pursuit of research.
No one knew their names, only the threat of them, dangling over us all.
One slip, and we’d be killed. For so long, I worked diligently, kept my head down.
And these—these memories. They’re like water.
For all the stories of Soulbonds, that’s one thing they never mention: the memories of past lives aren’t concrete.
The harder you try to hold them, the more they slip through your fingers. "
Lucien huffed, distracted. "I remember meeting you, seeing you for the first time. It was like my whole planet shifted on its axis. I didn’t care about staying alive any longer—I cared only for getting you out, and getting you somewhere safe.
You became my everything." His hands tightened around her. "You still are."
Rin took his hand, silently letting him know that she was hanging on to every word.
"The research I cultivated—I don’t remember it all, but I have these memories, these ideas… Harmony," Lucien said on a long exhale. "Have you heard of it? That might make this easier."
"I haven’t," Rin replied softly, confused about where he was going with this.
"Right. Harmony—it’s forbidden in the current medical world, considered inhumane.
An act of god. One mention of its usage, and medical licenses are revoked.
It’s a connection forged only by someone with Earth Stella.
Imagine a string tying one person to another.
The forger of the connection can control every function in the recipient’s body.
Breathing pattern, blood flow…" He paused.
"Heart rate. It can allow for complete and utter control of someone’s heart rate. "
There was such pain in his voice, she couldn’t allow it to go on any longer.
Rin pulled away, and his hands fell limp to the bed. Lucien’s head hung low, hair in his eyes, like he was waiting for her to curse him out.
She got to her knees and leaned forward, taking his face between her two hands and lifting it to meet hers. "You used this—harmony, on me?"
Lucien nodded mutely at Vesperin’s question. Her hands were so small as she cradled his face; he wished she would slap him instead of holding him. He didn’t deserve her concern after what he’d done.
A tension headache formed from trying to sift through the memories of his past on Tarz.
There was so much Lucien would tell her. He would cut open his chest with a scalpel and let her see inside him if she wanted, but the brain was a much more delicate matter, especially with his night terrors still clinging to him. His thoughts were already out of order.
"You should hate me. You should be angry with me for what I did."
Her scent washed over him as she moved closer, so close he could see the blue veins beneath the delicate skin of her cheeks. "I’m not mad. You saved me. How could I ever be mad at you for that?"
"You’re only saying that because of the lingering effects of me basically…
being inside you. There’s a reason harmony is illegal.
It makes the forger’s entire being lock onto the recipient, until all they think and know is the feel of the one at the end of the string.
The feeling is better than drugs." Lucien would never forget holding her lifeforce in his hands.
"And the recipient can become wholly dependent upon the forger. Dangerously so."
Still, she looked at him with nothing but patience and love.
"Vesperin, I did something terrible to you. I acted as a god. It’s risky—whenever men pretend to be a god. You don’t play with things like that."
"The Celestials can damn my Soul; they can smite me down right now, but you’d make a great god. I think there’s no one else I’d rather have inside me." A blush painted her cheeks. "I didn’t—you know that’s not what I…"
Lucien laughed quietly, leaning forward to kiss the tip of her nose. "My sweet, blushing girl."
She sighed a soft breath against his mouth, and his nerves lit up. God, he wanted her. The taste he’d had in his apartment, with her grinding on his lap, as he spoke praises in her ear—he’d never forget.
As if sensing the change in him—wait, he reminded himself, she did, she could.
Because of their harmony, she would feel drawn to him like a moth to flame. The effects would lessen eventually. If he didn’t do it again.
Lucien’s lips parted, to beg her to come close, to push her away.
Vesperin made the choice for them both, pressing her lips to his. She was always so warm. She nipped at his lip, tongue tracing the seam of his mouth, seeking entry. He let her think she led—until she got bolder, cocky, as she swung a leg over his hip, pressing down into his lap.
"Vesperin, look at you, sweet girl, thinking you can lead.
" Lucien broke away, staring at her already swollen lips and flushed cheeks.
She breathed heavily, and for one faltering moment, fear rushed up.
He pressed the flat of his palm over her chest. He exhaled, feeling the beats.
Elevated, but only because of arousal. Not life-threatening. "You’ll be the death of me."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"There’s no other death I could imagine."
The words were their unified undoing.
He reclaimed her lips. This time, he left no thought in mind of who was in control. She resisted at first, just like the beats of her delicate heart had struggled to be commanded at his will. He felt the exact moment she melted against him with a soft, feminine sigh.
Their breathing was labored when they both pulled away, and he held her cheeks.
"We need to stop."
Her lips glistened as she spoke. "Why? I want you, Lucien. And I know you want me too." Her hand slid down his chest, teasing the waistband of his flannel pants. She paused, fiddling with the strings. "You said the last time we were together, you wanted it to mean something. Do you still?"
"I always do."
"Good. That’s good, because so do I." Vesperin leaned close, lips against the shell of his ear as she said just for the two of them, even though they were utterly alone in this room, "We have time now. We have hours. We’re stuck here for the foreseeable future, so we can have days, too, if we want. I’m yours, and you’re mine. "
He shuddered. "You know what you’re asking for?"
Lucien felt her nod, but that wasn’t enough. His fingers tangled in the back of her hair until he forced her head away from him. He repeated himself.
"Yes." She licked her lips. "I know."
"Alright, then."
He led her, and she let him, slipping down easily into that soft space he sensed. He felt her heart rate steady as his hands traced her back, until his fingers snaked beneath her top, against her bare skin. He felt each knob of her spine, the lines of her ribs.
His hand traveled higher until he felt the bottom of her breast. His thumb lightly danced along the edge. She rocked against his lap, head tipping back pliantly as he continued to kiss his way down her jaw, until he reached the low collar of her pajama top.
"I feel strange. Hazy," she said between gasping kisses.
Unable to stop, he let his tongue flick out, tracing over the beginning swell of her breasts as he hooked his finger in her collar and tugged the well-worn fleece further down.
"Harmony. It amplifies what’s already there.
I like control. I have a strong urge for it, and you have the opposite—submission.
That, combined with the lingering effects of what I did to you, it makes you attune to me.
" He pressed his lips against her chest. "You see how it can be dangerous, can’t you?
How you want to please me, bend to my will, do whatever I want, even before I say it? "
Vesperin’s hand shot up, and she slowly slapped his hands away from her collar. He didn’t have time to discipline her for her brattiness. She pulled away and yanked her top off, leaving herself completely bare-chested in the mellow dark.
Lucien reached forward and cupped her bare, beautiful breasts.
"If it makes me feel this way, it can’t be bad, because I feel like I love you now more than ever." Her words turned to a broken moan as he rubbed over her nipples.
He murmured, "I love you," against her, then he bent down and took one between his lips.
"Lucien, what did you mean when you mentioned your"—a gasp—"past research?"
He cursed around her breast.
There was no sense in her knowing, when he wasn’t even sure himself. His past life memories were skewed at best, with every moment murky until he met her. Maybe he’d gotten it all confused.
He prayed that he was right.
Lucien released her nipple, seeing how it was slightly red from him sucking on it, as compared to the other. That wouldn’t do. He took her other breast into his mouth and gave it the same attention.
Eventually, her questions died.
He found her searching hands at the hem of his shirt.
Cool air rushed over his bare chest. Her fingertips traced his abdomen, pushing down the waistband until it settled dangerously low on his hips.
She ghosted a finger over the line of hair beneath his navel, stopping right where the fabric started.
Her nipples brushed his chest with every breath. Slowly, holding eye contact with him, she reached beneath the fabric. He held his breath as her knuckles grazed his cock. His stomach muscles jumped from the soft, teasing touch.
"What, no underwear?"