Chapter 18 #6
She looked down at herself, as if slowly coming into her thoughts once more.
She wore a dress spun from pure Starlight.
It stopped high on her thighs, the straps thin and inconsequential.
It molded to her shape, clinging to every soft curve of her gentle, slight breasts.
It moved like water around her as she shifted, flattening her palms on the sides in wonderment.
The soft fronds of grass tickled her feet as she took a small step forward. Her legs wobbled as if unused to walking.
She remembered everything, but could not quite bring herself to feel grief here. This place was too extraordinary. Too magnificent to bear the weight of sadness.
Dying felt different from what she thought it would.
It felt like stepping from one room into the next.
One moment, she had been huddled on the ground, sweat-slicked and grief-stricken.
And now she was here. Where everything felt slightly muted and hazy, as if she were dreaming.
If this were a dream, she never wanted to wake up.
Beyond the trees, she saw shadows. She stared into them, trying to make out shapes, but nothing came into focus. It was as though what she saw before her was all she was being granted—a taste of beauty, where most did not belong.
Finally, a body took form out of the shadows. A familiar warmth filled her Soul, along with the sense of being watched lovingly, familiarly.
Then she saw him.
Atlas stepped out from behind a tree, low-hanging leaves brushing his dark coat. He was so beautiful. She made a choked sound.
Those tears finally did spill over.
Her feet were moving before her mind caught up.
She crashed against Atlas’s chest. Oh, his arms—they came up around her immediately, wrapping tightly around her shoulders, crushing her against him.
In his arms, she was home.
He made a deep masculine sound of joy and grief, a marriage of both. "Oh my Vesperin."
She moaned a cry, undone as her lids fluttered shut, and he held her. She languished in his arms, unable to move, unable to breathe or think. All she knew was him.
Atlas.
At last.
She cried so fiercely her face twisted up. It was not pretty.
He shushed her, his large, warm hand smoothing over her hair, gentling her as she trembled.
She finally opened her eyes and looked up at him, her chin brushing his chest. He wore a dark coat, billowing out behind him, with a high, stiff collar. The shirt beneath was black, cut with a deep V-neckline down his deeply tanned chest, revealing his sculpted muscles.
His eyes were pitch black, like the river.
"Why?" she sobbed. "Why did you let this happen?"
His fingers tangled in her hair softly. He took a strand between his fingers and stared at it, entranced. "It was the only way—the best way, Star of mine." He framed her face with his hands. They were so warm. "It had to happen."
His lips thinned, expression grim yet patient. It was a strange combination. He stepped away from her, hands dropping to his sides.
"I cannot yet have you." His voice was low. "There is still much to be done."
She could only stare at him, unable to feel anger. It had slipped away, gone as quickly as it had come. "What happens now, Atlas?"
He stepped to the side, revealing the black river. The grass dipped gently where it met the water. Those pinpricks of light converged around him, making her eyes water if she looked too long. She endured it, unwilling to look away lest he fade into shadow.
Atlas gestured to the river. "You must make a choice."
She followed the direction of his hands. The water rippled under their shared attention. It called to her. "What?" she breathed.
"You must make a choice. You know what it is you must do, Star of mine. I cannot help you or influence you in any way. You must look into the River of Stars to see what awaits you if you choose to be reborn."
"The River of Stars," she echoed, his words finding their home somewhere deep inside her. She started to take a step forward, but broke from her trance with might alone. Atlas seemed surprised by it. "I look… into the river? To do what? Tell me, please."
"The River of Stars will show you your fate. I cannot help you," Atlas said, lifting his hands before him. She wished to feel his flesh against hers again. "No matter how desperately I wish to."
That thrumming call filled her bones again, tugging her feet toward the black river. She resisted, a need to know outweighing that Soul-deep, atavistic yearning.
"Did I choose this?" she couldn’t help but ask.
"You have chosen every life. Every Soul does. You are each given the opportunity to be reborn, knowing every single thing that awaits you."
She wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling the water-like fabric of her Starspun gown flutter from the faint movements. "That means…" She had chosen it—everything. The understanding was dizzying. Her knees trembled. She looked up and met his black eyes. "I chose it?"
Atlas nodded.
She wanted to sink to her knees in the bed of flowers interspersed upon the grass. Forget-me-nots. Their name came softly, then withdrew, like a tide. No emotion came with it.
"The last time you were in the Stars, you looked into the water and saw what awaited you, and you chose it. So do not be angry with me. I cannot bear your anger when I have waited eons to feel you in my arms again, to have your eyes meet mine."
All that heartache and agony. The soft moments, too. That had been her choice. Wave after wave of memory crested over her.
In an echo of lives past, her hand rose, gentle as her palm brushed against her flat stomach.
Her chin trembled. "Our child?"
Atlas’s eyes squeezed shut, a crease between his dark brows. His voice was a thick rasp, heavy with emotion. "Her Soul lives—in the Stars."
Her hand rose to press upon her mouth. "A girl," she breathed. She could still feel the blade, the way it had been driven into her chest by her hand and another’s, giving her strength.
She had never been able to apologize. "Atlas, I’m sorry.
For everything. All this time, you have been chasing me? " It was a question and a plea.
"I never stopped, even when you did not feel me—I was there, watching, waiting."
She stared at the water behind him, drawn. But not yet… She still needed to know:
"And them, my… my Soulbonds? What about them, Atlas?"
"They will make their own choice. But know this, whatever you decide, they will still be the same, as will you. For the Soul never changes. There are echoes of past life sensation and memory that will follow you."
She didn’t realize how terrified she’d been, but his words lessened just a bit of her fear—while replacing it with something new. What if they chose differently from her? What if they never reunited?
"The River of Stars may answer you where I cannot."
She swallowed. "Can you answer this, then? One last thing, before we may never see each other again?"
He watched her patiently, unreadable.
So she continued with a simple word, hoping he would know all she was asking. "Why?"
"Earth was always dying. It was never meant to last with the corruption of the Rogues.
I merely aligned the pieces to ensure you knew your Soulbonds before that happened.
So your Souls would recognize each other.
Nothing is ever truly lost." He brushed the back of his hand down the side of her cheek, staring at her with such adoration she felt unworthy.
Who was she to be loved by a Celestial? "And certainly not love. "
Atlas exhaled lowly, and the glimmering light around him swelled in answer. "It is time." He inclined his head toward the river. "You know what to do," he repeated.
This did feel familiar. Everything about this place did. As if she had been here before. Countless times.
Her feet carried her to the river’s edge, and there she knelt, her gown pooling around her hips and thighs.
She saw her reflection in the dark water, and she gasped as she stared down at herself.
Her hand shook as she touched her face. Her hair…
It was brown. Her eyes, too. Her skin glowed healthily, and her cheeks flushed rosy pink.
Her brown hair fell over her shoulder as she bent down, and she pushed it back, in awe at the shade, the way it felt so right.
Her fingers sank into the damp grass and mud at the riverbank.
If you could go back and do it all over again, would you? If you could relive every heartbreak, every terror, every happy or sad moment. Each birthday, lovemaking, loss, and celebration. What would you do?
These were the thoughts that plagued her as she stared down at the untouched, dark surface of the river.
She blew out a shaky breath, then, before she could understand how she knew exactly what to do or why it made sense, she pressed her face beneath the surface.
And she saw her future, if she so chose it.
When she arose, hair dripping around her, her cheeks were wet with tears and the black water. Her lips trembled with a little smile.
Dazed, she stood and turned to face him once again. Though this time, she was forever changed.
She knew it was silly, but she wondered regardless… "Will I remember any of this?"
He shook his head, then bridged the distance between them, his hand rising to hover before her face. She wanted to lean into it, but kept herself held back. She would be patient.
"What sort of Celestial would I be if I did not meddle just a bit?" Atlas’s voice was fond as he touched her brow, and she felt warmth, then a deep chill, before it settled into nothing.
"What did you just do?"
Atlas’s hand fell away. "I have arranged it so you will not remember your past lives until you all meet. I rather think it is time for you to freely fall in love, don’t you?"
"Do you know what I will choose?" she realized aloud.
"Yes, I have known for centuries."
That made it easier in a way.
She met his eyes, knowing the future that awaited her would not be easy.
She would choose life.
"I wish to be reborn."
She just barely saw the way Atlas’s lips curved into a soft, pleased smile before the meadow dissolved, and darkness wrapped around her like a familiar embrace.
To be continued…