Chapter 12
A few hours later, I’ve thought and internally debated and cried all I can cry, and my decision is clear.
It was clear from the very beginning.
I put on trousers and a jacket. Glance at Mason’s closed bedroom door but don’t knock on it. It’s still early. He won’t expect me to be leaving yet.
Instead of telling him, I pick up his gun, find a lantern, and wake up Bill from his spot on the small rug near the heater so he can come with me instead.
We leave the cottage silently and take the short walk toward the ruins of the old market where I found the jewelry and Bill’s bouncy balls.
The dog is delighted by the unexpected excursion. He snuffles ahead of me, darting from side to side following scents in the night. He’ll know long before me if a predator—human or animal—gets close.
It’s actually kind of scary to walk in the dark like this, especially after what happened earlier today. But for the most part, it’s safe this close to the village, and I have the gun. And Bill, who won’t hesitate to put his big body between me and any danger.
This is my thing. My decision. It’s right for me to do it on my own.
I see two shadows in the dark as I approach the ruins. “It’s me,” I call out, aiming my lantern in their direction.
“Teresa. Are you by yourself?” That’s Annabelle.
“Yes. It’s me.”
When I reach her and Ben, I hug my sister, squeezing her hard before I pull back.
“So you’re coming with us?” Annabelle asks.
Ben has lit his own battery-operated lantern, so there’s enough light now to see faces clearly.
“No,” I say, a little sad because she’s leaving, but the sorrow is not going to stop me. My chest and stomach are settled for the first time all day.
This is right. I know it. I know it.
I finally feel better.
“I’m going to stay here with Mason on the farm.”
Annabelle nods, clearly disappointed but attempting to hide it for my sake. “I understand.”
“I’m sorry. I really did think it through like you told me.
I get what you were saying yesterday, but I don’t think I’m doing this with blinders on.
I know things aren’t good in the Central Cities.
I know a lot is wrong with life here. And I know Father wanted to make this world a better place for us.
” My eyes burn as I speak the last sentence.
“He did. He tried. And I want that too. I don’t know how, but I’m going to try to…” She’s so emotional she loses her voice briefly. It surprises me since, even as a child, she always, always refused to cry. “I’m going to try to do what he couldn’t.”
“I know. I know you are. You should. If anyone can make a dent, then it’s you.
But we all have our own routes to… to that end.
And I think… I know that, in my own small way, making a home in the village and working the farm and maybe having a family…
” I smile at her shakily as I finish, “I can make the world a little bit better right here.”
She makes a choked sound and hugs me again. “Yes, you can,” she mumbles as she squeezes me. “I know you can.”
“You’ll come back sometime?” I ask when we finally pull apart.
“I will. I think a year will be long enough to erase any trail of my identity. Chad will find another wife, and when I come back, no one will connect me with who I used to be. I’m not sure what exactly I want to do, but I’ll figure it out. And I’ll return to see you. I promise.”
“Okay. Good. Stay safe.” I turn to look up at Ben, who’s been standing a few steps behind Annabelle all this time. Strong and silent. Present. I really like him, and it’s reassuring to know my sister isn’t alone. “Take care of her.”
“I will.” He nods toward the wide field behind me. “Looks like our ride is coming. They’re here early.”
I turn to see a motor arriving in the dark. He’s right. It’s not midnight yet.
But their ride is here, so I only have a few more minutes to say goodbye to my sister.
It’s still not midnight when the motor drives over the tallest hill and vanishes into the dark, carrying Annabelle and Ben away.
I stroke Bill’s head, aiming my lantern toward the farm. “You’re a real good boy. I’m glad we found you.”
He pants happily and wags his tail.
“You ready to go home?”
Bill makes an enthusiastic toss of his head that’s almost a nod, and I pull the gun out again so I have it ready for danger.
“Teresa! Teresa!”
The voice is loud but from a distance. I aim my lantern farther into the dark, searching for the source of it even though I already instinctively know who it is.
“Teresa!” He must be shouting at the top of his lungs.
Mason.
“I’m here,” I call out, waving the light around in the direction of his voice.
“Teresa!”
I finally see him. His body is illuminated faintly by the light of my lantern and approaching at a dead run. He’s reached me before I can even catch my breath or figure out what’s happening.
“Teresa,” he gasps, jerking to a stop right in front of me and leaning over slightly as he sucks in air. Bill is doing a happy twirl at Mason’s unexpected appearance. “Don’t leave! Please don’t leave me!”
“W-what?”
“Don’t leave.” He’s still gasping. He must have sprinted all the way here from the farm.
“I’m sorry. I was trying to be good. Trying to do what’s best for you instead of what’s best for me.
But I’m fucking tired of being good. Only working hard and doing my duty.
I can’t do it anymore. I want you. I need you.
I don’t want to live without you. And maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t think it really is. Because… because…”
He inhales with a loud rasp and rubs his forehead with the back of his hand.
“Because I love you. I’m the one who loves you.
And, yeah, I’ve had a lot to learn, and I’ve messed up a lot, but I know better now.
I can do better. You’ve been happy with me here.
And I’ll do anything in my power to make you even happier.
I’ll do anything. Just please don’t fucking leave. ”
My mouth drops open. My heart might have just exploded in my chest. I cover it with one hand on my breast. The other is trying to hold the lantern still so we can see but not doing a good job. The light is shaking as much as I am. “You do?” I manage to get out.
Mason blinks in the wobbling light. “I do what?”
“You love me?”
“Course I love you. I love you so much. More than I ever knew I was capable of. And I know you can do better. I know you deserve a better life than what you’ve got here with me.
But maybe we can make it better. Or find it if it’s out there somewhere.
I’ll help you. I’ll go with you. With your sister or wherever else in the whole world you wanna go.
I can’t leave tonight ’cause I gotta make sure the animals are all right, but give me a little time, and I’ll go with you.
Just don’t leave.” He finally seems to have caught his breath and appears briefly surprised at his passionate outburst. “Please don’t leave,” he adds, hoarse and soft.
I try to respond, but my voice catches. All that comes out is a squeak.
He’s not asking me to do anything. To work or earn or perform or do everything right.
Just be.
Be with him.
“Are they late?” he asks, looking around the dark landscape for the first time. “Isn’t it midnight yet?”
“Yes. It’s midnight now.” I’m washed by waves of shock and amusement and joy and deep affection, hitting me in succession. I really don’t know how much longer my knees will support me. “They already came and left.”
“What? They left?” He stiffens, glaring around in the dark with a different kind of tension. “Did they fucking leave you behind?”
“Why are you saying fuck so much?”
“Oh. Sorry.” He gives me a sheepish look. “I’m kind of upset.”
“I know you are. But you don’t have to be upset. You’re my husband, and you’re going to stay that way.”
He blinks. Stares.
“They left because I told Annabelle I didn’t want to go with her after all.
” I’m beaming up at Mason’s face now. His familiar, solid, beloved face.
Mine. “I want what I have here. The village. The farm. Bill.” The dog sits at attention at the sound of his name.
I lean down to scratch behind his ears. Then I smile up at Mason again. “And you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You. I love you too. I love what we have here too. I don’t want to leave it. And there’s no way in this world or any other that I’m ever going to leave you.”
At my loud, unwavering pronouncement, Mason makes a choked sound and scoops me up in a hug that twirls me in a circle. “You’re gonna stay with me?”
“Yes!” I’m giggling and trying to kiss him at the same time. He has to set me down before we manage it. “I’m going to stay.”
“If things get worse or our situation changes, we can move. We can try the wilderness if it’s better there. But I think we can make something good out of what we have here.”
“I know we can. That’s what I want. To make something good out of the ashes of everything bad. With the village and Bill and the cows and the chickens.” I reach up to pull his head down so I can kiss him again. “And you.”
The next morning—only a few hours later really—it’s still dark outside, and Mason is on top of me. Between my legs. We’re both naked, and he’s rocking slow and delicious inside me. We’re kissing occasionally. He hasn’t gotten urgent yet or needed to work toward a finish.
He’s just loving me.
And I’m loving him back.
My fingers are tangled up in his thick waves, and I’m lifting my hips to meet each of his slow thrusts.
He spent a long time kissing me all over when we woke up a while ago.
He even kissed between my legs, which felt so good he kept going until I came quite unexpectedly.
And now I’m still so wet that I can hear his shaft moving inside me.
I like the sound.
I like all of this.
“You feel so good like this,” Mason murmurs, pulling out of another kiss to gaze down on me. “All soft and sweet and delicious. My honey cake.”
I giggle at the name, but nothing makes me feel more special than when he calls me that. “You feel good too. Big and strong and solid. My man. My husband.”
“I am. I always will be.” After another kiss, I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I squeeze him with my arms and my pussy.
He grunts. “You’re testing my endurance.”
I giggle and squeeze again.
“Woman.”
I’m still giggling when he speeds up, thrusting into me faster and harder. It feels just as good as everything else, and I cry out with another orgasm just before he finishes too.
He lowers himself gently on top of me, careful about being too heavy, and we lie tangled up together for a long time. He nuzzles my hair and my neck. I stroke his back and bare butt.
I can’t believe I can have this. Have him. And not worry about doing enough to keep him.
“You happy?” he asks gruffly after a long time of cuddling.
“I am happy. So happy. What about you?”
“I’m happier than anyone else on earth right now. Someone could make me the prince of the world’s biggest kingdom, and I wouldn’t be any happier than this.”
We kiss again and might have kept going had there not come a light scratch on the bedroom door.
We break apart, both of us laughing.
The scratch comes again, this time more enthusiastic.
Bill obviously hears that we’re awake in here.
“Let him in,” I say, rolling to my side so Mason can climb out of bed.
When he opens the door, Bill bursts in with a lot of eager panting, a lolling tongue, and one bent ear. He runs to the bed to sniff my hand and then sits to accept his pets.
Mason climbs into bed beside me.
Then, very daring, I make a little motion with my hand.
Bill interprets it with perfect accuracy. He takes a bounding leap and lands on the bed right in between us, looking from me to Mason with pride and pure joy.
Mason laughs uninhibitedly and makes more room for the dog to stretch out. “Only on special occasions,” he tells Bill. “This isn’t going to be a nightly routine.”
“Of course not,” I say with wide eyes and a twitching mouth. “But this is a special morning.”
“It is. It feels like last night was our real wedding, and this morning we’re married for real.”
That sheepishly mumbled admission requires another kiss. Bill doesn’t really appreciate the shift in positions, but he makes do.
We all three lie together for a while until I see a peek of light from around the curtains on the windows.
Mason sighs. “Maybe we can skip morning chores today and stay in bed.”
“No! The poor cows would never forgive us! Not to mention the lecture we’d get from the hens.”
“I know. I’d never leave the poor things hungry, and the milking’s gotta be done.” He blows out a breath.
I scramble out of bed. “I can do the chores this morning. You stay in bed.”
“What? No!”
“Why not? I can do them now. I promise I can.”
“I know you can.” He’s laughing again as he sits up on the side of the bed and reaches for his pants from last night. “But there’s no reason for you to do them all. We can do them together.”
I clap my hands as Bill leaps off the bed, as excited about jumping off as he was about jumping on.
This is my life now. Mine. Ours. And it’s not going to be snatched away from me because Mason wants it—loves it—as much as I do.
“Okay,” I tell him. “Let’s do them together.”