Chapter 8
“Olivia!” Kate cried.
She threw her arms around Olivia's shoulders and hugged her tight.
Comfort enveloped her back and held stronger than usual.
Right now, Kate needed that urgent pressure.
She clung to Olivia, and the reassuring sensation of her silky hair against her cheek, inhaling the familiar scent, and everything soothed in her chest.
Kate sniffed, then registered that Olivia had initially stepped back in surprise.
“Sorry, I surprised you.”
Olivia hated surprises.
But confusion dominated Olivia’s face, her shapely eyebrows furrowing.
“What’s wrong?” Olivia asked gently.
Kate breathed out a laugh. “I missed you.”
Then she did a gargantuan snuffle, which was clearly more than missing Olivia for the eight hours they’d spent apart.
“I just...”
Realised how significant Olivia was, and how unrecognised her position remained, and felt a fool.
Somewhere along the line of falling in love, wanting to be together, Olivia moving in, and having a baby, Olivia had become central to more than just Kate’s life.
Every step such a natural progression, they’d become wives in everything but legality long ago, and perhaps only Kate had been reticent to consider that because of her past.
“It’s all been a lot today.”
Because that was true.
Olivia tilted her head, eyebrows peaking concerned.
“I’m OK,” Kate tried to reassure her. “And so much better now I’ve found you.”
And she meant that several times over, with several layers of meaning.
A hand, surprisingly warm in the icy evening, cupped her cheek, and she almost sobbed at the intimate concern and loving touch.
Why the hell hadn’t she thought this through before now.
“Sorry, it must be time to pick up Zoe,” Kate said, not wanting to worry Olivia.
Olivia nodded, eyebrows still furrowed. “Soon.”
“Can I come with you?”
Olivia’s expression flickered with a subtlety others wouldn’t have noticed. Amused at the question, because why wouldn’t she accompany Olivia? Still the concern, and the serene patience Olivia had for her. Waiting. Observing. Being there. Then offering her arm to Kate.
She looped her hand through, grateful, and pulled Olivia close, cosy in her smart woollen coat, the love in her eyes warming Kate further. She clung to this woman and this moment, still a mess of emotions inside.
They cut through the Covered Market to heavenly scents of pine, dried citrus decorations and spices, Olivia by her side, in a city Kate had come to love. And everything felt so overwhelmingly good, she wanted to cry.
When they headed out onto Broad Street, stone colleges on one side, and tall, colourful Georgian shops on the other, a light snow sparkled in the air, and without saying a word they both smiled at each other then looked up at the night sky.
Snowflakes tickled as they landed on her cheeks and melted to blend with her tears.
How did she get so lucky? Coming to this city for a minor role, to settle her kids and hide away from the world awhile. And somehow she’d found this woman and a new life.
They called in at Blackwell’s bookshop, the lure of books strong for them both, and picked up a new picture and texture book for Zoe, an extra present for her stocking, and ones for Bea and Ralph too.
When they wandered past the golden Sheldonian Theatre, orchestral notes and choir voices wafted into the night, and Kate beamed at just how fortunate she was. Walking out one snowy evening, with a woman she adored, and hearing this, as a part of her everyday life.
Olivia gazed at her as they walked down the quiet Parks Road, along stone walls, beneath glowing streetlamps and dancing snowflakes, the concern receding.
“Tell me about your day.” Kate smiled, wishing to wipe her worry away completely.
“Actually,” Olivia's eyebrows shot up in surprise, “very pleasant.”
“Yeah?”
“My last clients were a husband and wife who wanted to separate after ten years.”
“Oh?” Kate prompted her to continue.
“Both very nice individuals determined to split up fairly. Both wanted to part ways, and were cordial about it, although sad too.”
“Does...” Kate gulped. This wasn’t subtle. “Does it ever make you jaded about relationships?”
Olivia looked at her carefully.
“You know,” Kate quickly added, “not us, but everyone. Do you roll your eyes when people talk about getting married, because you see the end so often?”
“Only when Millie talks about it.”
Kate grinned. “Because why miss an opportunity to roll your eyes at Millie.”
“Precisely.”
Kate's smile faded as they strolled. She wanted to know more, but couldn’t think how to take the conversation further, and a silence fell heavily in the enveloping night, the light snow quietening the world.
“Divorce isn’t always awful.”
Olivia said it. Quietly. And Kate’s heart tripped.
More steps. More silence.
“Sometimes,” Olivia started, staring ahead. “I see couples part as good friends for life.”
Did she mean them? Kate didn’t ever want to part from Olivia. But wasn’t that possible outcome positive too?
Kate blushed, hope coursing through her veins, and a lump blocking her throat.
“A divorce doesn't mean it was wrong to marry,” Olivia said.
A jolt through her heart.
“Some relationships run their course. People change together as well as grow apart. Doesn’t mean it was wrong to spend time with that person.”
Olivia continued in Kate’s silence.
“If I’d drifted apart from Charlotte, would that mean I should never have been friends with her. That would be silly.”
Kate nodded. Like her friend Maria, who didn’t regret being married, and still loved her ex, but was happier divorced.
“And otherwise how else would you know,” Olivia added.
“What?”
“If marriage worked long term, if you didn’t try.”
And the look on Olivia's face took her breath away. Her beauty. Her quiet understanding. The willingness to consider the best for her clients. But most of all, the hint that perhaps she wanted to try.
It wanted to burst out of Kate's chest – What about us? Do you think about marrying me? Marry me.
All those things.
She held Olivia tighter.
“And erm...do you have clients who vow never to get married again?”
“Of course,” Olivia said matter of fact. “And, of course, they’re usually wrong, and I see them again to arrange a prenup for the next marriage.”
Kate grinned, heart bursting, and words leaping at her throat.
The temptation to stop right there, on a beautiful snowy night, and beg Olivia to marry her was huge.
Kate kept walking, legs jellying and feet numb in the cold night.
She needed a ring if she was going to do this properly.
No mistakes with this one. If she talked marriage, she wanted Olivia to know it wasn’t idle discussion, or to just spring it on her.
And if Olivia turned to her, and wanted to get married all along, Kate would be there with conviction and solidity, and a token to seal it. No reservations.
If only she had a ring handy.
She kept walking, stealing glances at Olivia who must be cold, hand buried deep and stiff in her coat pocket.
They continued past the Gothic Natural History Museum. And a more comfortable silence settled as they fell into step and gazed at Oxford softening under snow, and turned to each other with gentle smiles and reassurance. They picked up Zoe, and the comfort between them grew another level.
They arrived home to the lights shining from the lower ground floor, Ralph already back from school, but Bea on a playdate.
Ralph stood up from the kitchen table when they came downstairs, towering above Kate. He’d grown wide rather than up more recently, shoulders broadening especially with working out.
“Can you help with my quadratics?” he said, deep voice booming around the room, and skipping anything like ‘hi, Mum’ as usual.
“Hmm?” Kate said. “Quadratics?”
Was that an exercise for a muscle group?
“Of course,” Olivia replied, stepping forward before Kate realised Ralph hadn’t addressed her anyway.
Olivia sat down next to him at the kitchen table with a spread of exercise books and laptop screen filled with numbers.
Oh. Maths. That would make more sense. So not her subject. She took Zoe from Olivia.
“And I need a form signing for a field trip,” Ralph said to Olivia.
“Kate will have to do that, or Harry.”
“Oh yeah. Sorry.”
And they turned to the symbols on the screen.
Kate stared at them. Because that floored her again. That Ralph forgot Olivia didn’t have parental responsibility, but was the one he turned to automatically for more than just maths.
That Bea did even more. Her seven-year-old hardly remembered a time before Olivia. And Olivia couldn’t apply for parental responsibility unless they married first, and with Bea this was becoming more and more appropriate.
Oh, these conversations were well overdue.
It struck her that Ralph and Bea and Zoe could be at their wedding. And weirdly that felt more appropriate than already being married. That the kids got to see them making a commitment as part of their memories as a family.
She stepped forward, tears brimming again.
“Mum?”
Olivia and Ralph stared at her.
“Yes, darling?”
“You’re being weird.”
Shit.
“Oh. Sorry.”
Olivia tilted her head.
“I’m fine. Really.”
And she wished she could smile at Olivia, without tears, but that was the best she could do right now.
Because she’d never wanted anything more, than to go down on one knee and ask Olivia, that if she wanted to, then Kate would love to be wives together.