Chapter 12
Wonderful things about Christmas Day for Olivia?
Being first up with Zoe in the delicious quiet of early morning. Switching on the tree lights ready for Bea and Ralph to come down.
The giggling excitement of Bea running down the stairs, and her delight at the new bike from Santa. The shock on Ralph’s face, and the hug he gave her and Kate for his top-of-the-range skateboard.
How beautiful Kate looked, her smiles huge and cheeks pink, that made Olivia’s face ache too because she smiled so much.
Then Ralph chasing Bea around the crescents, Bea on her bike and Ralph on his skateboard.
And the excruciating?
Kate didn’t have time to even look at her presents, with the kids tearing through theirs and, of course, wanting to play straightaway.
The little present under the tree, behind the mounds of torn paper from the kids’ gifts, had a gravity of its own. Olivia couldn’t think of anything while it pulled relentlessly at her attention.
And, late morning, it was time to leave for Christmas dinner at her mother’s, which meant delaying hours before Kate opened her gift.
Zoe wriggled on the change table, in the loo next to the sitting room, Olivia trying to stay calm and speak soothingly to Zoe, while the world had different ideas about her plan.
She changed the nappy in a swift and practiced operation, the business as innocuous as cleaning up after herself.
Not exactly the highlight of the day, but nothing terrible.
And she attempted to distract herself from fixating on the gift.
“Mummy!” she heard Bea say in the sitting room. “You haven’t opened your presents. Shall I bring them to you?”
No.
No. No. No.
Zoe looked at her. She’d paused mid-wipe.
Kate lounged on the sofa, wishing her mother a happy Christmas on the phone, and she might open them carelessly while multitasking, chatting with Bea and her mother, and miss the explicit note to open in private.
Olivia twitched, wanting to intervene, mid very messy nappy.
“What about this small one?” Bea said. “Shall I bring it to you?”
Noooooooooooooooo.
She almost clasped Zoe to her chest and ran into the sitting room, messy bum and all. But there was a limit. And she wasn’t about to squelch poo and baby to her favourite dress.
“I know, sweetheart,” Kate called out, relaxed. “I’ll get to them soon. At least I opened the ones from you and Ralph.”
Olivia audibly sighed.
Zoe looked at her again.
“Just a minor crisis,” she reassured her. “Regarding the matter I related to you in the Covered Market.”
And she smiled at Zoe. And Zoe smiled back. And Olivia smiled bigger. And Zoe giggled and gurgled.
Who knew babies could be instant stress relief. And thank god.
She wrapped up the nappy. Then slipped Zoe’s wriggling arms into a clean sleep suit and a small cardigan that said ‘little pudding’ on the front with a picture of the Christmas dessert – a gift from Ralph and Bea.
“I’m done,” Kate said beside her at the door. “I’ll get them in the car.”
Olivia nodded. And Kate smiled. And Kate saw Zoe and smiled more. Olivia’s sheer terrified panic at the ring under the tree hovered at bearable levels.
Ralph and Bea barrelled by in the hallway, rustling something in their arms. And Olivia slung the change bag over her shoulder and cuddled Zoe in her arms. She glanced into the sitting room, that ring pulling at her attention.
Except the small, square gift was gone.
She stepped inside the lounge and peered further under the tree. Other presents, the shape of books she’d bought Kate, lay there. But no ring-sized box. What the...
Had Kate opened it?
Oh god. Oh god.
Here we go. It’s what Olivia wanted. For her plan to go out into the world, with her blessing that the world would take care of the rest.
Except, oh my god. Oh my god.
“Mum!” Ralph bellowed from downstairs, “can all this paper go in the recycling?”
Paper?
Christmas paper from the kids’ presents? She pondered a moment. Ralph must have cleared around the tree. When Olivia left this room earlier it resembled a large hamster cage, as if frenzied animals had torn through the gifts.
What if they’d swept it up?
What if the small, neatly wrapped present had been gathered up in the haste?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
She turned on her heel and swooped down the stairs, Zoe in her arms.
Why on earth had she done this? This is what happened when you let go of plans and pretended you didn’t want to control everything. The universe went straight off plot.
They’d all gathered at the front door, Ralph holding a box of wrapping paper.
“Could erm...” Her pitch was right up there with hysteria.
They all turned.
She swallowed, stood straighter, smoothed down her dress.
“May I perhaps check the paper before you throw it out?”
She didn't say why. And she wouldn’t lie about it. Kate would spot her choking on the words and know something was up. Although no-one could miss that right now.
Ralph continued to stare. As did Kate. It was easy to see the family resemblance, in both looks and temperament – the same uncomprehending gaze, thoughts whizzing behind their eyes, but without Olivia’s silent hysteria.
They both shrugged, and said,
“Yeah, course.”
“Thank you,” Olivia managed.
“Are we OK to go?” Kate said gently.
“Very well,” Olivia agreed.
Although everything in her being wanted to tear through that recycling box right now and rescue the ring.
If the universe could stay away from that recycling box, and refrain from injecting any more chaos into the day, she’d be happy. That is, not completely overwhelmed.