Aspen

Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

LUCIAN

“W here would you like to start?” I left it open for her to direct the conversation because when I pictured our marriage, I imagined us at the club and living our lives without complications. I imagined security and confidence of not worrying about others and fulfilling any expectations. I imagined a partner to check a box without being blindsided by anything else.

I pictured simple. What more could she want?

She bit her lip, and I drank my coffee to occupy myself from closing the space between us and biting it myself.

“What about children?”

I choked on the coffee. The coughs jarring my body, tossing around the word children in my head like a wrecking ball. Once upon a time, I’d wanted a house full of children. I’d wanted girls I could protect and boys I could guide into manhood. But that was before.

Before Daria ripped the carpet out from under my na?ve dreams, knocking me down so many pegs, I didn’t want to get that high with anyone else again.

“Similar to our prenup,” I started and cleared my throat. “I would like to keep things separate should anything happen between us. Especially with you already discussing the possibility of divorce in five years. Children would complicate the situation.”

“But what if I want children someday? How does that fit into your normal marriage ?”

The sun rose higher, illuminating her honey eyes to a golden hue. As if the seriousness of her question lit an actual fire inside her. Her direct and unblinking stare stole the air from my lungs like a vacuum, pulling them tight. “Then I guess you would need to have them with someone else should you decide to leave after five years.”

I barely got the words out between my clenched jaw. The idea of crossing paths with Aspen to find her swollen with another man’s child pulled my skin too tight, urging me to stand tall, break free, and throw her over my shoulder to go mark her as mine. To fuck her again and again and again until she became swollen with my child.

Aspen snorted and rolled her eyes. “Of course. Besides, I couldn’t imagine you creating a child. I don’t know how you’d manage to get past all your selfish arrogance and care for a baby.”

I blinked and an image of a golden-eyed baby with dark hair flashed in my mind like an explosion flaring bright. The percussion vibrated down my back with a warmth I quickly shook away.

This was about coming to an agreement about our marriage so I could fulfill my promise to Felix. Nothing else mattered.

“Thank you, princess, for sharing your complimentary view of me,” I drawled, earning an overly saccharine smile from her that didn’t reach her eyes. “Regardless of what you decide to do with your womb, you will make sure that you wait until our divorce is finalized. I will not tolerate cheating of any kind.”

She raised a brow. “Does this no cheating extend to you as well?”

“It applies to both of us,” I confirmed. “Including forming emotional ties with another. I would expect you to offer enough respect to not embarrass either of us by becoming friends with a man that you magically fall in love with as soon as we part.”

“So, I can’t have friends?” she asked, her voice rising.

“Of course, you can.” I sighed at her dramatics. “As I said, please refrain from placing yourself in a situation that could lead to any embarrassment for either of us.”

Her eyes narrowed, looking me over. “And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What if you find someone and fall in love?”

I barked a laugh. “Oh, princess. I assure you, that won’t happen. I don’t do love, so that isn’t anything you will have to concern yourself with.”

“And I assume that extends between us too?” she asked with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“Of course.”

She laughed and tipped her head to the side with a slight shake. “This is what confuses me the most. People get married because they love each other. I planned on marrying the person I loved so much I couldn’t imagine spending my life without them. Didn’t you?”

Yes. Yes, I did. And it fucked me royally.

“There are other things that make a marriage work.”

“Like what?”

I held her gaze and drew out the silence, building her anticipation of my answer. “Sex.” She swallowed, and I savored the tinge of pink blooming on her cheeks and parted lips. “Among other things like communication and respect. But fucking can be a damn good foundation, princess.”

“Oh…” Her mouth formed a perfect circle. “So, you plan on having sex?”

“Fuck yes,” I laughed. “Just because we haven’t had more sex, doesn’t mean I don’t plan on it.”

“But you don’t plan on love?”

“No. I’ve married for love once before, and I will not be doing it again.”

“Wait.” Her brows furrowed. “You’ve been married? When? For how long?”

“I…” I struggled to form the words when I didn’t want any part of Daria intruding on my negotiations with Aspen. “It’s unimportant. At least for now in this conversation,” I amended when she opened her mouth with more questions waiting on her tongue.

“Okay.”

She went quiet again, and I let her, knowing she did better with time to think rather than being strong-armed into another topic.

“Do…do you want to continue the relationship we have now?” she asked quietly.

“More than you can know.” My cock swelled just thinking about it. “One with more exploration and visits to the club. But also, with explicit communication and honesty.”

“But I thought we covered most of it with the contract.”

“Yes, but I will always check in. Some things may change, and I never want you to feel like I…coerced you into anything.” I gritted through the last part, remembering Daria’s accusations that garnered her favor in the divorce.

Aspen uttered a short laugh. “Trust me. You couldn’t coerce me into anything I wouldn’t want.”

“I’ve coerced you into this marriage,” I said, kicking myself for bickering with her over this thing I needed her to agree to.

“Maybe,” she said with narrowed eyes. “But not really. I’d find another way if I wanted to.”

I quirked a brow. “Does that mean you want to marry me?”

“Hardly,” she scoffed. “But I think I can tolerate five years for what I want.”

The reminder of her deadline pricked against my flesh again, but I shoved it aside and moved on. “There is also the discussion of how we want to move forward with our relationship. There are various ways Dom and sub interactions can play out in day to day. All the time. On certain days or times. Only while playing. Or maybe only while playing during agreed upon times.”

Her chest rose but didn’t fall for a long moment, and I found myself matching the movement. She took a sip of her coffee and finally exhaled, placing the cup aside again before looking at me. “I don’t think I want it all the time. But…I don’t know about the rest.”

“Then we communicate.”

“Okay,” she agreed with a small nod.

“Also,” I added. “We do not share what goes on between us with anyone else. This is not for public consumption.”

Her face scrunched with a frown, and she jerked back. “Obviously.” Her features smoothed to a dead serious glare as she leaned forward. “I would never ever share anything about my sexual activities. Ever. ”

Regret pierced my chest for mentioning it. I’d been so focused on how Daria dragged our personal life through the court and threatened to go public with it that I forgot to take in Aspen’s own history. I winced. “Of course. I’m sorry I mentioned it. I—” I hesitated, feeling like I needed to explain but hating it. “I’ve had my own experiences of having someone drag my preferences out for others to judge.”

She sat back. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded. Silence stretched, giving us both space to move past the moment.

After a deep breath, I reached for the small box on the side table. I stroked the blue velvet before holding it out before me and opening the lid. “This…this was my mother’s.”

Aspen gasped, and I couldn’t make myself look up from the ring. The couch creaked as she shifted her feet to the floor and leaned forward, but I struggled to hear anything other than Daria’s words when she gave the ring back. Would Aspen find the ring outdated and hate wearing it?

“Lucian…” she breathed.

“I—I can get another if this isn’t your pre?—”

“Shut up.”

My gaze jerked to her face, but her attention was solely focused on the ring.

“It’s gorgeous. Vintage and elegant and so stunning.” She fell silent, and I watched her stare at my mother’s prized possession with wonder. “Wow.”

I pulled the ring out of the box and leaned as far as I could to reach her outstretched hand to slip the platinum band onto her slim finger.

It fit.

Sliding perfectly into place like it’d belonged there all along.

“Are you sure you want me to wear this? It’s an heirloom, and I understand if you’d want to give me something less…meaningful to you.”

I wanted to deny her choice of words. Meaningful. I wanted to tell her it didn’t matter. But looking at the ring my mother loved sitting more perfectly on Aspen’s finger than it ever had on Daria’s created a knot in my throat that held the denial back.

Instead, I offered a truth I could work past the lump. “I would like you to meet my godparents soon, and they’ll expect you to be wearing my mother’s ring,” I explained, leaning back.

“Oh.” She swallowed, peeling her gaze from the ring to meet mine, doubt flashing in the depths. Just as quick, she blinked, and the emotion vanished under her controlled, neutral gaze. “You’re doing this for them, right?”

“Yes.”

“Why exactly?”

I laughed, rubbing a hand over my face, and exhaled. “Like I said, my divorce was messy and took almost everything from me. My godfather bailed me out without the option of repaying him with money. Instead, he made me promise I would marry again before he died.”

“That’s a little odd.”

“You’d think, but I grew up around love. He didn’t want me to become a cynical bastard when he knew—” I cut myself off before I could say he knew how much I believed in love. “My parents loved each other more than anything, and he wanted the same for me, too.”

She gave a rueful grin. “I get it. My parents were kind of disgusting with their love. Dancing around the kitchen. Making out on the couch.” She gagged. “Writing love notes on the mirror with lipstick and all that. Yet…despite my preconceived ideals of marriage and what I said to hope to find, I don’t think I ever actually saw myself achieving it. At least, not that same level of love.”

“I guess we have that in common,” I said softly.

She held my stare and agreed. “I guess we do.”

She continued to watch me, and for the first time in a long time, I struggled to appear relaxed and aloof under her scrutiny. The urge to demand what she was thinking grew as the seconds ticked by.

The words almost escaped when she finally spoke.

“You know,” she started, her lips curved with a curious smile. “In all our times together over the past couple months, you haven’t gotten off once. Other than the first time.”

That first time only happened because I diverted from my plan and gave into baser instincts without thought, leaving behind a lingering ache I didn’t want to give room to grow. I feared that if I planned sex into our scenes, that ache would consume me, and I wouldn’t be able to stop. That fear held me in check, ensuring I remained in complete control and deciding not to put myself in a position to lose it again. I gained enough pleasure from making her come, even with my pants on.

“Does that bother you?” I asked with a smirk.

I liked watching her come to the realization that her comment revealed that she might want me to get off with her. Her lips pressed tight, and she huffed a disbelieving laugh from her nose. “No. Not at all. By all means, if you choose to not get off over the next five years, then far be it from me to say anything. I was just thinking that you’ve seen me lose control and maybe…” She shrugged, dropping her gaze to her knees. “Maybe I wondered what you looked like when you lose control.”

“I don’t lose control.”

Her eyes snapped back to mine. “Even when you come?”

The words shot between us, landing in my chest and sliding under my skin. My nerve endings came alive, sending bolts of desire down my limbs until my fingers tingled with the need to touch her. I pulled my shoulders back and stretched my neck to the side, taking my time to peruse her body, lingering where her nipples peaked against my white shirt.

“You’ve seen me come.”

“Not really. You turned your face down and I-I—” She swallowed. “I wasn’t able to focus enough.”

Talk about what our marriage may and may not look like was over. I needed her and based on the way her tongue slicked across her bottom lip while she returned the favor of looking me over, she needed me too. I flexed my hips, scooting to the edge of the chair and spread my legs so there was no hiding how much this conversation affected me.

“Do you want to see me come, princess?”

Her eyes bounced between my cock, tenting my pants, and my heavy-lidded gaze. “Yes.”

I waited for her to focus on my stare and gripped the arms of the chair before issuing my challenge. “Then make me come.”

She sucked in a quick breath and stood.

“Ah, ah, ah.” I halted her. “Crawl to me.”

She dropped to her knees and tortured me with each inch she moved closer. Her breasts swayed under the shirt, the undone buttons revealing and hiding the lush curves and hardened peaks like an erotic game of peek-a-boo.

Once she reached between my legs, she sat back on her heels with her knees spread and hands on her thighs. “How would you like for me to make you come, Sir?”

Another slip of her tongue across her lips, and I knew exactly how I wanted her to make me come. This was a perfect situation to test my control. If we were going to be married, I needed to know how hard I could push myself and find my limits. I needed to find a way to enjoy every part of her body without slipping too far and losing myself in the pleasure of having her.

Even if I wasn’t ready to fuck her cunt again, what better way to start than between her lips.

I pried my grip from around one arm of the chair and cupped her chin, brushing my thumb along her bottom lip. “I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours.” I moved my hand back to the armrest. “Now, suck me.”

She started at my knees and slid her arms up my thighs until she reached the waistband of my pants. Hooking her fingers around the edge, she rose and used her nose to push my shirt higher, slicking her tongue along my lower abs while pulling the cotton material down. I raised my hips to help until my cock slipped free, bobbing back to smack against her chin.

Once she’d dropped my pants past my knees, she caressed back up my thighs, dragging her thumbs to my groin. So fucking close to where I wanted her. Her fingers played at my hips while her tongue continued its torturous path low to the base of my cock, further to the edge of my balls, and then back up again.

“Aspen,” I growled in warning.

She descended again, this time tipping her head enough to stare up at me as she left sucking kisses down my thigh. Her eyes darkened to a molten gold dipped in sin and promise. A promise that she was on a mission to make me lose control.

Back up she went, adding a gentle blow against my aching heat, and I’d had enough. My patience stretched too far.

I snapped my hand out and into her hair, jerking her head back as I leaned forward so she had nowhere else to look but at me. “I told you to suck. My fucking. Cock,” I said against her lips. “So, I expect you to get that mouth around my dick and choke on it until I fill it with my cum. Is that understood?”

Her lips tipped into a barely there smile. “Yes, Sir,” she practically hummed.

“Good girl.”

I released my grip and sat back. She held my gaze as she braced one hand on my hip and used the other to fucking finally grip my length. She held my gaze as she lowered those plump lips to the head and opened around it.

“Oh, fuck,” I groaned.

The moist heat was almost too much after her teasing touches.

She sank lower and looked away, moving her hand up to meet her lips. I dropped my head to the back of the chair with a groan and lost myself in the pleasure of her sucking me harder and faster.

When I hit the back of her throat, she gagged and pulled back. I returned my attention to her and moved my hand back to her hair. “I want it deeper. I want all the way in that tight little throat of yours.”

Her hand twitched against my hip, and I realized this was another first I would get to have with her. “Tap my hip twice if you need to stop. Once if you’re okay.”

She tapped once, all the while moving her tongue around the tip of my cock where I held her.

“Breathe through your nose, baby,” I directed, as I pushed her down. I slowed when I hit resistance, but didn’t stop. “A little more. I need you to take a little more.”

She tapped once, and I didn’t hesitate. I pressed down on her head and didn’t stop until I pushed against the back of her throat. “Oh, fuck,” I moaned. “Fuck yes.”

The muscles tightened, doing their best to push me out, and it only made it better. Her fingers squeezed my hips, but at no point did she tap.

“Such a good fucking girl. Letting me force my cock deep down your throat.” I held her there a moment before pulling her back up. She gagged and sucked down air. “Remember. Through your nose,” I reminded her. “Now, again.”

This time, I didn’t stop when I hit the back. I didn’t stop until her lips met my groin. I held her there, relishing the spasms of her throat and the bruising grip she had against my hips. Fire ripped down my spine, and I yanked her back before it got too far. She sucked down more air before I did it again.

“Look at me,” I growled. With her lips stretched wide, and my entire cock inside her mouth, she raised her eyes to mine. “You look fucking stunning.” I swiped my thumb through the tears trailing down her cheeks and brought it to my mouth. Without looking away, I hummed my pleasure and jerked my hips up. My balls tightened when the motions pulled a small gag from her. “Fuck,” I grunted, pulling her off, almost coming right then and there when her teeth grazed me.

She gasped for air but didn’t pull away, opening her mouth for more before I could tell her again. When she moved to take me back in, I fisted her hair, waiting for her to look at me.

“I’m going to fuck your face now. I want you to keep those pretty lips open and your eyes on me. You want to see what I look like when I come, then you better not look away. Otherwise, I’ll leave you here while I go jerk off in the shower like I did last night.”

Her eyes widened at my revelation, but I didn’t give her time to react. I yanked her down at the same time I rocked up. I slid straight into her throat and yanked her back up until I brushed my head against her tongue. Again and again, I forced her head up and down, meeting my thrusting hips with her swollen mouth. More silvery tracks slipped down her cheeks, but she didn’t look away.

Saliva coated my length and slid down her chin. She made the most delicious gagging sounds with each hard entry past her resistance, but she didn’t tap my hips once. She fucking took me. She held on while she let me use her mouth however I wanted.

It was perfect and too much. This time, when the fire raced down my spine, I sank into it and let it consume me. I thought about sinking deep and coming straight down her throat, but I wanted her to taste me. I wanted to make a fucking mess of her and watch her try to hold all my cum inside her mouth while I roughly fucked it.

“Ohh,” I groaned. “Shit, princess. I’m gonna come. I’m gonna fill your filthy mouth with my seed. Don’t look away. Don’t?—”

The words broke off on a deep growl of pleasure that came from somewhere deep in my chest I didn’t know existed. The orgasm tore free from inside me, rising like a tidal wave to swallow me whole. Blackness crept in around the edges of my vision, but I forced my eyes to stay on her, not once looking away from those damp caramel eyes.

The wave knocked me into oblivion so hard I thought I would pass out from it, and not once did I stop fucking her face until finally it ebbed enough for me to suck in a lungful of air. I slowed my thrusts and released my grip in her hair, turning my touch gentle. I stroked her strands back and massaged where I pulled her hair.

“Phenomenal. You did…phenomenal, princess,” I said on an exhale.

I rocked my head back and to the side so I could keep watching her while she continued to gently suck and lick me, cleaning me without me even telling her to. I watched her wipe the cum that leaked past her lips from her chin on my length before sucking it off my softening dick.

“Utterly perfect,” I said softly, swiping away the tears from her cheeks.

Watching her take her time to clean every drop from me, something no one had done before without an order, sent a fissure up my stomach into my chest. It twisted and fractured in a way that almost hurt. A sharp crack that almost stole my breath.

I…I didn’t like it.

Or maybe I did.

The fact that I didn’t know had me pulling back from the sensation more than anything else. I forced myself to focus on her and the feel of her. Nothing else.

Once she finished, she rested on her heels and laid her head on my thigh, where I continued to massage her scalp with languid strokes. Between the orgasm and her care, exhaustion settled in. My eyes almost slid closed until she spoke.

“Even when you come, you look like a master of it all,” she said gently, as if speaking a thought out loud.

I huffed a laugh. “Because I am. And maybe someday I can find a way that I can be the master of your all, too,” I teased.

She scoffed softly. “That might be asking a lot. I may let you control me in the bedroom, but I don’t think so anywhere else.”

I angled her head until she met my smirking stare. “I think we’ve learned that I’m not above asking for everything and getting what I want.”