16. Madison
Madison
I took the day off, unable to focus and dreading being back in the ED after the last time I was there— when I snapped . I had weeks of PTO accumulated, so I figured what better time than now to use it? Anything to avoid another Scott situation.
I didn’t want Marcus or Dean to avoid their jobs just for me, so I played it off as if I still had my usual shift, only to come home and curl up on my couch instead.
The quiet was nice, but without either of them here, I felt like a piece of me was missing.
Chyler always called me the romantic one, and while that description rang true for how I acted around her and Alexis with Adrian—they never really knew the gravity of our relationship.
I loved Adrian with all my heart and soul, and a love like that blinds you to the apparent, toxic behavior .
Adrian wasn’t good for me, a black flag, and I saw that vividly now that he was gone. Honestly, I’d probably still be with him this very day if no one had stepped between us and woke me up from my fantasy. Although sometimes, I felt like I still was when he haunted my dreams at night.
I wrapped a cream-colored jersey-knit blanket around me as I paused the movie I was watching and stood up from the couch to grab a drink.
After entering the kitchen, I pulled a glass out of the cupboard above the sink and filled it with water from the dispenser on the fridge door before turning around and glancing down at my phone on the island counter.
I don’t remember the specific moment I became infatuated with Marcus—for lack of a better word.
From the start, he was always just supposed to be the next fix to keep my emotions from tipping me over the edge, and now, here I was, anticipating his next text—wanting me.
I may as well add Dean to that list, too.
I desired both of them more than anything, and even though I had been with Marcus longer, I wanted Dean just as much—no more, no less. Without a single doubt in my mind, I knew they were mine and that I’d kill any woman who so much as attempted to stand in my way.
Marcus was easy—he was a player. He had never invested his time and efforts into having a real relationship, making claiming him the easiest. Give the boy what he wanted, and he’d stick around as long as you kept him satisfied.
Dean, on the other hand…
That very first night, when he recognized me, I could see deep within his eyes that he expected me to be someone else. It almost made me… jealous?
Here I was, crawling into the wrong fucking bed, sucking the wrong cock, and I was envious of a woman I had never even met or knew existed—and why would I? Dean didn’t even know that I was sleeping around with his best friend until I got caught.
“Look at me… unpacking all the baggage I created… Fuck.” I muttered into my glass as I took another sip, wishing it was something significantly stronger. “Why am I doing this all over again—with not only one but two men this time? Goddamnit, Madison. You really are a hopeless romantic, aren’t you…”
As I finished the last of my water, I peered down to see my phone screen light up with Marcus in the notification window.
My heart immediately started racing. The wings of the butterflies in my stomach beating hard at the sight of his name alone. I felt like I was going to throw up at the overwhelming sensation.
But instead of picking up my phone, reading his text, and responding—I hurled it at the wall across the room, followed by my empty glass, and watched as both shattered on the hardwood floor.
I heard the latch of the front door open and close. Light feet and squeaking sneakers across the floor told me it was most likely Marcus, seeing as Dean had never been to my home before and wouldn’t even know where the spare key was hidden—unless Marcus had already told him.
“What the fuck…” I heard Marcus hiss as he, most likely, discovered the broken phone and glass in the kitchen. “Mads.” He called out.
I loved it when he called me by my nickname or even kitten now…
After shattering my phone and the glass, I crawled into the middle of my bed and curled up, staring at nothing but the wall as the day passed.
I was angry, scared, and honestly, fucking embarrassed for myself.
A strong, independent, vicious woman, being brought to her knees once again by the one weakness I’ve always held. Love .
That wasn’t to say that I loved Dean or Marcus, but clearly, something was there—a spark just waiting to catch fire and set all three of our hearts ablaze.
I felt the mattress sink as a strong, warm body wrapped around mine, his arms securing my body tightly against his chest— Marcus .
Marcus didn’t say a word; he just held me as if I were as fragile as the glass I had shattered. A small part of me wanted to snap at him, pull away, and run, while the other never wanted to leave his calming embrace.
He tamed me, unlike anyone else before him, and I was unequivocally fucking terrified of letting Marcus in—the fear of being hurt all over again by another man after my heart and soul .
“How long have you been laying here like this?” Marcus whispered, his warm breath dancing across my skin as he buried his face in the crook of my neck from behind.
I didn’t answer—mainly because I didn’t even know how long I had been here. I couldn’t remember what time it was when I freaked out in the kitchen or what it was now. I only knew that I was no longer alone, and the man holding me close wouldn’t dare cause me harm.
“Mads—”
“I know I’m not perfect. That I don’t deserve you—or Dean.” My voice cracked as I continued to focus on the wall, my insides twisting as my lungs grew heavy and made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe. “And I know that whatever this is between us won’t last.”
It was a hard truth that I had to swallow—to protect myself.
“Why would you say that? Come on, Mads…” Marcus sighed, readjusting his hold around me so he could grip my chin and lift my face to meet his.
Bright blue eyes sucked me in like a vortex, lifting me from the hole I had started digging myself deeper and deeper into.
Marcus was a dream, and I didn’t want to wake up—the reality of what we couldn’t be tearing me apart from the inside.
“What could you possibly see in me that would make you want me for more than just sex?” I could feel tears filling my eyes as my vision started to blur, but I refused to let them fall. I will not cry… I am stronger than this.
“Are you kidding me?” Marcus huffed a sarcastic laugh as he beamed down at me, brushing off my words and anger as if they were nothing.
“Look at you. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to see just how perfect you are.
” I swallowed the lump in my throat, sucking in a sharp breath as he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.
“Why are you doing this to yourself, kitten? Acting as though you are so undeserving of something any man would so willingly give you…”
“You don’t understand—”
“I understand that you are moving past a fucked up relationship and tortured past. I understand that you don’t want to give yourself to someone for fear of being hurt all over again—”
“And I—”
“And you are worth waiting for—you always have been, Mads.” Marcus’s eyes softened as he leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine, his soft, warm hand still caressing my cheek.
“But even while waiting, I won’t let you suffer in silence.
I can love enough for the both of us—until you’re ready to love me back. ”
Did he just say he loved me?
“Marcus—”
“Stop. Trying. To deny me… just let me have this.” He murmured before claiming my mouth with his, driving his tongue so deep I didn’t even try to fight him.
Marcus loved me?
It was freezing cold outside— the middle of a Minnesota winter. I was curled up in front of the roaring fire Adrian had just started in the living room of our rental for the weekend.
We were staying in an extravagant cabin along the north shore.
A lodge that Adrian had rented for my birthday as a temporary escape.
Just the two of us spending time together, alone, with nothing but the flickering light from the fireplace and the chunks of fluffy snow that fell outside the floor-to-ceiling windows.
It was magnificent. The view, the quiet, and Adrian…
“Here, sweetheart.” Adrian smiled as he bent down and handed me a large mug filled with what smelt like mulled wine.
I could see the steam billowing from over the rim of the glass, my hands warming as I wrapped my fingers around it and inhaled the sweet and spicy aroma. I hummed as I pressed my cold lips to the mug and took a long sip.
The deliciously sweet wine warmed me from the inside as I drank, closing my eyes and letting go of all my stress from the previous week.
This was everything: the perfect birthday.
The only thing missing was my sisters, but they always refused to do anything where Adrian was involved.
It hurt that they would skip my birthday just to avoid being in the same breathing space as Adrian, but I understood where they were coming from. He never made an effort to make Chyler and Alexis like him; it was as if he didn’t even care what they thought of him.
Adrian sat down behind me, pulling me into his lap as he wrapped his body around mine. A blanket followed his arms, bundling me up in his loving embrace. I leaned back into his chest, resting the back of my head against his shoulder, angling it to nuzzle the side of his neck.
There was nowhere else I’d rather be than right here with him.
There were no expectations here, just me and him.
Snuggled together for a weekend of blissful, quiet solitude.