Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Alexei
My eyes took her in. Her pretty, sexy nightdress was pulled down and ripped down the middle so that it bared her glistening body to me. And what a body it was—a flat stomach with large, high breasts, each adorned with a tight, rosy nipple. She was stunning, and she was—
My eyes found her face, and my contentment evaporated. She was crying. Fat tears had smudged her eye makeup and left little trails down her cheeks.
“Why the fuck are you crying?” I snapped. Why did she have to spoil everything? I knew she had cum. I had made sure of it, so why the tears? Again, I let myself look at her, and my breath hitched. There was a red smudge of blood on her inner thigh and another on my cock.
Fuck.
“You were a virgin?” I blurted and scrambled away from her to stand at the foot of the bed. Lifting a hand, I ruffled my hair, tugging at the dark strands so it stood on end. “You were a fucking virgin, and you didn’t think to tell me?”
Anger bubbled up in my chest. She should have told me because what I had just done to her and the way I had fucking ploughed into her pussy had been mindless in its ferocity. If I had known, I would have been gentler. I’d have gone slower and taken more care.
No doubt Amy hadn’t told me for a reason. Because she wanted me to look bad again. Ever the martyr.
“I—”
“Next, you will tell me I was your first kiss as well?” Grumbling under my breath, I reached for my clothes and tugged them on, and she didn’t say a damn word. My head snapped up, and I blew out a breath. “You’re not serious?”
She shrugged. The movement lifted her breasts, and for a second, I let myself stare at them.
“For fuck sake, cover yourself.” Tearing my eyes away, I turned away and tried to gather my wits about me.
So, I was her first, her first kiss, and her first lover. Did it really change anything? It wasn’t like I was going to be crawling between her thighs every chance I got. This would be the only time I touched her.
So why did my mouth water at the sight of her, lying out all glistening in the scraps of her sexy underwear, like a present that was begging to be played with? Why did I want nothing more than to touch her and kiss those tears away as I explored her body more gently this time?
I’d been so rough, and she had felt so good wrapped around me. Blushing, Amy scrambled to pull the heavy covers over her nudity. Her lips trembled.
“And stop crying. All you’ve done today is fucking cry.”
“Why are you so angry at me all the time, Alexei?” she whispered. “Did I do?” her eyes darted away. “Did I do something wrong?”
I almost laughed at her. Was she really asking that question?
“You want to know if I enjoyed myself?” Cocking my head to the side, I smirked.
“My cum dripping out of you should answer that question for you. But you crying and snivelling all the time takes any pleasure of your company out of the equation.”
“OK. I didn’t mean to.” She scrubbed at her face with the palms of her hand, which just smeared her perfectly applied makeup even more.
“It—” she shook her head, but I knew what she was about to say. That it had hurt, and I was sure it had. I wasn’t gentle, and I wasn’t a small man either. I would have stretched her to her limits and used her body until I was sure she felt like she was being split in two.
I knew all of this. I didn’t need her words to make me feel guiltier. I already felt bad enough as it was.
“You should take a bath and clean up. Get some sleep.”
She sat up in the bed, clutching the blanket to her breasts. Not that it really mattered. I’d seen her naked now, and the image of her body was burned into my retinas.
“You’re leaving?” Her voice wobbled.
“You don’t want me in here with you right now, Amy.” And I sure as hell didn’t trust myself to be with her. It wasn’t like I wanted her, more that I wanted to prove to her how good sex could be.
I shook my head. It was complicated. I didn’t even understand my own thoughts anymore, and that was her fault. She was too sweet not to be tempting.
“You will be sore. A bath will help and sleep.” I headed towards the door, but paused before I opened it and glanced back at her.
She hadn’t moved. She just sat there against the headboard and stared at me with eyes full of tears.
“You’re an asshole, Alexei,” she whispered.
I did a double-take. “Yes, I am.” I opened the door. “And yet you married me anyway.” Without looking back, I closed it behind me. Leaning against it heavily, I took a deep, settling breath.
I was an asshole. Especially for leaving her to clean up herself because even an asshole would have cared for her, but I couldn’t do that.
I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression of how things were going to be between us, and now that I knew she was so inexperienced, I knew she would read into kindness. She would think it meant I had feelings for her.
Which I didn’t.
Another deep breath, and I was heading back to the party. My eyes scanned the room for my grandfather, but he was nowhere to be seen. His carer had obviously left to take him home, and that was for the best as well.
He would demand that I go back to her.
“Alexei.” A booming laugh went up, and my shoulder was slapped hard from behind. “Back down here so soon?”
A glass of amber liquid was thrust into my hand, and I downed it thankfully, loving the burn of it down my throat. But it didn’t take away from the sweetness of Amy’s skin that still lingered on my lips.
“We didn’t expect you back down tonight? The party is winding down. We all thought you would be enjoying the time with your new bride.”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Of course, they did because spending the night making love was what newly married couples did on their wedding night.
“Or did you wear her out? It was pretty clear that she was…how can I say it?” He lowered his voice. “Inexperienced?” His eyes searched my face for any hint that he was right, and I schooled my face into indifference.
“My wife’s experience and our private time together is not your concern,” I said through gritted teeth.
His face went slack. “Of course not,” he said quickly. “I didn’t mean any disrespect, Alexei.”
Biting back the anger, I forced myself to smile. My reaction to his words had almost been violent, and why? Because he had realized she was a virgin before I had. Had everyone here realized just how innocent my wife was before I had?
“Of course, not, old friend.” It was my turn to clap him on the back.
“And you are right in a way. I tired her out. She’s already sleeping, so I thought I would come down and enjoy the rest of the party.
” Letting my eyes scan the room, I found it mainly to be the men in my organization and our allies.
Most of the women and family members had left.
There were only a few wives still lingering by the windows and chatting among themselves.
“I’m going to grab a drink and mingle. Enjoy the rest of the party.” Not waiting for his reply, I moved towards the open bar that had been set up in the corner, ordering with a click of my fingers even though it was clear that they were trying to pack up and leave.
“Can’t believe he’s back down here already.” I heard a woman say with a chuckle behind me.
“You’re not?” another said. “I am surprised he even went up to her anyway. The way he looked at her wasn’t exactly full of adoration, was it?”
More laughter.
“I noticed that as well. The whole ceremony and party, he looked like he didn’t want to touch her.”
“Of course he didn’t. We all know who he wanted to be under that veil. It makes me wonder why he married her at all. Does anyone know which family she belongs to?”
The next person to talk lowered their voice so much it was almost impossible to hear. I edged closer.
“No one knows. It’s a love match.”
I could almost hear her roll her eyes.
“Oh, come on, everyone knows that the only woman he has ever even liked, let alone loved, is Violet. Now, if it had been her upstairs, we wouldn’t have seen him for at least a week.”
Their laughter was high-pitched and squeaky. It grated on every nerve I had. I’d heard enough. Already, people were gossiping about us, but that was to be expected. It wasn’t like my feelings for Violet were a secret.
Clutching my glass in my hand, I wandered away. I didn’t want to listen to anymore of their gossip and snide remarks. Really, it didn’t matter what they thought or said, especially when they were true.
If it had been Violet waiting for me, I would have never left her alone. I would have been on my knees worshipping her like a goddess, because to me, she was one.
Even if she had torn apart my heart and stomped on it, Violet was and always would be the only woman I loved, and it should have been her I married.
Love.
It was such a horrible word. It made a man weak. And I would never be weak again.
Finding a seat tucked away in the corner, I watched as the remainder of the guests began to slowly dwindle. No one came to speak to me, and I was glad of that because I didn’t want to speak to anyone. My mind was racing.
Half an hour later, I’d had enough and headed back up the stairs. No one stopped to speak to me, and I moved through the now-quiet house like a ghost. Pushing open the bedroom door, I leaned against the door jam and stared at the figure in the bed.
Amy was asleep, her hair wet and piled on top of her head, leaving the pillow damp. Her face, clear now from tears and makeup, was slack and relaxed with sleep. She looked stunning like that. Natural and pretty. Her lips half parted as she slept.
Deep inside of me, something urged me forward and told me to strip and climb into the bed next to her just so I could hold her through the night. I knew she would like that.
But I couldn’t. Even if it meant it made her feel easier, I couldn’t do it. After all, it shouldn’t matter to me whether she wanted to be held or not.
Now, if she had been Violet, even if she had looked a tiny bit like Violet, I wouldn’t have been able to help myself. But they were complete opposites, and that was a good thing, I told myself, because it meant I would never fall in love with my wife.
Closing my eyes for a second, I sighed, and when I opened them again, the sight of her almost took my breath away.
She wasn’t Violet, I reminded myself. She wasn’t Violet, and she never would be. Closing the door softly, I headed towards my office. I would sleep on the sofa in there tonight.
It would be uncomfortable, but it had to be done because I could never love Amy, and she didn’t deserve to have false hope that I ever would. She was my wife in the eyes of the law, but that didn’t mean I could ever love her.
My heart would always belong to another.