Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Amy
It started quietly. So quietly, in fact, that I didn’t know whether I was dreaming or not. The sound of crying. Low at first and then louder and louder until the wails filled my head. Sighing, I tried to turn to get out of bed because my baby was crying for me.
My breast felt heavy like I hadn’t fed her for a long time, but my body didn’t seem to want to move. I was just too tired.
“I’m coming, Alessia.” I tried to mumble, but my lips wouldn’t work either.
What was wrong with me?
“Mommy is coming, just—”
I didn’t know how I knew that the baby I could hear was mine, but I knew it was her. She was calling for me, needing me, and every atom of my being wanted to go to her, but my body wouldn’t work.
“Sssh.” Alexei’s voice broke through, and the wails quietened. I sighed with relief. Alexei was here. He was with our daughter. I could rest a little while longer. Just a few more minutes, and then I would force my eyes open.
“Just let mommy sleep a little while longer. She will wake up soon.” Alexei said.
I wanted to nod my agreement, but I couldn’t. I would sleep a little longer, though, because I was exhausted. But just for a little while….
“There has to be some change?”
Alexei’s voice was ragged. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I felt worse than ever, like I was trapped in a body that no longer worked.
“She’s fighting so hard, Mr. Petovov,” a woman said, and I didn’t know her voice. “You just need to give her a little time.”
I was fighting. I wanted to scream. Fighting just to open my eyes, battling to see my daughter. But I couldn’t. I was just too tired. Something had happened to me, but I couldn’t remember what. All my memories were fleeting and jumbled. There was only one thing that I knew for certain.
Alexei was with me, and he had our child.
I’d given birth.
I HAD GIVEN BIRTH.
My eyes flew open. I sucked in one hissing breath. “Where is Alessia?”
“Amy.” Alexei’s face swam into view as he leaned over me. “Oh, my God. You’re awake.” His lips crashed down, kissing all over my face. Tears spilled from his eyes to land on my cheeks. And I could do nothing but stare at him.
Was he crying? Had I ever seen Alexei cry? If I had, I didn’t remember it.
“Where is Alessia?” I asked again.
He scooted backwards, a line appearing between his eyebrows. Sadness filled his eyes. “Baby, Alessia died, don’t you remember?”
It was my turn to frown. That wasn’t right. I had heard her crying. I shook my head, which split with pain. “No, I heard her,” I said raggedly. “She was crying when I heard her.”
“I’m sorry.” Alexei smoothed my hair back, trying to comfort me. “Just rest, and I will get—”
I cut him off with a scream. “Give me my baby!”
“Amy,” he began to say, but I cut him off with another scream. Thrashing my head left and right until there was nothing but blurry lights and the sound of my own agony filling my ears. My daughter couldn’t be dead. She couldn’t be.
“She can’t be dead. I heard her.”
Alexei caught me by the shoulders and forced me back down. “Amy.” He said my name sharply. “Amy, look at me.”
Through my tears, I tried to focus on his face. “Please bring my baby,” I begged.
“I will, Amy. I promise I will. You are just confused, that’s all.” He spoke low and fast. “I thought you were talking about your sister. Our son is perfectly fine.”
I fell back exhausted. “Our son?” I whispered. I had been so sure I had been carrying a daughter.
Bending over me, he pressed his lips to my forehead. “Yes, my love, our son. And I promise you I will reunite you very soon. You just need to calm down so the doctors can check you over. Just a little while, Amy. He’s been waiting to meet you for so long.”
“How long?” I whispered
Softly, Alexis’ lips brushed against mine. “It’s been three weeks, my love.”
Three weeks? I had given birth three weeks ago? Tears fell down. I hadn’t been there for the first three weeks of my son’s life?
“What happened?”
“I’ll explain everything. Let’s get you checked over first.” Alexei kissed me again.
It was like he couldn’t help himself. “Let me just make sure you are alright, and then I’ll explain it all.
” He shuffled away, closing the door softly behind him, but not before I heard him let out a ragged sob of relief.
“He’s so small,” I whispered as I cradled the tiny bundle against my chest, right over my heart. The blanket covered him, and he was covered in tubes and wires, but I was actually holding my child, and he was beautiful.
“You’re not disappointed that he’s not a girl, then?” Hovering by my side, Alexei was smoothing my hair back from my face.
Ever since I had woken up, he didn’t seem to be able to stop touching me. I’d seen the fear in his eyes, like he expected me to fall back into my coma and not wake up this time. But honestly, I felt pretty good, considering. Being in a coma for three weeks had given me time to heal.
“No, of course not. I love him.” And I did. Every tiny movement my son made made my heart swell. I was completely mesmerised by him. “I just wish I had been awake to feed him.”
That had been one of the first things I had asked, but it was a firm no. The tubes did that for him, and even if they didn’t, my milk had dried up weeks ago. Still holding him was enough. Loving him was enough.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alexei give a soft smile. “I can’t wait to get you both home, so I can look after you both properly.” I went still.
“You are going to come home, aren’t you, Amy?” he asked in a small, uncertain voice that didn’t sound like him at all.
I remained silent.
“Please don’t split our family up, Amy,” he begged.
Did he really think I wanted that? I’d always wanted to be his. “There’s so much we have to sort out,” I whispered.
For a second, he closed his eyes. His face is a mask of pain. “Please, my love, I’ll do anything.”
I believed him, or at least I wanted to, but there was a small part of me that wouldn’t let myself hope. He had let me down so many times before. Taking my hand, he brought it to his lips. “I haven’t left your side, Amy, and I won’t. Not ever again. You have to believe that.”
I nodded. “I know. I kept hearing you talk to me,” I said softly.
“Then you know I’m not going anywhere. I’ll do anything you ask, Amy. All I’m asking is that you give us a chance to be a family.”
I met his eyes unblinking. “I want that.”
“Why do I feel like there is a but coming in?”
I giggled and jostled the baby on my chest. “Because there is Alexei. There has to be a bit because you’ve let me down so many times before. I can’t let you into our lives if you are going to let Nikolai down as well.”
For a moment, he looked confused. “You want to name him Nikolai? After my grandfather?”
I gave a small shrug. Glancing down at my son and his wide, clear blue eyes. “If that’s alright with you? Nikolai, after your grandfather, and Michael after my father,” I added quietly.
“Nikolai Michael Petrovov.” Alexei’s face broke into a wide smile. “It’s the perfect name for him, and grandfather will be over the moon.”
“How is he?” I asked quietly. “I miss him.”
“Causing mayhem. He keeps threatening to break out of the home and come to see you himself.” The corner of Alexei’s lips twitched.
I returned his smile. “I can believe he would do it as well. Can you bring him to visit?”
It was strange, but I thought of that old man as if he were my own family.
“You would like that?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve missed him these last few months.”
Solemnly, Alexei nodded. “And how about me? Have you missed me?”
I searched his face before nodding. “You know I have.”
His lips were on mine instantly, gently parting them so the tip of his tongue slid against mine. I sighed happily, letting my body relax against his. It was the sound of our son stirring that drew us apart.
“It’s settled then,” Alexei beamed at the both of us. His whole face lit from within.
It was such a strange thing seeing this dangerously powerful man so full of love and happiness. It softened his face and made his eyes dreamy. That’s all it took to break the ice of a man like Alexei. The love of a family.
“You will come home.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that wasn’t what I had said, but at the last minute, I just smiled.
“And everything will go back to normal.”
”No, Alexei. It can’t go back to normal because our normal wasn’t healthy. We need to change and grow. But I’m willing to try. If you are?”
“I’ve already told you that I’ll do anything. I just can’t stand the thought of losing you again.”
“Good, so as long as there are no more secrets between us and Violet is gone.”
A shadow passed across his face.
My heart sank. And there it was, the thing between us wasn’t gone at all. Violet had shot me. She’d done so many horrible things to me, and Alexei still couldn’t let her go. Even knowing she had betrayed and had never loved him, he still couldn’t cut that cord.
Twisting my face away, I took a settling breath.
“Amy, look at me.”
Reluctantly, I did that.
“I will do anything to keep you and baby Nikolai in my life. Anything.” He swore.
I forced myself to smile and nod. “I know.” I lied. I didn’t believe him. So help me God, after everything that had happened, I still didn’t believe he could ever let his first love go.
And it broke my heart all over again.