17. Emery
SEVENTEEN
EMERY
“Here we go!” Kane suddenly swept Maci off her feet and into his arms before he went barreling into the water.
I nearly shouted at him to stop. To be careful. Give him some reason that we suddenly had to go.
Only Maci squealed. Squealed this uninhibited laugh that shattered through the air as he ran with her into the shallow edge of the lake.
So free and full of joy.
Her arms stretched overhead as if she were on a rollercoaster ride.
That’s what this felt like.
This constant up and down. The flips of my spirit as I battled with the correct path to take.
“Mr. Kane!” she screeched when water splashed up with the pounding of his feet, and she scrambled around, wrapping her arms around his neck like he was some kind of safety net.
“I’ve got you,” he hollered back. A deep toll of laughter rolled out of him as he spun them around about three feet out from the shore.
The water up to his knees and soaking his jeans.
He turned around so they were looking back at me.
My breath caught.
He was so obscenely handsome it was unfair. Dangerous to my stability.
The way my belly twisted whenever he looked my way. The way my thighs trembled with want.
Every carved, hewn angle of his face was written in severity, and that severity was only multiplied by the muscled strength of his body.
What messed me up most was the way he looked with that little girl in his arms. That little girl I didn’t want him to have anything to do with.
The sight of them together ripped and tugged at my conscience.
Because I wanted to think it looked all wrong.
But God, it didn’t.
Those magic eyes they both shared.
Maci laughed without reservation or fear as he spun her around again, the two pleats she’d insisted I braid this morning because she thought it made her look extra pretty flying around her.
There was no missing what was etched in his expression.
Adoration.
Sheer, unmitigated adoration.
“Auntie! You gotta get your booty in the water right now!” Maci shouted.
Kane turned, hitting me with a sexy smirk that took up the entirety of his face. “Yeah, you’d better get your booty in here right now.”
He said it without shame.
As if he were immune to the turmoil that lashed inside me. This horrible complication that made me feel like a terrible person for ever once thinking of him that way.
Once.
What a joke. Because I couldn’t derail the attraction that smoldered in my blood.
“Did you even hear us?” Maci called, cupping her hands around her mouth.
I realized I was just standing there, staring.
Clearing my throat, I forced myself to move, toeing off my flip-flops as I headed down the beach toward the gorgeous water .
The mountains rising all around, the forest thick, the beauty of this place distinct.
The soles of my feet pressed to the warm grains of soft sand as I crossed to the shoreline, then I was gasping out in shock when my big toe touched the frigid water.
“Oh my gosh.” I choked it.
A howl of laughter reached my ears. Warm, deep laughter that wrapped around me like an embrace. “Oh, come on, Emery. It’s not that bad.”
“Don’t be a baby because I’m not even a baby anymore,” Maci seemed to agree.
“It’s freezing,” I countered.
“What that’s called is invigorating.” Kane grinned.
And there was something about him that didn’t appear so menacing right then, which I thought might be the most dangerous thing of all.
The way it caused hairline fractures in the brittle planes lined inside me. A softness trying to sprout. The same ridiculous comfort that I’d felt that night.
Then I was screeching when Kane suddenly rushed forward and leaned down low enough so he could skim his palm over the surface of the water, sending a small wave sailing for me.
Another gasp tore out of me when it splashed onto my stomach.
My mouth dropped open wide.
I wasn’t sure if I was more in shock from the temperature of the water or the fact that Kane was playing with me like we were old friends.
Like he was actually someone I’d wanted Maci to meet because he was important to me, when the only significance he should hold was the fact that he had fathered my niece.
He definitely shouldn’t be coaxing me into the water or making attraction flare in my belly. Attraction that left a puddle of nausea in its aftermath.
Because I couldn’t.
I couldn’t .
“What in the world do you think you’re doing?” I rasped .
A smug smile played all over his face.
Dangerous.
Distracting.
“Showing you that you don’t want to miss out on all the fun.”
“That’s right, Auntie! Don’t miss out on the fun because fun’s our bestest specialty! Get her, Mr. Kane!”
“Don’t you dare.” I pushed my hands out in front of me like it would deter him.
Only that grin grew.
Wicked and wild.
Then he was charging for me. Maci giggled out of control as they came my way.
I turned and ran, splashing along the edge of the water as they chased after me.
I wasn’t prepared for a stream of water to hit me from behind, the bulk of it hitting my upper left thigh.
Without rational thought, I swiveled around and scooped up as much water as I could cup in both hands and tossed it toward them.
Kane was fast.
Dodging it as he spun them out of the way.
“Too slow, Auntie! I bet you can’t even catch us!” Glee filled Maci’s adorable face, the sweet sight of it filling me full.
And for a minute, I decided to let go of the reservations that weighed me down because this might be the only memory she had of her father, and maybe when she came to me when she was older and asked me about him, I’d be able to remind her of this.
The day we played in the freezing cold water beneath the warm rays of the new summer sun in this tiny town in Northern California.
Remind her of the way Kane had treated her. The way he’d held her in his arms as we ran and chased and splashed.
The way he’d laughed and teased. The way he was tender, his care so at odds with the viciousness that was scrawled across his flesh.
The way he’d looked at her.
I only wished that one day I might be able to forget the way he’d looked at me.
“Watermelon is my most very favorite,” Maci garbled from around the giant piece of it that she had stuffed in her mouth.
We were eating lunch at the same picnic table Kane had been sitting on when we’d arrived, the rays of sun streaming through the leaves warming our chilled flesh.
Maci was on her knees between me and Mom, and Kane was sitting directly across from her.
It might have been awkward if it weren’t for the fact that he and Maci had pretty much been talking incessantly. Undoubtedly, he was soaking up every detail and fact he could about her.
“What? I thought you told me that ham sandwich you just ate was your very favorite?” he teased, chewing around a grape he’d popped into his mouth.
I absolutely didn’t notice the way his full lips curled around it. Absolutely didn’t notice the flex of his jaw or the bob of his throat when he swallowed.
Maci giggled that wild, free sound, slurping around the juice of the watermelon. “Don’t you know if we got a ton of very favorites then we get to be happy all the time?”
“Is that how that works?” he asked, that gaze darting from Maci to me then back to her.
Every time he did it, my stupid heart would hitch.
“Yep. That’s how you get the happiness. That’s what my mommy told me.”
A beat of agonizing silence echoed through, though it was my mother who cleared her throat and murmured, “Like hamburgers are your very favorite, too?”
“That’s right, Grammy. And don’t forget the candy because candy is really my most veriest favorite.”
Kane chuckled. Low and deep. “Good to know, Angel Face.”
Maci’s eyes widened in surprise. “That’s what my auntie said…that I got an angel face. That probably means I get to see my mommy soon. ”
I had to grab onto the edge of the table to keep from completely bowing forward. From crumbling.
The exhalation I let go was a heaving mess of torment.
My poor niece who was so confused.
I wanted to wrap her up and protect her. Shield her from the pain. Somehow make it okay when it felt like nothing would ever be okay again.
Kane hesitated, caution in his eyes as he let his attention flick between me and my mother, as if he were asking for permission to speak.
When he did, it was a careful murmur. “Maybe that just means she’s able to see you and is watching over you.”
“That’s a good idea,” Maci peeped with a little hoist of her shoulders, completely unaware of the turmoil the rest of us were suffering.
That’s the way we wanted it. The problem was that I worried about the day when the reality of this would come crashing down on her.
Mom grabbed a napkin. “Here, sweetheart. Let Grammy clean your face.”
“My angel face?” Maci sent her a gap-toothed smile as she turned toward her and tipped her head back.
Mom’s laugh was ragged. “Of course. Your adorable little angel face.” She dotted her nose with the napkin. “And then I think maybe you and I should go explore the park a little better. Check out that slide. What do you say?”
Mom gave me a telling look.
Talk to him. Get to know him. Give him a chance.
She still didn’t know I’d run into him before we’d gone to his house yesterday.
Had no idea what had happened behind closed doors in his office.
That I’d let him touch me when I hadn’t enjoyed a man touching me since I was seventeen. When I had all but given up on enjoying it ever again.
She didn’t know I’d gone to his club or the argument we’d had there. Didn’t know he’d texted me in the middle of the night and coerced me into this .
She assumed I’d set this whole thing up.
Maci scrambled off the bench before Mom had the chance to finish cleaning her face. “I love explorations!”
Mom climbed out and took her hand, and Maci chattered away to her as she led her across the grass toward the playground that was on the opposite side of the park.
Kane and I watched them go.
I had my head turned fully to look over my shoulder.