30. Kane
THIRTY
KANE
Me
Dinner was delicious. You didn’t have to do that, but I have to admit, I’m glad you did.
Little Warrior
It was nothing. I wanted to take care of you since you always seem to be taking care of us.
Me
Just imagine all the ways I’m really going to take care of you.
I sent it from where I lay in my bed, not ashamed for a second to launch the innuendo with it.
When it came to Emery Voss , mine had been ringing in my head on repeat. Mine when I had no right to make the claim, but it felt like it’d been purposed for me to do it, anyway.
Not because she was Maci’s aunt.
I was going to love that little girl with every beat of my heart for all my days, no matter the circumstances.
It was because of who Emery was.
Whatever I’d recognized in her in that beat of awareness the first time I’d seen her.
Her presence spearing through me, flaying me down to that sacred spot where I’d kept all the pain and loss shored. Where I’d convinced myself that I was so much better going it alone.
Living life without any attachments other than the ones that had been made to my family. Thinking I’d been given one purpose and that was the extent of what I deserved. Thinking I couldn’t shoulder the burden of loving because when that love was ripped away, it hurt too fucking bad.
But maybe I’d known it in that second.
In that hammering of one single moment.
One thing I knew for sure? It was the way my pulse went erratic when my phone finally blipped with a response.
I’d been tiptoeing since I’d gotten back yesterday.
Giving Emery a moment to wrap her head around what had happened between us on the phone while I’d been away.
Little Warrior
Are you trying to sweet talk me right now?
The night seeped in through the windows though I was wide fucking awake.
Very aware that she was only twenty feet down the hall. Every ounce of restraint I possessed kept me locked behind closed doors.
But we needed this.
For her to get me.
To know me.
To trust me.
I was the last fucking guy on the planet she should since I was telling so many lies, but I didn’t know how to let her in on who I really was.
It was dangerous pulling her into it.
Both for her and my crew.
Our secrets deep and profound.
If she had an inkling of what we did, of how dark my quest for justice went, she’d run and take my daughter with her when she did, and likely that running would take her straight to the police.
How the hell did you reveal those parts of yourself when they were so twisted ?
And still, I wanted this woman to know everything about me.
Me
Of course, I’m trying to sweet talk you. How else am I supposed to get you to give me one of those smiles?
It seemed to take forever before she finally responded.
Little Warrior
For a long, long time, I didn’t have any of those. Not until I met you.
This was the thing. We kept swinging between light and the heavy weight of her grief. Grief that seemed compounded by the scars she desperately tried to keep hidden.
Wondered if I was the only one who could see them, as clear as if she had long, puckered blade marks covering every inch of exposed skin.
I didn’t have time to respond before another text blipped through.
Little Warrior
How is that possible? When I thought you were supposed to be my enemy?
My stomach fisted. Hated that it caused her pain. Her belief that by me raising my daughter, it somehow meant she was supposed to become less important in Maci’s life. I had zero fucking intention of that.
Me
Was never supposed to be your enemy. Was meant to make you glow.
I could almost feel the heat flame down the hall, radiating from her room and crashing into me.
I stabbed the heel of my hand into my eye.
Fuck, this was painful.
Taking my time.
Taking my time when I normally glutted and devoured without thought. When I normally used up whatever random women had to offer, never close to an attachment made.
And there I was, attached.
Little Warrior
It’s what I do. Glow when I think of you.
Hesitation billowed out with it. Like maybe she thought she was giving up some power by admitting it when she was the one with all the power over me.
Me
Can I see it? That glow?
Me
Told you I was angling at seeing one of those smiles. How about it?
Me
FaceTime me?
Faint, tinkling laughter filtered from the other room. A swarm of her joy that curled beneath the door and crawled up to me.
So, it was raw joy I was feeling when I put through the call without waiting for her answer.
I could hear her phone ringing, and one second later, her stunning face filled my screen.
A dull halo of light surrounded her from the lamp on her bedside table.
Her voice hushed and whispered when she spoke.
“Are you seriously calling me from across the hall?”
“What else am I supposed to do when I can’t see you?”
“I am ten steps away.” Playfulness ridged that sexpot mouth that was tweaking up in a smile.
And fuck me, I thought it might be me who glowed at the sight of it.
“Think we both know what would happen if I came to your door, Emery, and I’m still not sure you’re ready for that.”
A blush rushed to her cheeks. That lush fall of blonde rolling down her shoulders, the thin straps of what appeared to be a satiny tank barely visible under them.
Her attention dipped away for a beat before she peered back at me.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for you. I think we both know letting anything happen between us would be a terrible idea.”
“Sorry to break it to you, Little Warrior, but I’m pretty sure it’s already happened. ”
Emery stared at me through the screen, sincerity woven in her words. “And I’m pretty sure whatever that is will destroy me in the end.”
“If I wreck you, I promise you, it’s going to be in the best way possible.”
Couldn’t stop my voice from going raspy with greed.
Toffee eyes widened, all those warm, autumn colors swirling with need and uncertainty.
“I’m not someone who goes for the temporary.” Her admission came out choppy.
“And what is it you go for?” So what if I was pushing her. Trying to get under all those hard, brittle layers where she kept herself protected.
She shifted on her bed, skin so pretty against the rich plum color of her comforter.
“I think you already know I don’t go for anything.” She bit it out, though it sounded a whole lot sadder than mad.
“You want to tell me about that?” I kept it soft and encouraging while my insides roiled with a fury so hot it was amazing I didn’t storm in there and ask for a name.
Hunt down the motherfucker and show him what it was really like to fear.
Heartache suddenly gushed out of her.
Tragedy.
Something so deep and ugly that I was nearly suffocating on it. Instinct screamed at me to get up and go.
Do what I did best.
Maim and fucking kill.
But there was something entirely different than retribution and reprisal staring back at me right then. Something more than the vengeance I sought for random names.
This was Emery.
Emery.
This woman who’d come into my life and changed everything.
Even in the muted light, I could see the moisture blear her eyes. Torment fermented in the depths.
“I was so ignorant,” she suddenly admitted.
She reached up and swiped a tear that got free.
“Believed myself indestructible, I guess. Like everything was perfect in my safe little bubble, and no one could touch it. I mean, you always hear the horror stories, right? But until it happens to you, it’s never truly real. ”
Her eyes squeezed closed like she was trying to shield herself from the memory.
From whatever affliction had struck her down.
While I itched. Going fucking mad with rage and this impossible bond that made me desperate to take it away.
“I should have stopped them from going,” she suddenly choked over a sob. Anger followed in its wake. “I knew it was a bad idea. I just…knew. But instead of begging them to stay, I went with them.”
Dread pinched my brow. “Who?”
“My sister and my best friend. We…” Agony clipped off her confession, and her breaths came short.
These wrenching, stumbling heaves right before she curled in on herself.
Her phone went toppling, flashes of white fabric and purple bedding flickering across the screen before everything went completely black.
In one flat second, I was out of my bed and on my feet. Heart bleeding so fucking bad I might as well have been stabbed.
That violence a simmer in the well of my being, though right that second, there was something else a thousand times more prevalent.
This ache that had struck up in my chest. Arms fucking burning and guts a mess.
I stole to her door, hand shaking in agitation as I reached for the knob and pushed it open.
Faint light illuminated the room, and I nearly came apart when I found her huddled in a ball in the middle of her bed, on her side and silently weeping.
Rocking as she held her knees to her chest.
And there was nothing I could do. Nothing else I wanted to do. Nothing but move to the enormous bed and climb onto it, voice hushed as I murmured, “I’m right here. I’m right here.”
I didn’t give her some bullshit that it was okay because it obviously was not. I just needed her to know she didn’t have to hold it alone, anymore.
So, I pried her apart and pulled her against me, and I laid down with this woman whose muffled sobs wracked her body.
This woman who was afraid I was going to wreck her, but in truth, that’s what she’d done to me.
Completely and wholly wrecked me.
“I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” I murmured as I shifted around to draw the covers over us before I leaned over and snapped off the lamp.
Darkness rained down, and she tremored and shook, and I brushed my fingers through her hair. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Emery. Let me hold some of it for you.”
And she did. She let it pour out, her tears seeping onto my bare chest, her body shivering. Freezing cold yet emitting a hundred degrees of heat.
Her hair bunched in my face and her spirit touching me everywhere.
“Kane,” she whimpered.
“I know, baby. I know.”
I might not know the details, but I knew.
I fucking knew.
And she cried like that for what felt like forever. Curled into me while I softly ran my fingers through her hair.
Had no idea how much time had passed before her body went slack. Before all the tension drained and her breaths evened out.
This woman asleep in my arms, our legs tangled and her pulse beating in time with mine.
But she finally gave.
Let me hold it.
And I whispered at the crown of her head once again, “I’ve got you.”
Only that time I added, “And I’m never going to let you go.”