33. Emery
THIRTY-THREE
EMERY
“Look at them together. Are they not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?” Reverence filled Raven’s voice as she looked out at Maci and Nolan in the yard.
I’d barely been able to convince Maci to stop long enough to eat.
Charleigh hummed in agreement. “Nolan has been begging for another kid to play with since his best friend moved away last fall.” She shook her head in awe.
“And now he has Maci who is basically his cousin? Someone who’s going to be in his life forever?
I can’t imagine anything more beautiful than that. ”
As I sat there at the outdoor table between Raven and Charleigh, I wasn’t even sure it was discomfort I was itching in any longer.
It was just a shifting.
A changing of my reality.
An altering of the things I’d imagined for my life.
As if the building blocks of my foundation were being restructured. Rearranged to become something entirely different.
Unfortunately, it was an upheaval I hadn’t asked for, and it was one that I certainly couldn’t stop or change.
That was so much of life, though, wasn’t it? Wanting or loving something or someone so desperately and having no control over whether that love was found or remained or if it would be stolen away?
I guessed the most painful part was so much of myself had been stolen over the years.
My innocence.
My belief.
First Jana.
Then my sister.
And now Maci.
I stared out at my niece where she was at the top of the fort, shouting down at Nolan, “I am the princess of the castle!”
From the ground, Nolan wielded a foam sword. “I’ll save you from the dragon, Princess Maci!”
“I don’t need no savin’. It’s my dragon, and I already trained him, and I ride on him all the way high in the sky to that mountain over there at his big cave.”
She swung her arm around to the mountain peak that showed through the trees.
Laughter rolled from Raven. “Ooh, our princess is a little firecracker. Just the way we like them.”
“If she’s going to be surrounded by all these burly brutes her entire life, she’s going to have to be. Show them who’s actually in charge.” Charleigh took a sip of her margarita, slanting a sly grin our way. “Apparently, Raven learned that from a very young age.”
Raven hoisted a playful shoulder. “What can I say…I’ve had these bad boys wrapped around my finger since I was nine years old.”
“You’ve known them since you were nine?” Surprise jutted out of my mouth as my gaze drifted to the group of men who were huddled over near the high wooden fence, chatting quietly.
Whispering maybe, as if whatever they were saying was to be held in secret.
“Yep. We started living in this abandoned warehouse when I was nine…right after River had snatched me away from my abusive father. It’s when we met all of them…” She pointed at the group. “Plus Cash, who you haven’t met yet. He’s a little more private than the rest. ”
She said it all so casually while I felt stunned.
Floored by her easy confession.
“You were…homeless when you were nine…and living with River?”
A crest of emotion swelled in her eyes, though they were bright with adoration. “They took us in. Protected us as if we were their own. All of them only sixteen or seventeen themselves.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” I felt dazed, trying to process the ton of information that had come out in those two sentences.
A million ghosts played through her expression. “Me, too, but once River got me out, my life was filled with love. So much love.”
“I can’t believe…” I trailed off, once again looking out at the group I couldn’t put my finger on.
“They’re good men.” Raven’s words lowered in emphasis. As if she were making more than a general claim.
“What’s with the matching tattoos on their left hands?” I didn’t know why it was so difficult to get the question out.
I swore that both Raven and Charleigh flinched, a subtle rigidness ticking through their demeanors, though Raven took another casual sip of her margarita.
“It’s a symbol of their oath to each other. Of what they stand for and fight for in this life. The fact that they will always take care of each other. Be there for each other, just as much as they’ll strive to stand for anyone who might be in trouble or need help. No matter what.”
I peered over at her, trying to gauge what that meant.
Clearly trying to change the subject, Raven groaned in pleasure when she took another sip of the sweet, lime-infused concoction. “Well, the one thing I can say for certain is what I’m really going to miss when Otto finally knocks me up are my bestie’s margaritas.”
I choked over the sip I was taking.
Caught off guard. Dragged from the most intense of subjects to this bombshell.
I could feel the weight of her smile when she leaned in and whispered in my ear, “But don’t breathe a word of it to my brother since he still gets all surly and grumpy whenever he thinks of Otto having his wicked way with me.”
She truly had no filter. No shame or worry or fear that I would take advantage of who she was. Things I would never dare to trust others with just dropping from her tongue as if it were natural to share them.
“No luck yet?” Sympathy filled Charleigh’s question.
Clearly, she was privy to details her fiancé was not.
Raven pouted her full, red lips, her words light but still tinged in disappointment. “Nope. I started my period this morning.”
Then she shrugged it off with a grin. “Which only means Otto is going to have to double his efforts this month, so we can hardly count that a bad thing, can we?”
Charleigh scoffed a playful sound. “I’m not sure how he’s supposed to double his efforts when the only thing you two do is get naked.”
“As if you’re one to talk? And can you blame me? I’ve been trying to make that man mine for years, and now that he is, I’m taking full advantage of the whole package.”
She flourished a hand in the direction of Otto. Otto who was currently gobbling up the sight of her from across the yard, as if he had direct access to her thoughts and was envisioning all the ways he wanted her to take advantage of it.
“I mean, that cock is something to behold.” She made a dreamy sound toward the sky. “Even better than I imagined, and with the amount of romance novels I read, you can bet I was imagining something spectacular.”
I spluttered again, and my cheeks went flaming red. I was so unaccustomed to this. Talking about men like this. About sex like this.
My foolish gaze traveled to Kane where he leaned against the fence.
Casually king.
How was it possible my insides flipped?
That connection yanking and pulling and coercing.
Charleigh giggled conspiratorially. “Looks like someone else is imagining something spectacular. ”
I jolted back, stammering and fumbling all over my words, “Oh…I wasn’t?—”
My throat tightened, my mouth completely dry, because suddenly, I was. I was wondering what it would be like to see Kane completely bare.
My stomach in knots as the vision slammed me. Me on my knees as he moved to tower over me. That glorious body on full display.
I should be terrified.
Horrified.
Repulsed.
But my eyes were crawling back to the man, hungry for something I’d never been.
“Oh, I think you are,” Raven teased.
My eyes rammed closed in an attempt to stop whatever this out-of-control train was that the man had set me on. The one who’d cut the brakes. The one who had loosened the chains that had held me back.
It had to be the grief. The way I’d felt as if I’d been flayed wide open when I’d lost my sister.
Set out to sea.
Drifting and lost.
Floating away.
He’d been the one buoy I’d been able to reach.
But I had to know that was fleeting.
When I came to my senses, I’d be right back in that place where the demons and monsters reigned.
Where my fears consumed.
I needed to get back to what I knew.
Tucked safely in the place where I was okay to forever be alone.
Where no one could touch me or harm me or ruin me.
My hands started to shake.
Anxiety roiling through me and turning into panic.
My throat thick and my sight bleary.
Oh, God, I was going to have an attack right in front of them .
“Hey,” Raven whispered. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if we pushed you too far.”
She let go of a self-deprecating laugh as she glanced at Charleigh. “We have a way of tossing out whatever hits our tongues without thought, even when our new bestie isn’t quite ready for all our crazy yet.”
She nudged me with her elbow, fully tender, her voice thick.
“Yeah.” Charleigh set a soft hand on my forearm.
“I didn’t know what hit me when I first met her.
This one chased me down and demanded I was going to be her friend all while coercing me into coming to a festival that I most definitely didn’t want to attend, going so far as to threaten kidnapping.
And apparently, I have now become just as bad as her. ”
It was fully a tease.
Though in it was understanding.
A gentle encouragement.
As if I was in the same position as she’d been.
“Don’t judge me,” Raven told her with a wry smirk. “I was only using that psychic that absolutely affirmed you belonged with us.”
Then she turned her gaze on me. “I’m thinking you might, too, and I’m thinking you’re definitely not ready to hear that yet, but I’m going to say it, anyway. I can feel how lonely you are.”
That loneliness throbbed.
My head barely shook. “You know I’m not staying here. This isn’t where my family is. It isn’t where my home is.”
My family that was being pared down and torn apart.
Charleigh’s hand clamped down tighter on my arm, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know…I think there’s something magical about this town. I think it calls to those who are supposed to come here. Reaches out when we’re lost and guides us where we’re destined to be.”
She turned her attention to Nolan who chased Maci across the lawn. “I think my very wise son has always said it best. Family is who you love most, and from my perspective? Home will always, always be with those you love.”
I had no clue how she could claim something like that .
As if it were that easy.
As if I was somehow part of that.
I knew there was no chance, but that didn’t mean everything didn’t quake when my gaze was drawn back out into the yard.
To Kane who strode our way.
I swore, the ground rumbled beneath his feet with each step that he took.
Stride easy and confident as he crossed the lawn, only there was something so decidedly concerned in his expression that for one foolish second, I thought I could be a part of it.
This was a man I’d all but hated when I’d found out who he was.
A man who set off every alarm bell.
Dangerous and brash.
The father of my niece.
The man who’d all but promised he was taking her away.
I had three weeks left.
Three weeks.
And all it took was him stalking up the porch steps to make my belly quiver.
“Ah, why does it look like you all are up to no good?” He might have said it like he was joking, but those intense eyes never left mine.
Searching.
As if he were…worried.
As if he’d noticed my moment’s distress and had come to check that I was okay.
“Us, trouble?” Raven challenged. “Have you ever once looked in the mirror, Kane Asher?”
He chuckled an easy sound, and he ran one of those tatted hands through his warm brown hair that glistened a thousand shades of gold beneath the fading sun. “Who me? I’m as innocent as could be.”
There was nothing innocent about him.
He was a vortex.
Gravity.
A magnetism impossible to resist.
“Are you two taking care of my girl? ”
His girl? I nearly choked.
Raven rolled her eyes. “Your girl? I think not. I found her first, fair and square, outside of my shop last Saturday morning.”
“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, Raven, I definitely found her first.” The emerald of Kane’s eyes sparked. A searing of heat and possession.
His mind so clearly on that first night.
I squirmed.
God, what was wrong with me?
“Which means she’s mine.” There was no missing the fact his words dripped with sex.
He reached out like he was going to touch me right before Nolan came stampeding up the steps. “No way, Uncle Kane! I already called her, and I’m the team captain, and you can’t go stealin’ because stealin’ is bad.”
My attention whipped up, confused by what was happening.
“And I already called my Mr. Kane!” Maci was right on Nolan’s heels.
“Uh-oh, why am I sensing competition brewing in the air?” Charleigh asked.
“You know the rules, Momma Dog!” Nolan enthused, punching a fist in the air. “We gotta play a whole family game before our family has to go because family activities are really important.”
Surprise widened my eyes.
Kane caught it. “That’s right.”
“What kind of game?” Raven asked.
“Kickballs!” Maci shouted, tossing out an awkward kick.
Kane nearly bowed in two as he laughed, low and deep with affection, his focus just canting to me for a beat as he set his hand on her head. “Why’s that sound so dangerous?”
I tried to staunch a laugh, but Raven let it out. “Because our little one here is definitely dangerous. She’s going to be kicking all the balls . I want her on my team.”
“Good fing because I already picked you, Missy Raven, and your Otto because he said you always gotta be on his team. ”
Raven glowed, her own affection riding out, these people already accepting Maci in a way I still couldn’t wrap my heart around.
“That is a very good thing, but I have to admit, I’m not much of a runner,” Raven told her.
“Yeah, that’s all Charleigh over here. My Little Runner.” River was suddenly there, murmuring it as if he were only speaking to her as he pulled her up from her chair.
I would have thought the two of them would have been together forever if I hadn’t learned that she’d only come into their lives a year ago.
The two engaged but this little family closer than anything I’d ever seen.
“And I pick Miss Emery since she’s gotta be super fast because she’s got really good shoes!” Nolan wound around Kane and picked my foot up by the ankle so he could inspect my Adidas.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. My pulse clattering, my spirit spinning, telling me to get as far away from this tight-knit group as I could.
I didn’t do this.
I didn’t get close. Not when these people couldn’t remain. Not when they were only going to feel like another aching hole once I left.
“Oh, no, I don’t think I?—”
“Auntie Em! You gotta! It’s a family game!” Maci picked up my other foot, yanking at it, too.
Kane suddenly leaned down over the kids, planting his hands on either side of the armrests of my chair.
So close I inhaled him.
Spice and hazard and decadence.
“Yeah, Em, you gotta.” The words dragged like temptation across my ear.
I sent him a scowl, and the man only chuckled as he reached out so he could smooth out the wrinkle on my brow with the pad of his thumb.
His mouth right there, lips nearly brushing my cheek. “Told you all the fun I was going to show you. And I think we should start right here.”